Thea and Astris make it to the final foe, but are shown some painful things along the way.
Cap:
[0:00] Hello, and welcome to Slash and Fuck, a stupid sexy D&D podcast. As the title suggests, we are a mature podcast and we'll be dealing with adult themes and content as our story unfolds. Since you're here, I want to thank you for starting this journey with us, and we hope you enjoy your stay. So without further ado, let's slip into something a little more comfortable.
Dylan:
[0:37] Hello, and welcome back to Slash and Fuck. We last left off in a dark place. A place the smiling man inhabits. You've been here for a while, and Thea and Asteris both just finished fighting a 50-foot wall of body parts and limbs and organs with glass wings parts present, the eye in the center, the wing. and your combined efforts stopped it whatever it was and seemed to have cleansed it from this realm or whatever the hell was holding it together at least you're both exhausted uh on many levels you know emotionally physically magically just tired and uh ahead of you you can see there's only one place to go and uh the storm clouds seem to uh lie just ahead only really active, ahead where you can see some lights and it looks like tinted green down there oh.
Cap:
[1:58] Astrus why is it green it's the it's like the floor of the sacrifice room it's.
Crit:
[2:06] Like it's taunting us I don't like it.
Cap:
[2:09] I don't fucking like it either what can we do but go if.
Crit:
[2:15] We're walking let's hold hands.
Cap:
[2:17] Yeah we'll hold hands.
Dylan:
[2:19] It is the same green from the sacrifice room spot on.
Dylan:
[2:28] Yeah, and so you guys hold hands and start walking. It feels again like it takes you a day to get there. Like it doesn't really start to get closer until you're almost there. And again, you hear the wind. You don't feel it. you begin to approach what now seems to be uphill towards it slightly so you come over the rise and you see multiple things first thing you notice is the green glow coming from the ground this is before you enter that area but you see it first you see what seems to be a yellow and brown prism almost like a like glass that uh seems to some sort of force field it's not quite tangible it streaks with uh green and black and red like blood vessels along the surface you notice that the floor looks like a jagged dais of cracked and broken glowing black and yellow crystals They're all over the place But you notice there are three mounds of crystals That look cracked and melted together At each point of the prism How.
Cap:
[3:58] Big is the prism? Did I miss that?
Dylan:
[4:00] As you're looking at it, it looks like it's, you know, no bigger than 15, 20 feet. But inside, you see rocks. He stands naked and unarmed and not quite corporal either. You know, streaks of his actions seem to have, like, you see him swing at a specter. he seems to be fighting something off, but you see his arm go and then you see him cower at the same time. You see multiple reflections of his reactions. There are times where he's fighting and he's enraged and you'll see him curled up on the ground bawling and crying. And it all kind of keeps happening at the same time. The specters and torturers that he's mostly fighting or just flying by like birds slashing at him. And, you know, you see him cover up. You see him try to fight them off. You also see what seems to be maybe maternal or paternal figures lecturing or screaming or disowning or abandoning, leaving him to begin and weep, and then he's at their grave, weeping and weeping and rage and screaming at the sky.
Cap:
[5:19] Poor baby.
Dylan:
[5:20] Yeah, he's getting real tortured up in there.
Cap:
[5:23] Astrus! Astrus, do you see him? He's in there!
Crit:
[5:25] Oh my god, is he, like, living out his life? I don't understand what I'm seeing.
Cap:
[5:32] I don't know. He looks upset. He looks in pain. I want to try to go up to the thing and examine the gross mucus, veiny bulb that's covering this. The, like, gross, veiny shell. Or, like, the goopiness.
Dylan:
[5:49] The gooper Yeah, it's sort of, it looks goopy Um, but Shimmers and comes and goes Like, uh, force magic You'd say, just in a really gross way I'd say, like it's covered in slime It's snot, maybe Um, but yeah, you are a bit Away from this prism And this crystal dais And it looks to you Uh, actually if you guys Could roll insight checks Um.
Crit:
[6:18] 17.
Cap:
[6:20] 14.
Dylan:
[6:21] This looks like a fully corrupted magical node, magic crystal, that had been filled fully with that black goo, and this must be the remnants or what the laughing man is using it for.
Cap:
[6:37] Okay.
Dylan:
[6:39] As you enter the green light, you notice that your movement speed is halved.
Cap:
[6:46] Ah, that again.
Dylan:
[6:48] If you'd like to make another insight check 13 7 Oh, make it advantage I keep like lowering and raising DCs in my head But I keep forgetting about advantage That.
Crit:
[7:00] Would be dirty 20.
Dylan:
[7:01] Sweet That.
Cap:
[7:03] Would be a 1 So 13.
Dylan:
[7:05] Still fine Yeah, the last time you encountered this light You obscured it using your fog Alright.
Cap:
[7:14] Since fuck this green light I'm going to flip the switch on my, I keep wanting to call it like a lutar lutar.
Dylan:
[7:23] I love that.
Cap:
[7:24] My harp lute double lute action, my lute lute and we're gonna fill this green shit with fog since that's what shut it the fuck up last time so.
Dylan:
[7:38] This is more spread out in the room, so as I said, it's spreading out in front of you increases your speed again, but But it's going to kind of stick to where it was if you're walking in a straight line. It'll only billow out and kind of take care of all of it once you're standing in one place for a little bit.
Cap:
[7:58] Okay. Yeah, I'll probably want it to be the most centered where we're going to end up standing. So, like, close to the prism, I guess.
Crit:
[8:05] Yeah.
Dylan:
[8:05] As you enter into the green light and you look at the prison before you, you see rocks being tortured in many ways. You can see glints of the moon in the sky behind the clouds as you get closer. The jagged smile.
Cap:
[8:28] Motherfucker. Motherfucker.
Crit:
[8:31] I shake my fist at the moon.
Cap:
[8:33] Flip off the sky.
Dylan:
[8:34] You know, lightning strikes and you see just like a little bit of the side, more of the side of the smile.
Cap:
[8:40] Yeah, that's fucking right, motherfucker.
Dylan:
[8:43] And, you know, you can't quite tell because the clouds are moving at a weird pace and everything, but it almost looks like the moon was like nodding. as you get towards the center you make it there and you see the storm above you clear and you see the moon in the sky it looks much closer now hanging above you almost leering and then you start to see eyeballs opening in the sky, All over the place.
Crit:
[9:16] No.
Dylan:
[9:17] Just snapping open, making kind of a plopping noise when they do. And you recognize these eyes of the laughing man, the crazed and bloodshot and jaundiced eyes, as they just kind of keep popping open up around, and they start to drift around, just listing to the right, down and up. so what do you want to do once you're next to the prism.
Crit:
[9:47] I want to i mean like can we crouch down some more to maybe be obscured by the fog more from the eyes i feel like whatever we start doing if we can have a modicum of cover from your fog all right if they're all specifically eyes maybe.
Cap:
[10:07] Yeah i don't know i just had the idea of i don't know if this would work but what if i just like get down in the fog take my dagger stab it into like the bottom of the thing and just run my way around the fucking crystal like sort of like cut it off around the bottom like a like a excise.
Crit:
[10:23] It like a big cyst.
Cap:
[10:24] Yeah oh god i love dr let me dr pimple popper this bet yeah.
