Astris and Thea continue their journey south. They make a small new friend and accidentally discover a new culture.
Cap:
[0:00] Hello, and welcome to Slash and Fuck, a stupid sexy D&D podcast. As the title suggests, we are a mature podcast and will be dealing with adult themes and content as our story unfolds. Since you're here, I want to thank you for starting this journey with us, and we hope you enjoy your stay. So without further ado, let's slip into something a little more comfortable.
Dylan:
[0:35] When we last left off let's see you guys had uh met very nice gil thaniel again and asked for his help and he took your stuff took your horse precious.
Cap:
[0:53] Stuff precious horse.
Dylan:
[0:56] Horse and uh you know it's in good hands he.
Crit:
[0:59] And that horse belonged it.
Cap:
[1:00] Sure is that horse is gonna be way happier.
Dylan:
[1:02] Yeah it doesn't belong on boats or going through caves weird like world tree-esque craziness it's.
Cap:
[1:11] Just it's just a horse it just wants to be a horse.
Dylan:
[1:14] Yeah and what it went through already you know yeah and he half eaten um and he gave you a mysterious uh sack or like a pillowcase of powder and told you what to look for down the road yeah so you guys found a very cleaned out clearing in the wilderness and use the bag, uh, patting it, letting the powder fly into the air and letting, uh, those, anyone who's around, you know, that you mean no harm. You were met by some men who took the sack of what appeared to be a very high quality stuff and were led inside to meet the queen slime directly and the slime queen, loved listening to all of what's been going on at least from your perspective you didn't get much information from her as she lives underground, about the last 10 years but you made a friend you didn't ask her name.
Cap:
[2:34] Um, why do I need to know the teacher's name?
Dylan:
[2:37] No, I don't know. I need to know her name. You know, I assume you guys were just giving a more formal, you know, your majesty or whatever. You did learn, uh, or gather that these tunnels that, uh, these men, uh, the bound men are digging are, uh, not only around the hive, but to the next hive for miles and miles, at least 50 miles. and uh from how they described it it's like they're expanding out in like a network underground so after um learning a bit about uh the slime queen you ran into an old uh mercenary uh mate miguel thea you ran into miguel uh he was given leave to have a conversation.
Dylan:
[3:29] With you and yeah you guys caught up a bit you found out uh the mercenary company had disbanded a few years ago uh rocks's last scene in the midlands likely in hiding from the covenant uh because he's one of them types you know unpure dragon dragon man yeah some kind of of magic there we don't like it yeah and after speaking with him for a little bit you guys head south down the tunnel how are you guys feeling you are now heading down this tunnel everything's dark by the way there's no torches you both have dark vision but yeah you've been doing a lot of traveling just in the dark and whether or not you can see it still kind of blankets you along the way you could light a torch or do some kind of spell if you have one um can.
Cap:
[4:32] I just like thaumaturgy like a small flame or something.
Dylan:
[4:35] Yeah cool you can do that yeah.
Cap:
[4:39] Like like a like a nightlight not a hello everyone we are here sort of like.
Dylan:
[4:44] Right yeah like a like a little candle or something.
Cap:
[4:48] Yeah, yeah. We'll do something like that. That's pretty cool. Yeah. I'd say, overall, Thea's pretty... I don't know. She's pretty strung out. Like, she's... tired and I think sort of in this in this long walk down this hallway taking stock of the last few days of her life and just really going oh what the fuck have I done and sort of reflecting on that and and having just got news of like her friends and like co-workers possibly being dead head and then and then instantly sort of having to like put her performer face back on and like perform all of this for like the slime queen and then having to like talk about her troop and then walking down this hallway she's just kind of in her own head and she's not really talking that much all.
Dylan:
[5:46] Right so the thaumaturgy flame is sort of a fiddle you know something to do with your hands.
Cap:
[5:54] Yeah your.
Dylan:
[5:56] Mind a bit how about astris i.
Crit:
[5:58] Think astris is kind of gritting her teeth a little bit just kind of thinking to trudge forward and get through this like it i think astris is used to long hours of suffering and toil or whatever but um this feels more purposeful in a way um now Now that we've got, I think, a direction to go and an enemy and she's trying to put aside, like, the sense of responsibility she feels over what happened to the town. So, yeah, I think she's probably kind of looking to Thea and maybe trying to distract herself by checking in with her because the flame's pretty cool looking. Yeah, I think Astris might just be kind of curious, might ask Thea, like, hey, where did you learn to do that?
Cap:
[6:47] Oh. This, I, gods, I've been doing it for so long, it's hard to remember. I think I figured it out at some point in the church funedge. It was dark there, and they didn't really have much in the way of candles, and other kids would stub their toes and shit. So I used to walk them around with this, but I got whooped for it more than once.
Crit:
[7:18] We'll say that.
Dylan:
[7:18] Much yeah you just can't help your uh wickedly magical nature can't help it scooping candles up in your hand and walking around with the flames.
Crit:
[7:28] Like a bastard yeah i think asterisk is like that was definitely not you know it's kind of like seeing someone smoke in front of you like when you're not a smoker you're like okay no that's actually you know i'm like it's not gross um it's nothing wrong with it it's really helpful right now actually so So that's cool. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I think we all had to teach ourselves how to get by in the church finage for different reasons.
Cap:
[7:56] They took you somewhere different, though, didn't they? You weren't with us for the whole time.
Crit:
[8:02] Yeah, no, I think I, I think for some reason they just had me selected for one of those gifted kids they called us. it it's gross looking back on it um because we weren't really any different but so.
Cap:
[8:18] In a way they did kind of want you to be their most gifted champion in a century.
Crit:
[8:23] Why did they.
Cap:
[8:25] Throw you away.
Crit:
[8:26] Well i mean i it was kind of my fault i.
Cap:
[8:30] I doubt that very much i.
Crit:
[8:33] I got close to one of the healers really close. She was my best friend and I got hurt really bad on one of the supposed to be a training exercise. You see this like see this cool scar?
Cap:
[8:49] Oh, that's a big one.
Crit:
[8:50] Yeah, it's a, she she's actually the reason i'm alive um so yeah she um she was amazing uh, like smart as a whip and really sassy uh reminds me a lot of you actually, yeah um we we got too close i say yeah so i.
Cap:
[9:17] Take it they didn't like that.
Crit:
[9:18] No they sent me away and I lost everything, and that's why I wound up at Haven.
