Astris and Thea race to rescue a companion and meet an adversary from Astris' past.
Cap:
[0:00] Hello, and welcome to Slash and Fuck, a stupid sexy D&D podcast. As the title suggests, we are a mature podcast and we'll be dealing with adult themes and content as our story unfolds. Since you're here, I want to thank you for starting this journey with us, and we hope you enjoy your stay. So without further ado, let's slip into something a little more comfortable.
Dylan:
[0:37] Welcome back let's jump right into it he's creeping up around the corner he pulls it out and he uh he does one quick peek and looks back and waves everybody over and starts walking casually around the corner yeah don't mind me uh would.
Cap:
[0:55] You like to be invisible darling.
Dylan:
[0:57] No need. And you walk around the corner, and there looks to be prisoner cells and prisoners in really short, like they can't stand up, cells, about three and a half feet tall. Not big enough for any of them to lie down, stretch out at all. And the sounds of people that you heard were just kind of murmuring suffering from around the wall there of these prisoners that are here. um the you immediately look for eska and you don't see her a lot of these people there of different races there are elves there are what seem to be half elves there are dragonborn there are um just humans and nothing really labeled or anything it just looks like pens and you assume It might be people lined up to be sacrificed, you know, some regular time, but they look completely hopeless. You know, these people don't seem to be like banging on the doors and like, let us out. They just look up at you miserably.
Cap:
[2:03] Are there any like guards or anything?
Dylan:
[2:06] You don't see any guards. And Rocks is already smashing locks. When he said no need and started walking out, he strode midway through the row of them and then just started smashing locks. open but you know there is another doorway on the other side that's closed but he doesn't seem to give a shit and he starts popping locks off the dragonborn first can.
Crit:
[2:32] I go back and grab all those keys, I want to, like, they don't look.
Cap:
[2:36] We don't know what keys we need. Grab all the keys.
Dylan:
[2:39] Yeah. Every key. Yeah, all right. So you grab, like, 15 key rings.
Crit:
[2:45] Yeah, I'm the janitor now.
Cap:
[2:46] Yeah. Theo's going to take a second and just kind of, like, watch rocks pop a few appreciatively and then go start to open cells.
Dylan:
[2:56] He's so efficient. He doesn't, the axe never hits the ground.
Cap:
[3:00] Shit.
Dylan:
[3:00] The only thing it is just cuts the locks right off in one big swoop. He doesn't have to do an aim swing or anything. He just swing, swing, swing.
Cap:
[3:10] Shit, I love a motherfucker who's good at their job.
Crit:
[3:14] Asterisk is trying to see if any of the locks fit one of the... Any of the keys fit one lock. I'm stuck at one.
Cap:
[3:22] Asterisk is trying to do this in the dirtiest way possible.
Dylan:
[3:25] All right, do a d12 here. Roll a d12.
Cap:
[3:29] I don't know how I would open these.
Dylan:
[3:31] Well, yeah. Motherfucker. Oh my god, you got it.
Crit:
[3:39] Really?
Dylan:
[3:40] Literally, I was thinking nine. wild that's crazy okay so yeah you uh asterisk runs over she's like i got the keys and immediately just sticks one into the lock and opens it and then goes to the next one you can uh we'll just we'll just assume that you're you're doing okay here you don't need to roll every time they really fucking made individual.
Crit:
[4:02] Locks for everyone these fucking.
Dylan:
[4:03] Prisons that's a lot of effort they look pretty weak to be honest and i don't think i could do it thea if you want to make a an arcana check you may those.
Crit:
[4:15] 12 is 12 the right one for the.
Dylan:
[4:18] I wasn't playing sorry oh i forgot i thought you're giving it back i rolled the highest number i could it's true so max damage yeah you get the second one right away really yeah you're like oh this is easy yeah i.
Cap:
[4:33] Had to check if it was the the 19 or the 16 It was indeed the 19, so a dirty 20. Ugh.
Dylan:
[4:40] All right. Thea, you notice as you look around, you're like, huh, this is kind of weird. You know, these locks are really weak. It seems like somebody could just, like, break them if they pounded on them enough. And you get the sense looking around how it's constructed and how the rails and everything are built into the wall. And you see runes at the base of each rail that's built into these pens. And you think that these jail cells were magically reinforced at one point before it was taken over by Gertie.
Cap:
[5:19] Oh, good old Gertie.
Crit:
[5:21] Oh.
Dylan:
[5:22] So it's kind of just like dog cages, really, with, you know, master locks on them. But these people have no will and they have, you know, not much. They're starting to wake up now that they're getting broken out. But yeah.
Cap:
[5:35] All right. It's time for me to do my thing. I can't open these, but I can sure as fuck give hope.
Dylan:
[5:41] All right.
Cap:
[5:42] All right, as the cages start to open and these poor motherfuckers start to crawl their way out, I'm going to start being like, all right, I'm going to say, Come on, everyone, get moving. Mistress Cacophony and her knights are here. Paladin, do your shit. Everyone, if you can move, get to the tunnels. And we're going to start directing traffic toward where it's safe.
Dylan:
[6:09] All right, sweet. and you're going to be rolling something inspiring or?
Cap:
[6:14] Uh, yeah.
Dylan:
[6:17] I didn't know if you like had a spell.
Cap:
[6:20] No, no. Just performance or persuasion?
Dylan:
[6:24] You got everybody's attention, let's say, with one strum of your instrument.
Cap:
[6:32] Boom.
Crit:
[6:32] I've never heard music before.
Dylan:
[6:35] It was just kind of a dan and everybody like what? and looked you know think of it as like hitting the feedback on it or something and everybody's like what the hell and you're like this way so yeah i'll uh i'll say you succeeded there so everybody has direction on which way to go so they're not chaotic and panicking uh, yeah so you're starting to see uh prisoners file out and head towards the uh through gogurt's room which you'll probably hate because they're gross yeah sorry.
Cap:
[7:04] Girl sorry i can like press to digitate the ones who like pass me be like.
Crit:
[7:11] There you go.
Dylan:
[7:11] Yeah you just have them on the forehead every bit like you tap.
Crit:
[7:15] A couple of them twice like.
Dylan:
[7:16] You are cleansed.
Cap:
[7:18] You are cleansed you're all cleansed.
Dylan:
[7:23] That's great yeah so um as each prisoner is passing by the prisoners are starting to notice the ones who are leaving are getting touched on the forehead by the mistress cacophony and it seems that all of the dirt on their body, all of the grime and sweat and time in prison is just removed in the blink of an eye on their way out. And they slow down and they start bowing their head and allowing their forehead to, you know, leaning their forehead in for you to touch on your way out or on their way out.
Cap:
[7:56] Oh!
Dylan:
[7:57] Bless us. Thank you. Of course. You freed us.
Cap:
[8:01] You are cleansed. You are all cleansed of your shame and your hatred. Get to safety. Go. You are cleansed. You are cleansed. And we make our way down the line.
Dylan:
[8:12] And if you look under your seats, you're all cleansed. You that are cleansing. Yeah. No, they pick up on this right away. I mean, it seems they've heard the mistress cacophony on her pale night.
