Thea and Astris recover from battle with an Avatar of the Smiler. Astris discovers power within herself, Thea gets a diary
Cap:
[0:00] Hello, and welcome to Slash and Fuck, a stupid sexy D&D podcast. As the title suggests, we are a mature podcast and we'll be dealing with adult themes and content as our story unfolds. Since you're here, I want to thank you for starting this journey with us, and we hope you enjoy your stay. So without further ado, let's slip into something a little more comfortable.
Dylan:
[0:37] Welcome back to Slashin' Fuck. How's everybody doing?
Cap:
[0:42] Feeling good.
Crit:
[0:43] Yeah, doing good.
Dylan:
[0:45] Good to hear. Well, when we last left off, you guys had quite the encounter.
Cap:
[0:52] Good God, did we?
Dylan:
[0:53] You stumbled into, well, you blasted your way into the inner sanctum and went to stop the sacrifice that was going off on Thea's dear friend, Rox. The battle was messy. There was a lot of goop, a lot of gentle touches that were a lot more painful than you thought they'd be.
Cap:
[1:22] So gentle.
Dylan:
[1:23] You know, Kinkfluth nearly got nuked, and Eska was captured, trying to retrieve the keys. But provided enough of a distraction for you guys to leave, and you got to see your slime princess slide out and take what seemed to be a node on a strong ley line intersection. And with the help of Thea's magic and everybody's help getting her there, she was able to overpower the smiling man's influence over that node and took it over, sealing the doors and allowing you to escape before fully sealing the room.
Cap:
[2:08] So proud of her.
Dylan:
[2:10] Now rock survived the his heart descended back into his chest and he was healed what seemed like as best as he could but he wasn't really there um mentally when you guys were dragging out.
Cap:
[2:27] I mean that's for the best he shouldn't remember what happened.
Dylan:
[2:31] Um it's a mercy, Well, he's mostly, you know, not quite conscious, you know, and they're doing their best to get through. On your way out of the Inner Sanctum, you were met by Dragonborn, who looked ready for battle, all of them carrying weapons, all of them looking menacing, ready to attack, and were dumbfounded, in shock, in awe. Some even fell to their knees and started crying When you emerged with rocks You hear in the crowd As it went from this You know as you first approached And the door sealed behind you You heard what was like a rabble Of Dragonborn Which is roaring and, Snorting and hissing and all kinds of And it just kind of, Ended with a gasp And people were like It can't be.
Dylan:
[3:30] They rush toward you straight to rocks and they embrace him and they cheer and they say he lives the wise master spoke true and uh you know many are are pronouncing their their own shame in uh and having doubted the word and anguish for you know all of that and they you know most are rejoicing though that rocks is still alive but it's starting to calm around where they have rocks and they realize that he's pretty fucked up and uh they look to both of you uh the ones who are embracing rocks and they say it was true you came we do not know you, Please come.
Cap:
[4:25] All righty. Well, we were looking for y'all anyway.
Dylan:
[4:28] They go hurriedly back down a tunnel. It seems like the tunnels they came. Some going into different tunnels, but majority going down one of those tunnels, one of the seven.
Cap:
[4:42] I'm going to help hold up Asteris as we go. I'll still have her arm over my shoulder. Are you fucked up still?
Crit:
[4:49] Right. Leveling up doesn't give you more hit points.
Dylan:
[4:51] No, you're fucked up still.
Crit:
[4:52] Yeah, I'm pretty fucked up.
Cap:
[4:54] I mean, I can stand.
Dylan:
[4:55] But, like, yeah. You haven't really leveled up quite yet, I'll say. Okay. Upon his leap? You guys are essentially getting rushed into safety. Thank God. It's kind of a blur. You guys aren't really feeling too chatty after the battle that you had. It's all been one crazy thing after another, even leading up to this room, when the last thing you expected was this crowd. And so it kind of is a whirlwind that happens around you. You get pushed and taken down this hallway with everybody else, and you're hearing all kinds of things, and you're seeing all kinds of things, and lava, and wings, and heat, and gas, and all kinds of stuff happening. But you end up in a safe place where the healers are attending to you. They seem to be asking a million questions And they lie you down on separate beds And sleep takes you I'm not hurt Eventually, If you're fine you end up lying down And sleeping anyway But they're all very Intense about making sure that you're okay And it seems To you actually if you want to roll insight checks Because you might need to in this headspace Roll an insight check As to why they're so frantic Ha ha ha.
Crit:
[6:16] Fuck it no i'll take it i'm dumb as fuck.
Dylan:
[6:19] Or or persuasion works too whatever um i'm.
Crit:
[6:23] Good i'll take my one oh.
Dylan:
[6:25] It is persuasion.
Cap:
[6:26] It's at least a 16.
Dylan:
[6:28] That's fine you you basically you're like i'm fine i'm fine don't worry about it like please stop taking those off those are mine you know that kind of stuff i need those back thank you oh don't open that yeah um yeah and um you finally you're like okay what is the deal you know and they whisper to you that you've been in contact with him and they need to take every precaution they can ah.
Cap:
[6:54] Yes um perhaps we can save that for the morning we need to kill something destroy something really but we'll get to that i suppose.
Dylan:
[7:02] They're they're the healers are like yes yes your adventures can wait lie down and she they push you down onto the bed by your forehead fine where's rocks he is being attended to by our greatest healers and they eventually you know they try to coax a potion for each of you to sleep especially asterisk you're getting a lot of attention they are healing you and it's not working as well as it should your wounds are closing but it looks like only just, And it feels like only just where the smiling man got you with his touch.
Crit:
[7:41] I feel dirty.
Dylan:
[7:42] Yeah, it makes you feel dirty. It feels like an infection. And you haven't really had to experience many infections, even working as a guard.
Crit:
[7:53] I feel hot inside and like cold, though.
Cap:
[7:57] Is there room on the bed next to Asterisk? Can I cuddle her while we sleep? Can we only sleep if I can cuddle her?