Cap:
[9:25] Would you do it again?
Crit:
[9:30] Yeah. Atta girl.
Dylan:
[9:38] The asterisk you see in the shadows of the firelight as the flames dance around in Thea's hand, And you can see in the shadows of the firelight her attendants kind of mirroring her mood and look as you can see the shadows on their face in a dark cast. And they look like they're very pensive and, you know, they're doing little hand things as well, just hiding behind her hood along her shoulders.
Cap:
[10:18] That's adorable. I love them so much.
Crit:
[10:22] I mean, you look like a goddess.
Cap:
[10:24] Well, let's hope everyone else sees that too. It'll make my life a lot easier.
Dylan:
[10:32] So, we'll say that you guys, you're traveling easy, right? You're not... in too big of a hurry yeah i don't think we're not like we're.
Cap:
[10:42] Not like double timing.
Dylan:
[10:43] Right or.
Cap:
[10:44] Anything like that.
Dylan:
[10:44] Yeah you notice um there are holes that go up to the surface every once in a while i think it might be quarter mile something like that and it seems like they're mostly there They're for oxygen, but there are ladders, rope ladders, that lead up to these holes. The Slime Queen had mentioned that, you know, you can go up from there at any one of those. If you need to catch a bearing, see which way you're going.
Crit:
[11:20] Yeah, that seems like a good idea. I'll volunteer to go up there and see how far we've gone. All right. Sound good? yeah yeah.
Cap:
[11:29] That sounds good.
Crit:
[11:30] Cool i'll uh i'll just go up and i want to poke my head around get a look around obviously if there's anything dangerous i put my head back but um yeah just to get get our bearings i'll.
Cap:
[11:43] Hold the ladder steady and uh keep a keep an eye out down here all right um.
Crit:
[11:48] Oh hold um i want to put my armor on before i go up oh wait oh is that a good idea it's like how.
Cap:
[11:57] Would it be a bad idea.
Crit:
[11:58] If it seems more recognizable you.
Dylan:
[12:02] Mean like a bright shiny silver helmet pops out of a hole in the ground or.
Crit:
[12:06] Yeah but also if something bops me you know just to overthink this a little bit um you can go up.
Cap:
[12:14] And sort of like listen and like take a little peeky peek and if you.
Crit:
[12:18] Don't see anything.
Cap:
[12:19] You just stick your little head out.
Crit:
[12:20] That's true But if.
Cap:
[12:21] There's anyone up there, we'll just go down to the next one.
Crit:
[12:25] Yeah, and if I'm remembering correctly, I can deploy my armor as a free action?
Dylan:
[12:30] Uh... No, it was a, I can do it. It was at will at will at will. So that would, but it still takes up, let's say a move action.
Crit:
[12:47] Okay. I'll take that. Um, I was just going to start.
Dylan:
[12:53] So we'll say that you guys have been traveling for, you know, half a day or something and you want to go check the surface.
Cap:
[13:00] Okay.
Crit:
[13:01] Um, okay, cool. So I will leave my armor off and climb up to the surface. Pause for a moment. Pause for six seconds so I get my movement back. He's shaking his head.
Dylan:
[13:19] Are we doing in combat rounds? Is that how we're playing?
Cap:
[13:23] We slowed everything down so that it can happen in combat.
Dylan:
[13:27] Right.
Crit:
[13:28] I'm just scared, okay? I'm scared of the cops. That's all. Yeah. Um, I can't trust him. All right. I'm ready to pop my head out of the hole.
Dylan:
[13:39] All right. So you, um, climb all the way up the, the hole gets narrower as you go up and it's still smooth, uh, frighteningly smooth all the way up and down and you pop your head up and right Right next to you is a tree trunk that's growing up.
Crit:
[14:07] God, I almost shit my pants.
Dylan:
[14:09] Yeah, right next to you is the police. There's a tree trunk and or what appears to be a tree trunk right next to you, but you are surrounded by what looks to be like the canopy of a bush that reaches the ground. It's like there's this free camping spot. spot uh it looks like you know almost like a a leaf tent that sometimes uh shrubs will grow into nice and uh it's just a very uh thick uh trunk right here that obscures the hole.
Dylan:
[14:43] As you kind of look through the leaves you can tell you're in an elevated position and it looks familiar enough land to you that you're not exactly out of the greater haven even air region i guess uh quiet you're still in the uh rolling hills and grasslands um, it's still kind of it's still riverlands it's a bit later in the day the sun is hanging uh further off west in the sky and if you wait for a second and listen roll a perception check, 22 22 i'll say you you just decided to be quiet and listen for a good few minutes you distinguish the the wind and the wildlife from everything else around on the wind And you can hear what sounds like the familiar horns of a, you don't know how big, but generally a company or a big group of Covenant of Purity on horseback.
Cap:
[16:01] Oh, no.
Dylan:
[16:02] And they're south of you. Yeah, they're south of you heading north.
Cap:
[16:10] Oh, no.
Crit:
[16:11] Oh, that's great. Actually. They're heading away from where we're going.
Dylan:
[16:17] Yeah, you guys are heading south if you keep going south.
Cap:
[16:20] I don't like that they're amassing in the north.
Crit:
[16:21] I think we fooled them.
Cap:
[16:23] They think we're going to stay up there?
Crit:
[16:26] I think they're going to spend all their time and energy on Harmonica Man.
Cap:
[16:30] Wow, we were so convinced.
Crit:
[16:32] He's the final boss for them, maybe.
Dylan:
[16:34] Yeah, that's what they're stuck on. They're like, we need backup.
Crit:
[16:37] They're scared to approach.
Dylan:
[16:38] They're on the boat.
Crit:
[16:39] That's what I bombsawed.
Dylan:
[16:40] And she's casting spells. we know she's a bard yeah and this music is horrible it's.
Cap:
[16:47] Terrible cacophonous indeed.
Dylan:
[16:50] Yeah uh it seemed yeah it seems like i mean you're you're half a day south at least of uh haven and this would be either reinforcements all the way from dawn's light where your original orphanages from or there's more strongholds than you know along the way or more settlements either way there is a force large enough to carry banner and horn on the wind with.
Crit:
[17:27] A half day's notice.
Dylan:
[17:28] Yeah alright.
Crit:
[17:30] Well I climb down and report back to Thea I exasperatedly sigh but that seems like a good spot to rest if we're um i don't know how tired we are uh.
