Astris and Thea finally get some answers and begin planning a rescue.
Cap:
[0:00] Hello, and welcome to Slash and Fuck, a stupid sexy D&D podcast. As the title suggests, we are a mature podcast and we'll be dealing with adult themes and content as our story unfolds. Since you're here, I want to thank you for starting this journey with us, and we hope you enjoy your stay. So without further ado, let's slip into something a little more comfortable.
Dylan:
[0:37] Hello and welcome back to slash and fuck how we doing feeling.
Cap:
[0:42] Good feeling good yeah doing good.
Dylan:
[0:45] Sweet well where we last left off you had made your way to the final portion of this liminal space you were in to fight the might and power of the laughing man and what influence he has over rocks motherfucker you defeated the laughing man and broke his power and influence over rocks and freed rocks of his torture and yourselves of this horrible plane of existence you were in.
Cap:
[1:28] Yeah it sucked there.
Dylan:
[1:29] All right so you both spent the evening in the hospital ward with rocks and getting checked up on and uh getting healed you were all kind of adamant about staying together so they pushed some beds together and uh you got some rest But it wasn't long before you were woken up and asked to be spoken with. Rocks notes to you while you guys are getting up and getting ready that it's likely core and wants to convene a meeting between all of us to update him on what happened and what steps we're taking next.
Cap:
[2:11] We need to get Francesca. How long were we gone? How many have years gone by? How long have we been gone?
Crit:
[2:25] 10, 20, like, what are we talking this time?
Dylan:
[2:29] Let's see.
Crit:
[2:30] Oh, don't get the dicey.
Dylan:
[2:32] No, I'm just kidding. Three days.
Crit:
[2:36] Three days.
Cap:
[2:37] Three days. We need to find Francesca.
Crit:
[2:40] Yeah, we're going to have to bust a nut. Bust in there. Bust her out.
Dylan:
[2:45] Yeah, prison break.
Cap:
[2:46] She needs to be our next priority.
Crit:
[2:49] Yes. Like, you and Rox, I want you guys to take a minute, but we, as soon as...
Cap:
[2:57] Asterisk, you jumped into that hole without asking a goddamn thing. It's your fucking turn now. Don't fight it. I'm helping you, and you can't stop me.
Crit:
[3:09] Yes, ma'am. I like this.
Dylan:
[3:12] You see her attendants, their hands clenched into fists, balled up on their hips, stomping their feet. backing up Thea.
Crit:
[3:22] Aww.
Dylan:
[3:23] But also kind of taking the seriousness out of it.
Crit:
[3:28] Yeah.
Cap:
[3:29] They try so hard, and yet they undermine me at every turn.
Dylan:
[3:34] You're the fairy warlock. This is what you get.
Cap:
[3:37] They're so cute. I love them so much, I wouldn't trade it for the goddamn world. I'm not the scary one. I'm not whips, chains, and blood. We're like opposites. You would die. I feel like I feel like Thea just has like her tail kind of around Rox's. She's just like, no, no, no unit now.
Crit:
[4:12] Oh, yeah.
Dylan:
[4:13] You guys are getting dressed and you are saying some very serious things. to Asterisk and Roxas being very firm and agreeing with you, but you are totally playing footsie with him with your tail, the whole time and his tail's kind of batting it off a little bit, but not really. And then he tries to bat you off, but you catch it and wrap around, that kind of thing.
Crit:
[4:41] Yeah, it's incredibly hard to take you seriously.
Dylan:
[4:44] Yeah, like not right now of all time. like the spade is just crawling up his inner thigh like a serpent.
Cap:
[4:52] It just does that. I'm so sorry. It has a mind of its own.
Crit:
[4:57] It's like following the scales. It remembers.
Dylan:
[5:00] Gives him a credit card right between the butt cheeks. It's like, you're the one wearing a hospital gown, sweetheart. It's not my fault.
Cap:
[5:08] Oh my God, exactly. Well, maybe one of us should get dressed.
Dylan:
[5:13] Hurry up.
Crit:
[5:14] Or don't.
Dylan:
[5:16] As you guys are getting ready and you're heading out, you do see Kor waiting for you. Always waiting. Yeah, and he looks even worse now because, you know, Rox is in good shape and he's just been worried. But he also looks very relieved at the same time. Beyond that, looking very official, waiting like a soldier, even though he is one of the leaders of this operation. As you approach, he says, we must convene. I must be updated. I must know what's going on. Many things are about to happen.
Cap:
[5:53] What's about to happen? Yeah, I guess. Yeah, let's go. Sounds like there's stuff to talk about.
Crit:
[5:59] Two-way street. Update us.
Dylan:
[6:00] Yeah, come on. He basically says this as you're approaching, no real time to stop, and starts walking with you. Heads towards the central pit that you guys passed through before, and you guys walk out onto a chain bridge that takes off and rises very high to one of the top tunnels.
Crit:
[6:24] Wait, is this like a roller coaster?
Dylan:
[6:26] It's like a metal bridge that's suspended by chains that's rising up kind of like a mine elevator. And then it slides along rails along the ceiling powered by little dragonlings.
Crit:
[6:44] Oh, that's right.
Dylan:
[6:46] They work the mechanisms that attach the chains to which little tracks they need to go on and work the levers and stuff. And yeah, you see the frogs that are sucking up steam, ventilation, floating around. Rox is filling you guys in a bit about Kor, how he is the leader of a bunch of surviving dragonborn exiles from the midlands in the south after the purge and Rox is essentially his most trusted advisor in general so he's to kind of run the show I.
Cap:
[7:22] Would expect no less.
Dylan:
[7:23] And commands like the military and tactics and stuff like that but yeah he went on an away mission you know and got snagged so what happens when you have too many adjectives laughter, And you guys make it up the chain elevator platform bridge segment anchors to its landing place up at the very top there in this. It's not gigantic, but pretty large, what seems to be like a meeting room of some kind. It looks pretty formal. looks like a large table room for a lot of maps and things like that but nothing's really out, signifying a war room you guys sit and start to catch up core asks the two of you what happened and how you got him out.
Cap:
[8:21] Um how many people are in here is it just us or is there like the whole like army.