Cap:
[8:28] And you still have to ask what rumors they know about us later.
Dylan:
[8:32] Yeah. Yeah.
Cap:
[8:33] Drinking games.
Dylan:
[8:35] Yeah. So they're, they're getting with it and they're on their way out. They are very thankful as you're, you're still blessing people. You hear a smash as rocks has kicked the next door down. And then he just strides in and you hear him smashing locks on more cells.
Cap:
[8:55] Oh, Oh God.
Dylan:
[8:56] Getting out of eyesight a little bit, but he's just it's he hasn't stopped what he's doing he's really really fast he's.
Cap:
[9:04] So fucking fast he's only gotten faster jesus fuck oh wait that's not a person, he's only gotten faster fuck you are cleansed and you are cleansed and rocks you are cleansed and you are cleansed and like everybody you.
Dylan:
[9:21] Uh asterisk you don't see eska in any of these two rooms, you walked up and looked. Do you ask any of them, any of the prisoners that are being freed, if they've seen anything like that?
Crit:
[9:36] Have you seen the Mother Superior? Have you seen...
Dylan:
[9:38] Right.
Crit:
[9:39] Describing her.
Dylan:
[9:41] Yeah.
Crit:
[9:41] You know, short little kitty with a fat ass.
Dylan:
[9:46] So you walking up to people at first is a little intimidating because you kind of look like Sauron a bit. But when you take your helmet down and start asking questions, people can see your eyes. It gets a little bit easier. And they say, yes, we've seen her. She is not here. She's across the Fountain Square. at the tribunal theater.
Cap:
[10:09] Oh, that's where they thought she was.
Dylan:
[10:10] Likely within the chambers, yes.
Cap:
[10:12] Thank you.
Crit:
[10:13] Hustle. I want to... All right, I'm with Rox now.
Cap:
[10:16] You are cleansed. Oh, gosh. Oh, they're both so fast. Ha!
Dylan:
[10:21] Everybody's cleansed.
Cap:
[10:22] Good things for everyone. I just imagine her getting lost in a wave of people. Like, help!
Dylan:
[10:28] Thea, you start, like, walking up the line a bit and just tapping everybody a lot faster and then walking, and then it becomes more of a crowd because, you know, but you're tapping people as you walk by and like, oh, oh, you know. So you're not getting everybody, but you're making your way. And, oh, okay, I get most of them. It's fine.
Cap:
[10:47] You're the mistress of cleanliness.
Dylan:
[10:49] Right. Yeah, and you have to touch yourself a little bit walking through the crowd, too. You're like, you and me and me again.
Cap:
[10:56] All of us.
Dylan:
[10:57] Double me.
Cap:
[10:58] Twice me.
Dylan:
[10:59] Squeezing through, like, excuse me.
Cap:
[11:02] Yay, freedom.
Dylan:
[11:04] Okay, get out. Thea, you catch up with rocks and asterisks as they finish kicking open and smashing open the last of the locks.
Crit:
[11:17] And unlocking.
Dylan:
[11:19] And unlocking. Yeah. At a certain point you ran out of keys and it started to get annoying but you also realized that you could just kick them open too. You are strong enough so you were like oh this is... You're like maybe you got your gauntlet and I was like could I punch them open? so by the time Thea gets there she's seeing like the results of your experimentation where you're like smashing them open in different cool ways like your elbow she got.
Crit:
[11:43] Better yeah well my mace like that's gotta.
Dylan:
[11:47] Yeah you're like catching three of them at a time just click click click with your mace.
Crit:
[11:51] Ooh if you wedge it in sideways and then like snap it like with a little wrist twist.
Dylan:
[11:57] Yeah Rox is kind of competing with you like he's finding weak points in like the entire cage and just taking and he acts straight to it and like twisting. So it just breaks, pops open.
Crit:
[12:08] Wow, hey, Rox.
Cap:
[12:10] You're so good at that.
Crit:
[12:13] Hey, hey.
Dylan:
[12:14] Yeah, he smiles. He looks pretty proud of himself.
Cap:
[12:18] Wow, you're so good at that too.
Crit:
[12:20] That's right.
Dylan:
[12:22] Rox, his smile falls a little bit and he works a bit harder. But they finish smashing open the prisoner's cages and smashes open the next door.
Cap:
[12:36] Of course he does.
Dylan:
[12:38] Which is a spiral staircase that leads up. It's a wooden spiral staircase. And you follow him all the way up this winding spiral staircase, what seems to be 50 feet. And you come out into a small antechamber. None of the candles are lit. It looks to be like a small desk. You're not really sure. but um rocks uh found the next door and uh he's got his foot in the air with uh smashing right through it one.
Crit:
[13:15] Moon you haven't stopped me.
Dylan:
[13:17] I think we.
Cap:
[13:19] Can see why thea likes him.
Dylan:
[13:21] Oh yeah this is bringing you back you know this kind of uh smash and grab stuff dungeon you know he was Fearless. And he always survived somehow. You know, like no one else could survive doing what he does. Just dungeon crashing. Dungeon crashing. He's there to party and nobody's expecting him.
Cap:
[13:42] Blessed. He's always been blessed.
Dylan:
[13:45] The door that he smashes through brings in sunlight. And you can see following him out into an abandoned church. This is the main area of the church worship. You see pews, but they've been kind of moved around. It looks like there's a crowd had dispersed in a hurry. There's scattered papers on the ground.
Crit:
[14:10] Oh, almost like your god died.
Cap:
[14:15] Suck it.
Dylan:
[14:17] Yeah, completely abandoned. All but now you see a man standing far near the doors, the front doors where one door is open. and you just see his silhouette as he walks closer and you see a bit more of his of what he looks like and he looks like a preacher or a priest or something like that.
Dylan:
[14:41] Done up way more than the ones you used to see in Haven, Same kind of style. Like this is some higher up maybe. And he's walking casually, but he seems like he's yammering. You can't really understand what he's quite saying. It might be in a different language. He finally gets close enough that you can hear, and you start to hear words like prophecy. It is true. And here they are. And points. They approach. He says, the two that brings the three. And he points at you and says what sounds like a rehearsed thing, this prophecy. When Cacophony's voice and night's pale hand entwine, three purges of the deep, the strange, and the divine, a world consumed, a world unknown, a world transformed, the world atones. And he raises his arm up And you see that he has a crossbow in his hand And he is aiming to fire So roll initiative.
Dylan:
[15:51] Motherfucker Oh, I get to roll Rox's initiative Fuck it, yeah He's a badass Oh.
Cap:
[15:57] Shit, alright, what is that? Six Initiative is six Beautiful.
Crit:
[16:02] We love a girl that goes last Fourteen Motherfucker.
Dylan:
[16:06] Motherfucker Asterisk, you get to go first As you see This mad priest Raise his hand crossbow At Thea Yeah.
Crit:
[16:17] I'll attack him twice Because I have a second attack now from leveling up Fuck yeah Delicious.
Cap:
[16:24] Delicious level ups.
Crit:
[16:26] I just like to roll them both At the same time, personally Oh, oh, oh That's a 20 Oh shit Plus seven is, as we all know, it's 13.
Cap:
[16:42] Yes.