Crit:
[10:28] That's what we're gonna do.
Cap:
[10:29] Sutures are gonna be beautiful well.
Dylan:
[10:33] Uh what is that dagger is it anything special.
Cap:
[10:37] No, it's just a bullshit bitch-ass D4 dagger.
Dylan:
[10:40] All right.
Cap:
[10:41] Like, I don't have anything special on that shit. I mean, like, I don't know. Unless my fucking instrument decides on being sharp, I've got nothing. What if I tape it to my good shirt?
Dylan:
[10:53] Well, I mean, all right. So here's what happens. You guys get close to get run up onto the prism, And Asterisk crouches and puts a hand on Thea's shoulder Like get low, get low into the fog And you both look up and as you get low The eyes and the mouth get closer Mocking you, Thea pulls out a dagger And she's looking for a sharp part on her instrument, And she's like what if we just took the knife and we spun around And we took the knife to the crystal and Asterisk, you think Thea might be panicking. You know that she's not a soldier trained in the ways of the blade and the hammer. Asterisk, you think you might actually have a tool that'd be better for smashing or destroying a crystal than a dagger.
Crit:
[11:54] If you have the dagger out.
Cap:
[11:56] Yeah, yeah. And I'm about to go in.
Dylan:
[11:58] Yeah, like overhand stab, like like a serial killer step yes yes.
Crit:
[12:03] Oh my god um i'm gonna i'll step in and grab your wrist real quick just and i flip.
Cap:
[12:09] Around like what we have to get him out.
Crit:
[12:11] Can i try to overpower you.
Cap:
[12:14] Yes.
Dylan:
[12:15] Oh, yeah, roll it.
Cap:
[12:16] I won't even contest.
Dylan:
[12:18] Oh, sweet.
Crit:
[12:18] I want to roll for it just to see what happens.
Cap:
[12:20] Okay, go for it.
Dylan:
[12:21] Yeah, she just wants to see how strong you are.
Crit:
[12:23] I just want to see how strong I am. Yeah, an 18, it wasn't that impressive.
Cap:
[12:27] Well, my strength is like an 11, so like...
Crit:
[12:29] I love it.
Dylan:
[12:30] Yeah, you stopped her like a dad stops their child.
Cap:
[12:34] Yeah.
Dylan:
[12:34] Grabbed their arm.
Crit:
[12:35] But in a hot way.
Cap:
[12:36] In a hot way.
Crit:
[12:37] We make eye contact, and then I pull out my morning star.
Cap:
[12:41] Right? her eyes are her eyes are like wider than normal and like fucking wily as hell it's hard to tell because you know they're just like the solid gold without the pupils but like yeah they're she's she's fucking like a little bit feral owl.
Dylan:
[12:54] Eyes going on yeah.
Cap:
[12:55] Yeah i'll take the dagger.
Crit:
[12:57] From your hand and i'll put my morning star in it.
Cap:
[13:00] Oh that's not gonna work i'm not strong either no.
Crit:
[13:03] I'm gonna let you go to town you've got the passion.
Cap:
[13:05] I've got the passion um all right i'll I'll try it.
Crit:
[13:11] I'll be like, I'll be like.
Cap:
[13:13] And I'll take it. I'll go. And I'm going to, I mean, if she gives it to me, I'm just going to start wailing. Cause I don't really think she's in a place to think that hard about it.
Crit:
[13:22] To you.
Dylan:
[13:23] Uh, what's your strength?
Cap:
[13:24] Not good. 11. It's a minus.
Dylan:
[13:26] All right. So you don't, you don't immediately drop it. Um, cause she would just hand it to you with one hand.
Crit:
[13:36] It's Lilith's Maeve. So I was hoping that with some combined power here.
Dylan:
[13:40] Thea, you get handed the mace. Lilithite mace. Yeah, you are pleased to find out it's a lot lighter than it seems.
Cap:
[13:48] Oh, my God.
Dylan:
[13:49] You know, a nice magic item. And you go to raise it over your head to smash this crystal and roll initiative.
Cap:
[13:57] Oh, God. Eight.
Crit:
[14:04] Seventeen.
Dylan:
[14:06] All right. You see the moon, the jagged smile in the sky, change shape and turn into a very small circle. And then you feel that wind that you've been hearing all at once, all of a sudden.
Cap:
[14:25] Oh, fun.
Dylan:
[14:26] And roll a dex save.
Cap:
[14:30] Okay.
Dylan:
[14:31] Or would it be a strength save? Roll a save. And let me look this up real quick.
Crit:
[14:36] 14 plus, I don't know yet.
Cap:
[14:40] Mine's either 16 or 11.
Dylan:
[14:43] Strength?
Cap:
[14:44] 11.
Crit:
[14:45] 18.
Dylan:
[14:47] All right. Thea, you're pushed backwards about 10 feet from the dais.
Crit:
[14:53] Well, I think I'm standing behind her. Because I stood up to...
Cap:
[15:01] I would like to use my reaction to stand behind Thea.
Crit:
[15:04] I stepped up to her to take the dagger from her, and then I handed her a mace, and then she stood up to smash it. That would leave me standing behind her.
Dylan:
[15:13] And you were holding hands on the way up, so you're real close. All right, I'll give you a reaction. Make another strength save to grab her before she flies off.
Crit:
[15:26] I'll grab her by the ass.
Cap:
[15:27] Oh, you're not me.
Dylan:
[15:30] Ooh.
Crit:
[15:31] 22.
Dylan:
[15:32] Yeah.
Crit:
[15:33] I'll grab her by her center of gravity, which is her ass, as we know.
Cap:
[15:37] It so is.
Crit:
[15:38] Oh, it's actually, you remember in Derby, it would be slightly above the ass.
Cap:
[15:43] Grab my hips.
Dylan:
[15:45] So, Thea, you almost get blown away. But thankfully, you were held steady by Asterisk. What you see now is the fog and the green light seems to blow away. And beneath it is that reflective watery surface. And it blows all away, and you can see now that the eyes and the moon going back into its original crescent shape starts to move around before you. and its reflection and the reflection of the eyes start to move towards you rapidly. And one of the eyes that's closest enough splashes out of the water and flies directly at Asterisk.
Cap:
[16:35] Poor, wild.
Dylan:
[16:37] Kind of like a fish jumping out of water. It flies at Asterisk, misses, you know, about a foot to the left of her, but then lands back into the water where it reflection lies.
Crit:
[16:52] That's unnerving.
Dylan:
[16:53] And you see the mouth, the reflection of the moon, slowly creeping closer.
Crit:
[17:00] No.
Cap:
[17:01] Nothing good comes out of that mouth.
Dylan:
[17:04] Asteris, it's your turn.
Crit:
[17:05] No, it's not because I quit. Because that's awful. I'm kidding. Okay. okay i think it was my turn and i was gonna smash a crystal a little one.
Dylan:
[17:21] Not an eyeball.
Crit:
[17:23] Not the not are the eyeballs that close yeah.
Dylan:
[17:27] One just landed right next to you it's back in the water but it's right next to your foot if.
Cap:
[17:31] You squash it with your foot does that count as movement.
Crit:
[17:33] Yeah if i step on it, it can't stop me from stepping on it if i used a little bit of my movement to try to step on it, sorry, what would happen like.