Dylan:
[8:26] Uh it's just you guys right now yeah i guess i should have mentioned uh on the way up it'd be like you know we're just we're doing a private meeting right now before i convene with everybody else okay cool um janitors that makes.
Cap:
[8:43] Sense yeah so well the wise master was able to open a way for us to get to a place that isn't quite here and isn't quite there. It was disgusting in ways I can barely begin to articulate. Lots of, lots of cursed limbs. We'll, we'll say that much. Lots of cursed limbs with more locomotion than they ought to have had.
Crit:
[9:19] Oh, God.
Dylan:
[9:21] Cora looks a little concerned.
Cap:
[9:24] Yeah, that's the correct face to have. That is correct, sir. It was fucking awful.
Dylan:
[9:31] This place, a nightmare realm?
Crit:
[9:34] Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Cap:
[9:36] There were nodes there. We cleansed one of them, and Rox was sort of in the remnants of a broken one.
Dylan:
[9:45] When you said node, Kor looks sharply at rocks as if you're just speaking about some class, some government secret.
Cap:
[9:55] She sees that and goes, oh, honey, I know.
Dylan:
[10:00] He seems to relax.
Cap:
[10:01] I'm friends with the slime princesses. You should know.
Crit:
[10:04] Yeah, you are actually a lot less cool than us.
Cap:
[10:07] They taught me all about nodes.
Dylan:
[10:10] He relaxes and gestures to go on. You saw nodes and anything recognizable? Anything else recognizable?
Cap:
[10:21] Glasswing?
Dylan:
[10:22] Glasswing. The dragon.
Cap:
[10:24] Yeah.
Dylan:
[10:25] It's... This is not good.
Cap:
[10:29] Well, I don't know what was real or not. I wouldn't put it past the smiler to show us what actually happened to hurt us or to show us something equally terrible to hurt us. I don't know if what we saw in there was real, but hopefully we managed to cleanse some of it. We tried. We tried to cleanse everything we could. Something about Astrus' blood.
Dylan:
[10:58] Kor looks over to your symbol of Lilith on your armor. At mention of using your blood, Kor seems to look a bit surprised and then a look of recognition as he eyes the holy symbol on your chest, on your armor.
Crit:
[11:16] Astrus touches it, I think, reflexively, and I think just comes up and says, it's not a secret. Lilith has imbued me with a power that is more powerful than the Smiler's Curse. It's proven to be able to purify it in some way. It's magnificent. I'm really grateful for it.
Dylan:
[11:41] It seems like Rox understands this as well. The part you played in healing him, he seemed to have been aware of, at least in some dreamlike way. Thea, his face is kind of interesting because he's really puzzling out like, oh, wait, that was really, that really happened. Like that was happening. And, you know, kind of a dream he forgot that he's being reminded of that you guys took part in. So it's kind of, he's definitely looking a little thrown.
Cap:
[12:10] She takes his hand and gives it a squeeze.
Dylan:
[12:13] He squeezes back affectionately. This is, this is great news. there's this corruption, this taint spreading everywhere, Rock mentions to you after, you know, he asked some questions. You fill him in on some of the more details. We don't need to go over it. You were there. We were all there.
Cap:
[12:35] We were all there.
Dylan:
[12:36] And it got recorded. So he then moves on to saying that they've been trying to organize setting up a strike on Utopia. their spies and the reports that they've had although very few have said that it seems that the influence of the Smiler has been broken but they fear that chaos is in the future makes sense they're not sure to what extent Core mentions that they tried going through the Inner Sanctum and when they finally got the door open they found that they were not allowed to pass and that only the mistress, cacophony and her pale knight and whoever they wish may pass through oh my god.
Cap:
[13:36] Gogurt did that?
Crit:
[13:38] Oh what? wait, Gogurt? oh snap!
Cap:
[13:41] Gogurt did that? oh baby!
Dylan:
[13:44] Oh, I clipped my chest.
Cap:
[13:47] Like oh our baby she's so grown up awesome she's so cool that's our girl.
Dylan:
[13:58] Yeah like cora mentioned that you know she slammed the door in his face and it was it was a whole thing you know she wouldn't open the door again after that.
Cap:
[14:07] What did you say to her she's very sensitive yeah.
Crit:
[14:11] I hope you were nice.
Dylan:
[14:13] I explained to her that time was of the essence and that we were allies of you. And she said, well, where are they then?
Cap:
[14:24] I mean, she made a good point. We taught her strangers.
Dylan:
[14:28] She said, oh yeah, what are their last names?
Cap:
[14:36] That's my bratty baby, and I'm so proud.
Dylan:
[14:39] So, why don't you guys roll a insight.
Crit:
[14:48] Fifteen.
Cap:
[14:49] Thirteen.
Dylan:
[14:51] So talking about Go-Gurt, talking about the nodes and everything, kind of gave you this itch in the back of your mind. Not an unpleasant one, but something you couldn't really ignore. Thea, it kind of reminds you of some sort of magic that you're not necessarily familiar with. Asterisk, to you, it feels a bit foreign. It feels like maybe like something talking to you, but it's not actually a voice or anything. You know, it's like something trying to contact. Upon noticing it and tuning into it a bit, you become aware of Go-Gurt and her location and her health and her general well-being. Kind of like a familiar in a way. You can't quite speak to her or communicate with her, but you're connected there. And you notice there's another one far away to the south that you both are very connected to. In fact, this is your node. And this one, you could speak with anyone near it and maybe do more.
Cap:
[16:07] Oh my god.
Dylan:
[16:08] But you become aware of this vast network between them and the ley lines that you can now perceive. that you've become connected to a greater network of the magical system here. And, uh, you can now concentrate and find ley lines and notes.
Cap:
[16:29] Fuck. Yes.
Crit:
[16:31] Cool.
Cap:
[16:33] Oh, that's awesome.
Dylan:
[16:35] The node that you captured, or that you bonded with, rather, and healed and brought back to life, it has blessed you each with a spell. And you got, Thea, that swallow spell.
Cap:
[16:50] Yeah!
Dylan:
[16:51] And Astris, you got consecrate.
Crit:
[16:54] Sick!
Dylan:
[16:55] Just as bonus, boys.
Cap:
[16:57] Fuck yeah. Thank you, node to the south.