Dylan:
[16:45] That's how much damage you did?
Crit:
[16:46] No, that's the second attack.
Dylan:
[16:49] Yeah, that hits. Sweet. Fuck this guy.
Cap:
[16:54] I have guard dogs.
Dylan:
[16:56] Watch out. Yeah. Rox is actually, he just stood right in front of you.
Cap:
[17:02] Oh.
Dylan:
[17:04] Like she she saw it first and ran and got so he like just slid over like right right when the gun was being drawn it was like who charges and who stays and it was like ma'am.
Cap:
[17:15] See this is why i like having two people to make these decisions i just have to stand here.
Dylan:
[17:21] Yeah uh oh wait and i get to roll a fucking another one give me another.
Crit:
[17:27] I critted.
Cap:
[17:28] Hell yeah.
Crit:
[17:29] Critted in your mouth.
Cap:
[17:31] You were fueled by a powerful need to find Francesca.
Crit:
[17:33] I'm going to put this mace in his mouth.
Dylan:
[17:36] 26.
Crit:
[17:37] 26. Smashing damage.
Dylan:
[17:40] All right.
Cap:
[17:41] Smashing, darling.
Dylan:
[17:43] He finished his prophecy and raised the crossbow, or started to raise the crossbow towards Thea. In a flash, you ran up to him, and in that same time, Rox slid over and stood right in front, right in the path. And you brought your mace up as you were sprinting forward in just three quick strides. You said you want to hit him in the mouth?
Crit:
[18:14] Yes, please.
Cap:
[18:15] No more teeth.
Crit:
[18:16] I want the mouth of the woman's face on my mace to intersect with his mouth.
Dylan:
[18:23] I want it to be like a French kiss.
Crit:
[18:26] Yeah, I got fast and then just like.
Dylan:
[18:31] Okay, yeah, you get the sideways baseball bat.
Crit:
[18:34] Yes, precisely.
Dylan:
[18:36] All right. And yeah, you crit. So yeah, you definitely hit him in the mouth and it's very graceful the way you did it. And right when he made contact, he realized that this was not just going to take the bottom of his jaw off because, you know, he had a lot of mouth to hit. And it instead takes basically the front of his head off, his face, all of it just kind of smashes away. and you see this kind of cross-section and smashed gray matter and gore as his head pops and will speak no prophecies ever again.
Cap:
[19:18] Asterisk, you're so strong. Oh wait, I didn't even see it. Oh no. I didn't even see you be cool.
Dylan:
[19:23] And then you hear his face land. 30 feet away on the other side of the church.
Cap:
[19:31] What was that? I lean against Rox's back. Was he saying shit about me? Where'd he go?
Crit:
[19:39] He didn't say nothing.
Dylan:
[19:42] Yeah, he's just kind of like nodding. His eyebrows up. And he's like, okay, yeah. I can see why you hired her.
Cap:
[19:51] Yes, hired.
Dylan:
[19:53] You hired her originally, right?
Crit:
[19:55] Oh, yeah. I'm still on the clock, baby.
Cap:
[19:58] Or my bodyguard. Shit.
Dylan:
[20:02] Obviously, this is what you do. If you ever have to leave the house, you hire a bodyguard, he says with scare quotes, to help you carry the groceries back and whatnot.
Crit:
[20:14] The groceries. They're heavy. Scare quotes.
Cap:
[20:16] I like going all at once instead of a bunch of times. And they're really heavy when you go all at once. so like really when you think about it it makes sense.
Dylan:
[20:28] I'm not judging you sweetheart I'm just saying I could see why you hired her she's very she's probably the best one aside from me maybe I.
Crit:
[20:37] Mean absolutely I need a separate podcast with these two exclusively just no dungeoning just this banter.
Dylan:
[20:48] Yeah you guys are talking or you know flirting underway out and you see this it's.
Crit:
[20:57] Actually better that they didn't fuck until before.
Dylan:
[21:00] Right it's.
Crit:
[21:02] Like it must be really motivating.
Dylan:
[21:04] Yeah they haven't had any time yeah as you make your way further out towards the exit of the church you pass by the spray of blood in this big arc, behind the priest who was repeating that prophecy.
Cap:
[21:25] Nice arc asterisk. and i wink at you.
Dylan:
[21:29] The bells bells start ringing from the church from around you it seems like the bells all over the city and they all start to go off in a panic it sounds it sounds like alarm bells and it reverberates uh through the church you start to hear chaos outside uh as you get closer the door half open it's bright outside your eyes take a moment to adjust and you see chaos it looks to be that the illusion is broken for them and oh.
Cap:
[22:07] They know they're filthy and their teeth are bad now.
Dylan:
[22:09] Everyone looks disgusting oh.
Crit:
[22:13] They're bad and they know they're bad.
Dylan:
[22:14] What you are seeing now though is people attacking their neighbors because they see them for what they think they truly are and so there's lots of confusion uh but it seems that everybody who's attacking seems to be the one who thinks that they're not impure themselves from.
Cap:
[22:35] Where i'm standing do they both look like normies.
Dylan:
[22:38] Can i.
Cap:
[22:39] Spot the difference.
Dylan:
[22:40] No they are um they're all the same Is this like a Catholics and Protestants.
Cap:
[22:46] Thing where I'm like y'all are the same thing I don't get.
Dylan:
[22:48] It. Roll an insight I.
Cap:
[22:50] Just got real spicy.
Dylan:
[22:51] It is crazy outside so inquiring on the state of things.
Cap:
[22:57] What was that an insight? Yeah That's gonna be a four.
Dylan:
[23:01] Four? Okay I don't know shit. Astrus do you wanna I'm.
Cap:
[23:04] Just here, I'm.
Dylan:
[23:07] Just, I'll have rocks rolling too Yeah please.
Crit:
[23:13] I got a nat 20.
Dylan:
[23:14] Oh, fuck. Sweet.
Cap:
[23:16] Asterisk.
Dylan:
[23:17] Asterisk. This is a worst case scenario situation. Absolute chaos. No law. And all the citizens attacking one another. What you are hearing immediately is people screaming impure. You know, they were here all along. Form up. Not you. He's one of them. All these types of accusations. And from what you can see, there are people in armor and helmets that have formed up and they're fighting back just anybody that they can as they go through the streets. And you see that a lot of these people seem very confused as if they're waking up and they're seeing a bunch of their friends and neighbors all turned into monsters. But they don't suspect that they themselves are monsters. And you look around, and you see that all the mirrors around this city have been shattered everywhere. There is not a reflective surface in sight.
Cap:
[24:18] Get fucked!
Dylan:
[24:21] And Asterisk, you intuit that everybody's the hero, and they don't realize that they've all been hoodwinked. They think it's an impure infection or invasion, and everybody's fighting each other. how.
Cap:
[24:38] Do we get to the to the shit i want to call it tabernacle tribunal tribunal.
Dylan:
[24:44] Tribunal theater so uh you're looking down the steps now and you can see straight down the steps towards fountain square where there's this giant fountain across from the fountain across from the fountain square you see a building that can't be anything other than the tribunal theater it looks uh imposing and uh terrifying in a way like if you went in there you would never leave no windows, everything facing downward in odd angles almost a hopeless place when you look at it you're glad that you're standing at the steps of this beautiful magnificent cathedral and then you realize where you are you're like oh and you think it's designed that way as to send fear into every single person coming going from the church designed.