Dylan:
[17:46] It's like three or four p.m.
Crit:
[17:48] Okay yeah cool we haven't.
Cap:
[17:49] Been at it too long in earth time in me in earth time in your earth minutes yes yeah.
Crit:
[17:55] As the sundial crows.
Cap:
[17:59] Right like i've probably got another four hours or so of walking in me super we can keep going and.
Crit:
[18:09] I i hope that the rest of the exits are similar right i've, it makes a lot of sense that the hole is covered and safe for like the hive. So, yeah.
Cap:
[18:20] And they do seem to be very consistent.
Crit:
[18:23] Yes.
Dylan:
[18:23] If anything, um, one thing you didn't notice, uh, since you rolled a 22 perception, aside from what you hear is you noticed, uh, the, the amount you climbed, uh, was a good amount to get to the hole on top of this thing. The tunnels don't seem to vary much at all in height. It doesn't seem to go much down or up. And so you notice the landscape around you.
Crit:
[18:58] It's higher elevation.
Dylan:
[19:00] There are some parts that are shallower than others where the tunnel is. you don't know by how much but you know that the tunnel doesn't like go with the landscape above sure just cuts right through so.
Crit:
[19:17] It seems like we've gone under a hill or a mountain these tunnels are really really convenient then as a means of traveling under right that that's.
Cap:
[19:29] Great this is excellent slime queen seems to have well some things figured out quite a few i actively like try not to think about exactly how these tunnels are made i'm just kind of like yep not not my pig not my farm just keep going.
Dylan:
[19:45] Yeah i mean it does seem rather convenient for at least the slimes yeah to have this kind of underground tunnel network maybe something to look into too.
Crit:
[19:57] Just a happy alliance.
Dylan:
[20:01] Yeah. The tunnels, much like the ones in the hive, are again smooth and polished. You caught a glimpse of the tunnels being built at the other place, so you can just imagine a scaled-up version. Alright, so are you guys continuing down? You're going further for the rest of the day, probably, before you make up camp. So you guys continue on Um, let's say for a few more hours, make a perception check. Both of you.
Cap:
[20:32] Okay.
Crit:
[20:35] 19?
Cap:
[20:36] 15.
Dylan:
[20:38] 15 and 19?
Cap:
[20:39] Yeah.
Dylan:
[20:40] Okay. There is, off in down the tunnel a ways, something catches your eye on the ground. And the only reason why it catches your eye is because there hasn't really been any debris or rocks or anything like that. In fact, you almost missed it because it just looks like a rock on the ground. but it's you both kind of look at it look at each other it's the first rock we've seen.
Crit:
[21:10] What's that i'll i ain't afraid of no rock.
Dylan:
[21:16] I'm gonna approach it i'm.
Cap:
[21:18] Gonna approach it and we're gonna touch the mystery object, okay yeah.
Dylan:
[21:24] Wait you're gonna you're gonna punch it yeah.
Crit:
[21:28] I'm gonna.
Cap:
[21:29] I'm gonna kill it i.
Crit:
[21:31] Would like to destroy this i heard that she's gonna seduce it and then eat it, destroy it and then destroy it are.
Dylan:
[21:39] You both approaching it what's going on yeah.
Crit:
[21:41] We're in a three-way relationship with her.
Dylan:
[21:43] And i can't tell what's ironic and what's not what what are you doing i'm.
Cap:
[21:47] Going to pick it up.
Dylan:
[21:48] Okay so i'm just.
Cap:
[21:49] Gonna pick it up like just picking it up all.
Dylan:
[21:51] Right so i mean it's about 10 inches across oh it's like yeah it's it's not like a skipping Oh.
Cap:
[22:00] I thought it was like the size of like a quarter or something.
Crit:
[22:02] Yeah, now I'm alarmed.
Dylan:
[22:05] Yeah, and it's a smooth rock, the same color as the tunnel.
Crit:
[22:10] Oh, okay.
Dylan:
[22:11] As you approach it, you notice that it's quite polished. And yeah, looks like a rock as you get closer. Do you want to touch it now?
Cap:
[22:22] Yeah, does it look like it? Is there a place on the ceiling or the walls that it looked like it came out of? Does it look like it would go anywhere? Or does it just look like a rock?
Dylan:
[22:35] No, there's not a hole that it looks like it popped out of.
Crit:
[22:39] Okay.
Dylan:
[22:40] It kind of looks like one of those sphere geodes you find in Slate, almost.
Cap:
[22:47] Oh, okay.
Dylan:
[22:48] But polished. uh it's not quite perfectly spherical um it doesn't roll it's like flat on the bottom and pick it up.
Cap:
[22:59] Yeah.
Dylan:
[23:00] As you go to pick it up, you go to touch it.
Cap:
[23:04] I touch it.
Dylan:
[23:05] It is more like picking up, like as you touch it, it's more like touching a water balloon as your fingers start to like sink into it as you go to lift it. Do you let go?
Cap:
[23:20] Yeah, because that's weird. That's not what I thought was going to happen. And I'm suddenly very yucked. Oh, oh, Astros. Oh, Ashtris, Ashtris, my fingers went into that. Oh, it's not a rock.
Crit:
[23:32] What?
Dylan:
[23:32] When you let it go, it kind of bobs and like bounces a little bit.
Crit:
[23:37] Can I see that?
Dylan:
[23:39] Yeah, you can see it. It looks like it quivers a little bit. And then it starts to like, not really roll, but move. Move away from you. And it looks like it's kind of shaking as it goes. but it's not going super fast. It's a little belabored, maybe.
Cap:
[24:03] Best of luck, your majesty? I don't know where this little goop is going, but I wish it the best of luck.
Dylan:
[24:11] When you say your majesty, it stops.
Cap:
[24:15] Oh, fuck.
Dylan:
[24:16] And it just kind of quivers. And you see out of this blob, it shimmers a bit and it changes color. and it's pink you notice within it within the pink blob is a like a silver diamond shining similar to how the uh the the slime queen had her uh pupils and her nipples were diamonds oh.
Crit:
[24:46] It's a baby slime princess oh slime princess.
Dylan:
[24:51] It looks like there's like a point coming out of it and it's just kind of waving like towards you um both of you does.
Crit:
[25:02] She want to be picked up i wonder i.
Cap:
[25:05] Bow and offer my hands for her to slither onto if she should desire.