Dylan:
[8:03] Absolutely not. you're.
Cap:
[8:05] All so cruel.
Dylan:
[8:06] So cold they're actually uh asterisk they're going to be moving you into a more intensive care unit um so they're going to separate you from others and uh it's going to be where in the same place rocks is nice you know they're they're doing their best they're to am i am i like conscious though yeah yeah i want to i'm like.
Crit:
[8:29] Peeping i want to see rocks i'm like i want to get i want to see what's up.
Dylan:
[8:33] Oh okay i'm going um going to intensive care no problem you just put your hands up and start sauntering over i.
Crit:
[8:40] Do the little um finger over my mouth.
Dylan:
[8:42] Yeah our.
Crit:
[8:44] Symbol our sign.
Cap:
[8:45] Our symbol yes asterisk oh fuck all right i i will behave i'm sorry.
Dylan:
[8:53] Asterisk i'll let you um if you want you can roll a perception or something.
Crit:
[8:59] There we are. A good roll. An 18 plus...
Dylan:
[9:02] Well, you rolled pretty high.
Crit:
[9:04] See, he gave us a level and then he took it back. That's right.
Dylan:
[9:09] I wanted to just ready it because...
Crit:
[9:11] He didn't say no take the back seats.
Cap:
[9:14] All good.
Crit:
[9:16] I apologize. I have plus 3. I rolled an 18 plus 3 for, as we all know, it's a 21. Thank you.
Dylan:
[9:25] That's right. here.
Cap:
[9:26] With a quick bath.
Dylan:
[9:27] Alright as you're moving from one room to another the sound cuts off as the door to the room which seems like a either a leather door or some thick kind of hide that completely soundproofs the room once it flaps shut but in the tunnel that you're in going to another place you can hear healers speaking and you can hear rocks making noise. From what you can hear, it sounds like he's pleading incomprehensibly, weeping, with deep moans of gravelly, guttural sorrow. He's not really making any words, but it sounds like he's talking, like when somebody's sleeping or, you know, having a bad dream. It's clipped and you just don't know what he's saying. You hear one of the healers say he has been driven mad by the Laughing Man. You hear another healer say that something from him, some liquid got into his wounds before they were healed. Asterisk, when you walk into the room, you get a glimpse of him, and you see his mouth open wide and grinning madly. And there are tears running down his cheeks in shame, but his eyes are shut tight from the rigid smile on his face.
Crit:
[10:47] That's rough. That's hard to see.
Dylan:
[10:49] His chest is scarred in the center, leaving a glossy black crater. The scales on his chest are patchy and most have not regrown. They've had to restrain him, and it seems like they're trying to keep him from clawing himself or his surroundings. And he doesn't really, as I said, know where he seems to be. And you hear one of the healers say, indeed, his mind must be somewhere else entirely.
Crit:
[11:11] Oh, no.
Dylan:
[11:12] So, Astris, as you are laid down, they are asking you to take several potions.
Crit:
[11:20] I chug them.
Dylan:
[11:21] You chug them?
Cap:
[11:22] Okay.
Dylan:
[11:24] I need you to roll a con save.
Crit:
[11:27] A con save?
Dylan:
[11:28] Yeah, at disadvantage.
Crit:
[11:30] I need you to pass me a marker, please. A con save at disadvantage. Oh, that's sad.
Cap:
[11:36] Your con should be pretty big, at least. Big ol' con.
Crit:
[11:40] I've got a big, fat con.
Cap:
[11:44] But will it save you?
Crit:
[11:47] 8 plus 5 is 13.
Cap:
[11:51] Not bad.
Dylan:
[11:52] Not bad. Not good enough.
Cap:
[11:56] A valiant try.
Dylan:
[11:58] Yeah, it was pretty good. But as you are lying back and gladly taking these potions, you feel the effects of healing potions, that flavor you know. You're like, yep, take that one. And another one, you don't really recognize the flavor, but you immediately feel the effects of something like a sleeping potion and um, yeah and then um as as the sleeping potion is taking effect and you're starting to relax and all the muscles are relaxing in your body you notice that your face isn't relaxing and is kind of getting a little tense and rigid in your jaw and your face. Oh, no. As sleep takes you.
Cap:
[12:49] Oh, no.
Crit:
[12:51] Oh, no. Well, Astra's always frowns in her sleep. So, like, I feel like it's almost normal.
Cap:
[12:59] They drop it like flies.
Dylan:
[13:01] Oh, no.
Crit:
[13:02] Not me, too.
Dylan:
[13:04] Now, you guys sleep through the night and you get your levels.
Cap:
[13:08] Yes. I suddenly have a diary.
Crit:
[13:14] Tell me about it.
Cap:
[13:16] Dear diary, today, Daddy gave you to me. I recognize that this is the worst thing I could have done. I recognize that and I embrace it. Dear Princess Celestia.
Dylan:
[13:37] Thea When you sleep You had another one of those Nights where Right when you fell asleep You woke up Somewhere else Very familiar You're in the presence The realm of Oberon again The daddy zone That's right, You don't see him this time But you feel him Like he awakens you by grazing your cheek and pulling you upwards and being the wind that pushes you along. And you're in another glade-looking area, but within the tree trunks that surround you, these massive, massively wide tree trunks, are books in a library. There's will-o'-wisps and little pixies and stuff that are organizing the books And your attendants come flying out laughing and giggling And they go flying up to one of the shelves And they're all trying to pull this big heavy one off the top shelf, And you can see them just all giving each other a hand and pulling each other by the waist. And, you know, one of them's got a megaphone. The other one's got a drum. And they're doing the whole thing. This is adorable. Finally, the book comes loose. And it nearly falls to the ground. But they catch it. Splats all of them.
Dylan:
[15:04] And, yeah, just before it hits the ground, one of them flies underneath and, like, catches it and holds it up above its head like a superhero.
Crit:
[15:12] Ooh, it's the asterisk one.