Dylan:
[17:00] Yeah.
Cap:
[17:01] So can i like telepathically reach out to gogurt and tell her that core is cool and that they should work together you.
Dylan:
[17:11] Think it would take uh some actual like quiet and.
Cap:
[17:16] Meditation can i use met connect can i like use the ley lines to like hype message i have message so like can i can i juice that with the ley lines just to talk to gogurt i don't know does that help it make more sense or less sense it.
Dylan:
[17:28] Seems like if you want to send magic through the ley lines or do something like that you would need to be near a node to.
Cap:
[17:36] Do it okay unless.
Dylan:
[17:38] You have perhaps you start to think unless you have multiple nodes in a grid or something.
Cap:
[17:46] I see you.
Dylan:
[17:47] Might have more opportunity and more options.
Cap:
[17:50] More nodes more better excellent okay well core i thought it her as hard as i could so hopefully she heard that okay core rocks baby how long have you two been fighting this when did you get together when did this start are there other resistance cells are you guys alone do you kiss they uh.
Dylan:
[18:19] They mention they've been at this for several years now, half a decade. They got together and have been using the prominence. And the residents there took a lot of diplomacy and whatnot. But once Utopia started being built, they banded together and started building a resistance cell here. There are others. there is one in each region and then smaller little satellite cells that move around nomadic things like that they're doing what they can but the covenant of purity is onto them about their underground schemes they had made a lot of headway beforehand but once they found out especially in such a grid they found out about nodes and they started building on top of them So it's been a war.
Cap:
[19:17] Damn. I don't know if it's useful now, but we just came from a place where I think there would be people who want to be on our side as well. What I'm saying is, is you are not alone and there's more of us. And somehow we need to make us all one cohesive thing. I don't know. I don't make armies.
Dylan:
[19:46] Uh rocks put puts a hand on your knee and squeezes it gently um but.
Cap:
[19:51] I have friends and they're really cool and they want to help.
Dylan:
[19:55] She's right rock says um and squeezes your leg again we we do need to unite but it is difficult if we all go in one place we're all one big target yeah and it's difficult enough for the dragonborn and the residents of prominence to get along cultural differences and some things viewed sacred that we'd never even think of you know no real hatred or xenophobia but just differences makes it difficult with so many people, And hiding them all. There are a lot of families, a lot of injured and weak, a lot of refugees, not fighting capable.
Cap:
[20:41] How far does this all spread?
Dylan:
[20:44] Which, the Covenant or the Resistance?
Cap:
[20:47] I mean, I guess both. Is there Resistance everywhere there's Covenant?
Dylan:
[20:52] Yes, see, the Covenant makes a lot of noise wherever they go. They send emissaries first and with armed escorts. They harass settlements and townsfolk They clear out the so-called impure And just drive a lot of innocent people Going about their day-to-day lives Underground or into the hills Or off to their deaths Exposure, wildlife, bandits Covenant themselves, obviously They are quite unchecked.
Cap:
[21:25] What the hell are we supposed to do?
Dylan:
[21:29] Well, you mentioned you have allies in the places you've been. Like who?
Cap:
[21:34] Well, we're friends with a few slime queens and had a very pleasant and fortunate run-in with a group of Minotaur.
Dylan:
[21:45] Really?
Cap:
[21:46] Yes. Delightful people.
Dylan:
[21:49] You are allies of the Minotaur.
Cap:
[21:51] Yeah!
Crit:
[21:52] They're great.
Cap:
[21:53] What, like, it's hard?
Crit:
[21:54] I mean, it's hard to find them. You need help getting...
Cap:
[21:57] You need to fall through the labyrinth. You need to fall down.
Dylan:
[22:01] Into the labyrinth you went. So Rox and Korra are looking at each other like they can't believe it. Yeah, they just keep asking for reassurance. Like you're allies with what? How? Really? They seem very impressed. You know, one of them asks how, and then the other puts their hand up and, you know, we don't have time. Who else? But they look kind of like really giddy because they're thinking about it. And, you know, if you're thinking about it, too, you know where the minotaurs are hiding. And that's pretty good real estate. And if rocks and core haven't made allies with them yet, it would be a big deal.
Cap:
[22:40] True.
Crit:
[22:41] Yeah. In terms of refugee hideouts, there's also we have a lot of space. We haven't been there yet, but heck, where all the hot lady vampires are.
Dylan:
[22:53] Oh, the ribbon.
Crit:
[22:55] Yeah. Sorry. You mean heck.
Cap:
[22:57] Trying to go to heck I mean like yeah we also I assume have the backing of our respective patrons so that's two gods on your side as well.
Crit:
[23:11] They're not they weren't born yesterday unlike yeah, Somebody. I shake my fist at the moon again.
Dylan:
[23:20] The gods have not had chosen upon the top land for millennia.
Cap:
[23:26] Yeah, well, they didn't like the new guy on the block.
Dylan:
[23:30] It is more than that, though. There's something, something has changed. Something is afoot that we do not know. But the gods simply couldn't interact with Junction the way they have been.
Cap:
[23:46] The farther we get from the north, the harder it is to hear things from there. I don't know if it's similar for Asteris. If we're getting closer south, is it getting stronger with Lilith for you?
Crit:
[23:58] I guess it correlates. I've had more dreams and more vivid, really. Yeah.
Cap:
[24:07] Huh. So, yeah, take that for what it is. We also have a rogue nun that we need to rescue. She seems to know the city inside and out. She fucking hates it. She's too smart to swallow what they've been giving her, and she's been very bored and too smart to be that bored.
Dylan:
[24:25] You don't mean the Mother Superior, Francesca?
Cap:
[24:28] Oh, you know her.
Dylan:
[24:29] We've had spies on all of our top targets for some time.
Cap:
[24:36] Target, like, murder?
Dylan:
[24:39] Target is in person of interest, and she, we've found, is highly intelligent, capable, and we couldn't get much on her.
Crit:
[24:52] It's my girl.
Cap:
[24:53] I pat Astrus on the shoulder.
Dylan:
[24:55] She outwitted any of our spies almost instantly. She did not trust any new face or any face she should have recognized.