Dylan:
[25:09] Okay what about you estrus um.
Crit:
[25:13] I take a knee.
Dylan:
[25:14] All right beside yeah.
Crit:
[25:18] She's royalty, so.
Dylan:
[25:20] It starts to approach, but then it just kind of, it seems like it's getting slower as it's approaching and it's quivering and it just kind of keeps wiggling its point a little bit. And then it finally gets over to you guys. Are you holding your hand out, Asterisk, or are you just taking a knee in?
Crit:
[25:41] Is she big enough that I need to help?
Cap:
[25:43] No, she's like about 10 inches.
Crit:
[25:45] Okay. No, then I think I'm just part of this. Okay. Yeah.
Dylan:
[25:52] All right. So when it doesn't like crawl up into your hands, but it touches your finger with the tip of its slimy point.
Cap:
[26:03] Aw.
Dylan:
[26:04] And when it touches your finger, you are overcome suddenly and very quickly with a like blurred visions and flashes of emotions. And you more like concepts of things, but it's very fast and nearly overwhelming. But all you feel is fear, heat, mother, anguish, darkness, loneliness, mother, fear, darkness.
Cap:
[26:43] Aww.
Crit:
[26:45] Poor baby. Wait, fire.
Cap:
[26:47] I kind of clasp my chest with one of my hands, the one that she isn't touching. And I'm like overwhelmed for a minute and like kind of need to like catch my breath. And I look down at it and I go, oh, little one, that's so sad.
Crit:
[27:07] Asterisk, she's all alone. Oh, she's just.
Cap:
[27:11] She seems lost.
Crit:
[27:13] Oh, she's just a baby.
Cap:
[27:14] Looking for her mother or a mother or something. Care.
Crit:
[27:20] Did she?
Cap:
[27:21] Or fleeing mother. I don't know.
Crit:
[27:23] Did she communicate with you?
Cap:
[27:25] When she touched me, I got this surge of feelings and notions. I've never felt anything quite like it.
Crit:
[27:37] Wow.
Cap:
[27:38] Right?
Crit:
[27:40] Wow. Hi, little buddy. Can I put a finger up too?
Cap:
[27:43] Yeah.
Dylan:
[27:44] Um yeah it touches your finger as well and you get the the same the heat and fear mother loneliness anguish i.
Cap:
[27:57] Think thea this is this is probably like a small like breaking point for thea that's too much like feeling all of that was too much and she just has like this like these silent tears just kind of coming down her face at like feeling that kind of like anguish and loneliness and all of that. And she like looks at the little princess and holds out her hands and is like, you can come with us if you want to. We can take you to where you need to be.
Dylan:
[28:33] Roll an insight check, both of you.
Cap:
[28:36] I'm like, how important is this? Do I inspire you?
Crit:
[28:39] It's cornered. Can I re-roll it?
Cap:
[28:44] Oh that's pretty good oh i got a dirty.
Dylan:
[28:48] 20 dirty 20.
Crit:
[28:52] Okay i rolled a one all.
Dylan:
[28:54] Right um asterisk you were more overwhelmed by this the flash of emotions and everything uh then thea was it was jarring and caught you totally um could.
Crit:
[29:10] I say i feel like i'm a little fixated on the fire.
Dylan:
[29:13] Yeah yeah the fire really uh got to you yeah thea uh something about when while you were feeling uh those emotions and everything like that thinking about it you feel like you didn't just um communicate it wasn't a one-way communication i.
Cap:
[29:35] Not only felt her she felt me.
Dylan:
[29:38] That's what it felt like yeah if you were to intuit that kind of communication you had it was you both got to know each other a bit, she was projecting, what she was feeling obviously this is in the forefront of her mind but to you it seemed like this is also like who are you you know and so she got a bit of an understanding of both of you she doesn't crawl into your hands uh she crawls around she.
Cap:
[30:19] Crawls into astris's butthole into.
Crit:
[30:22] My animal handling.
Dylan:
[30:23] Into my animal.
Cap:
[30:25] Handling directly into the animal handling that's.
Crit:
[30:30] Where i keep my animals.
Cap:
[30:33] Handles it's a good place to keep them.
Dylan:
[30:34] Do you have an equipment sheet or um.
Crit:
[30:37] Am i missing something on there i know i put torches and um what did i sneak on there yeah there's duct tape i have duct tape, yeah what what are you checking what are you checking dm.
Dylan:
[30:50] Well you know what you're carrying a bunch i was just thinking we hadn't gone through like who's carrying what or whatever because it didn't matter and it doesn't usually matter but just for uh the sake of, 20 i wasted a 20 damn you it's checked off permanently from this red sheet in the sky yeah um it's like yahtzee i'll never get that 20 back anyway so that means asterisk uh you are carrying that uh carafe health potion yes um and oh.
Crit:
[31:29] She's hurt of course.
Dylan:
[31:30] She starts climbing up your leg asterisk and uh you're like at first you're like okay yeah you can come with me i I assume like.
Crit:
[31:40] Oh, she likes me.
Dylan:
[31:41] Um, yeah. Like she immediately like you were, you were holding your hands out to her, Thea. And she just immediately went over to Astros. Uh, just like a cat.
Cap:
[31:49] Yeah.
Dylan:
[31:50] And you're like on the inside.
Crit:
[31:51] I'm like, yes.
Dylan:
[31:52] Yeah. She chose me. Uh, anyway, she gets up to your, uh, to your backpack, uh, the side bag where you keep your, your, where you can grab things quickly. Uh, and in those, in that bag is where you keep your potions.
Crit:
[32:05] Oh yeah. It's like the water bottle.
Dylan:
[32:06] Um, um, she is going towards that that bag and you're like oh she's hurt i see yeah okay so i get that out um and.
Crit:
[32:14] I i pour some on her i pour one out for the homie.
Dylan:
[32:16] Yeah does.
Cap:
[32:17] She want to get inside of it.
Dylan:
[32:20] Um yeah it looks like she kind of does, she's like stop you know like kind of plugging it as you're pouring oh you have health potions which she's just going straight for that thing okay.
Crit:
[32:31] I mean i'm like.
Dylan:
[32:32] So go on you pop it open and then she just kind of crawls in and absorbs. So nothing spills out of it. So it's a strange thing. It's like the pink slime goes into this red carafe. And as it goes in, the level of the potion stays at the top and then eventually starts draining until it's empty.