Cap:
[15:13] Ah!
Dylan:
[15:13] And uh they bring it to you and oh.
Cap:
[15:18] My thank you ladies.
Dylan:
[15:19] As you open your hands out it the book opens before you like a flower on it you see emerald green ink on the parchment coming up in runes and spells filling your mind with new possibilities and you get a thrill through your body looking at these what seems to be new languages that you can understand almost sick you start to notice another script another language this isn't a spell this looks like somebody else is writing in in your journal at the same time as over on and it's written in blood what.
Cap:
[16:00] Does it say.
Dylan:
[16:00] You can't tell but it looks almost like it is just in that dreamlike feel a love letter. When it had started writing, you saw Oberon's side pause for just a moment and then continue. And it ends with, on the right hand side, the love letter ends with what looks like a big drop of blood stain that ends up dropping, and then another one drops beneath it, forming the shape of heart upside down you feel mirth and humor in this from oberon in this realm you also feel like what you just saw was pretty um pretty crazy you get the sense obviously from who you travel with that lilith was here with you and uh wow and she wrote something for you in your book Wow Ooh Asterisk Huh, in your dream it's not so nice oh oh.
Cap:
[17:11] Bummer buddy spoiler spoilers it sucks.
Dylan:
[17:16] Yeah you feel like you're in some sort of inferno as you open your eyes and it feels like it the the pressure of flames but you don't see them or feel the pain it's just an intensity of this place an insanity and anxiety of this place and it's making you squint and it's making you cover your eyes it feels like there's smoke going up your nose and into your eyes it's uh very difficult.
Dylan:
[17:51] To make sense of what's going on and all you really want to do is curl up and cover your ears cover your eyes and wait for this intensity to pass when the intensity seems to reach not just the intensity but the confusion of where you are and and where your pain is coming from is about to reach its peak you feel the presence of lilith surround you like a warm bath and you feel her finger on your chin. And as this warmth rises from your feet and up your knees and up your body, a calming effect goes with it. And as it rises to your chin, so does your chin. And you look up to see Lilith's eyes again, looking righteously angry, but not at you. She traces her finger exactly over where the smiling man hurt you and the fury in her eyes rises.
Dylan:
[18:53] She takes your hand, and she holds it to her face, and she puts her hand over yours. She looks at you as if in kind of a, it'll be okay look as you see her open her mouth and gently bite into your hand. And slowly, with the cleanest cut of a razor, open a cut in your hand and place your own hand back over your face. Where you feel an intensity of the rage of Lilith. boiling through your blood into this wound that you now realize is still open and gushing a black goop that you had seen fighting the smiling man and as you see your own blood from your hand mix and mingle with this black goop it's like it's fighting it there's some chemical reaction going on and it boils and it burns and you think it's going to burn the skin off of your face and your hand but when you wipe your hand away the wound is gone on both your hand and your face the blood rises over your head and all is calm you go back to sleep your head points are restored.
Crit:
[20:08] Mother's milk it's your mother's milk.
Dylan:
[20:12] And so you know as much as it fought off what was what was there it seems like a power more than just like a healing potion syrup you know i'm.
Crit:
[20:24] A blood paladin.
Dylan:
[20:25] Yes you are you are lilith's chosen blood paladin mommy officer concubine astrus you wake first you look down and realize that you're restrained just like rocks is and the healers take notice that you wake up and they come over, and they start inspecting you and uh they said sometime in the night your wounds closed and healed fully I don't know what happened did you do something my goddess intervened they uh they both kind of like look at each other real quick and then back to you just their eyes like uh and uh they're like that's very good if uh you could channel this power to help us with rocks. That would be amazing.
Crit:
[21:17] Yes, I have an idea. It might seem unconventional, but my goddess has given me power through the blood.
Dylan:
[21:25] When you say that you may have a means to help, they nod and they say, thank you. Let's get you back to the healing ward.
Crit:
[21:33] Like what I said while I'm restrained makes me sound fucking crazy.
Cap:
[21:38] And they're like, sure, yeah, we'll let you.
Dylan:
[21:39] Okay. They're like, I got this knife.
Crit:
[21:41] Hey, proof's in the pudding, baby.
Cap:
[21:44] I don't see any results from anyone else.
Dylan:
[21:51] They bring you back into the non-intensive care part of the healing ward, the room where you were with Thea. And Thea, you're woken up by a very sharp, like, penetration of your skin on your chest. And then again.
Crit:
[22:12] Oh, God.
Dylan:
[22:13] And then again. Oh, God. And you look down, and King Floof is curled up, uh pushing his his uh paws against you in his sleep he seems to be purring and drooling and uh making biscuits on your boobs um you.
Cap:
[22:29] Just had to you just had to find that.
Dylan:
[22:33] So adorable though you can actually see one of his wings as he stretched it out and it was like shivering a bit for a second can.
Cap:
[22:40] I cradle him like a baby and give him nice pets.
Dylan:
[22:43] Yeah yeah you found that you've been doing this all night you just didn't realize he snuck into your bosom there sneaky boy it's.
Cap:
[22:52] A good place to sleep very comfy.
Dylan:
[22:53] Very warm upon the flap opening for asterisk he immediately bounces away my god it hurts so much when the cats use.
Cap:
[23:05] You as a launching pad.
Dylan:
[23:06] Like fuck your body those back feet so you get shredded a bit on your stomach and your and your chest uh but he's gone instantly in a flash asterisk.
Cap:
[23:18] I get up and i run over thea where what if you are you okay where they took you away i'm okay i'm okay i'm i start you know touching and and checking and you know yeah i'm squeezing some bits uh-huh you're are you okay i'm i'm okay lilith healed.
Crit:
[23:37] Me i'm healed.
Cap:
[23:37] Lilith yeah oh lilith hold on oh i i I look around, acting like that book will have followed me.