Crit:
[25:06] Astrus is just kind of nodding and smirking.
Cap:
[25:11] Yeah she is a real piece of work almost punched her in the face before she became my favorite person in the room some.
Dylan:
[25:20] Solid intel this is great goss allies with her we were convinced she was another top part of the machine.
Cap:
[25:32] No and they have her and they know she's a prisoner yes she she broke into the chamber to help us get rocks she went out.
Crit:
[25:44] Was that three four days ago.
Cap:
[25:46] Something like that at this point yeah she went out to get keys she said that there were keys that she needed to get that would make all of this so much easier but they got her they got her she didn't come back in that right king floof where are you nixie.
Crit:
[26:03] Where are you, little bastard?
Dylan:
[26:07] He kind of plops down from the ceiling. You see him kind of plop directly next to you.
Cap:
[26:17] Uh-huh.
Dylan:
[26:19] But he doesn't hit really hard. It looks like he kind of catches, you know, it's almost like a feather fall effect right before he lands. But, yeah, you just see a streak of black, and then he's next to you looking up.
Cap:
[26:29] My graceful boy.
Dylan:
[26:32] He jumps up onto the table Yeah His ears go back when he talks And he looks very shiftily At Rox and Kor They're friends, be nice, They both look at each other Kind of like alarmed and then try to hide it A sec as the cat starts talking Rox leans over And whispers into your ear And he's like fulfilling a bit of a stereotype Here are we.
Cap:
[26:55] Shut up and I slap him with my tail.
Dylan:
[26:59] Yeah, kink floof looks a little bothered, too. She's like, what do you want to know?
Cap:
[27:06] Tell me everything about the last time you saw Francesca.
Dylan:
[27:10] We were trying to get into the chamber, the chamber with the keys.
Cap:
[27:16] Yeah, yeah, the keys.
Dylan:
[27:19] And I got blown up, I think. I just remember a lot of fire as I tried to get through the door, and I think it was enough cover for Eska to get through. And then I was healed, right?
Cap:
[27:33] Yeah.
Dylan:
[27:34] Anyway, basically when we went in the room, I got a peek and they were waiting. And she put up like this shield, like magical shield, and it was sparkling. And like all I saw was like this fire being blown against the shield. And she looked over her shoulder and she was like, Go! You must go! and I ran and then we we got and then we kept doing awful stuff here we are yeah.
Cap:
[28:02] And it's not gonna end yet buddy.
Dylan:
[28:04] It could we could just like go somewhere else and lay low for a bit and wait for it to just kind of blow over listen.
Cap:
[28:16] As much as I would really fucking love to do that I would love for this to not be my problem. But it is now. So now it's your problem too.
Dylan:
[28:28] We'll suffer together. Well, alright, so we should go get Francesca. But also, we're friends with the kobolds up north.
Crit:
[28:43] Are there any?
Cap:
[28:44] I know, we're just kind of like, uh...
Dylan:
[28:47] You know, whatever's left of them. Yeah, both of them. I hope he's okay. We're chill with Glasswing if she's still alive. um so.
Cap:
[28:59] There's no way for us to know if the people we saw in there are okay now.
Dylan:
[29:03] And he like looks around like he really looks like he doesn't trust core and rocks right now at all and he's like he's like we also uh have friends with the ancient elves of the forest of the morning and he looks like he barely got that out doesn't he's just trying to uh he.
Cap:
[29:25] Was like uh-huh yeah.
Dylan:
[29:26] Buddy We use this position and we're like, what?
Cap:
[29:29] Them too.
Crit:
[29:30] Yeah.
Dylan:
[29:31] Look, if you're trying to find a weakness, there isn't one. Okay. So we have a lot of friends and there you go. And he sits back on his haunches a bit. Tries to look tall.
Cap:
[29:45] It's so cute that he's posturing.
Dylan:
[29:46] Aww.
Cap:
[29:47] He's such a good boy.
Dylan:
[29:49] He just jumps under the table.
Cap:
[29:54] He'll get used to you don't worry about it.
Dylan:
[29:56] So core and rocks are both impressed about uh who your allies with you did mention uh the ribbon and that would be like karmila you guys haven't had any contact or been there but you do have somebody who's watching out for you and you are paladin of lilith, Asterisk.
Cap:
[30:18] And we hoiked her fucking leg off.
Dylan:
[30:22] Yeah.
Crit:
[30:23] And then we used it to save your boyfriend.
Cap:
[30:25] It was so useful. I'm going to have to thank her. So yeah, we heard it straight from the cat's mouth. They knew she was going to be there. I don't know how they knew. We didn't talk to anyone. We didn't have time to talk to anyone.
Dylan:
[30:40] It's hard to say the power, the influence of the laughing man in that place. You were in his territory, his high ground. And I'm sure that you were stealthy. But getting into the city, someone must have noticed. Someone must have seen something.
Cap:
[31:00] I don't know, the guards are pretty dumb.
Dylan:
[31:02] I don't doubt that. In fact, I know so.
Crit:
[31:05] We were so stealthy. We were so stealthy getting in. I don't...
Dylan:
[31:10] We have been working diligently, picking off any competent guard we find.
Cap:
[31:15] Nice. You've done well. You've whittled it down to a real smorgasbord of idiots.
Crit:
[31:20] It's like you're breeding them.
Dylan:
[31:24] It's been a long fight. You know, he can't take them all out. Just make the job less and less appealing to competent people. Kor mentions that we need to raid Utopia, and we need to do it now if we wish to return any prisoners that we may have. We don't know much. There wasn't much communication before, and there's not much now. But we do know that a laughing man's influence is what they say is broken. Things are crumbling apart. People are going mad.
Cap:
[32:01] So now's the time. Everyone's distracted. There's chaos.
Dylan:
[32:05] That's right. We can't let them organize.
Cap:
[32:08] Is our goal to utterly sack and destroy the city, or is our goal to take it?
Dylan:
[32:13] Well, we need to see what's going on. Topside. If it's all burning, then good riddance.
Cap:
[32:21] If we took the city, it could be a powerful stronghold. We could keep people here. They built it to seemingly be a fortress. us to use it against them would be kind of funny.