Crit:
[33:00] Cool.
Dylan:
[33:03] She uh she crawls out of the carafe uh and seems happy i seems like this um, slime works with vibes and physical contact nice um and do you have your armor deployed right now or half deployed i mean you don't have your helmet on usually yeah.
Crit:
[33:27] No helmet i think i I stayed in plain clothes to go up the tunnel.
Dylan:
[33:32] Okay.
Crit:
[33:33] And I got my little belly button jewel.
Dylan:
[33:34] All right. She's going to stay in the carafe. She won't crawl out and closes the lid over the top.
Cap:
[33:44] It's like a pokeball.
Crit:
[33:46] She's so cute. I love her.
Dylan:
[33:48] Now it seems like she's kind of got a vibrating thing there.
Crit:
[33:52] Excuse me?
Dylan:
[33:53] She's vibrating a bit.
Cap:
[33:55] She's purring?
Crit:
[33:55] She's, yeah. She's, I have a vibrator now?
Dylan:
[33:58] No, not in a vibrator way. Not like a magic wand is on in your bag. Like a kitten is purring.
Crit:
[34:06] Oh, that's nice.
Cap:
[34:07] Like a purr.
Dylan:
[34:07] But there's no noise. It's just the vibration. So it seems like she might be resting now.
Crit:
[34:13] Oh.
Cap:
[34:14] Adorable.
Crit:
[34:15] My heart is warmed and also literally consumed by flames.
Cap:
[34:19] We made a friend.
Crit:
[34:20] We made a friend. The cutest friend. I know. What if she grows up to be a fucking 12 out of 10 banging ass babe?
Cap:
[34:30] Right? It's like a little baby ditto with a diamond.
Crit:
[34:34] Yeah. man fucking man i don't think we're gonna have any problems with cops are we gonna be good feeling about this man i got are we.
Cap:
[34:43] Raising a slime now.
Crit:
[34:44] This is my slime wife and our slime daughter yeah she's our slime daughter i think that's our slime daughter for for if anyone asks.
Dylan:
[34:54] Yeah you.
Cap:
[34:55] Know if in case anyone asks what we're doing down here this is this is the play.
Crit:
[35:04] And as we know dylan laughs at our plans so.
Dylan:
[35:10] I mean it's amazing it's not that detailed of a plan or no it's a plan you guys are having fun i don't think so it's.
Cap:
[35:20] Adorable i'm so happy oh princess yay.
Dylan:
[35:23] Uh that does beg the question where did she come from which would probably be further down the hill down the uh tunnel and something must have happened down there yeah something sad uh as you continue on you are about i'd say an hour or two away from setting up camp the slime is still resting you feel it and sort of sense it before you really before anything but you both stop, as you hear a rumbling.
Cap:
[36:02] Oh no. Asterisk.
Crit:
[36:06] Did you feel that? Yeah, I felt that.
Dylan:
[36:09] And it's coming from ahead.
Crit:
[36:11] Are you doing that?
Dylan:
[36:15] And it's faint and then starts to get louder. And the rumbling becomes very, very loud as it becomes a roar through this tunnel. As above you, you start to hear the shaking and roaring of many, many horses and soldiers and their armor and everything clanging above you.
Crit:
[36:45] Fuck is that going north south or south north.
Dylan:
[36:49] Uh south north you asterisk you think it's who you heard earlier in the day uh so yeah you're hearing the the shouting and armor clattering um as it's passing you asterisk you're realizing this um just out of hand i mean this sounds like dozens of horses like large amounts of forces here being pulled and they're all riding hard and uh i mean you can pick up on that too it just keeps going and going and then behind you north of you as the uh there's dust coming from the ceiling and cracks are kind of forming here and there micro cracks behind you there is rocks beginning to fall from the ceiling oh shit you hear it clattering on this polished floor and rolling um and a click clickety-clack and more faster and faster as the rumbling continues uh.
Crit:
[37:56] Can we run for one of those After something we need to run. Yeah.
Dylan:
[38:01] So.
Crit:
[38:02] To the rope.
Dylan:
[38:03] You're running further south and you're not quite near a opening.
Crit:
[38:08] Fuck.
Dylan:
[38:09] Right now. But the, you hear the clittering and clattering of rocks and stuff become much louder and crashing. And you can't hear much of anything now.
Crit:
[38:23] I want to get my shield out and position it above our heads.
Dylan:
[38:28] Okay just in case are you uh armory yes for sure um magical girl transformation, you're not getting hit by rocks um you know it's not coming down on your heads but it's coming down behind you you don't know if it's cascading behind you not.
Cap:
[38:50] Gonna stop to find out.
Dylan:
[38:51] Right Right, so you're pushing it, and the whole place is shaking with the mass that's falling around. And you can't tell if the horses are still above you, but everything seems to be shaking. And I need you to roll Dex saving throws, both of you.
Cap:
[39:10] Oh, no! Oh, natural 20.
Dylan:
[39:16] All right.
Crit:
[39:19] 14.
Dylan:
[39:20] All right.
Cap:
[39:22] This pink dye is good today.
Crit:
[39:24] Cool.
Dylan:
[39:28] The ground shifts beneath your feet as you're running. it feels like the floor now is either moving because of all the mass, piling up behind you or something but you nearly fall down just as the floor starts to split and crack, beneath your feet but neither of you stumble you actually are very nimble about it you're like oop ding ding ding and you uh it looks like you're ready for this actually um astris i want to say that your armor and your shield routine uh happens during this little uh you know you're like not on my watch fuck yeah um thank you astris got you babe well thea you're just like running on the ceiling you rolled a 20 oh.
Crit:
[40:19] My fucking god i don't got you coming up.
Dylan:
[40:21] You got me enjoy joy um yeah and uh as you keep running uh now both of you are coming to the realization that the floor is actually giving out now um it's it's not just kind of a seesaw thing uh there's, the floor is falling out beneath your feet here it doesn't look like it's falling into nothingness but the rocks are crashing down about 10 15 feet maybe around you now you can jump if you want to try to jump to the other side this is one of those crumbling bridge gimmicks from Zelda okay so you can either first roll a perception or insight check whichever one is higher.
Cap:
[41:14] 12 fucking nine.
Dylan:
[41:16] Um yeah it uh it doesn't seem like like uh a scary fall well it doesn't seem like a fall that will kill you unless you get crushed by rocks you can see some floor but you can't really make out what it is you know there's there's a structure underneath okay um um.