Dylan:
[23:46] Oh, yeah. Yeah, you're like, where would I, where's my, you're like, that's not real. But you know that it is. You are like, hold on. This is like deep knowledge now that is ingrained in me. I need to sit down and make this book real.
Cap:
[24:06] Lilith came to visit in my dream.
Crit:
[24:09] Oh, you too?
Cap:
[24:10] She's never done that to me before.
Crit:
[24:11] Wait, really? Did she make you drink your own blood, too?
Cap:
[24:18] I'm sorry, say that again.
Crit:
[24:20] Nothing. nothing she just showed me a cool trick um you're gonna like it oh okay well yeah okay actually i do i i have she.
Cap:
[24:37] Wrote me a letter i couldn't read it i don't i need.
Crit:
[24:39] Well hang on so rocks is not doing very well what i what do you mean i was in the i was in the intensive unit when they brought me in there and i don't think they know what to do with what happened to us with the laughing man he.
Cap:
[24:55] Was he was walking he was on his feet.
Crit:
[24:57] He's not he's not okay i.
Cap:
[25:01] Look at the doctor is there a doctor.
Dylan:
[25:02] Uh there's like a nurse that's like kind of patrolling through right now.
Crit:
[25:07] Well i so i put my hand on thea's shoulder so lilith healed me and i think she showed me how i can do it for rocks and so if you want to be there or if you want to take time to no.
Cap:
[25:19] I need to be i need to see him.
Crit:
[25:20] Yeah absolutely so we can i think we should just do it as soon as possible oh.
Cap:
[25:25] Yeah are you do you really think it'll work.
Crit:
[25:28] She healed me so i have to have faith that it has to work.
Cap:
[25:32] Okay i'll follow.
Crit:
[25:34] I take her by the hand and we go in there we burst in like in the or like doctor doctor yeah.
Dylan:
[25:41] The nurse is like uh we're hold on magical girl outfits go.
Crit:
[25:46] Yeah we turn them on we're fucking in charge here open.
Cap:
[25:50] The door and transform.
Crit:
[25:52] Yeah the.
Dylan:
[25:53] Big flap before you you know bust in there in your pajamas.
Crit:
[25:57] That's not what we said because.
Dylan:
[26:02] You just you just got out of bed all right i'm just gonna say that girl jam jams a familiar face enters the ward and it is the one of the dragon born that you saw uh first to reach you and rocks when you came out of the inner sanctum he says after looking at both of you and seeing that you seem to be healed and not insane uh he looks relieved, and says to you, I cannot begin to... I don't know where to begin, but thank you.
Cap:
[26:38] You took us in. It's us who should be thanking you. We wouldn't have known where to go.
Dylan:
[26:43] No, all of this... All of this, the design of the Wise Master, whether you know it or not. And you must see them.
Cap:
[26:51] Who is the Wise Master?
Dylan:
[26:53] They are the keeper of the great and most ancient central keystone sky path, weaver of liquid flame and destination, They have always been. They will always be the primordial deep.
Cap:
[27:04] I should very much like to meet them, then.
Dylan:
[27:07] They would like to meet you. Or they have foretold your coming. Many of us, we walk with shame now. We... we lost faith. Many revolted. Many lost our way when Rox was taken captive.
Cap:
[27:21] How long ago was he taken captive?
Dylan:
[27:23] One week. Even then, after he was captured, the Wise Master, they told us it was part of it all. Even the day that we knew he would be sacrificed, the very evening he was being sacrificed, the Wise Master told us to have faith. And most of us did not. We lost it. Had you not come out when you did, all of us surely would have died in the attack we would have staged upon Utopia.
Crit:
[27:53] Fuck. You had enough faith to come back.
Cap:
[27:56] I need to see Rox before I go. We need to heal him. Astris thinks she can do something.
Dylan:
[28:06] We must do as the wise master wishes, and he wishes to see you. Now, if you wish to see Rox truly healed, do as they say. They know more than you could possibly know.
Cap:
[28:21] Well, they did seem to know. He was not going to die. Okay.
Dylan:
[28:27] If you go with them, he'll wait for you to get ready or whatever. And the attendants will help you both.
Cap:
[28:34] Hey, Astris?
Crit:
[28:36] Yeah.
Cap:
[28:37] While we're getting ready, I'm going to make that book real. I want to show you this message from Lilith. Hold on. I know. I'm sorry. It makes sense. I had a dream and I promised it makes sense. So I'm going to sit down and I'm going to summon my diary into existence.
Dylan:
[28:54] Okay. So after some time meditating, going inward, seeking contact with Oberon and divining the location of your gift, this book, and manifesting it into reality. you sit with your hands open in your lap and you feel weight in your lap and your lip curls up as you know that it worked and you open your eyes slowly to see do you want to describe this tome since.
Cap:
[29:30] It's your yeah tome so it's a fine dark brown leather tome fully bound with golden corner keepers like you know the little little brackets that go on the edges so those are gold and it has a big latch also gold that straps across the front there's a sort of oak leaf motif affiliated with the front whatever the sort of front clasping medallion uh is like an oak leaf and then the inside i really liked that green ink i really want emerald green ink for this that's i love that so like sort of like sort of like not not bleached white pages but sort of a nice faded yellowy white page on the inside yeah and and just that that emerald ink yeah.
Crit:
[30:31] Are the edges like gold too like how the what is that called gilded gilded edges.
Dylan:
[30:37] Could be green could be.
Cap:
[30:39] Gold green and shiny yeah.
Dylan:
[30:44] And the you know they can texture the edges of the pages too so when it's closed it has the shape of like a vine or a leaf or something.
Cap:
[30:52] I was gonna to say pornography but or a penis yeah Oberon's dick yeah it's his default dick yeah.
Dylan:
[31:00] It's his dick pic that he just sent you really and.
Cap:
[31:02] If you look at it from the side.
Dylan:
[31:04] You could see it it's.
Cap:
[31:05] Like to scale I love that shut up.