Cap:
[25:34] To feel fucking bad man.
Dylan:
[25:36] Yeah you don't want to be one of those people over there, um but yeah uh in between uh the tribunal theater and you is a mob of people who are all violent or they're not all violent some people are just running for their lives some people are getting trampled some people are looting some people uh are attacking and then acting like a monster like that's right i am a monster and you know just being awful but what you both hear though Is there's some Who have said the second purge has begun Oh.
Crit:
[26:16] No No no no no no No.
Dylan:
[26:19] No no no no Uh uh uh.
Crit:
[26:22] Uh Fucking How do.
Dylan:
[26:24] I make one of my spells I don't.
Cap:
[26:27] Want to deal with these people.
Dylan:
[26:28] And when you hear that When you hear the second purge has begun No The sun in the sky Kind of darkens as clouds go over it and it seems to be suddenly quite darker than it used to be and almost storm like conditions and you both get a sense from deep within from the node beneath your feet where Garrett is and you both get a feeling of not only Lilith and Oberon respectively but both together you feel their presence each of you and it's almost like they're standing with you holding your hands and being reassuring for a moment before they let go and you see first the water in the fountain changes to red as blood starts to boil and roil out of the fountain the clouds in the sky get darker and people who are panicking and fighting start to look at the sky and are pausing in what they're doing. As from the south, you see a blood moon.
Dylan:
[27:41] A large one rising, rising across the sky from the south like an eye opening. It rises swiftly but ominously. And the clouds begin to break. And the crescent moon, just the normal crescent moon that you had seen before, becomes eclipsed by this massive blood moon.
Cap:
[28:05] Yes! Let's go!
Dylan:
[28:08] And then it begins to rain. Blood. The sky starts to shift, and you feel wet and balmy warm weather and breezes that lift your skirt, Thea, and you know who's here. And you start to see the sky shift as the clouds swirl and then disappear, pulled back like a curtain. and you see geometric shapes and patterns snapping into place, moving and reflecting the southern and northern horizons in weird angles. A sound like the earth itself is weeping, wells up from beneath, filling the air before a deathly silence. And then the sound of just about every flying thing, insect, bird alike, taking flight and then flying away.
Cap:
[29:05] Well, damn.
Dylan:
[29:06] Except what you notice when looking around, everybody still and stunned at what they're seeing. You see owls, Strix owls, poking out from rooftops and bell towers and little places, giant eyes looking and peering. And then you hear screeches, the sound of bats in thousands, thousands of bats. Starts flying, darkening the skies further in a cyclone. Screeches above you Around the blood moon Rad Rocks, rages Loves this, he's looking up Like, what, what And he looks at you, Thea He looks at Asterisk And it seems that, you know, both of you are smiling And holding your hands out and stuff To the blood, and, you know Like, you made this happen He knows it, and he's like All about it, and immediately goes Into a rage Fuck.
Cap:
[30:03] Yeah Love that the idea behind the rage is My girlfriend is so cool Yes.
Dylan:
[30:10] Like how could you not rage right now It's.
Crit:
[30:13] Raining blood It's fucking metal.
Dylan:
[30:20] Yeah and he roars to the sky Gouts of flame shooting out of his mouth As you see him just get huge And starts flexing and becomes larger than he was before and bigger and, You love it. You know, every time he's done it.
Cap:
[30:39] She pointedly watches.
Dylan:
[30:41] Yeah. Like, you went over to Asterisk, and you're like, hold on, watch this one. Check this out.
Cap:
[30:47] Yeah.
Crit:
[30:47] All right. Yeah.
Dylan:
[30:49] Oh, I missed this. Yeah. And you're seeing, you know, like, belts and fasteners snapping open. And you remember fixing all those every time you'd rage. And he would apologize. And you're like, you don't need to apologize.
Cap:
[31:00] No, it's okay.
Crit:
[31:01] You've paid for this in full. He gets a magical world transformation, too. Look at him.
Cap:
[31:07] Yes, exactly.
Crit:
[31:10] Proud of him.
Dylan:
[31:12] Yeah, and he roars defiantly at the crowd and towards the heavens and towards this stunning and amazing blood moon. And he charges into the crowds and he starts swinging back and forth and back and forth, taking step after step, clearing a path for you. So let's roll initiative and let's see how fast we can get through the throng of mindless crazies.
Crit:
[31:45] I got a dirty 20.
Cap:
[31:48] 10.
Dylan:
[31:50] 10. All right. That's average.
Cap:
[31:53] Someone pick me up.
Dylan:
[31:56] Okay.
Cap:
[31:57] If you both pick me up, there's no penalty.
Crit:
[32:01] Is that a fact?
Cap:
[32:02] No.
Crit:
[32:03] I'm sorry. How are you?
Cap:
[32:07] Yes ma'am you got an attachment for that belt i was unaware of.
Dylan:
[32:11] Not yet let's um get some.
Cap:
[32:14] Quest loot i see room to grow i understand.
Dylan:
[32:18] Um so this uh asterisk uh i'm gonna let you that uh that critical insight role i'll let there be residual insight there What it seems that Rox is doing is pure intimidation and ruthlessness, relentlessness in a show of force. Yeah. You realize this is a great tactic with large crowds of commoners because, you know, they could get you in overwhelming numbers. But these people also recognize you. You are the nightmare of their dreams. You and Thea.
Cap:
[32:56] Hot.
Dylan:
[32:57] And right now, there's a dragonborn who is going crazy out there. But they're like, what, what? and they look and they see the two of you standing upon the steps of the church right in the entrance way and uh it looks like thea's pointing down at this raging dragonborn as if directing it when really she's like check out his ass when he does the thing with this and yes the mistress cacophony got another one well.
Crit:
[33:28] I can use shield of faith and it surrounds the target in a shimmering field and also gives them some AC, but it would make her look shiny.
Cap:
[33:38] And that would make me look extra important while I tell them to get on board or fuck off. Yeah. Right.
Crit:
[33:45] So I'll assume the position of being your defensive knight and put a hand on your shoulder supportively, and then I'll cast Shield of Faith and surround you with a golden and crimson-like shimmering aura around you that makes you look like the bloody Christ of you.
Dylan:
[34:11] Like that kind of a halo. Yeah, you got the halo effect.
Crit:
[34:14] Yes.
Dylan:
[34:15] Yeah, like sunbeams through blood type of...
Crit:
[34:19] Yeah.
Cap:
[34:19] Yes!
Dylan:
[34:20] Yeah, so the Pale Knight stands just behind the Mistress Cacophony and places a hand on her shoulder, face unknowing through her visor and full helmet as the shield and halo takes effect over Thea. it really does add a dramatic effect to what's going on here is people start fleeing the square in mass they just start pushing into each other and you're seeing that kind of liquid crowd effect begin to form as people are noticing you and just running for their lives as they realize who's here.
Crit:
[34:57] Oh and you get plus two AC oh thank you.