Dylan:
[17:59] You want to move into its square.
Crit:
[18:00] Kind of yeah it's.
Cap:
[18:02] That or run away from it.
Crit:
[18:03] Yeah i want to step on it.
Dylan:
[18:05] You want to try to kick it or.
Crit:
[18:08] Yeah smash it make me the only reflection i want to block the reflection with me are.
Dylan:
[18:16] You gonna stomp are you gonna hit it with your mace.
Crit:
[18:18] I'm gonna squat over it and make my butt as big as possible in the reflection and make it not show up anymore, right? Because it's a reflection of something in the sky.
Cap:
[18:28] I'm just like, something's gonna try to ouch my balls, you, and it's gonna hit the chastity belt and go doink.
Crit:
[18:35] I just need to explore with this, you know? I'm a little protected.
Cap:
[18:39] I love it. Go for it.
Dylan:
[18:41] All right. Yeah, so just like a five-foot step doesn't seem to do anything. And it looks like, you know, you with your shield and your mace seems to be enough to block most of the eyeball, you think. But every once in a while, it seems like around the edge of your foot, you just see it like peeking, you know, from directly above you. Oh, that's so cool. Yeah. And now what do you do?
Crit:
[19:12] I can't reach a crystal, right?
Dylan:
[19:13] You're standing right next to it and then you five foot step away from it yeah yeah.
Crit:
[19:20] Like the little or crystal the projecting crystal.
Dylan:
[19:23] Uh yeah that's the one i was talking about okay i wasn't sure.
Crit:
[19:27] If it was the big condom encased crystal or not yeah i'll i'll step back so that i can hit.
Dylan:
[19:33] All right you provoke an attack but i.
Crit:
[19:36] Don't i didn't leave it's ac.
Cap:
[19:38] Is so tall.
Dylan:
[19:40] You're probably fine right you can't uh you can't move like in and out of somebody's threatened square even five foot step that's.
Crit:
[19:48] Like the rogue specialty.
Cap:
[19:50] And they've got stuff for it.
Crit:
[19:51] No you're right like if i moved out of its.
Dylan:
[19:53] Range i just thought i would still be in its range no i guess you still are yeah you can no you can five foot step around huh yeah.
Crit:
[20:01] You can move within.
Dylan:
[20:02] Yeah yeah yeah you're still within its range so yeah you don't provoke neck i was just like that was.
Cap:
[20:09] A pout i just saw a.
Dylan:
[20:10] Pout all right and then swing on the crystal big.
Crit:
[20:15] Swang big swanging bitch uh yeah i'll big swang on the crystal does a 16 hit an emu.
Dylan:
[20:23] Yeah okay six smashing damage.
Cap:
[20:28] Smashing, darling.
Dylan:
[20:30] Six damage? Yes. You smash into it, and it looks like you have the right tool for this job. Not only does the mace just crush and crumble into the crystal, not destroying it fully, but definitely tearing into it, it also just cuts straight through that protective skin-like barrier, and just kind of shreds it off in sections and it leaves behind oozing black, gooish like blood.
Cap:
[21:06] Nice, the goop.
Dylan:
[21:07] You got a little skin still attached to the spike on your mace there.
Cap:
[21:11] Ew.
Dylan:
[21:12] I don't want the lips.
Cap:
[21:13] Gave it a present.
Crit:
[21:14] I want to try to shake it off, but it's just like...
Dylan:
[21:17] Just flapping, getting caught even worse.
Cap:
[21:19] Grouch.
Dylan:
[21:20] It's like fishing. You didn't bait off the hook Thea It's your turn.
Cap:
[21:29] I'm gonna eldritch blast one of these fucking crystals Crystales The crystals, Cerveza crystal That's a dirty 20 Alright Yeah, hit it, For a second I was like, oh god, do I have my D10 in here?
Dylan:
[21:53] Yeah dirty 20s you have to do the little whatever that sound is, okay.
Cap:
[22:01] So sick that's.
Dylan:
[22:03] Natural 20 is a full-on oh you have to actually come you have to all.
Cap:
[22:10] Right that's an eight plus eight plus four twelve force damage.
Dylan:
[22:16] All right daddy's big blast Did you attack the one that Asterisk was attacking or did you attack a different one?
Cap:
[22:24] I think I was attacking a separate one. I think I'm just like, Asterisk has that one in hand. I'll fuck this other one up.
Dylan:
[22:28] Right. You don't want to shoot at her or around her. Yeah, exactly.
Cap:
[22:33] That's hard. I'm going to do something else.
Dylan:
[22:35] Yeah, you obliterate one completely.
Cap:
[22:39] Rage!
Dylan:
[22:40] And you see the force field start to flicker just a bit. and the skin flaps as if like under a tent like a line had just been pulled off gross nice, once one of the crystals is destroyed you can start to hear some of what rocks you can't hear what he's saying but it sounds like through a wall you know it's just, you know definitely cries of torment and rage and.
Cap:
[23:15] This isn't making Thea more normal.
Dylan:
[23:18] And now it's my turn again. The reflection of the mouth rushes forward about 10 feet and then goes back to its glacial pace, getting closer. It's about 25 feet away now. The eyes are swarming, and this time many of them are within range to leap out of the water and attack.
Crit:
[23:43] Thea and I are still within 5 feet of each other, right?
Dylan:
[23:45] Yes.
Cap:
[23:46] I did not move.
Crit:
[23:47] Yeah, I'm readying my reaction to impose disadvantage on any attacks on Thea.
Dylan:
[23:53] Right. You guys notice, I'll let you take a little perception check here. As multiple eyeballs leap out of water and attack both of you.
Crit:
[24:06] I wonder what their perception bonus is like.
Dylan:
[24:09] You don't even want to know.
Crit:
[24:11] I do, though.
Cap:
[24:13] Four.
Dylan:
[24:14] Oh that's all right it's freaky i.
Cap:
[24:19] Mean listen it makes sense i'm really not seeing anything right now all i see is rocks.
Dylan:
[24:23] Yeah yeah it's.
Cap:
[24:25] In character it's in character oh.
Dylan:
[24:26] Sorry was i supposed to yeah perception yeah your rocks lusted 10 good enough.
Crit:
[24:32] Fuck yeah i can see.
Dylan:
[24:34] Well you're paying attention to what's flying at you and the um eyeballs that are flying at you, know kind of concerning because you're like how are they even gonna attack me you know they just look like slimy eyeballs but you notice as they get closer they reflect the moon in the sky it looks like those reflections of the moon in the sky are its mouth and it goes to attack both of you both of them both of you get attacked by multiple no thea you have they have disadvantage against you yeah it.
Crit:
[25:07] Would be it.
Dylan:
[25:09] Would be.
Crit:
[25:10] The first one that i can see okay because then like i would expend my reaction after that.
Dylan:
[25:16] Okay it worked yes, thea uh one of the eyeballs uh flies at you and right before it reaches your face a shield just kind of nudge, like pushes it off track and it flies over your shoulder. A second one just narrowly misses you. If you hadn't have been kind of moved by Asterisk there, you would have gotten hit by both of them just then. Asterisk, does a 21 hit you?
Crit:
[25:58] If it meets, it beats, so yes.