Dylan:
[31:10] Yeah, you're like, holy shit, like, it's actually, like, the real side.
Crit:
[31:13] Holy shit.
Cap:
[31:14] She's like, oh, my God.
Crit:
[31:15] It's a big book.
Cap:
[31:16] She checks it. She checks it with her hand. She's like, wow, yeah, that's accurate.
Crit:
[31:20] That's a big book.
Dylan:
[31:21] Yeah. And on the inside, you know, you know that there's parts of it that you would, say, just write in for mental notes or diary, that kind of thing. and then there are parts of it that um spells appear or spells that you write in the quill that comes with it is in the binding along the spine pulls out i don't know if you want to describe that as well but or if it comes out of the binding i was just uh making something up but yeah i love it comes with the uh that emerald ink that you can then write with Fuck yeah.
Cap:
[32:02] See, Oberon's all about aesthetics, and I really appreciate that about him.
Dylan:
[32:08] Yeah, and the longer you write with it, this long purple and green feather keeps growing.
Cap:
[32:14] I love that.
Dylan:
[32:16] Tickles your chin when you write.
Cap:
[32:18] LOL.
Crit:
[32:18] That's cute.
Cap:
[32:19] Oh, it also has loopy things so that I can hang it from the spine on a belt.
Dylan:
[32:25] Yeah.
Crit:
[32:25] Ah, yes.
Dylan:
[32:26] Very utilitarian. It also has that.
Crit:
[32:27] Convenient. For your costume.
Cap:
[32:29] It's like, it's a fanny pack, but a book.
Dylan:
[32:32] Well, you'll find that this book actually kind of does whatever you, you're like, it should do this. Oh, it does. Sweet. Okay. You know, it, uh, it kind of, because you manifested it, this is your tome.
Crit:
[32:43] A book with a pocket.
Dylan:
[32:45] You know, you're like, if you need to shove, like, tear a page out and shove it into a pocket, it'll have a pocket for you. Or if you need to just hang the book up somewhere, it'll have a hook. you know it's minor minor minor wish uh manifestation with the with the tone thea.
Cap:
[33:03] Kisses the book.
Dylan:
[33:04] Yeah it feels like it kisses you back thanks baby, Yeah, and so you're searching through and you see some of these spells that Oberon wrote into your book. And you see the page next to it. And you still can't understand it, but you want to show it to Asterisks.
Cap:
[33:22] Yeah, Asterisks, Asterisks. First of all, come look at my fucking sexy book.
Crit:
[33:28] Oh, shit.
Cap:
[33:29] Yeah.
Crit:
[33:29] It's got pockets.
Cap:
[33:30] I know. It's amazing.
Crit:
[33:32] In the little... Wow.
Cap:
[33:34] Check this out. And I show her the dick pic.
Dylan:
[33:38] Whoa.
Cap:
[33:40] Asterisk blushes I put it back and I wink.
Dylan:
[33:43] You notice more and more Every time you open it If you just fan the pages There's a little cartoon in the corner Something vulgar over on Cumming on your tits Oh my god I love that, That's too.
Cap:
[33:59] Cute Oh he's thinking about me.
Dylan:
[34:01] Yeah Nice.
Cap:
[34:05] Anyway Look at this page This is from Lilith.
Crit:
[34:09] Oh, God, in the corner.
Cap:
[34:11] Don't look at that. Shh.
Crit:
[34:13] Don't look at it. Aren't you showing me this?
Cap:
[34:15] I'm not showing you that. Look. And I point to the red ink. Look, it's red.
Crit:
[34:21] Oh, red.
Cap:
[34:22] That's from Lilith. I can't read it, question mark?
Dylan:
[34:26] So, Asteris, you look down at the book, and on the left-hand side, you see this green ink that looks like a bunch of pictures of dicks and balls. and takes and stuff and you're like what why are you showing me this and it's all just like that's how you see it and then when you see the red ink it shifts around and forms words that you can understand, and it seems like they're addendums to what's being said on the left here and so Thea if you start reading out the spell here and you're just like okay so I can throw some acid at somebody as long as I'm this far away and, you know blah blah blah and then on the right hand side it'll say sexually or dot dot dot in bed exactly in bed and like every time he obron would finish writing something lilith would finish it with something raunchy and silly she's my favorite yes oh.
Cap:
[35:35] My god what a brat i love her.
Dylan:
[35:38] Sexy spell.
Cap:
[35:39] Mad lips oh my god.
Dylan:
[35:43] You know and they're all kind of freaky like well what if the spell actually made them suck your toes or something you know like little things like that yeah but it makes you cum, and you can see on the script that Oberon was writing where most of it is fluid you can tell where it stopped and there's a little bit more ink where it pulled and he starts again tells a story damn it that's.
Crit:
[36:08] So funny like wait nice cool.
Dylan:
[36:11] You know you guys are laughing about as you're reading along to each other and the the script on the right asterisk changes a bit to be uh something else and says instead of like in bed it says with blood oh and the other one says like instead of concentrating say concentrate together little notes seem to be made on spells that are in there even cure spell or something would say use in circular environment and just weird weird little addendums roll an insight both of you.
Crit:
[36:53] I rolled a I got a 10 I.
Cap:
[36:55] Rolled a 17.
Dylan:
[36:56] As the spells change as examples on the page and the addendums change with it one of them strikes a memory of when you used prestidigitation to clean up the bathing pit where asteris was oh.
Cap:
[37:16] I try not to remember the bathing pit where asteris was.
Dylan:
[37:19] But you it was like a supercharged cleaning job that you had never seen before and it affected asterisk as well and yourself thinking back it's the correct shape of an environment quote unquote that would empower that spell, What you are getting out of this mostly is there are, you can empower each other's spells with, you know, the power of blood, the power of friendship, the power of the space you're currently in, etc. But these are little shortcuts and little empowerments that you're getting directly from your patrons.
Cap:
[38:05] I love that she's giving us hacks.
Crit:
[38:07] Yeah.