Dylan:
[32:32] Core looks over at rocks and says i see why you like her and rocks is like she speaks the truth we should have taken the city as soon as we could before they got strong everything she said is true and we need to do it now and you're sensing a bit of tension between the two that this might be one of their issues is that one of them's too conservative and the other one seems too aggressive but you know it's taken them this far now seems to be the time for aggression if you want to aid in this uh persuasion uh you may, yes both uh if you have anything to say or add to it and be like yeah you know then you can you can roll one too can.
Crit:
[33:19] I give the advantage like by helping her and throwing my lot in with hers.
Dylan:
[33:24] Standing like yeah I want to.
Crit:
[33:28] Look strong and my blood saved everybody so this is true that's hilarious.
Dylan:
[33:34] Yeah sure right when you stand next to her and you your pinkies touch you give her advantage.
Cap:
[33:40] Alright sick alright that is a dirty 20 there you.
Dylan:
[33:47] Go that's what I like to hear um.
Crit:
[34:02] Is that what you like to hear?
Dylan:
[34:03] That's right. You all kind of gang up on Kor here.
Cap:
[34:10] Kor Kor.
Dylan:
[34:11] And he finally seems like he agrees. And he says, no, I do agree. There's no better time than now. There have been times in the past where perhaps I've been too risk averse. But now is not that time.
Cap:
[34:30] You're right. we gotta hit this place and we gotta hit it hard we gotta kick him to the fucking curb and then take the biggest house.
Crit:
[34:39] Put a big bath in it and then yeah I.
Cap:
[34:44] Have no further plans oh I would die for a bath oh Rox I had the most adorable bath tub in Haven I wish I could have shown you.
Dylan:
[34:54] You say to him as you all stand to leave.
Crit:
[35:00] Oh I want to make sure I swoop in and pull the chair out for Thea.
Cap:
[35:04] Before Rob can do it oh my god she's fading, yes please alright.
Dylan:
[35:12] Let's roll this.
Cap:
[35:15] What do I add contested chivalry.
Dylan:
[35:19] It's gonna be a dex check.
Cap:
[35:24] Who's quicker at.
Dylan:
[35:26] Pulling the chair out.
Cap:
[35:27] You're both warriors so It's not a cocked It's.
Crit:
[35:32] Pretty cocked It's pretty cocked It's cocked You cocked it That's a damn one.
Cap:
[35:41] Oh Evert asterisk So Go kick rocks LOL I didn't even mean that Fine I will kick him No!
Dylan:
[36:00] So, Rock seems to be really smooth about this. And, you know, as standing, he kind of helps her up at the same time and moves the chair. That one you rolled made it very obvious that you were trying to do it faster than him. And you missed, but you did it at the same time. Just like you had grabbed it. so it just kind of looked like you were miming him just.
Cap:
[36:29] Like that ass thank you baby.
Dylan:
[36:33] He says I see you I see you train us all the same.
Cap:
[36:37] Try not to have favorites.
Crit:
[36:41] Feel a little I don't know how to feel.
Dylan:
[36:46] Welcome to the harem yeah you guys Rise and Core is going to convene with some other lieutenants and things like that pass on info and strategy and you guys need to get ready and head towards Gogurt's Inner Sanctum and they'll be deploying as soon as possible.
Cap:
[37:13] What's the plan?
Dylan:
[37:15] Rox says that likely the plan is going to be a full-on assault. So we are going to once you can get us through the Inner Sanctum, we're going to storm the church and we're going to get whatever keys as we can. I hear those important there. And we're going to then, we must head through the streets, through Fountain Square, to the Tribunal Theater. A foul place, says with a grimace.
Cap:
[37:49] Where do they keep the prisoners? We have to find Francesca.
Dylan:
[37:52] The Tribunal Theater.
Cap:
[37:54] She'll be there. Alright.
Dylan:
[37:55] If she's not in the dungeon leading out of the Inner Sanctum, she'll be at the Tribunal Theater.
Cap:
[38:02] All right.
Dylan:
[38:04] But a recent traitor caught likely within the theater in a place of public humiliation. Oh, I hope she's.
Cap:
[38:15] We'll get her. She lasted that long. She'll be okay. She's too smart not to be. She'll be fine. She'll be fine.
Dylan:
[38:23] Rox brings you to your apartments so you can grab your gear. And he says he's going to grab his gear and he's going to go and...
Cap:
[38:31] And bring it here?
Dylan:
[38:32] Yep. He's going to come back and then he's going to see about leading the charge or going ahead first in a small strike team and having the cavalry come behind us just to see what we're dealing with. But he runs off to go grab his gear. And Thea, you, this is typical, Rux. Like, you know he can be, like, too aggressive. And then he just got, like, permission to be aggressive. So now he's just like, awesome, great. Let's just go first. Let's go before everybody else. And you're like, yeah, the vanguard again. You're always doing this.
Cap:
[39:09] Uh-huh.
Dylan:
[39:10] But he always lives, somehow.
Cap:
[39:13] Yeah, well, close fucking call last time, darling.
Dylan:
[39:18] Yeah you didn't he didn't give me much time to be like what like what are you talking about before he runs off he like kisses you on the cheek and runs off.
Cap:
[39:25] And he'll he'll be back.
Dylan:
[39:28] But he blows like a little bit of smoke out of his nostrils right when he does it and it like gives you those chills rat yeah so you guys can prepare um grab your stuff i know astras carries most of stuff on her. So as you guys are finished getting ready and preparing yourselves for going to Utopia and freeing the prisoners, Rox comes back. He says, so obviously he said no, that we should wait.
Cap:
[40:00] Oh, wow. Yeah, that sucks.
Dylan:
[40:05] Well, you agree, right? You said we should go and we need to do something about it. Every second those prisoners are in there.
Cap:
[40:12] I know yes every second but I mean like we can wait like a few seconds.
Dylan:
[40:20] You didn't wait for me.
Cap:
[40:22] How could I wait for you? She kind of smiles, but then kind of remembers what he actually looked like when she entered the thing and takes psychic damage from it a little bit.
Dylan:
[40:31] Yeah, he's like, come on, and starts walking, marching. You're not going directly in there from here. You still have to go into the catacombs. But he's walking off, and he's explaining. He's like, they're already assembling. We can wait a little bit. you know it might be good to have them he's just having his own little argument with himself so it's not with you.