Dylan:
[26:01] Okay. So two of them fly out and apply their strange, watery slimy mouths and bite attack you, for seven damage and you notice their um fangs or teeth or whatever that just bit through one of your gauntlets and onto one of your legs uh just dripping this black tar like substance from its mouth all over you.
Crit:
[26:42] Ew.
Dylan:
[26:44] And then, like, you know, they bite on and they just wriggle, wriggle, wriggle, and then they fall off and splash back in.
Crit:
[26:51] Awful. Eyeball perennas.
Dylan:
[26:55] Yeah.
Cap:
[26:55] God, you really do just keep Theo from everything gross. You're like, get out of the way, princess, and then they fucking bite you, and you're like, ew, and I'm just like, what?
Dylan:
[27:06] That's, like, got you up to the elbow. Ah!
Crit:
[27:09] I did my job.
Cap:
[27:11] And she's just screaming and laser beaming.
Crit:
[27:14] She's got the beams.
Dylan:
[27:15] Asterisk.
Crit:
[27:17] So the crystal that I hit, I need to hit it again. I hit it again. 16. 5.
Dylan:
[27:28] You hit it again, and it looks like all but destroyed, but there seems to be just like a little bit left of this core of power just barely hanging on oh wait.
Crit:
[27:43] Can I use divine smite is it too late, I mean. Yeah, sure.
Cap:
[27:50] Done!
Crit:
[27:53] Eight radiant damage.
Dylan:
[27:56] Yeah. It pretty much disintegrates what's left of the crystal there. And rocks becomes louder, a bit more clear.
Cap:
[28:07] Rocks!
Dylan:
[28:08] Thea's turn.
Cap:
[28:10] Can I, am I in an eyeline of the last crystal? Or do I gots to move?
Dylan:
[28:17] No you can see it.
Cap:
[28:19] Okay i'm gonna blast that bitch hell yeah uh 13 plus 6 19 to hit.
Dylan:
[28:27] It'll hit it.
Cap:
[28:28] And let's see come on big damage big damage big.
Crit:
[28:32] Damage big damage no whammies no whammies.
Cap:
[28:34] Hey fuck yeah that's a uh 7 plus plus 4 11 yeah dog right yeah.
Dylan:
[28:45] Alright yeah I mean it seems like you just so you blast the crystal and you know nearly to smithereens just to smiths and.
Crit:
[29:00] There's a few.
Dylan:
[29:01] Reens still stuck together still working but yeah it's definitely close to death the eyeballs, are converging again and you see the mouth shoot forward 10 feet quickly and then starts to move very slowly again it seems like it's going to be upon you, at this pace especially once you break that last crystal.
Crit:
[29:32] I was hoping it would all just go away after you broke that last crystal yeah just.
Dylan:
[29:40] Totally alright so definitely great, Oh, yeah, and all the eyeballs start attacking you. Very, very poorly.
Crit:
[29:53] Same story. First one, the disadvantage.
Cap:
[30:00] Disadvantage?
Crit:
[30:01] Disadvantage.
Cap:
[30:02] Disadvantage?
Dylan:
[30:03] I haven't rolled a single roll over seven.
Cap:
[30:07] Woo.
Dylan:
[30:09] I got you, Asteris.
Cap:
[30:11] You always get Asteris.
Dylan:
[30:12] I got you with one.
Crit:
[30:17] Me with, like, big old AC.
Dylan:
[30:18] Five damage.
Crit:
[30:20] Oh, dang. Dang.
Dylan:
[30:21] Yeah. This one actually came up underneath you. The one you were standing on bit your foot all the way around your foot. And, like, suddenly your ankle was on fire. And you're like, what? And you look down, and this thing's biting your ankle and pulling at you like a dog.
Crit:
[30:39] Ugh. You fucking bastard.
Cap:
[30:42] You gross little sons of bitches.
Dylan:
[30:44] Yeah.
Crit:
[30:45] I stomp my foot and I kick it off.
Dylan:
[30:48] And, uh, all right. So it is Astros' Troin.
Crit:
[30:53] Let's say Astros' Troin.
Cap:
[30:56] We gots to move.
Crit:
[30:57] Um, to the other Cristal.
Cap:
[31:00] I mean.
Crit:
[31:02] Can we join our turns? Can we do our turns together again? Um, so that we can move together in the step. and then I'll ready an action to hit something that goes to hit me.
Dylan:
[31:18] So you guys are moving?
Crit:
[31:19] I'm waiting for Thea to move.
Cap:
[31:21] Yeah, she's going to link her turn with mine, so now we wait for my turn.
Dylan:
[31:25] All right, your turn.
Cap:
[31:26] Okay, my turn.
Dylan:
[31:28] You are surrounded by eyes.
Cap:
[31:31] Okay, so attacks of opportunity.
Dylan:
[31:33] Yes.
Cap:
[31:34] Okay. God, what an ugly situation. um i.
Crit:
[31:39] Can move first so that i take the attacks.
Cap:
[31:42] Oh i suppose that's true because i'm just like if i disengage i can't attack.
Crit:
[31:49] Yeah no i'll just i'll be first out of their um.
Cap:
[31:53] Okay okay all right let's do that i'll like i'll sort of buckle up behind asterisk like we did last time yeah and i'll grab out we'll we'll do like we did with raul when we were trying to break out of the circle of kobolds and i'll sort of grab onto to her back and we'll fucking run jetpack jetpack that's me that's me.
Dylan:
[32:19] All right, and let's see. They're going to provoke, and they're going to miss.
Cap:
[32:26] They're going to provoke, and they're going to miss.
Dylan:
[32:30] I've rolled so many fours in a row. I should bet on four or something, whatever.
Cap:
[32:37] All of it.
Dylan:
[32:38] That's all right. So you guys just run a bit and then shoot the crystal?
Cap:
[32:46] Yep.
Dylan:
[32:47] All right.
Cap:
[32:47] And then once we're out of that, I'm going to... Came in blast.
Crit:
[32:51] She came in blast.
Cap:
[32:52] That's not the one.
Crit:
[32:54] And then we're going to see rocks, and then we're going to be happy every after. Nothing bad's going to happen.
Cap:
[32:59] 13 to hit.
Dylan:
[33:00] Uh, yeah.
Cap:
[33:02] That's another 11 damage.
Dylan:
[33:04] All right. Yeah. You just destroyed it. Again.
Cap:
[33:10] Don't fuck with me!
Dylan:
[33:12] Yeah, this time you break the third crystal and you see the skin flap again as the final tendon pops. You can hear rocks clearly now screaming, but quickly gets muffled as the skin closes up and wraps around him like a cocoon and tightens up vertically. And now you can see him thrashing in this skin cocoon. and screaming. So you can still hear the muffled. Behind you, the smile in the reflection seems to be much larger and broader, and you see a tongue start to creep out of the mouth, of the smile, huge, and slimy.
Dylan:
[34:06] Goo just seems to run from it and it slaps around and kind of like a dead fish on the or a dying fish on the deck flopping and you see the smile actually gets smaller as it rises from the water and it shrinks and a black mass that absorbs light rises behind this smile as it shrinks to fit the size of this mass, which ends up to be about 13 feet tall. The smile is still broad, too broad for the size, and you start to see the shape of it. It seems to be taking form on all fours, and its arms and legs seem too long between the joints.