Cap:
[38:08] Like fucking cool It.
Dylan:
[38:10] Seems I mean On some level It almost seems like a Blasphemous or heretical to be Mixing powers this way.
Cap:
[38:20] Oberon didn't seem to mind So then I feel like that means it should be okay Yeah He seemed amused as all fuck Yeah I.
Crit:
[38:29] Mean What.
Dylan:
[38:30] It seems to you less blasphemous Because you don't really care about that stuff It seems really naughty.
Crit:
[38:36] Oh which.
Cap:
[38:37] Makes it fun.
Crit:
[38:38] Makes it better yeah i was just thinking it's it's fine if you like each other right we can.
Cap:
[38:45] All be friends it's cool.
Crit:
[38:46] Right we don't gotta get all stanny if my god likes your god then why shouldn't we mix our plates you know we can be friends yeah well this is cool this is a cool diary it seems like other people have written in your diary which is a little, It's odd It's communal, it's fun Okay Can I write something in your diary?
Dylan:
[39:09] Fuck no You get the fuck away from my fucking diary Did your diary speak?
Cap:
[39:22] What are you talking about, Astras? I didn't hear anything.
Crit:
[39:25] I don't know, I just don't want to draw a funny picture. Everybody else is doing it. Here, I'm going to...
Dylan:
[39:34] That didn't happen.
Cap:
[39:37] I'm going to open up my diary, and I'll give one of the front pages, I'll write at the top, Asteris' page. And you can write anything you want on this page.
Crit:
[39:51] I'll draw a little doodle of Asteris and Thea, and we're like... you know like I have a sword and you've you've got a tail and like.
Cap:
[40:00] Yeah we play hangman on here yeah.
Crit:
[40:03] Oh my god that's our hangman page.
Cap:
[40:05] Yeah this is where we play mash I love this page I see bucket picking the pact of the diary was so correct right.
Crit:
[40:14] I love this so much.
Cap:
[40:16] Pact of the diary yeah he is so excited once we do that she closes it up Straps it closed and hooks it on her belt and kind of like moves it around to see where it carries the weight best.
Dylan:
[40:28] Yeah.
Crit:
[40:29] Oh, I love it.
Cap:
[40:30] All right. Well, once I have it strapped to my hip, I'll look at Asteris and I'll go, well, are you ready to meet this person?
Crit:
[40:38] Yeah, let's go, as I'll ever be.
Cap:
[40:41] All right, let's ride.
Dylan:
[40:42] He mentions as you go that the wise master is not a god to them, but a savior and guardian and discovered him when hiding from the covenant of purity.
Cap:
[41:03] Oh, this is a new thing. Interesting.
Dylan:
[41:05] When they hid in the prominence, which you've now been, you've heard called different things, they said that the wise master presented themselves and took them in and gave them guidance and protection. And whenever they followed their guidance, things would work out in the strangest ways. and it would always be weird things never direct attacks he would talk about pushing stones into a river uh sending even just as an example the other day they sent someone in disguise to lose a game of cards to one of the sentry guards and have him win a box of expensive cigars so most of these directives seemed senseless and they always do they still do but they always work out you'll hear it from children hearing something just because of something we've done we'll get vital intelligence.
Dylan:
[42:13] You are being taken out into the tunnel complexes that are broadening into a wide, vast, open network of tunnels. The Dragonborn Core, he tells you this place we call Thrios, and he gestures broadly as you open up to a vast and open network of tunnels with black steel bridges held aloft on chains. The bridges disconnect and connect to others and they get slid around. The chain systems are operated by what seems to be tiny winged dragonlings with dexterous hands and feet. They'll slide each chain out of its point and place it into another. They are numerous and they swarm the upper mechanisms like rats in a field.
Dylan:
[43:11] You notice the heat next, as beneath you is a lava pit. I'm hundreds of feet down. When you look down into the pits, it stings your eyes, but you're able to see. There are these giant What can't be anything other than turtles Turtle shells rising And dropping beneath the lava Lava turtles? And they You see their heads come up And they start spraying lava or plasma, And in massive streams along the wall That refract golden rainbows And fiery glint.
Cap:
[43:50] Thea has a new favorite animal.
Dylan:
[43:54] There are i'd say man size or larger size what looks like dragons with vast wingspans some 40 50 feet wide and they're perched on outcropping surrounding the central pit and they're all flapping creating this ventilation that's coming through these tunnels the steam vents that you hear and you see around you notice are being attacked by these huge toads with golden skin and darker maybe green spots and they get around by sending their tongue out from 30 50 yards and then bringing their body out behind it and they wrap their mouths around the steam vents and their bodies start inflating to great sizes.
Cap:
[44:50] I want one.
Dylan:
[44:52] When it seems like it's about to pop a drake comes swooping down that has about 20 or so kobolds with lassos and they all hop down and tie it up, Tie it to the drake and then fly the inflated frog down into a tunnel that it just rolls it into.
Cap:
[45:15] Fucking awesome. Thea likes it in here. She likes the heat. She's like, oh, it's finally comfortable.
Crit:
[45:22] It's hot.
Dylan:
[45:24] You're fine. You think one of those potions they gave you was a heat resistance.
Crit:
[45:28] Oh, cool.
Dylan:
[45:29] Yeah. You're a soft skin. core shows you and tells you you know just points around but mostly speaks of the wise master and how he seems like he was one of those people who lost faith and is more talking to himself than you um but you know he's saying that every time that they went against the wise master's guidance like staging our own attacks in utopia and you know they don't have stupid people staging these attacks they would all fail fantastically and more dragonborn would be sacrificed so he looks like he's in a very sad and sad place that he was quite wrong for losing faith.
Cap:
[46:14] Thea kind of pats his his arm and it's just like don't be so hard on yourself man this shit's hard.
Dylan:
[46:23] He hangs his head solemnly and he thanks you and he gestures down a narrow pathway almost like the crags that you've gone through, however few days ago that was in the fairy lands, five days ago or something god if even that many it's been a wild ride as.