Cap:
[41:38] Is there Do we have any way of knowing how close we are to one of the up passages with the rope ladders?
Crit:
[41:48] Yeah, based on how long it's been. Average spacing.
Dylan:
[41:53] Too long. Sorry, you passed one about a half an hour ago. In Earth minutes.
Cap:
[42:01] In your Earth minutes.
Dylan:
[42:03] That's right.
Crit:
[42:04] So there's one a half an hour ahead and a half an hour behind.
Dylan:
[42:07] Mind yeah like an hour yeah anyway you just you just passed one a little bit too far we're boned so uh i'm gonna have you guys uh either roll acrobatics or athletics i.
Crit:
[42:21] Want to remember the mushroom jumping all the mushroom jumping we've been doing to train for this moment.
Dylan:
[42:27] It seems like everything's crashing downward um hanging on to anything upward might also be be dangerous as well okay i'm.
Cap:
[42:37] Gonna bardically inspire uh asterisk real quick you're so good i'm counting on you.
Crit:
[42:47] Let's go plus.
Cap:
[42:48] Six oh no i'm.
Crit:
[42:53] Gonna use the bardic inspiration.
Cap:
[42:55] Six eggs 18.
Dylan:
[42:59] 18 all right so asterisk you ruled high enough I'm gonna give you the option to jump across and not fall down into the hole with Thea.
Cap:
[43:14] Bye.
Dylan:
[43:15] Or go with Thea and not get injured on your way down.
Crit:
[43:19] I'll go with Thea.
Dylan:
[43:21] Okay.
Cap:
[43:23] You fool.
Crit:
[43:25] Better together.
Dylan:
[43:27] You rolled pretty high, so I'm only going to do five damage to Thea.
Crit:
[43:36] Ugh.
Cap:
[43:36] Woo. Okay. Sick.
Dylan:
[43:40] That's from landing. uh you didn't land with a whole bunch of other five damage well you didn't land with uh like a rock slide getting buried and killed instantly so that's good god um you're not really sure when the rocks are gonna stop falling so it's kind of like i didn't die great you know you can still run for now uh yeah you both landed asterisk was like jumping to reach the other side and then and kicked the wall and shot downward when she saw that you didn't make it, Thea.
Cap:
[44:10] Oh, my God. Mushroom jumping.
Crit:
[44:13] Dang.
Dylan:
[44:13] Yeah, just changed course instantly, like, no. And she had her shield out as she was diving towards you and deflected some rocks that would have probably hurt real bad. Real bad.
Cap:
[44:27] Oh, thank you, Asteris.
Crit:
[44:31] Are you okay?
Cap:
[44:33] Oh, I've been better. That didn't feel great.
Dylan:
[44:35] Still roaring our rocks are still falling oh god i gotta go so you are gonna say go in the only direction you know and that's forward uh the only direction you can go amen and it is uh, as you run uh you're in a dust cloud and there are rocks and everything's still falling behind you and rolling uh next to you and let's see.
Cap:
[45:09] There's a lot of dice stop it.
Crit:
[45:12] Um if if any of this can be considered an attack by the rocks on the uh um i can use my reaction to impose disadvantage on the rocks on the rocks.
Dylan:
[45:27] Oh yeah cause.
Crit:
[45:28] I took the protection um feet of a fighter.
Dylan:
[45:35] Needs a chaperone grandpa's running the game and this is a falling rocks trap essentially which has no save um it is just damage no attack, it's like the trap where the walls just slap shut and you just take damage I've been attacked by the rocks yeah Yeah, gravity and rocks don't really have a say, but... But since you are intervening, you're taking all the damage.
Crit:
[46:05] Oh, good. Yeah. Thank God.
Cap:
[46:08] Thank you.
Crit:
[46:11] Yeah, I want to, like, act like it's not hurting me. I'm like, get to safety.
Dylan:
[46:17] You're so strong. You get pelted by about three or four rocks that just happen to hit you in soft spots. uh you know collarbone uh you know chips of it going under your mask you know and hitting and scratching damn this armor so revealing yeah um and you take nine damage, and that is getting out of the falling rock storm as you guys both uh, get out of it the the rocks stop falling it seems like you're just hearing the very last things settling big dust cloud but you made it through the worst of it.
Cap:
[46:56] Oh man dust everywhere i'm covered i'm disgusted my girls will have to clean me up eventually.
Dylan:
[47:02] Yeah uh they're definitely in in your bag right now oh yeah i should stay there pretending to to be a part of this god.
Crit:
[47:10] I'm so glad we found the slime me.
Cap:
[47:13] Too she would have gotten hurt.
Crit:
[47:15] Yeah.
Dylan:
[47:16] That's true um speaking of the slime it uh you look down at your bag and the slime is crawling out of uh its carafe seems to be shattered it had lost its magical properties once it had been drunk so oh it doesn't shattered she consumed consumed it oh yeah she's a consumer she.
Crit:
[47:43] Magically consumed it got it.
Dylan:
[47:45] Dang she's She's expensive.
Crit:
[47:47] I love her.
Dylan:
[47:48] Yeah. And she just kind of slides out of it and then slides into the folds of your armor and just kind of disappears quicker than you're like, ah, ah, ah. And yeah, now she's under your armor.
Crit:
[48:01] Yeah.
Dylan:
[48:02] And she's kind of slipping around and spreading out. And yeah.
Crit:
[48:07] That's cold.
Cap:
[48:09] Yeah. What does that feel like?
Dylan:
[48:11] And then she's like, once she gets the shape, she kind of like goes a lot faster, just up and down and up and down and then finds a comfy spot around your hips.
Crit:
[48:22] Hilarious okay wait yeah we're good oh man it's like a nice wedgie glad i got to see that coming, so we're friends yeah i think yeah i can see that, uh
Dylan:
[48:41] He loves.
Cap:
[48:42] You much more than me.
Crit:
[48:45] I'm like what did i win.
Cap:
[48:48] A sentient wedgie.
Crit:
[48:52] Is she warmer or colder than my body temperature has it evened out by now.
Dylan:
[48:58] It's evened out okay yeah yeah it was a it was a not cold but not your temperature right away different yeah chilly, um so i mean that's kind of uh beside the trauma you just went through of surviving a cave-in essentially thea you're more focused on uh your parts if they're all there uh and yeah everything's still intact you're a little bit beat up uh from the fall so is asterisk um you might need some healing yeah um just taking stock of yourself nothing uh, No injury is too grievous. It seems like Asteris is okay because you look over at her and she's kind of jumping and giggling a little bit.