Dylan:
[34:55] Like there might be one too many joints on each limb. Bones seem to take shape in weird forms as if they're popping in and then popping out of existence as it rolls and you hear bones cracking and taking shape as it seems to be sitting on its elbows, one of its joints, but looks like its elbows with its hands reaching out towards both of you. And its hands have far too many fingers, like dozens of fingers. They're all writhing and, you know, some are popping and it looks like they're all kind of grasping and wanting.
Cap:
[35:39] I just pantomimed the shape you were discussing. The shape you were discussing. And it's disgusting.
Dylan:
[35:50] And yeah it's like it's on its knees too but also you see its legs kind of curl a couple more times strange yeah its spine seems to move seems to be in a zigzag shape and it's everything seems distorted its face uh as it stretches out towards you lengthwise its head moves up to look at you And its head moves and rocks side to side. Roll a will save.
Cap:
[36:20] Fuck! 18.
Crit:
[36:24] Dirty 20. Ugh.
Dylan:
[36:27] I'm going to make the noise. As the face looks up at you, you finally see the eyes form. And both of you had a moment where that same old feeling that it loves to employ washed over you of humiliation. And you brushed it off It's still quite terrifying And weird and horrible Where you are right now But you aren't magically affected by it And That's a good thing.
Cap:
[36:57] One rung higher on the shit ladder.
Dylan:
[37:00] Yeah The smile on the figure Grows wider and then Grows smaller again Into a small circle And you see above it in the sky A, It looks like the moon turning into a full moon. And you look back down, and you're somewhere else. In fact, you recognize this place. It's Haven.
Dylan:
[37:25] Asterisk. You see it's nighttime. It's a quiet night in Haven. And you hear the sound of guards marching coming down the street. But too many, more than would normally be out at this time. Yeah, you see the guards marching with torches and weapons out as they are led by the magistrate. And they are going door to door. And it looks like they're pulling people out of their homes. And they are either arresting them or killing them on the spot. And it goes from one corner to the next. You see it advance as if it had been ours. and many places are just on fire, screaming, people, blood. You see people you know from the chalice, either dead in the street or being taken away. You see people being burned at the stake. You hear cries of, Witch, impure, weapons clashing. As you look into the faces of people crying, you look down and see pools of water that you see down into depths like light shining into deep water. You see reflected back down, drowning or drowned kobolds staring helplessly to the surface. It's silent, and you just see them sinking, looking like, what have I done? And you know that you're at the Aurora now, watching them take their final moments.
Dylan:
[38:53] The water rushing around you starts to fill your ears, And you look upward through the white water and you no longer hear water rushing, but a roaring, a horrible roaring cry. And you see Glasswing and the Smiler. The Smiler in a different form, still smiling, but a form of like a little imp. very tiny especially compared to glasswing lying on her side one of her wings being cut off as the smiler giggles mama no, the sound of the roaring is upsetting but also hurts something in your mind roll a wisdom save again.
Dylan:
[39:44] 18 dirty 20, more anime please less anime, you're welcome you guys were wrapped up obviously now this is an illusion playing out before you you're already in a liminal place as it is So it wouldn't be weird to just go wherever you're being taken. But you both look at each other and realize that something is taking you somewhere else and showing you things. That he's fucking with us. It's not really the reality check. It's like, well, obviously, you know, we just saw three different things really quickly. But there's a tone that you both hear. It's almost like a mosquito noise. just barely you can hear it and it's really annoying once you can hear it and you think that's what's responsible here and you look up at the sky and you see the full moon is still a small circle and you notice the tone is coming from the moon, the mouth.
Cap:
[41:01] Is this tone similar to the tone that was in the sacrificial room?
Dylan:
[41:08] Yes. And thinking back, this tone was also going on when the kobolds were drowning.
Cap:
[41:15] Okay. When I outplayed this guy. So I'm going to try to do that again. I've done, hopefully I'll be better at finding it than I was last time. But God. Yeah. So I'm going to try to cancel out the tone with my instrument.
Dylan:
[41:31] Okay. It is a performance check. you're going to have advantage on it because you have fought it before.
Cap:
[41:45] Fuck yeah. All right. So that's a 15 plus 6, 21.
Dylan:
[41:51] Got it. Still made it high as fuck DC, but you still got it.
Cap:
[41:57] My first roll was a 5, so thank God.
Dylan:
[42:01] All right. So you just quickly find the note that cancels out this annoying one. Some weird discordant harmony that's going on. and you begin to see the illusion fall away and before you is just the smiler again.
Cap:
[42:22] Shouting profanities like the whole time.
Dylan:
[42:26] All right. So you drop the illusion and the smiler is waiting for you. Would you like to keep your initiative? I mean, it's just you guys and him. You guys want to keep your initiatives locked. All right. So we will start with me. The Laughing Man starts coughing and sputtering and giggling as it starts scooching forward towards you on its elbows and knees. And it keeps kind of sliding under this goo that it can't quite get purchased. And it smiles wider and you see another limb come from between his arms.
Cap:
[43:06] Of course it does!
Dylan:
[43:08] Big claw, and it flies out in front of it 10 feet and holds onto the ground and starts pulling a smiler towards you.
Cap:
[43:18] So gross.
Dylan:
[43:20] It's hands with too many fingers held outward toward you, and it's going right towards you.
Cap:
[43:28] Ew! Girl, we gotta either kill this or grab our boy and move.
Dylan:
[43:32] All right are you still doing that um disadvantage thing yeah absolutely all right, The Smiler's claw that comes up from underneath it flies out again and just barely misses your foot. It's right between your feet, Thea.
Cap:
[43:56] Thea screams.
Dylan:
[43:57] And it pulls itself straight up to you with its face just about chest level.
Cap:
[44:04] Oh, no, go away. Those are my good bits.
Dylan:
[44:08] And now it is Asterisk's and Thea's turn. Not much planning to be had here, so we'll say Asterisk goes and then Thea, because that was the original order.
Cap:
[44:20] Sounds good.
Crit:
[44:21] I will use my bonus action to cast Hunter's Mark on the Smiler, which will mark it as my quarry, and until the spell ends, I deal an extra 1d6 damage to the target whenever I hit it with a weapon attack. And I have advantage on any wisdom check I make to find it. He cannot hide from me, even though he is very close.
Dylan:
[44:49] All right. How do you think that would look? Do you think you're pricking your finger and flinging a drop at him?
Crit:
[44:57] I feel like there's a mystical chain that envelops him in a circle as almost like a crosshair of chains.
Dylan:
[45:09] Nice.
Crit:
[45:10] Because we are bound together now.
Dylan:
[45:12] Like it wraps over another one, and then you see it like.
Crit:
[45:17] Yes.
Dylan:
[45:18] Yeah.
Crit:
[45:18] I'm liking the chain-based blood things.
Dylan:
[45:21] Nice.
Crit:
[45:22] Yeah. And then with my action, I'd like to attack it.
Dylan:
[45:24] Are you going to divine smite?
Crit:
[45:27] Potentially, if it hits.
Dylan:
[45:28] All right, yeah.
Crit:
[45:29] Use my last spell.
Dylan:
[45:31] Okay.
Crit:
[45:32] 19.
Dylan:
[45:34] Yeah, it hits.