Cap:
[40:56] She's nodding anyway like yes.
Dylan:
[40:59] But he's walking really fast so it's you know there's purpose going on.
Cap:
[41:06] My little legs. Rocks these shoes they don't.
Dylan:
[41:14] He like just looks down at your shoes and shakes his head But it looks like he actually likes him Thank.
Cap:
[41:20] You I've traveled half the continent in these.
Dylan:
[41:22] Fucking things We need new shoes Yeah, You want to take me shopping Yeah, when we get out of this I'll take you shopping, Some place that'll have us Maybe the elves The elves of the forest of the morning That we're friends with, definitely Who are these elves?
Cap:
[41:44] Asteris, you remember the elves Yeah, let's go, I slap you with my tail like shut the fuck up oh no hold on I used message I have message sweet I go Astras I look at you and I go Astras we're lying shut up.
Crit:
[42:03] Oh and then I and then.
Cap:
[42:06] Astras puts her finger to.
Dylan:
[42:09] Her lips giving the signal that she understands.
Cap:
[42:14] Oh my god Understood.
Crit:
[42:17] Copy 411.
Dylan:
[42:18] Roll a perception check. Perception.
Cap:
[42:22] Wait, me or her?
Dylan:
[42:24] Yeah, both of you.
Cap:
[42:25] Me or her?
Dylan:
[42:27] Yes. That's right, yeah. Just do it.
Crit:
[42:33] 19.
Dylan:
[42:35] Okay.
Cap:
[42:36] This feels appropriate.
Dylan:
[42:39] Asterisk, you look up at the ceiling and you see King Floof walking along and he was just shaking his head. Nice. Yeah.
Crit:
[42:48] Yeah, he gets it. Can he hear all our messages? I feel like he would.
Cap:
[42:56] Oh, my God. I would love that.
Dylan:
[43:00] He's a little spy. I wouldn't put it past him.
Crit:
[43:02] Yeah, a little interceptor.
Cap:
[43:05] If you held a walkie-talkie at the right part of my house when I was growing up, you could listen in on the phone calls. Dead serious.
Crit:
[43:12] Oh, my God.
Dylan:
[43:13] Yeah, I used to have walkie-talkie. I could listen to people's phone calls, too.
Cap:
[43:16] Yeah, so he's a little walkie-talkie.
Dylan:
[43:18] Yeah.
Crit:
[43:19] Precious boy.
Cap:
[43:20] He walkie and he talkie.
Dylan:
[43:21] Yeah, and he's always there. He walkie and he talkie. That's cute. As you make your way down towards the catacombs You're hearing bells and stuff Whistles going off And it sounds like troops are being mobilized You know, this sounds all too well You know, people getting called up from where they are Where they're working, etc Suited up and put together into units You are making your way down into the catacombs now and you're just Thea you're just kind of helping Rox deal with not running directly straight into it so you know you're kind of pushing him into more circuitous routes and like stopping him to like pat his chest and talk to him for a minute and you know then he like wakes up and starts walking again so he knows what you're doing but it's fine.
Cap:
[44:17] I'm nicely saying to slow the fuck down.
Dylan:
[44:20] Yeah and he's He's slowing down He's doing his best As.
Cap:
[44:24] A fast walker, I sympathize with him.
Dylan:
[44:27] So And so you guys make it down Through that sacred place That you had seen before And over towards The entrance to the Sacrifice room Where you destroyed the gross Gargoyle guarding The entrance here Smashed it to bits They.
Crit:
[44:49] Didn't replace it with another gargoyle.
Dylan:
[44:51] Yeah there's 10 gargoyles god why would I ask and.
Cap:
[44:56] They all work for gogurt.
Dylan:
[44:59] That'd be cool go gogoyles.
Cap:
[45:05] I love it.
Dylan:
[45:07] No, it looks like it's just a sealed door. Just kind of how you left it after you destroyed the gargoyle. You make it there and Rox is pacing. And you're kind of running out of ways to distract him. After just a bit, you start to hear the sounds of people making their way into the catacombs. Some of the dragonborn soldiers and whatnot. And at that sound, when he hears it and looks at you and looks at everybody, he's like, uh, you hear that? And then he storms halfway up to the door and then stops and turns around and he just points at you and does a come here motion. Brat.
Cap:
[45:54] What?
Dylan:
[45:55] I need you to open the door, please.
Cap:
[45:58] Yeah, but like now?
Dylan:
[45:59] Yes, right now.
Cap:
[46:00] But they're not here yet. Kor said that I should wait.
Dylan:
[46:06] He's like, his head snaps back.
Cap:
[46:10] Do you want me to disobey Kor's orders?
Dylan:
[46:14] Is that what you want me to do? Yeah, I think we've been waiting long enough. Well, there's what you want me to do.
Cap:
[46:21] And there's what you know I should do.
Dylan:
[46:24] Which is get us through there. And they need entrance. and you know we're not gonna you want them to wait around while we like parlay with the keeper of this fine area she'll.
Cap:
[46:37] Listen to me like don't worry i'll be real fast.
Dylan:
[46:39] Then will i will start doing it he goes to he puts his arms he puts his hands around your shoulders no and he starts to lift you up into the air okay let's do a strength roll here oh shit.
Crit:
[46:58] Asterisk I'll help you.
Dylan:
[47:03] He's just like a few inches off the ground.
Cap:
[47:08] That's a seven.
Dylan:
[47:09] Okay, yeah. Yeah, he grabs you right above the elbows and pins your arms to your side and just lifts you about four inches off the ground. And you're, you know, kicking at him.
Cap:
[47:24] This is most undeclified.
Dylan:
[47:27] He just looks really, like, impatient. He's like, okay, it's okay. and then he starts walking backwards and then like turning he's like we'll just put you up there and he starts to walk you up the stairs Estrus are you gonna try to intervene my.
Cap:
[47:44] Tail flicks annoyedly.
Crit:
[47:46] No because like it's just gogurt up.
Dylan:
[47:50] There it's just gogurt up.
Cap:
[47:52] There no actual danger yeah.