Cap:
[49:52] Oh, well, you seem fine.
Crit:
[49:54] Sorry. I can't help it.
Dylan:
[49:57] But she is kind of bloody.
Cap:
[49:59] Oh, man. Oh, that sucked. Where the hell are we now?
Crit:
[50:06] Yeah, I guess we should hoof it to the next exit and just see what happened. Maybe we can rest there.
Cap:
[50:13] Can we even get back up there?
Crit:
[50:15] That's a great question.
Dylan:
[50:18] Doesn't seem like it.
Crit:
[50:19] Sorry, I forgot that we're at a second level down. Yeah. Yeah, okay, my bad.
Dylan:
[50:25] You are further down in what is a rectangular cave, or tunnel, rather.
Cap:
[50:36] Oh, it's different.
Dylan:
[50:37] It's different. There's more natural features, rocks, stones coming out of the walls and stuff, most of it's uh rectangular and uh quite large uh about you want to say at least 15 feet tall ceilings um you know 10 10 foot tall at least uh hallway you're standing in right now um again total darkness um i'll.
Cap:
[51:07] Um uh light a little cantrip on my hand to see i.
Dylan:
[51:12] Mean you don't really need it you both have dark vision uh it's just you don't really get much of the colors of the detail apparently got it flame yeah uh yeah you can light uh light a flame if you like yeah the way back up seems to be a no-go um yeah.
Cap:
[51:31] No i can't i cannot get my ass back up that no way.
Dylan:
[51:34] And kind of filled in anything. Yeah, you're in a tunnel. There is one direction forward in this one. It looks like it goes south, but you can tell that, There's another direction it could be going. It's a little bit out of the range of your vision, but it looks like there's some sort of branch at the end of this corridor.
Cap:
[52:01] Well, I guess we're going this way now.
Crit:
[52:07] Yeah.
Dylan:
[52:08] Good choice.
Cap:
[52:10] It splits. I don't know which way is more south.
Crit:
[52:14] Ask your underwear. Does the air coming... out feel any different is there a draft does.
Cap:
[52:23] Your underwear get warmer if you go to one.
Crit:
[52:27] Yeah hole.
Cap:
[52:27] Over the other because like that's how it worked for me.
Crit:
[52:30] Yeah i mean i was just gonna feel if the air coming out was warmer so yeah if there's any like bodily experiences i'm having with the slime or my armor or in any of any of the three layers i'm wearing.
Dylan:
[52:45] Um it's a shame they don't have dungeoneering as a skill anymore, um yeah i mean you can make some insight checks or survival survival maybe if you want uh you do know that the direction that you can go is south okay and because you were heading south the tunnel that you fell into is beneath the tunnel. It looks older but larger. Like more packed in. There's no roots. It's an old one. It's been there for a long time.
Crit:
[53:21] I rolled an 11 survival.
Dylan:
[53:23] 11? You can roll. You already failed your roll. Thea, you can roll.
Crit:
[53:30] Thanks!
Dylan:
[53:31] Okay.
Cap:
[53:33] For survival?
Dylan:
[53:34] Survival or perception or insight.
Cap:
[53:38] These are all wisdom-y things. Okay, hold on.
Dylan:
[53:42] They are.
Cap:
[53:42] Let's see. What do the... Nope. That'll be a five.
Dylan:
[53:50] Five? All right.
Crit:
[53:51] Did she fail too? Yes.
Cap:
[53:53] Nope.
Dylan:
[53:54] Way worse.
Cap:
[53:54] Very, very fast.
Crit:
[53:56] Big failure. Big failure. Bunch of big fail stacks. All right, well, my slime wants to roll. Fucking no. Yeah.
Dylan:
[54:03] All right, so you guys, since you have no other direction to go, you head forward.
Crit:
[54:09] Yeah, let's go south.
Dylan:
[54:10] And as you go forward, about 75 yards down, the tunnel does go to a T-connector with you on the leg. And either way in front of you, you have to the left would be east and to the right would be west.
Cap:
[54:32] Which way is the midlands the.
Dylan:
[54:35] Midlands would be south of you uh okay it's generally uh, south westerly of you okay.
Cap:
[54:44] Let's go west all right there.
Dylan:
[54:48] You go seems fine she's like my boyfie's down there he.
Cap:
[54:53] Might be we gotta go see if he's there.
Crit:
[54:55] Super oh um rocks right yeah oh yeah of course that makes perfect sense yeah.
Dylan:
[55:02] All right so you guys take a right heading west, And you end up walking for another 100 yards or so. The hallway ends up opening up into a big rectangular room with hallways on each side or entryways on each side to different tunnels.
Cap:
[55:32] So if we went west, we'll want to try to go south again. So we'll want to try to find the most southerly tunnel.
Dylan:
[55:40] As you guys are in the center of this tunnel, you hear sounds. No sounds you even need to strain for. You are now hearing footsteps, heavy, heavy footsteps from the corridors surrounding you. Aside from the one you just came through.
Crit:
[56:03] Sorry, I was drawing a map.
Dylan:
[56:05] You hear a heavy uh beast shield kind of breathing uh um coming down these tunnels and uh as you're you know i'm sure you're kind of frozen there be like okay need to back up a bit um get.
Cap:
[56:25] Back into our tunnel you.
Dylan:
[56:27] Start to back up when uh What comes into view.
Crit:
[56:32] You don't have your light up, right?
Cap:
[56:33] What?
Crit:
[56:34] You don't have your light. I'll get rid of that. Okay, yeah, yeah.
Dylan:
[56:36] Okay. What comes into view are horned, large, what seem to be bovine-like beings standing about nine ten feet tall hunched over small short horns long snouts very cow-like carrying weapons they are.
Crit:
[57:08] Are they naked?
Dylan:
[57:13] No, they've got like what appears to be simple garb, sashes, things like that. So they can be seduced. Something like that. They seem civilized, maybe. If that's like your first take on it, it's like, can they be spoken to, maybe?
Cap:
[57:31] Yeah.