Crit:
[45:35] Yes. Thank you. Five, so I will Divine Smite it.
Cap:
[45:42] Did you add your Hunter's Mark?
Crit:
[45:43] Oh, thank you.
Cap:
[45:45] I always forget it.
Dylan:
[45:46] And we'll consider this a fiend. Oh, fuck yeah. It's not a fiend, but Lilith hates it.
Cap:
[45:55] Lilith hates it, so it is.
Dylan:
[45:57] Yes.
Crit:
[45:58] Nine bludgeoning. 12 radiant damage.
Dylan:
[46:02] Dope. Yeah, Asterisk, you step forward, and you raise your mace in front of you. And let's see, how would your divine smite look?
Crit:
[46:15] That one I feel like is a pulse of blood from the center of the mace, but it's their blood. I'm getting their own blood on them.
Dylan:
[46:28] Right. Okay.
Cap:
[46:30] Disrespect.
Dylan:
[46:32] Yeah, as you raise your mace into the air in front of you, a trickle of black fluid comes out of the smiler and you see a red and black glow as you strike down and it all seems to be shot back into and onto the smiler. Caving in Breaking several fingers Along the way And caving in A large part of the shoulder area And it's almost like Breaking something Like just wood Under there like it cracked And you know Like a frame holding up A curtain And Thea it's your turn I.
Cap:
[47:23] Want to blast him But I think I'm too close Thanks.
Crit:
[47:26] You could step on the other side of me. Use me as cover.
Cap:
[47:30] Use me as cover. I mean, I guess I kind of do already.
Crit:
[47:34] That's the cheat, right?
Cap:
[47:35] That's the cheat, is use Asterisk like a fucking chest high wall. I will step back behind Asterisk and blast his ace.
Dylan:
[47:44] Blastris?
Cap:
[47:45] Blastris. Blastris! 17?
Dylan:
[47:49] I'm afraid not. Okay. Yeah, just though. It seems like You thought it would hit But it seemed to like Go through it like a sheet More center mass next time Okay Might have gotten freaked out Because the fingers were Probably They were.
Cap:
[48:05] Really gross There's a lot on my mind.
Dylan:
[48:07] There's a lot going on Yeah Kind of distracted Yeah.
Cap:
[48:12] Every miss is totally Explainable and.
Dylan:
[48:14] Justifiable Right Alright My turn And asterisk You got its attention So It will Try to touch you With it's hands And it's fingers Come at me, Oh wait 21 does hit So the fingers The hands came up and tried to like Grab your face gently, And You know you just Backed up, And batted him back with your shield And as you were Kind of backing up off balance a little bit The extra appendage from underneath that shoots out and smacks you in the face and grabs on alright, four damage and roll a strength check, six six? yeah, total?
Crit:
[49:10] Yeah, I rolled a two.
Cap:
[49:13] Oh, wow.
Dylan:
[49:14] All right. You are grappled. It pulls you into its square with its extra hand. It's clutched around your face. You can sort of breathe out of the corner of your mouth, but it's just this black appendage with not quite fingers, but just more black appendages than shapeless and absorb light. All right, Asterisk, it's your turn. You can roll a strength check to try to break the grapple or take control of the grapple, that kind of thing. Whatever you want to do.
Crit:
[49:50] I'll reverse Nelson him.
Dylan:
[49:56] Maddie, it was a 16.
Cap:
[49:59] Is she booping the dice?
Dylan:
[50:00] Yeah, she's just reached right in.
Cap:
[50:04] It's adorable.
Crit:
[50:05] It was a 16, I swear to God.
Dylan:
[50:08] All right.
Crit:
[50:09] That makes it a dirty 20.
Dylan:
[50:16] I got a 1 That's my natural 1, That's the premature E-Jack face Alright, so Yeah, you break the grapple It flies off your face Kind of like a lamp ray or eel or something It flies back underneath you Motherfucker All right, now it's, um, you can move or...
Crit:
[50:42] I'll stay where I am. Wait, uh, you said it pulled me forward?
Dylan:
[50:47] Yeah, you're back into your square in front of it again.
Crit:
[50:50] Oh, okay, yeah, I'll stay where I am.
Dylan:
[50:52] Thea.
Cap:
[50:53] Okay, I'm gonna try to blast it again. It's the only thing I've got. Okay, that'll do. We started with a 19, uh, plus six. big number 25.
Dylan:
[51:07] Yeah yeah nice 12 points of force damage sweet are you aiming anywhere particular it's face it's hands it's fucking face face yeah you uh i mean you hit it pretty much between the eyes you hit you know you rolled so high there and it's this weird funhouse mirror effect when you know you should have blown its head off it warped and contorted in a weird way as if it had just been pulled back like a sheep and then it rubber bands back towards you but when it comes back it's frowning, and it's staring at you and it doesn't look happy at all so it's gonna touch you with its hands or it's gonna try to.
Cap:
[52:01] I love whatever that like sphere of don't touch me is.
Crit:
[52:05] Yes. Protection.
Cap:
[52:08] Love it.
Dylan:
[52:09] Does the 16 hit you?
Cap:
[52:10] Oh, yeah.
Dylan:
[52:14] I'm rolling high now.
Cap:
[52:16] Fantastic.
Dylan:
[52:17] Oh, sweet. I missed the last one. Okay. You guys are right next to each other.
Cap:
[52:23] Mm-hmm.
Dylan:
[52:25] It actually reaches out and touches both of you and just softly cups the side of your face and the frowny face looks angry and you can just feel like one of its fingernails, like one of the thumbs, puncture into your cheek.
Cap:
[52:42] Ooh.
Dylan:
[52:43] Thea and Asterisk, it just caresses the side of your face. Four. Thea, it's four.
Cap:
[52:56] Okay.
Dylan:
[52:57] Drained. You can't recover those hit points. And you took three hit point drain. And the lamprey appendage tried to get you again, asterisk, but you just dodged out of the way.
Crit:
[53:12] Sweet. Oof. Oof. Bad news, bad touch.
Dylan:
[53:17] Yeah.
Cap:
[53:18] Yeah, fuck that.
Crit:
[53:19] But what if we could... No, never mind.
Cap:
[53:21] It looks like it's hurting.
Crit:
[53:23] No, I was just... What if... What? what if we could convince it to use its powers for good no fuck this motherfucker i'm killing him no i agree just having a third tentacle you know totally.
Cap:
[53:35] True totally fair i am not sailor moon.
Crit:
[53:37] Yeah well you know that stuff happens after they kill them with beams of light so he's still blast him i'm.
Cap:
[53:46] Not rehabilitating this bitch he just stuck his fucking finger through my cheek.
Crit:
[53:50] I'm gonna kill him that's my.
Dylan:
[53:52] Money maker say that in every part of your body.
Crit:
[53:56] Yeah it all makes me.
Dylan:
[53:58] Money that's my best part yeah.
Crit:
[54:03] People pay a lot of money for that yeah.
Dylan:
[54:07] Asterisk your turn.
Crit:
[54:08] Again I'm just gonna hit him.
Dylan:
[54:13] Sick you have an extra d6 of damage.
Crit:
[54:16] Thank you for reminding me oh yeah cause.
Cap:
[54:18] Of your hunter's mark.
Crit:
[54:19] Oh I don't need to roll that, Yes, it does hit. It's 20-something.