Cap:
[46:49] Soon as she stops I think her brain's gonna explode.
Dylan:
[46:51] She's gotta keep going Because.
Cap:
[46:53] If the fucking tsunami of this Catches the fuck up She's gonna fucking lose her mind.
Dylan:
[46:59] So You're making your way into What Appears to be an audience chamber Which is half Polish Stone floor and half lava On the other side, In a circular room And you are entering The room of the keeper of the great and most ancient central keystone sky path, weaver of liquid flame and destination.
Crit:
[47:30] So, this would not be a good place to just toss that cursed leg in the pool.
Cap:
[47:35] Probably not.
Dylan:
[47:37] Like, right now? The first thing you do, you just toss that motherfucker in there.
Cap:
[47:42] Just like, Astros, there's lava to it!
Crit:
[47:44] Just like, real quick, like, when you're walking with your friends and you have something to throw away, you just kind of like, whoop!
Dylan:
[47:51] Water bottle just... Yeah.
Cap:
[47:54] It just doinks off one of those turtles?
Crit:
[47:57] Oh, shit, man. It's eating it.
Dylan:
[48:01] You try to throw it and it just starts running away We've.
Cap:
[48:04] Got to be careful now Shit lives in this lava We didn't think about that This is something's home.
Dylan:
[48:12] Fuck So there are no other creatures In this room It was a very busy environment Out in the central pit, But it's quiet here You can only hear the lava It gives an ambient Kind of hiss and gurgle, you begin to see what looks like, flames and little parts of the lava bloop out into the air and then stay suspended and it looks like characters are being drawn from the lava as if being plucked into the air.
Cap:
[48:52] Oh cool I'll walk over sort of closer to that so that I can read it.
Dylan:
[49:00] Not a language you understand but to you it feels more like something you should understand not by sight but just by looking if that makes sense and it feels like a warm welcome okay kind of like you know you're finally here i'm.
Cap:
[49:18] Sorry we've kept you waiting.
Dylan:
[49:20] All of the characters fall back into the lava and around the center directly in front of you another as if being pulled straight upward the lava starts to come and take shape, as you see it take shape into a humanoid figure it seems to be both masculine and feminine man and woman a shifting form of magma fire plasma and obsidian when they speak they introduce themselves, as the rising flame their voice is demanding and sounds of flames under the bellow melting iron A beautiful, haunting, feminine voice, like the winds through an impossibly deep cave, entwined and harmonizing with a masculine voice of grinding stone falling through depths unimaginable. And they say, Greetings. Thank you for coming all this way.
Cap:
[50:18] We're happy to finally be here. If not, it seems quite later than we intended.
Dylan:
[50:25] Just on time.
Cap:
[50:27] I suppose that is true.
Dylan:
[50:29] You too. Blessed by Anselk and Lilith, your stories have been told to me. I could feel them. They're playing a great game.
Cap:
[50:39] Oh?
Dylan:
[50:40] Yes. All the gods do. But you two are special. Chosen.
Cap:
[50:46] I still don't see why.
Dylan:
[50:49] Understanding the view of the gods is most difficult and most curious. For it is they who see the possibilities of completed result. They know the brush strokes to make. They know the colors to choose. You may not know why, but you are a beautiful hue of purple.
Cap:
[51:12] I try.
Dylan:
[51:13] And you see, he may like that.
Cap:
[51:19] Simple as that.
Dylan:
[51:20] No, I imagine, your souls have been entwined for quite some time. Reflections of your lords, your masters. Pieces of them played out here. I hear their plans now and then, and I knew you were coming into my realm. I do what I can. I am no god, but I see further than most mortal.
Cap:
[51:44] Kor said you're always right.
Dylan:
[51:46] Do not take this the wrong way. But imagine a room full of children playing with puzzles you've mastered a thousand times over. You've seen it done. You know how they will react. There are surprises, no doubt. But you can time things just right if you know what you're doing.
Cap:
[52:05] Most of my job is to be able to read a room, so I understand.
Dylan:
[52:10] The figure seems pleased, genuinely. this reverence that gets thrown towards the wise master from the dragonborn to you it seems like you might be seeing a little bit behind the curtain the wise master knows that you know that things go on behind the scenes and most mortals do not know how to handle that, I've already.
Cap:
[52:34] Freed my head.
Dylan:
[52:35] Right the rising flame will wait who's holding the leg.
Crit:
[52:41] I've been hoping you wouldn't ask i have it strapped on me somewhere in your inconspicuously.
Dylan:
[52:48] Right yeah it's like behind your thigh and up like yeah exactly um see it's just strapped to the side of your leg exactly.
Crit:
[52:59] You walk through all of utopia like that that's what they mean by a strap on.
Dylan:
[53:03] Right yeah yeah.
Crit:
[53:05] Am
Cap:
[53:05] I doing it right lilith.
Crit:
[53:06] Yeah is.
Cap:
[53:08] This what you meant mommy.
Crit:
[53:09] Yeah i've been getting a single leg workout like crazy.
Dylan:
[53:14] He didn't ask or anything, but I was...
Crit:
[53:16] No one asked.
Cap:
[53:17] No one asked. We're just telling him. No one ever asks us anything. We just speak at them.
Dylan:
[53:22] They say, and Astris, you are coming into your own power. You have done great things already. Great things lie before you. You have learned how to harm the smiler. You have learned to weaken the laughing man. And you have learned to reverse some of his effects. I assume you both wish to save rocks.
Cap:
[53:42] Yes.
Crit:
[53:43] Yeah.
Cap:
[53:43] More than anything, please.
Crit:
[53:45] Yeah, I wanted to do it before I came down here. Been chomping at the bit.
Dylan:
[53:51] This cannot be done in our plane of existence. You, too, were you not healed somewhere else?
Crit:
[53:58] Shit.
Cap:
[53:59] Oh, no, I just didn't get it.