Dylan:
[57:31] You see the glint of the eyes both of you see the glint of the eyes from all three tunnels around you as you're backing up into your own tunnel, and oh no, faster than you realize they're all in the room, very very quickly and they don't make a lot of noise surprisingly you can hear their their footsteps but they don't roar or anything like that and they come up short and they level their spears at you i put.
Cap:
[58:13] My hands up and i say we mean no harm yeah same they.
Dylan:
[58:17] Kind of shake their heads um and the one in the center steps forward and says you caused this you caused this.
Cap:
[58:28] And no, we were victims of it. We fell through the ceiling from a tunnel above a tunnel above.
Dylan:
[58:35] She kind of what you're starting to get the impression of a feminine person makes a noise to the others. And they kind of repeat that sound and they shake their heads and seems to be annoyance. she asks what is your business here we.
Cap:
[59:01] Are traveling southward and we're using tunnels to do so but they crumbled uh beneath our feet and we found ourself here um we are but simple travelers trying to make our way south she.
Dylan:
[59:16] Seems to uh gauge you look you up and down Asterisk as well. Asterisk, you look more battle-ready.
Crit:
[59:25] Oh, uh...
Dylan:
[59:26] And what is it that you flee from?
Cap:
[59:30] Is there anything about fleeing?
Dylan:
[59:33] You are from the surface. Why do you use the tunnels? You are not to know of the tunnels.
Cap:
[59:40] No, we... We hide from the Covenant, like many do.
Dylan:
[59:46] They, uh... It seems like there's some recognition there. Between all three of them.
Cap:
[59:51] Horns. Horns. We get it, right?
Dylan:
[59:54] You point at your horns and hers. You can't tell if she laughs or scoffs. It was bestial when she does it. But either way, she says, Lucky for you, you were not found by the bulls.
Cap:
[1:00:09] Oh. Oh, no. How sad, indeed.
Crit:
[1:00:15] Oh, no.
Dylan:
[1:00:17] You will come with us. We will deliberate, and we will decide what to do with you.
Cap:
[1:00:23] Yes, ma'am.
Dylan:
[1:00:25] They raise their spears, but the one in the center pulls out some, like, cloth, and she says, you will wear these. And they're just bags, and they put them over their heads.
Crit:
[1:00:42] Oh.
Cap:
[1:00:42] Oh, okay. Okay, I thought I had to put a potato sack on.
Dylan:
[1:00:48] No, you don't look uncute. You look like you're being arrested for being too sexy.
Cap:
[1:00:52] Okay, that's fine.
Crit:
[1:00:54] That's fine.
Cap:
[1:00:55] I can do that, but I was not going to wear a fucking potato sack instead of this shit.
Crit:
[1:01:00] No, you're still a straight. Last straw.
Dylan:
[1:01:02] Yeah. You kind of look like a hot scarecrow.
Cap:
[1:01:08] Ooh, yes.
Dylan:
[1:01:10] So each of you are taken by an arm and guided and you hear say, no one may map out the labyrinth and you get taken on quite a walk many turns, it might be that they're taking more turns just to confuse you if you're trying to keep track are either of you trying to keep track.
Cap:
[1:01:38] I was i feel like she tried but like stopped paying attention after like we got lost pretty fucking immediately like she tried but failed immediately yeah.
Crit:
[1:01:49] I'm trying to because.
Dylan:
[1:01:50] You are it.
Crit:
[1:01:51] Just it's hard not to.
Dylan:
[1:01:53] Okay i will give you three roles at disadvantage.
Cap:
[1:01:58] Cool can i can i bardically inspire i don't waste it.
Dylan:
[1:02:05] Uh i don't.
Cap:
[1:02:07] Know is this that important don't waste it okay.
Dylan:
[1:02:09] And it is like casting i have one less let.
Crit:
[1:02:13] Me know you want it i just want to do this in my head this is just me okay yeah you wouldn't even know that's.
Cap:
[1:02:18] True that's really.
Dylan:
[1:02:19] Yeah she's doing the taken thing good.
Crit:
[1:02:22] Yeah all right um so roll three times.
Dylan:
[1:02:25] Three times at disadvantage give me this um.
Crit:
[1:02:29] Okay i'm gonna do this on the floor because it's important.
Cap:
[1:02:35] Visibility, you understand.
Dylan:
[1:02:37] It would be like insight or something. We can give you an insight.
Cap:
[1:02:42] Survival?
Dylan:
[1:02:44] Nature? Yeah, just use insight.
Cap:
[1:02:53] I rolled two twos oh.
Dylan:
[1:02:56] Man anomalous.
Cap:
[1:03:02] That could have been worse 13.
Crit:
[1:03:04] 5 and 10.
Dylan:
[1:03:06] You were feeling good at the beginning you're like okay left right 10 paces you know you had it going and then they stopped for a second and then they turned you around and walked 50 paces back into the left. And that just, for some reason threw you completely off. You're like, wait, left or left. And you lost it.
Crit:
[1:03:29] Yeah.
Dylan:
[1:03:29] Um, you tried to, you tried to pick it up at the end there, but you really just like, you know what? Whatever. I think.
Crit:
[1:03:36] Yeah. This point it's a 50, 50 chance, which means I've learned nothing.
Dylan:
[1:03:43] Uh, you continuously walk for about an hour, uh, In silence, other than the breathing noises. Every once in a while, throughout when you're passing by a tunnel to your left or something like that, you'll hear what sounds like something very massive moving extremely quickly.
Cap:
[1:04:06] Oh, God.
Dylan:
[1:04:07] And it's like you can feel the displacement of the air as these things go by. you're inferring that these might be the bulls that protect the labyrinth oh god so you eventually feel warmth against your skin and you slow down and they pull the sacks off of your heads and you find yourself in what appears to be a minotaur village, fucking.
Cap:
[1:04:41] Cool how fucking cool wow i.
Dylan:
[1:04:44] Think i'm gonna end it here right.
Crit:
[1:04:46] This is where we're gonna disrupt the economy.
Cap:
[1:04:48] How deep does it go y'all how deep does it go i can't believe we found a minotaur village i'm so excited for however that turns out i hope they're cool with With our slime daughter. I want to thank our listeners for their continued support. It truly does mean the world to us. If you want to help us out, you can do the usual. Rate and subscribe to the podcast. Follow our Instagram account, stupidsexydndpodcast. And tell your friends. As always, new episodes of Slash and Fuck are released every other Monday. Until we meet again, my fine listeners. Stay safe. Stay sane. Stay sexy.