Dylan:
[47:55] So by the time he gets you to the stairs he actually just picks you up and kind of wedding brides you over the up the stairs because he's not going to take you up the stairs like that. Crazy.
Cap:
[48:08] She smiles and puts her arms around his neck. Thank you.
Dylan:
[48:13] He sighs and smiles and then he puts you down at the top of the stairs and knocks on the door really loud. Whoa.
Cap:
[48:25] No wonder she isn't opening for you guys. Be gentle. Yeah.
Dylan:
[48:32] Thank you.
Cap:
[48:33] God.
Crit:
[48:34] Isn't the door part of her now? Come on.
Dylan:
[48:39] He's standing right behind you two. I don't know if you want to give you space or anything.
Cap:
[48:46] No, not at all. Can I run a finger down the door and be like, go, Gert. Wake up.
Dylan:
[48:54] Yeah. Asterisk, are you coming up the stairs?
Crit:
[48:57] Yeah, I'll come up here. I'll roll my eyes at rocks because...
Dylan:
[49:03] Yeah he just he's very impatient right now at the touch of your finger and the sound of your voice the door kind of shutters a bit and it starts to slide open and within is a familiar sight from the first time you met a slime queen a fully formed slime queen you have cogurt in the center in her pink slime pit. And it looks like there are little burrows and everything set up for creating new slimes. And she's glowing. And she has her diamond eyes and nipples.
Cap:
[49:42] Honey, you look amazing.
Crit:
[49:46] Oh, can we hug her? I want to hug her.
Dylan:
[49:49] You walk in and there's like an area for you to walk. And then there's kind of a pool of slime leading up to her. and you remember there are men in there who are sitting down about tummy height or whatever while sitting down.
Crit:
[50:02] Oh, yeah.
Dylan:
[50:03] Turf up height. Yeah, they're in the pool. Yeah, whatever.
Crit:
[50:07] She's... That's different.
Dylan:
[50:12] So you just slosh in there?
Crit:
[50:13] Well, I mean, like, I want to say hi and see, like, what the vibe is, but, like... It's I'm, I'm sorry. I'm really happy to see her.
Dylan:
[50:22] Yeah. It's just her in this, in the center as the door opens and, um, she, uh, smiles brightly and looks really happy to see you too. And a bunch of tentacles kind of rise up from the pool at her feet, uh, welcoming as if like, uh, you know, gesturing you to come inside and, you know, and one of them comes up and just very gently touches your face and one of them hugs around your shoulders. I press it to my cheek.
Cap:
[50:51] I go, I missed you.
Crit:
[50:52] Yeah, I hug that slime.
Dylan:
[50:55] Two tentacles just go right up under your armor, Asteris, and slide up underneath like old times.
Cap:
[51:01] Like a security blanket.
Dylan:
[51:04] Yeah, and then just kind of whips around every part of you and then slides out and she winks at you.
Crit:
[51:08] Oh my gosh. It's really cooling, actually.
Dylan:
[51:14] Ladies.
Crit:
[51:18] Hello.
Cap:
[51:19] Hello.
Dylan:
[51:20] You come back.
Cap:
[51:21] Yes. Oh, we're so glad you're okay.
Dylan:
[51:25] I am thanks to you. You have given me a great power. I did not know where you were taking me. But I thank you. You had to have known something. You were guided by the gods.
Cap:
[51:37] That we were.
Dylan:
[51:38] I have a question.
Cap:
[51:40] Of course.
Dylan:
[51:41] Why do you keep telling me to go?
Cap:
[51:44] Go?
Dylan:
[51:45] You call me Gert.
Cap:
[51:47] Oh.
Dylan:
[51:48] It has not made sense most of the time. But I like the name Gert.
Cap:
[51:53] Gert.
Crit:
[51:54] Gert.
Cap:
[51:55] I like that.
Crit:
[51:56] I like that too. Well.
Cap:
[51:58] The go is really just flair.
Crit:
[52:00] Yeah.
Cap:
[52:00] An extra syllable to play with.
Dylan:
[52:03] Not telling me to do anything.
Cap:
[52:05] No, not at all.
Crit:
[52:06] Well, encouraging.
Dylan:
[52:07] Like you.
Cap:
[52:08] Go, Gert.
Crit:
[52:09] Go. Yeah. Like, you do your thing.
Cap:
[52:13] You go. Gert?
Crit:
[52:14] You be you really well, Gert.
Dylan:
[52:18] Okay. When I visit you at your home, I will knock upon the door and say, Go Thea.
Cap:
[52:24] And on that day, I will open it and hug the hell out of you.
Dylan:
[52:30] Yeah, there's, the tentacles have kind of kept, you know, it's like playing with your hair. It's kind of all the gestures that friends would do when they're seeing each other after a long time, but as if they had ten hands doing it.
Crit:
[52:42] Cool.
Dylan:
[52:43] So they're just like, oh my god you know the gestures of you look great like feeling you your hips and then looking at your hair and then hugging and that kind of stuff it's all very warm that's.
Cap:
[52:52] Adorable rocks this is a slime queen this is gert our friend.
Dylan:
[52:59] So Rox, looking back, he's standing in the doorway, and he kind of looks like a dark sight in this pink environment.
Crit:
[53:08] Yeah, I don't know if boys are allowed in here.
Dylan:
[53:12] It's kind of the mythical girls' bathroom that he's like, what is going on in here?
Crit:
[53:17] I don't know if it's safe for you in here.
Cap:
[53:19] Is this how they greet each other?
Crit:
[53:20] You might be trapped in here forever if you come in. That's how girls' bathrooms work.
Cap:
[53:26] Thea looks back at him like, you wanted me to open that door so damn bad, and now you won't come in?
Dylan:
[53:36] He just takes a breath and then starts slowly walking in, a bit hesitantly, but he's trying to make it look cool.
Cap:
[53:43] I look at Gert and I go, he's mine. Dibs.
Dylan:
[53:48] She's looking over her shoulder at you and she's like, oh, unfortunate. Unfortunate. She finally looks back at you. Okay, you can have.
Cap:
[53:58] Thank you.
Dylan:
[53:59] She says, I assume you come for safe passage, you and your allies. They are the dragonborn, yes?