Dylan:
[35:01] Shield of faith is so good it's.
Crit:
[35:03] So fucking good.
Dylan:
[35:06] Excellent so Thea your turn.
Cap:
[35:08] So i'm going to strum my instrument to get everyone's attention and it's going to amplify my voice so that i'm super duper loud and i'm going to say people of utopia your city is fallen if you are a follower of the smiling man this is your only chance leave or we'll fucking kill you.
Dylan:
[35:39] Sweet all right roll an intimidation or performance whichever is higher with advantage, Are you using the fog machine, too?
Cap:
[35:51] Ooh.
Dylan:
[35:51] Sorry, fog engine.
Cap:
[35:54] Yeah, ooh, for the effect.
Dylan:
[35:55] Yeah.
Crit:
[35:56] Let's try.
Dylan:
[35:56] Yeah, you're like, hear me, as you've got this bloody halo and everything. Yeah.
Cap:
[36:02] Natural 20.
Dylan:
[36:03] Holy shit.
Crit:
[36:05] Yeah.
Dylan:
[36:06] Oh, yeah. That's a real one.
Cap:
[36:09] Plus eight, so 28.
Dylan:
[36:11] Oh, yeah.
Crit:
[36:12] Damn.
Cap:
[36:13] They really listen. I'm good at the one thing I do.
Dylan:
[36:17] You strum your instrument and you say your piece to the masses and they all stop and listen. Some maybe too young or too old to hear, understand, keep trying to run, but they stop in their tracks hearing you. And when you end with, or we'll kill you all, whatever it was.
Cap:
[36:40] Fucking kill you.
Dylan:
[36:41] Fucking kill you. They all start fleeing in earnest. They are piling over each other, trampling each other.
Cap:
[36:51] Oh, good stamp.
Dylan:
[36:52] Yeah, it is a mess. People are pulling out weapons to kill people in front of them to get away from you.
Cap:
[37:02] Everyone fucking God, have some decorum. Yeah.
Dylan:
[37:07] This makes for heading to the fountain much easier. And Thea, I assume you start descending the stairs in dramatic fashion because every step you take, the faster the closest ones to you try to get away. It's like a wave. We're like, ah, ah, every time. So you've got a good cadence and, you know, you're twirling something and looking real good.
Cap:
[37:31] And I'm just following behind my, like, gigantic raging dragonborn.
Dylan:
[37:36] Yeah. And you look like Asterisk's hotter, younger sister.
Cap:
[37:40] Oh, fuck. I forgot that I looked like.
Dylan:
[37:42] I'm just kidding. I was like, oh.
Cap:
[37:44] God, did you look like that?
Dylan:
[37:44] We would have turned that off. Okay. I'm not going to fuck you on that one.
Cap:
[37:48] No, you're right. I mean, technically, I would have been. I forgot that I did that. LOL.
Crit:
[37:52] Thank you. You didn't say.
Cap:
[37:53] Yeah, but you didn't say.
Dylan:
[37:54] So like fuck you yeah it's like thank.
Cap:
[37:57] You rule of cool thank you.
Dylan:
[37:59] Yeah they're like who the fuck is this bitch she ain't a tiefling we came here.
Cap:
[38:03] To see cacophony.
Dylan:
[38:05] Get off the stage poser fucking cosplay you are uh the mistress cacophony and her pale knight are striking quite an imposing figure as you make your way dramatically down the steps asterisk you are looking particularly menacing with your mace uh standing right behind and adjacent to thea here going.
Crit:
[38:31] Down the stairs i think i'll be on thea's right and take her hand in the um oh yes decadent dancing way.
Dylan:
[38:42] Yeah that's awesome and then you see kink floof poke his head out and then fly into the air in a big flourish and then land to your left and start walking at the pace that you're going with his tail swishing and his, wings stretching out and he's really preening and showing off and looking around.
Cap:
[39:06] Magical girl shit.
Dylan:
[39:07] Looking down at everybody else.
Crit:
[39:09] That's what he was meant for.
Cap:
[39:12] You look beautiful, little guy.
Dylan:
[39:17] And yeah, so people are just running and fleeing and um and.
Cap:
[39:21] We're having like such a good moment and there's just like terror and chaos all around.
Dylan:
[39:25] Us yeah and um rocks is killing anybody who's not running that's my boy smashing them to pieces well he's slicing them to pieces um with his axe he is moving extremely fast uh faster than you've ever seen him move this guy has been training he just seems like a more souped up version of the rocks you remember which is great nice nice just gotten better for sure, decade has.
Cap:
[39:59] Done him well.
Dylan:
[40:01] You clear the fountain asterisk I don't know if you want to cast that consecrate on the fountain as you pass by it or if you want to just keep going I.
Crit:
[40:14] Feel like we're already achieving what we wanted to do.
Dylan:
[40:19] Okay.
Crit:
[40:20] Yeah.
Dylan:
[40:20] Sweet. You guys march past the fountain. There are people cowering, and if they aren't running, they're either getting killed or Rox is intimidating them into running.
Cap:
[40:34] Either way, they're leaving.
Dylan:
[40:36] Yeah, just like you asked so nicely.
Cap:
[40:39] I know. Man, it's so nice getting what you want.
Dylan:
[40:43] It is. And even those armored people that you saw grouped up, they bailed. You haven't seen them. Fuck yeah! Either they got lost in the mess and trampled, or you don't see them either. But you end up with a clear path to the tribunal theater.
Crit:
[41:02] Okay, wait, wait. I think I do want to use consecrate. I have an idea. I'm not even going to look. As we're going into the tribunal, I want to consecrate the fountain behind us just by touching the Mark of Lilith on my body. i would like it to start not just having the fountain be filled with blood but it to be overflowing with blood and flooding.
Dylan:
[41:27] Okay yeah fuck yeah do you want to like flick a drop of blood from your thumb into it or something over your shoulder or do you want to touch it or yeah.
Crit:
[41:37] I think just kind of like i'm just really milking this wound on my.
Dylan:
[41:41] Every you just reopen it every time you're just like.
Crit:
[41:44] Just kind of like that magical where it goes up way too unrealistically far and then drops down perfectly in the center of the fountain.
Dylan:
[41:51] Yeah right at the very top yeah yeah okay you do that and it right behind you in this huge arc never looking at it just yeah strutting away or about 10 feet away when it lands and a uh the fountain shoots blood upward into a geyser like fountain in the very center and starts overflowing at each level and then finally at the bottom level as it sloshes and goes over the sides and keeps flowing overflowing onto the pathway it uh it's quite a sight.
Crit:
[42:25] Amazing thank you.
Dylan:
[42:29] Rocks is circling you in a distance, you know, looking for anybody else who isn't running. He's making sure that you're not getting snuck up from behind and scaring people off or killing them. And then you make it to the doors of the tribunal chamber where Rox kicks them open. Yeah.
Crit:
[42:53] I love him. I love this guy. I turn around.
Cap:
[42:57] He just goes.
Crit:
[42:59] Gotta get behind him, literally.
Cap:
[43:01] Yeah.
Crit:
[43:02] He puts you behind him.
Cap:
[43:04] It's true.