Dylan:
[54:28] Uh-huh. 25.
Crit:
[54:36] 15 damage. Damage.
Cap:
[54:38] Nice.
Dylan:
[54:40] All right. You, Asterisk, where are you aiming?
Crit:
[54:44] Well, his joints. The other shoulder, I want him to not have arms for touching our faces anymore.
Dylan:
[54:52] Mm-hmm.
Cap:
[54:52] I love that.
Crit:
[54:53] Yeah.
Dylan:
[54:54] So you go for the other side and break through his what would be a collarbone. Seems like several layers, like breaking through a palate. And its posture changes as it seems to crumble and start leaning against different bones and different parts of its body and limbs. And it looks like it's more in a child's pose or a crawling state now. Yeah, almost like it's bowing in subservience to you on the ground as it scooches forward.
Crit:
[55:28] It's acting like it loves us, but it's hurting us. I don't like that.
Cap:
[55:34] Fuck this thing. Fuck this fucking thing.
Dylan:
[55:37] All right. So it's Thea's turn.
Cap:
[55:40] I want to blast it.
Dylan:
[55:42] Blast it.
Cap:
[55:42] The old blaster.
Dylan:
[55:44] Give her the old blaster.
Cap:
[55:45] What is a warlock but a big old blaster? Give me them good numbies Alright 18.
Dylan:
[55:54] 18 that hits Woo.
Cap:
[55:57] Good numbies 14 force damage Damn.
Dylan:
[56:03] Alright It seems to When you blast it The bolt goes into its center mass And seems to fold All of it inside of itself And collapse like a tent And you begin to hear a giggle, like a snotty giggle from the pile of stuff before you.
Cap:
[56:30] Phase two.
Crit:
[56:30] Bones and ligaments.
Dylan:
[56:33] And the mouth in the sky swoops down and consumes the body in front of you. What?
Cap:
[56:44] Gross.
Dylan:
[56:45] As the smile, the moon in the sky opens again, and you feel and smell the breath of a thousand victims in the most acrid, sweet, putrid smell. as it giggles again, this time deep, resonating through you, and its tongue whips out and smacks both of you.
Cap:
[57:15] Ah!
Dylan:
[57:17] Whoosh, whoosh.
Crit:
[57:20] Disadvantage for her.
Dylan:
[57:25] Asterisk, you ready your shield and take the brunt of all of it as the tongue slides across your shield, leaving behind slime. It giggles again. Asterisk, you recognize this giggle. The last time you heard it was before it exploded in goo. the mouth starts getting wider and wider and starts to inhale can.
Crit:
[57:54] I can i shield both of us.
Dylan:
[57:55] It's your turn now astrus.
Crit:
[57:57] Can i get us both reasonably behind the shield.
Dylan:
[58:00] Well it's not tower shield so no.
Crit:
[58:02] But like you know me in front and then her behind me so that if like we're at like a carrot top live situation you know what i mean.
Dylan:
[58:12] It's all.
Cap:
[58:14] On me she can block me from carrot top.
Dylan:
[58:16] Yeah yeah he won't see me well yeah i mean it doesn't it's not you know growing and bubbling like it did the last time it just reminds you of that laugh where it's you know obviously has something up its sleeve oh.
Crit:
[58:31] I see i i thought it was like telegraphing that it was gonna do that move again.
Dylan:
[58:36] Uh that's.
Crit:
[58:37] How i interpreted that.
Dylan:
[58:39] What you are feeling is its breath pulling in and pulling you towards its mouth.
Crit:
[58:43] Bad, bad. Well, okay, Thea, still get behind me and my shield. Oh, yeah, I have it left.
Cap:
[58:50] I live on your ass.
Crit:
[58:51] Yeah. Ooh, I like that.
Dylan:
[58:55] And, uh... Build a little house there. Its tongue is kind of lolling about if you want to try to take a swing at it.
Crit:
[59:01] At the tongue?
Dylan:
[59:02] Mm-hmm.
Crit:
[59:03] Yeah, I'd love to.
Cap:
[59:04] Ha-ha!
Dylan:
[59:06] Wow!
Crit:
[59:07] 24.
Cap:
[59:08] Woo!
Dylan:
[59:08] That'll hit.
Crit:
[59:09] Yeah, doggy. Does the tongue count for Bane?
Dylan:
[59:13] Yeah, sure.
Crit:
[59:15] Eight.
Dylan:
[59:16] Eight damage?
Crit:
[59:17] I rolled poorly.
Dylan:
[59:19] That's fine.
Cap:
[59:19] Not bad.
Crit:
[59:20] Yeah.
Dylan:
[59:21] Its breath shudders for a moment, and you hear like, and continues to breathe in as the tongue kind of whips around and gets closer to the mouth. Thea.
Cap:
[59:32] I blast it. Natural 20!
Dylan:
[59:37] Oh, you got to come now.
Crit:
[59:38] Yeah, I got to come.
Dylan:
[59:39] Instantly. let's go.
Crit:
[59:45] Nice that's what i.
Cap:
[59:46] Love to hear yep sorry took me a minute to get there guys beautiful.
Crit:
[59:49] Agony glad that.
Cap:
[59:50] We could be.
Crit:
[59:52] Together for that.
Cap:
[59:55] Oh fuck okay sick all right let's ride let's ride it plus eight is 16 16 plus plus four so 20.
Dylan:
[1:00:07] 20 damage.
Cap:
[1:00:08] Yeah.
Crit:
[1:00:09] Nice.
Dylan:
[1:00:09] Alright.
Cap:
[1:00:10] And as it hits, you can just hear a, fuck you!
Dylan:
[1:00:14] Nice. Uh, yeah, you blast the tongue as it was whipping about trying to get back into its mouth and pretty much obliterate it back in. It was almost back in there. It was curling up and you just pulverized.
Cap:
[1:00:32] Fuck off!
Dylan:
[1:00:33] But it's already kind of beat up tongue due to the mace. And, yeah, so it's the Smiler's turn. And it seems like it wanted to pull you in. But that hurt enough that it started to scream. And its mouth closes. And you see arms, limbs growing from behind it like a spider. different lengths and seem to be a growing number of them from behind all directions from its from behind the smile and it looks like a almost like a flower of limbs with hands that have too many fingers okay.
Crit:
[1:01:21] I have a question um i've got lay on hands can i use that to ask you to lay off hands.
Cap:
[1:01:29] Lay off them Please.
Crit:
[1:01:32] Can you lay off hands The spiral flower Lotus of hands and arms You were saying.
Dylan:
[1:01:41] It's going to attack Thea You see all of them act Kind of in wave pattern But all at once As they reach out And snap forward Like a mouth in front of the mouth Snapping right at Thea.
Crit:
[1:01:58] With disadvantage.
Dylan:
[1:02:00] Yes, with disadvantage. Eating mostly shield again.
Crit:
[1:02:04] Pow.
Dylan:
[1:02:05] It's a very strong maneuver in a two-person game.
Crit:
[1:02:09] It really is.
Dylan:
[1:02:10] Yeah. But yeah, all the hands came down like flopping, but they all came together at the same time in one big clap and twang. And if it was your hand, I feel like it would hurt quite a bit to smack against a shield like that.