Crit:
[54:02] Yeah, I did my job, okay?
Cap:
[54:05] I know. Ashtonus took it all for me.
Crit:
[54:08] That's right.
Cap:
[54:08] That's her job.
Crit:
[54:10] You did my fucking job.
Cap:
[54:12] You did it so good.
Dylan:
[54:14] The rising flame nods when you agree that you want to help rocks and says that though you are healed, we will need a piece of cursed flesh.
Cap:
[54:26] Cursed flesh, you say?
Dylan:
[54:28] And he says, and though I see far, I am sad to say that I was hoping rocks would not be the one victim to sacrificing a piece.
Cap:
[54:38] Oh, so hey, Astros, get the leg.
Crit:
[54:42] Oh, so I open up my bag and take it out like a, and then I pull it out.
Dylan:
[54:48] The rising flame seems to shift its attention as it looks fully towards Asterix when you say, get the leg.
Cap:
[54:55] Get the leg!
Dylan:
[54:56] It doesn't have any real facial features that you can read, but it seemed like kind of an eyebrow raise moment there.
Crit:
[55:03] And like, what?
Cap:
[55:03] Yes!
Crit:
[55:04] I feel like after learning how to hurt the smiling man, I'm feeling like I worked through some of the fear of like the leg and seeing that like awful vision because I feel like I know what to do now. Like, you know, I've got the blood. I've got to like lay on hands. I feel like equipped where before I was not equipped to handle psychic attacks. You know, I was just a regular old warrior, but I'm not that anymore.
Cap:
[55:33] Oh, I love it! I feel so protected.
Crit:
[55:38] I'm ready to go.
Dylan:
[55:40] All right. So you pull out the leg that you had bound up, and the rising flame, as I said, seems a bit surprised by this.
Crit:
[55:51] Tell me, what does surprise look like in a lava form? Yeah.
Dylan:
[55:55] Seems to get a little brighter, just the amount of light coming off of it, just like a flash, like, whoa.
Crit:
[56:02] Yeah.
Cap:
[56:03] Oh, I love that.
Dylan:
[56:04] You can sense a bit of its emotion.
Crit:
[56:06] Okay. So, I want to say I was incredibly suspicious of this creature when we came in because I was like, no new gods, hate it. I don't, like, I, like, had a jaw. I was going to go heal rocks. And I was, like, pissed that I was getting stopped from doing that. But now I feel like, now that I've seen it express emotion, I'm there. We're friends now. I love that. I saw Thea talk shop. I'm like, okay, now I want to know what the goss you have.
Dylan:
[56:40] The rising flame seems delighted and says, this is what I mean about surprises. Even I could not have seen this coming. You brought this here all the way?
Cap:
[56:54] Yeah, so it's kind of funny. We were... I've been looking for rocks for, well, years. And someone said he was down this way. We also needed to get rid of this, which we cut off of a friend of ours. And... And then we needed to destroy it. And I thought, well, where is there lava? And then we were told that it was here, which was also where rocks was. So you see, it's really all because of rocks and because we had to cut our friend's leg off that we're here.
Dylan:
[57:22] Ah, seemingly unconnected string of events brought you here. Interesting.
Crit:
[57:28] It's like a song when she says it, you know?
Dylan:
[57:30] The rising flame gets a bit more serious now and says to you the place you are going will be the domain of the laughing man at least in part he has taken over most of rocks's mental space and you must free rocks of his influence you are not directly entering either directly but a different place where minds can meet.
Cap:
[58:00] If there's anyone who can bring him back, it's me.
Dylan:
[58:02] As you say, and they bow their head. The leg in front of you rises in what seems shimmering heat waves, and the ropes around it ignite and fall away as the leg straightens out and begins to rotate as it rises into the air and heads towards the rising flame. The rising flame says one final thing. Fear not, the laughing man may change you, but you shall prevail. And sinks into the lava and continues to sink as if a sinkhole or vortex is forming without the spinning going on. The leg starts to descend into this pit. And once it touches, the lava starts to turn gray and it starts to spin slowly and spread outward. And once it reaches the edge of the platform you're on, it looks now like less like lava and more like clouds and a whirlwind, a portal.
Cap:
[59:07] Oh, cool.
Crit:
[59:09] Sick.
Cap:
[59:10] Sick. Rad.
Dylan:
[59:13] You guys jumping in?
Crit:
[59:14] There's no much room to jump on.
Dylan:
[59:16] Oh, no.
Crit:
[59:16] No. Jump in the portal, jump in the portal.
Cap:
[59:19] Astrus, hold my hand.
Crit:
[59:21] Grab hand.
Cap:
[59:22] All right.
Dylan:
[59:23] All right, so you guys jump in.
Cap:
[59:25] Kor, we'll be right back.
Dylan:
[59:27] As you hold hands and jump in, the darkness of the smoke envelops you, and you see a very angry kink flu flying next to you, giving you a very dirty look for jumping in here.
Cap:
[59:42] And oh buddy i didn't even know you were here you're very good at that to your own detriment it would seem and.
Dylan:
[59:49] He kind of he doesn't have his claws out so he just kind of punches you in the chin.
Cap:
[59:53] Oh all right i was wondering why my bag was so fucking heavy and.
Dylan:
[1:00:00] We'll fade to black there.
Cap:
[1:00:03] Dear diary holy fuck i guess we're taking a trip to the fade to rescue rocks i look forward to whatever horrific shit is going to take place in this dream plane. But it'll have to wait until next year. Bum, bum, bum. We'll be taking the month of December off so we can rest up and deal with holiday madness. So since this is our last episode of the year, I want to take this time as your faithful MC to thank you all for an amazing year. We can't believe this many people want to listen to our silly little game. So we're thankful for every listener, even if it was just for an episode. We love you all, and we wish you nothing but happiness and warmth in the coming year. We'll be back the first Monday of January, 2025. So until then, my darlings, stay sexy out there.