Cap:
[54:08] Yes. Uh, yes, please, Gert. We're gonna go fuck those motherfuckers up.
Dylan:
[54:14] Good. The Smiler's power is broken, but there's little time. Please come to me. and you see the slime pit split in a pathway that leads directly to her so that you can actually get up close.
Crit:
[54:31] Cool.
Cap:
[54:32] I do. A grab asterisk. Let's go.
Crit:
[54:35] Yes. Slime wrestling. 45 minutes of slime wrestling later.
Dylan:
[54:41] I ask that you bond with me again and this magical place so that we might unite against the evil in Utopia.
Cap:
[54:53] Let's do it.
Dylan:
[54:55] Like last time, it's as if Oberon and Lilith are watching and they know what's going on. You've done it before and it becomes more automatic as the autumn breeze comes through the room and blood and vines start rolling down your arms respectively towards each other as your hands just reach out and hold each other, your fingers laced together. And right when your fingers lace, the blood on one arm and the vines on the other snaking around meet. And you reach out and touch the belly of Gert. And she holds your hands to her stomach with hers and closes her eyes. Your vision is filled with pink, mostly, as you begin to bond with her in this magical node. and you can feel more than see just sense your patrons taking over to split this node with her and so sick you remember when you did it in that liminal space and when you look you see it happening again as it begins to be entwined by this vine and blood uh pattern that wraps around and then absorbs into.
Dylan:
[56:19] And the light fades, and your vision clears, and you feel connected, like you've just tuned in directly. You now get a sense for Gert and this area, and this region in general, the mountain under your feet, the city in a weird way. It's like you can visualize it from above and from different areas, and you feel quite connected.
Dylan:
[56:48] But a lot of it is sensing this, sensing utopia is like sensing negative space. What you are most connected with is the land and the animals and life forms around it. What you sense in utopia is lack of or just feelings of corruption or not goodness. And the door on the other side of the room slides open. And Rox immediately walks up behind you two, looking a little confused and, you know, wanting to know what's going on. And then Garrett opens her eyes and she's like, now, now, back up a bit. And the slime starts rushing towards your feet again, so everybody has to jump back. And she makes a pathway for you around to the other side. I wish you luck, please. Free who you can and do what you can. You know it's right.
Cap:
[57:48] Thank you, Gert. Thank you for holding this space.
Dylan:
[57:51] Of course, always. This is mine now.
Cap:
[57:53] Oh, and I'm so fucking proud.
Dylan:
[57:56] And I was like, well, ours.
Cap:
[57:58] I mean.
Crit:
[57:59] That's right. Yeah, but, you know, she's the regent, so, you know, that has the real power.
Dylan:
[58:03] Yeah, you guys are moving away, and you realize as she's speaking to you that she's not saying anything. She's just looking at you. Or she's not speaking out loud. So she's speaking into your minds. Gossip channel. Gossip channel. So, like, you guys started to respond to her out loud, and Rox is like, what? And just kind of shakes his head and doesn't ask.
Cap:
[58:26] Weirder things have happened today.
Dylan:
[58:27] Yeah. He just doesn't have time to, you know, know about this. Not really his thing.
Cap:
[58:34] I don't have time for your weird magic shit.
Crit:
[58:37] Real jock.
Cap:
[58:39] I see your hobby has become your job now.
Dylan:
[58:42] Yeah, he's like, you know, I always said I wanted a goth baddie, and this is what I get.
Cap:
[58:47] It starts with candles and rocks, and then it ends with this.
Dylan:
[58:52] Yeah. All right. Uh, you guys make your way to the other side and inside looks to be a guard room that faces a circular wall with the sides of the wall going away from you. Um, but on the wall looks to be, uh, hooks with keys. Not all of them are present. Seems like most of them got taken down. Um, but there are a few keys, um, you know, maybe a dozen or so, maybe more. and you can hear sounds like people behind this circular wall if you walk down either one of the sides of the hallways.
Cap:
[59:32] Okay, I'm going to mask of many faces myself to look normal.
Crit:
[59:39] Excuse me?
Cap:
[59:40] Normal, air quotes. Ooh, that actress says hotter younger sister is here.
Crit:
[59:47] Oh, yeah, yeah.
Dylan:
[59:49] Candy or whatever her name was.
Cap:
[59:51] Yeah, whatever.
Dylan:
[59:51] Oh, no, it was shit.
Cap:
[59:54] Gertie, it was Gertrude, I think, or something like that. It was cute. Yeah, so I go, oh, shit, and I do that, and I become Gertie again, and I'm like, sorry.
Dylan:
[1:00:06] Um... Yeah.
Crit:
[1:00:09] What about Rox?
Cap:
[1:00:11] I can turn to invisible if we need to.
Dylan:
[1:00:14] Yeah, Rox, like, stops for just a second again, like, is kind of startled by the sudden change and the snap of her fingers. Also because, like, you know, he got a glimpse of the fae attendants that were all just immediately flew into your bag, you know, right when you changed. You know, they all look startled and snap their fingers at the same time. And he just shakes his head again. but can't help but check you out a little bit.
Crit:
[1:00:41] That's right, as you should.
Dylan:
[1:00:43] And he leads the way. He walks around the left side, and he peeks around the corner while drawing his weapon. He doesn't have his two-handed axe. He has a two-handed axe. And just seeing him unsheath the two-handed axe that he had and this leather thing that he had on his pack, you knew just from the shape of it, you hadn't really considered to register that it wasn't his two-handed axe. And it kind of makes you sad. You're like, oh, no, where did that go? But, yeah, he's creeping up around the corner, and he pulls it out, and he does one quick peek and looks back and waves everybody over and starts walking casually around the corner.
Crit:
[1:01:23] Whistling?
Dylan:
[1:01:24] Yeah. Don't mind me.
Cap:
[1:01:27] Would you like to be invisible, darling?
Dylan:
[1:01:30] No need. And that's where we'll end it.
ReCap:
[1:01:36] Oh cliffhanger can't wait to see what the city's like after destroying the laughing man's hold though fuck i hope francesca's all right if you're not already please be sure to subscribe to the podcast and follow our instagram stupid sexy dnd podcast thanks again for listening to the end of another episode catch y'all at the end of the next one bye.