Dylan:
[43:05] He's really fast, too. That's the crazy. You're like, whoa, he's really moving.
Crit:
[43:10] Yeah, I'm gonna have to get some training tips from him about that.
Dylan:
[43:13] Yeah, it took a level in Barbarian.
Crit:
[43:16] Ooh.
Dylan:
[43:17] And so he kicks the doors open and down. One of them swings open and kind of gets stuck halfway, and the other one just falls down completely, coming down off of its hinges. You hear some yelps and screams from inside as he starts marching in. You guys follow. What you see inside is what looks like a large, maybe a courthouse, I guess, but in a circular amphitheater sort of way along the back area. And along the front here looks to be rows and rows of seats, chairs, and then there are what looks to be this large open floor area and a gallery of prisoners in different states of humiliation or death.
Cap:
[44:09] Oh, fuck.
Dylan:
[44:11] You've heard this place is where the accused are publicly shamed, and it looks like tortured as well. Some are in cages within range for people to throw things at them. Others seem to be tied up and crucified. Some, it looks like they used actual nails, and then there are some that don't look alive that were suspended on hooks. it being something that you see going in through to what would be your trial is really meant to do wonders on your psyche near the center though you see someone wriggling and you see asterisk eska bound in ropes intricately tied as she's hanging provocatively at the end of the hall with her legs tied up behind and her arms tied behind her and she's gagged.
Crit:
[45:05] Yeah, but what is she wearing?
Dylan:
[45:07] Ropes. In shibari fashion. And her nun's habit.
Crit:
[45:14] Oh. Oh. Also, I'm worried about her, but I was just wondering. Does she need help? Or like, are we just...
Cap:
[45:24] Oh no, she loves it there.
Dylan:
[45:26] I'm sure she signed up for this. Yeah.
Cap:
[45:29] So, like, do you need, like, help or anything? Are you good?
Dylan:
[45:34] But you see her at the end of the hall. You're not quite in the, like, so spin her around.
Crit:
[45:42] Nice.
Dylan:
[45:43] But, yeah, she's in the prisoner's gallery.
Crit:
[45:45] Shit.
Dylan:
[45:46] And it looks like that was her punishment for public shaming.
Crit:
[45:50] Well, I'm relieved she's not dead. I was really worried. Okay, so I run in.
Dylan:
[45:57] You see her wriggling. like she's uh trying out of restraints and she she looks up and sees because she's been hearing a lot of noise looks up and sees you and looks to be even uh thrashing even more i.
Crit:
[46:12] Call out to her.
Dylan:
[46:13] We're here and she blindfolded you said no she's gagged no okay and mouth blindfolded nice before you can reach her um three figures walk out from behind a large cage you hadn't seen you hadn't seen them behind what you see before you are uh looks like two knights that are flanking a heavily armored person what you can see oh shit coming out of their helmet is a long dark braid Going down past her waist She removes her helmet And Asterisk you recognize Sir Miriam The paladin you squired Fuck, Fuck, Damn And she says I knew you'd come for her Roll initiative Oh wow And she puts her helmet back on I.
Cap:
[47:16] Don't think Thea knows who this is. She's like, huh? Thea's going to find it really funny when she finds out.
Crit:
[47:25] No, I haven't told you about Sir Merriam.
Cap:
[47:27] You told me you, I feel like you gave your name as Sir Merriam when we were in fucking Haven.
Crit:
[47:32] Why did I do that? Why?
Cap:
[47:34] Because I fucking know.
Crit:
[47:35] Yeah, okay.
Dylan:
[47:36] Why'd you steal all the horse? of Thea you hear the knights when she puts her helmet on put their arm over their chest and say Sir Miriam and they pull their weapons out.
Cap:
[47:47] I look at Astra's jaw open like you wanted people to think you were that bitch.
Crit:
[47:54] Like it was effective yeah.
Dylan:
[47:59] Yeah, she stole her armor. And then it turned into Lilithite Paladin blood armor. You got your prize and the fight in between it. And here we go. So Rox goes first. And he's going to charge at Sir Miriam.
Cap:
[48:18] Of course he is. Oh, be careful, honey. Gosh, fuck.
Dylan:
[48:23] Because he knows who the bad guy is.
Crit:
[48:25] He doesn't need to ask too many questions that's right i love him can we have him in our party.
Dylan:
[48:33] Forever yeah a lot of people overdo it with barbarians it's very simple, you just hit him you know and you break the fucking door down you don't even like it's not a matter of like tactics or whatever it's just what you do yeah all right uh he hacks at sir mariam and she parries two of them and he ends up getting her uh in the hip a bit with his axe on a backswing uh nothing serious but enough to piss her off she wasn't taking him seriously at first and then he got her a bit and now she looks furious uh you see through the visor in her helmet.
Cap:
[49:13] Fuck yeah piss her off.
Crit:
[49:16] Well thea can see my face through helmets enough to you know you can.
Dylan:
[49:21] It's a body language thing yeah she's rearing back and angry sir miriam raises her mace uh high into the air and you see a light reflecting off of it that's not coming from the sky and you see her look up close her eyes mumble something and there's a glint that goes across it as it flies down and she strikes rocks, with a burst of divine energy.
Crit:
[49:55] Ew! Is she a paladin of the Smiler? Ew! That's so gross.
Cap:
[50:01] Gross.
Dylan:
[50:02] I mean, the Smiler's colors are really gross.
Crit:
[50:05] Ew.
Dylan:
[50:06] You know, like, whenever his it's always, like, green glowing and, like, death and decay and rot and stuff. this looked like sunlight like you remember it.
Crit:
[50:17] Oh okay cool sorry you were saying reflections and I was like oh man she gonna make me feel bad about myself, I
Dylan:
[50:25] Mean yeah but.
Crit:
[50:26] In a different way.
Dylan:
[50:33] Yeah, and she smashes down on him and then smashes down again. The second time doesn't look like it had the same force as the first one, but it looked like it definitely had a lot of force to it as Rox is bleeding and heavily battered where he got struck. All right, it is Astresis. Astresis? Oh, wait, no, sorry, I forgot my turn still. The knights with Sir Mariam move past Rox, and Rox nails one of them with his axe as they try to move past. Jabs hits them with the top of his axe to the chin right underneath their helmet as they're passing by and smacked him, and you just see blood kind of splatter inside of the helmet. So he got a free shot as they make their way around. And they converge, they move up towards Asterisk, but they don't make it all the way. And they hold their shields aloft, and it looks like they're blocking the fight between you and Rox and Zermerium.
Crit:
[51:48] I will do Command as a second-level spell against these two goons.
Dylan:
[51:54] Okay.
Crit:
[51:54] And tell them to drop their weapons.
Dylan:
[51:57] All right. All right. It's probably a wisdom-saving throw. Oh, yeah.
Crit:
[52:02] Yeah, it's a wisdom saving throw of 13.
Dylan:
[52:05] Does it have to be a single word or is it a line command?
Crit:
[52:09] I think it's a one word command. Yeah, one word. Drop is the suggestion.
Dylan:
[52:14] Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, that works. They drop their swords on the ground and then they both kind of like look at each other.
Crit:
[52:21] Yeah, but what if I said dance?