Cap:
[1:02:24] Yeah.
Dylan:
[1:02:24] And they pull back up and they start waving around sort of like a peacock tail because you know what those are.
Crit:
[1:02:30] All right that's good yeah.
Cap:
[1:02:36] There used to be peacocks that lived by my middle school.
Crit:
[1:02:38] I love.
Dylan:
[1:02:39] Them oh my god.
Cap:
[1:02:40] How many fucking forms does this thing have.
Crit:
[1:02:41] For real all.
Cap:
[1:02:43] Right i'm getting nervous about rocks i feel like we need to go deal with them uh.
Dylan:
[1:02:47] It's asterisk's turn.
Crit:
[1:02:48] It is okay um don't mean i can try and lay some scare down you know he's peacocking i can peacock.
Cap:
[1:02:54] Try it i might bolt.
Crit:
[1:02:56] Yeah i.
Cap:
[1:02:57] Mean actually that would be a really terrible idea i won't bolt i'll drag.
Crit:
[1:03:00] You with me i feel like i want to flash him.
Dylan:
[1:03:02] And begins to inhale again.
Crit:
[1:03:04] Yeah i think that's how i'll channel divinity and um present my holy symbol and uh what's my prayer of denunciation is hey fucker and then i show him my tits, hi hey ass butt hey ass butt here's a gift yeah um well you know he wants to is that shame is that.
Dylan:
[1:03:30] A full action like can you attack while you do that.
Crit:
[1:03:32] Uh let's see action action okay.
Dylan:
[1:03:35] And it has to roll a save.
Crit:
[1:03:37] Yes my save is.
Dylan:
[1:03:39] Oh it's a frightened effect of disadvantage.
Crit:
[1:03:42] Spell save dc's Thirteen.
Dylan:
[1:03:44] All right, save.
Crit:
[1:03:46] All right, half speed.
Dylan:
[1:03:48] Cool, Anthea. It is looking rattled. It is looking less like it's playing with you and more like it's angry and defensive.
Cap:
[1:03:58] I'm going to blast it.
Dylan:
[1:03:59] Sweet. Give her a blast.
Cap:
[1:04:01] What more can I do but blast?
Crit:
[1:04:03] Yeah.
Cap:
[1:04:04] Fuck did I put my die? Eighteen.
Dylan:
[1:04:07] That hits.
Cap:
[1:04:09] Nine points of force damage.
Dylan:
[1:04:11] You throw your bolt at it, and again, it collapses within itself. This time, with so many layers and so many arms, it looks like it continuously just keeps sucking into itself, and you hear this screech, like air escaping through water, and it fills your ears and your head as this screech starts rumbling everything around you. And you look over and you see the cocoon that Rox is in start to slide down and untwist and unroll. It falls and Rox falls on top of it, covered in slime. And Thea, you run towards Rox. Damn straight, I do. The place you're in, rumbling and becoming unbearable to be in. You get close and you reach towards rocks and he opens his eyes and sees you and reaches out towards you and your hands touch as the rest of this place begins to collapse around you. And you see all of this plane suck up into a point of black on a plane of white where nothing exists and you feel love.
Cap:
[1:05:31] Baby. She's just like screaming for him the whole time like, rocks the whole time everything's going topsy-turvy and folding in on itself it becomes distorted and you get that like as like as like time gets very funky and shit.
Dylan:
[1:05:46] Yeah totally you both open your eyes and you're back in the chamber of the wise master the torches on the wall are low lights are low and there are no sounds except for the sizzle of the magma in the chamber it is peaceful and quiet and you're back on your home plane it's a very odd feeling to miss material reality and be back to it you guys are lying down on your backs now facing each other i.
Cap:
[1:06:15] Guess i'll sit up and like look around and see if there's is there anyone in here with us.
Dylan:
[1:06:19] No it's just you two honestly.
Cap:
[1:06:21] Probably the first thing i do is sit up and go asterisk.
Dylan:
[1:06:23] Yeah like waking up from a nightmare but you're both you know like did you did you and are.
Cap:
[1:06:33] You okay what the fuck was that i don't know what the fuck oh it was awful where's rocks i don't where's let's, Let's go back to the infirmary.
Dylan:
[1:06:44] You guys begin to rise. As you rise, the lights go up a bit with you. And you start heading down the hallways toward the infirmary. It must be the middle of the night. There's not many people out. But you guys run over there. And you barge in. And there's no nurses or anything around.
Dylan:
[1:07:05] And you go through the waiting room. You go into the intensive care area. and you notice everyone is in there and rocks is in there and he's sitting up and everybody's surrounding him and they're you know trying to be quiet but everybody looks very hopeful and happy and rocks looks lucid and you know kind of uh very tired like you've seen him after a very long a long mission basically you know after he's been out for three weeks and he comes back and he had to be strong for everybody for three freaking weeks and then finally he comes back and you know he's relaxed that's kind of how he looks but you know much worse you recognize it as you enter the room you know he his eyes just gravitate towards yours and you lock eyes and it looks like that he's finally smiling for the first time the nurses and the doctors notice and make a path for the two of you and you approach him you're okay he uh reaches out and grabs your hand softly and uh just whispers back barely enough for you to hear thanks to you.
Cap:
[1:08:15] She'll squeeze his hand and yeah who am i kidding she's gonna go in for a hug and kind of bury her face in him.
Dylan:
[1:08:23] Yeah so you, turn into a puddle on his chest and uh you know you've been waiting to do that for a long time you weren't sure if you were going to and every time you heard about him it just got worse so this is a good time to be vulnerable the doctors and nurses have left aside from like maybe a few who are just a little bit ways away in case something goes wrong asterisk you um you see this and you also see rocks look over um thea's head at you and he makes eye contact with you and nods and he says thank you to you too yeah.
Crit:
[1:09:00] I nod back at him but i'm like gonna keep a polite distance away so they can have their moment.
Dylan:
[1:09:05] You know he starts wiggling his toes at you like come on there's room i mean i for one more astrus.
Crit:
[1:09:12] Likes to watch it's cool.
Dylan:
[1:09:13] Astrus pulls over the stool and her.
Cap:
[1:09:18] Notebook this is going to be educational.
Crit:
[1:09:20] Yeah what is that is it the same with kobolds yes.
Dylan:
[1:09:26] Yeah, and Rox embraces you, and he's saying a lot of things, you know, I never thought I'd see you again. I never thought I would get out of there. I thought I was goner, that kind of thing, and you're saying the same thing.
Cap:
[1:09:42] I got it! Yeah, same.
Dylan:
[1:09:45] So, maybe we could leave it there.
Cap:
[1:09:47] Yeah.
Crit:
[1:09:47] Yeah.
Dylan:
[1:09:48] Yeah.
Crit:
[1:09:48] We did it.
ReCap:
[1:09:51] God, I came up with the idea for Rox almost a year ago at this point. so it's really fun to finally interact with them. Thea and Rox have been a long time coming, so I'm really glad we got to share that with y'all. Also, sorry if the beginning of the fight in this episode is a little weird. We all had a different idea of what that structure looked like, but we got there. Thanks for sticking with us through another episode. It means so much to us. Episodes of Slash and Fuck are released every other Monday. Stay warm, stay safe, stay loved. Talk to y'all again in a fortnight.