Dylan:
[52:23] Sorry. There is a spell for that. Thea, it is now your turn. And the two guards in front of you just drop their weapons. Like total idiots.
Cap:
[52:33] Dankuses. What are the relative distances of everything? How far are the guards? How far is Miriam and Rox? Where is Asterisk in relation to me?
Dylan:
[52:44] Asterisk is next to you. Okay. And we'll say 30 feet and 30 feet.
Cap:
[52:49] Okay. So I am going to Eldritch Blast, one of the guys that just dropped their weapons. and then i am going to the healing word rocks all right so the blast first that'll be not bad not bad 17 plus 8 uh.
Dylan:
[53:14] 17 plus 8.
Cap:
[53:16] Yeah it's 25 okay yeah sick that number yeah that hits, For a 16 force damage.
Dylan:
[53:26] Yeah, you hit him in the shield. He hides behind his shield and it holds. It doesn't shatter his shield, but there's so much kinetic energy that it looks like his shoulder immediately got dislocated slash broken. And if you had to guess, all the bones in his hand and his arm are shattered from the reverberations. from hitting his shield, and he can't really hold his shield up anymore, and it dangles loosely to his side, and he tries to shake it off.
Cap:
[54:02] Don't fucking get in between me and my dragon man, and then I heal him for 11 points of health.
Dylan:
[54:10] Sweet. All right. Yeah, it stems the bleeding. Rox swings on Sir Miriam again, over and over again. And this time it looks like he's breaking through her defenses consistently now. You remember Rox being quite the student of the game. He didn't study, you know, to relax or anything like that. He studied while he fought and he was a quick learner. And if you had any tendencies at all, he'd pick it up within moments. And you saw it just then. He got a strike through after two failed attempts. and then now he just attacked three times successfully.
Cap:
[54:53] Fuck yeah.
Dylan:
[54:54] So this is heartening to see that he's still got it.
Cap:
[54:59] Fuck her up, baby.
Dylan:
[55:02] And you hear Sir Merriam yell out, And one of the knights that was blocking the path, the one that isn't harmed, turns and comes back towards Sir Merriam to assist. and then it is Sir Miriam's turn. She is going to withdraw and move back 30 feet and stand in a defensive position while the guard who made his way back will attack rocks. And he will miss pissing off rocks.
Cap:
[55:44] Yay.
Dylan:
[55:45] For not even being good enough to hit him.
Cap:
[55:47] I'm bad that you failed.
Dylan:
[55:49] Yeah.
Cap:
[55:49] I'm not mad that you tried.
Dylan:
[55:50] I'm just disappointed. Yeah. All right. Now it is Astris' turn.
Crit:
[55:56] Why didn't I think about this? I was just being a good listener.
Dylan:
[56:01] It's engrossed in the story.
Crit:
[56:03] I am. Yeah. Okay. Can I delay my turn until Thea's so that I can...
Cap:
[56:11] We just want to blink over there together.
Dylan:
[56:13] Blink over there. You step together.
Crit:
[56:14] Yes.
Dylan:
[56:15] That's fine.
Crit:
[56:15] Yeah.
Cap:
[56:16] Okay.
Crit:
[56:17] I love that we both took this.
Cap:
[56:19] I know, right? It's great.
Dylan:
[56:21] Yeah, and they look different, I would say, because they're coming from two different sources of power.
Crit:
[56:27] Mine looks like what they call pink mist.
Dylan:
[56:32] Yeah.
Cap:
[56:33] Yum. Mine is like lots of swirling leaves and like glitter and like chime sounds.
Dylan:
[56:39] Nice. All right, so yours is arterial spray and shadows and fog and smoke. And hers is like walking through to the secret garden.
Cap:
[56:51] Fuck yes.
Crit:
[56:52] Yours is so pleasant. I know.
Cap:
[56:54] You too have the power.
Dylan:
[56:58] Yeah, it's a darkness that eats light too. It's great.
Cap:
[57:03] Oh, fuck me.
Crit:
[57:05] All right, so we re-apparate by rocks.
Dylan:
[57:11] By rocks and the guard.
Crit:
[57:13] And the guard. I would like to hit the guard. Yeah.
Dylan:
[57:18] Just kidding. I'm hitting rocks.
Crit:
[57:19] Just kidding. Yeah.
Dylan:
[57:21] Finish him.
Crit:
[57:23] Does a 12 or an 18 hit?
Dylan:
[57:27] No.
Crit:
[57:28] Neither.
Dylan:
[57:29] Unfortunately, no. She's in full plate, too.
Crit:
[57:31] Oh, not Sir Miriam.
Dylan:
[57:33] Oh, that guy. An 18 would hit. Yeah, sorry.
Crit:
[57:37] No, it's all good. 11 points.
Dylan:
[57:41] All right.
Crit:
[57:41] Smashing damage.
Cap:
[57:42] Fuck yeah.
Dylan:
[57:43] This guy was unharmed. But you appeared right behind him and got him right along the back of his shoulder and neck area. And now he's kind of crunched up into a weird position holding his sword and his shield up. He looks like he's in a lot of pain.
Crit:
[58:04] And I'll say, I know you heard what she said. She said to run.
Cap:
[58:11] I said you had one chance. Yeah.
Dylan:
[58:15] All right, and Thea?
Cap:
[58:16] I want to take my healing potion and climb up Rox's side and, like, dump it into his face. Be like, hi, yes, yes, yes. Like, drink this, please.
Dylan:
[58:25] Oh, yeah, okay.
Crit:
[58:26] You rub his throat like you do for...
Cap:
[58:28] Yeah, like, good, good boy.
Dylan:
[58:29] No, yeah, you can, like, just spit it into his mouth or whatever you want to do. Yeah. Yeah, he takes it however you want to give it.
Cap:
[58:37] If I have the option to smooch it over there, I'm going to smooch it over there. We're going to take a minute to get, like, hot and heavy while I spit this into his mouth.
Dylan:
[58:47] All right.
Crit:
[58:47] Oh, wow.
Dylan:
[58:47] You take out the bottle, uncork it with your thumb, and it pops off. You wink at him and then swirl it around and then put it all in your mouth like you're taking a shot. And then you lean over and spit it into his mouth. And then you slap him on the face after he's done nicely.
Cap:
[59:11] Gets him 14 healing points.
Crit:
[59:14] Damn.
Dylan:
[59:15] Nice. Yeah, he's looking much better. He coughs a bit and laughs a little bit, and then his eyes glaze over with rage.
Cap:
[59:24] That's right. We'll get him, tiger.
Dylan:
[59:28] Sir Miriam, now over close to Francesca.
Crit:
[59:32] Oh, wait, I thought Rox went before Sir Miriam.
Dylan:
[59:34] Oh, yeah, you're right. Rox, in a rage, swings on the dude next to us because he's next to the girlfie. And he don't like that one.
Cap:
[59:47] He's like standing really close to me.
Dylan:
[59:50] Oh, I crit.
Crit:
[59:51] I don't like it.
Cap:
[59:51] Oh, he turned him into paste.
Crit:
[59:57] It's because he smooched him.
Cap:
[59:59] I know, it's the power of love.
Dylan:
[1:00:03] Yeah, he was kind of hunched over a bit. And after you healed him thoroughly, he stood up at full height and just bisects. the guard that's right next to you guys quite into not uh fully completely you know like a cartoon well it's still kind of like a cartoon he gets most of the way through all the way to the front so it kind of splits back like a like a hot dog bun and uh falls falls backwards thank you, Yeah, and then he moves towards Sir Miriam, and that's the end of his turn. So now it is Sir Miriam's turn, who is now faced with rocks, and she's near Francesca. She pulls out a vial of something, and she raises it above her head, and she says, no closer or she dies and she's aiming this vial over at Francesca get your dog she says to Thea about rocks no.
Cap:
[1:01:15] Dogs here I'll sort of grab his shoulder and arm and sort of pull him back wait.
Dylan:
[1:01:24] He ran off. He's 30 feet away from you right now.
Cap:
[1:01:26] Shit, shit, shit.
Dylan:
[1:01:28] How'd he get over there?
Cap:
[1:01:29] Rocks!
Dylan:
[1:01:29] Because he ran right after killing that dude. He's so fast.
Cap:
[1:01:34] God damn it, he just never stops. Can I call after him? Can I run after him? Stop, honey, stop, stop.
Dylan:
[1:01:43] Yeah, you can get to him and try to calm him down from his rage. It might take some doing, though. but he's fully in the in kill mode right now it's hard to bring him down.
Cap:
[1:01:56] So i'll start plucking away at like the song that we came up with when we were little and it was what i used to use to sing everyone to bed.
Dylan:
[1:02:10] In the mercenary court company.
Cap:
[1:02:12] Before then oh before them yeah Yeah, we were little, little.
Dylan:
[1:02:17] Okay, roll a performance check and try to make him calm down.
Cap:
[1:02:24] 19.
Dylan:
[1:02:25] He hears you and you can see his breathing, his body language calm a bit as you've kind of used one of your safe words for his rage. and he recognizes it and now is starting to comprehend what is going on what she's saying, what's happening, Sir Merriam holds the vial and starts stepping away. Back up. Back up, she says to Rox. And he does. Rox keeps backing up and then looking at you, making sure you're not like, oh, okay, go on, you know.
Cap:
[1:03:03] Please, please let me kill her, please.
Dylan:
[1:03:05] Yeah, pretty much. And you're just like, no, no. And she says, good boy.
Cap:
[1:03:15] I get to say that.
Dylan:
[1:03:18] She says, I just wanted to see if the rumors were true. You've won this day, but I'll see you again. And she throws the vial and throws it past Francesca, landing between you and her in a huge cloud of thick, enveloping smoke. This obscures her vision completely. You obviously think she's making her get away right now. do you want to run after her or get eska or.
Crit:
[1:03:52] Choose eska get eska yeah all right and i i have to run through the smoke if there's poison smoke because you can't misty step through it if you can't see oh.
Dylan:
[1:04:04] Yeah it's uh it's more like a uh fog grenade.
Crit:
[1:04:08] Yeah um.
Dylan:
[1:04:09] She was bluffing.
Crit:
[1:04:10] And oh.
Cap:
[1:04:11] He's gonna be He's so mad at me.
Dylan:
[1:04:15] He's already pissed. He goes chasing after her.
Crit:
[1:04:19] Oh, he should have done like insight or like perception. Or like, what is that?
Cap:
[1:04:25] What's perception?
Crit:
[1:04:26] No, I think that's in an old version. I think they had that in like the last one. It's not in 5e.
Dylan:
[1:04:34] The room filled up with a thick white fog right about when he rocks got to you, Thea. And you put, you know, your hand on his shoulder right when he got there. And he immediately coughs and then realizes that it's not poison gas or anything like that. And she's on the lam. He is about to go chase after her. You can either hold him back or let him go.
Cap:
[1:04:58] I'm going to hold him.
Dylan:
[1:05:00] Okay. He struggles for a second and then looks at you and just nods. He trusts you in your judgment. If he's been raging, you guys have had that talk. You know, you got to rein him in when it's the right time. He hates to see him let go, though. He hates to see enemies get away.
Cap:
[1:05:16] I know. I know.
Dylan:
[1:05:17] You make your way through the fog and you find Eska there still struggling, looking quite put out.
Crit:
[1:05:25] I'm there to help her and cut her down in a way that looks safe.
Dylan:
[1:05:29] Yeah. You all rush over to her, and the attendants pull out, you know, a nice silk sheet that comes out of your bag, and they're, like, looking at you, making sure that you're okay with this. Or not a sheet, a robe, one of your robes. And they, yeah, they're like, and then so they pull it out and just drape it over her.
Cap:
[1:05:49] One of the really nice ones.
Dylan:
[1:05:51] Though? No, they didn't get the really, really, really nice one.
Cap:
[1:05:54] Okay, then yes.
Dylan:
[1:05:56] The green one. Yeah, they all fly over, and they start trying to undo this knot, feebly, you know, knots all over the place.
Crit:
[1:06:02] Yeah, we're just cutting the rope. Like, but God, we don't have safety scissors. We're smart.
Dylan:
[1:06:06] No, it's alright. You get her down. You end up holding her up and then Rox just slices the rope at the top so you can get her down. And once she's not suspended, it's a lot easier to just pull her out of this. It's less of her being tied up in more of like an artful way of tying ropes. Somebody perverted must have done this.
Cap:
[1:06:27] They hired a pervert?
Dylan:
[1:06:29] Like, hold on, wait a minute. Someone, somebody horny was here.
Crit:
[1:06:33] Where'd they find perverts? where did they find a pervert are.
Cap:
[1:06:38] Some of us working for them.
Crit:
[1:06:43] Absolutely not acceptable.
Dylan:
[1:06:45] Some people are weirdos i think something um yeah and you guys cut her out she takes the robe thankfully pulls the gag off she stands face flushed in embarrassment not shame but just like you saw her like fully naked tied up looking pretty hot to be honest, And so she's standing fully back at her normal, like, amount of gravity that she would standing there in your bathrobe. And she stretches her jaw for a moment. And then she says, thank you. We must be out of here. We must leave. You know, obviously wishes to leave this place immediately.
Crit:
[1:07:21] And I point to where all the blood is rushing into the building.
Dylan:
[1:07:24] You point out the doors of the tribunal theater at the Fountain of Blood as swarms of dragonborn and the so-called impure flood the cities through the church and the Fountain Square as you see them dispatching anyone left over, freeing prisoners, checking on the wounded, etc.
Cap:
[1:07:47] We're taking this fucking city, Eska.
Crit:
[1:07:50] We don't have to leave.
Dylan:
[1:07:51] And we'll end it there.
Cap:
[1:07:52] Woo!
Crit:
[1:07:53] Mm-mm. I got my girlfriend.
ReCap:
[1:07:58] Well, fuck me. That was heavy and not unstressful, but we did it. We rescued Eska and Rox and the city. This concludes chapter one of our story. Thank you, everyone, for coming on this ride with us. I'm excited to start chapter two and eager to hang out with y'all again next session. Stay healthy, happy, and horny. Until next time.