Astris and Thea find someone whos been looking for them. Thea gains a very large admirer.
Cap:
[0:00] Hello, and welcome to Slash and Fuck, a stupid sexy D&D podcast. As the title suggests, we are a mature podcast and will be dealing with adult themes and content as our story unfolds. Since you're here, I want to thank you for starting this journey with us, and we hope you enjoy your stay. So without further ado, let's slip into something a little more comfortable.
Dylan:
[0:37] Hello and welcome back to slash and fuck last we met you encountered some minotaurs you made it there talked to miss lisa and her what seems to be her lieutenant or her security officer Jerry had a nice chat with Lisa and then moved and were then moved on into the interior of the village where you were promised to be bathed and fed and clothed and taken care of because, Miss Lisa likes you yay.
Crit:
[1:18] And then we got a charcuterie platter of semen Yeah.
Cap:
[1:24] Of powdery magical goods.
Dylan:
[1:28] You were about to test the supply that they got down there. And the slime princess ate it all.
Crit:
[1:36] You go, girl.
Cap:
[1:37] It's okay, I got some of that musty pink glitter shit.
Crit:
[1:40] Our go-gurt daughter.
Cap:
[1:42] Our go-gurt daughter.
Dylan:
[1:44] That's right. So you are both led into the Minotaur village, or at least one of the entrances to it, you're greeted with the pillars in this large great room are all hearth fires.
Dylan:
[2:06] And they have little, or not little, but large seating areas around these large pillars with hearth fires in them. Some of them, as you look around, there's actually quite a lot of movement and people and life going on here. You see the hearth fires being used for socialization or maybe even cooking or casting or something like that. There's all kinds of people putting things in and out of them. useful fires yeah and as you get further into this press you see along the.
Dylan:
[2:45] Walls here this great room built into the walls is more it looks like industry it looks like they are crushing rock and uh refining and looking for minerals things like that uh melting things down you know it's mostly smells and sounds that are familiar you don't really need to check all this out you've been in these kinds of places both of you you uh are making your way through here jerry uh doesn't seem to you know be leading you the way she was before like from behind making sure you didn't you know do anything she's walking alongside you now not saying anything but still seems like uh you know she's working the people here as you can see i mean they're the shortest Shortest one minotaurs that you can see are maybe seven and a half feet tall.
Cap:
[3:37] Wow.
Crit:
[3:38] Are there guards that we can see?
Dylan:
[3:40] If you are looking around, you don't actually see anyone who looks like a guard. You can ask Jerry, captain of the guard.
Crit:
[3:49] No, I'm just curious what the guard presence is like. Like, you know.
Dylan:
[3:53] Actually, roll an insight check.
Crit:
[3:54] It's like, you know, if you work at a coffee shop, you judge at every coffee shop you go to. Sure.
Dylan:
[3:58] Yeah, yeah. yeah that's good enough you uh so you're looking around you're like what why isn't there any security here you know asterisk first thing she's looking at you know oh that's like a fire hazard no no i can't have that there what's with all the ropes hanging over here and she's like and no guards and then like and then asterisk you intuit the guards are probably not here because of that cave in that you were a part of and you remember miss lisa mentioning that there was a big rush of all the local guards go check this out before you know the the typical um labyrinth watchers got there holding.
Crit:
[4:42] Down the fort at the compromise entrance.
Dylan:
[4:44] That's right wise.
Cap:
[4:45] Are um are there i'm curious are there any like dudes around or like mask or non non-femme presenting minotaurs in the village or are they specifically for like running the tunnels and um come it.
Dylan:
[5:03] Seems like the uh the come producing minotaur aren't present they're not present in this part of the village miss lisa did did tell you that they all the cows here run the show you know they do all the bookkeeping and they do the brokering sales all that stuff so what you're seeing around you is all the cows in the minotaur society uh working at home here uh you love.
Cap:
[5:30] To see it you love to see it.
Dylan:
[5:32] You know then you just see storefronts there's food uh there's tinder supplies stuff like that commerce Commerce.
Cap:
[5:40] No potatoes that turn out to be eggs.
Crit:
[5:45] So we could buy things if we wanted to.
Dylan:
[5:48] Well, as you're walking by a fruit vendor, from what you can assume, you do think you see a couple of those potatoes.
Cap:
[5:57] No. The taste comes back in my mouth.
Dylan:
[6:02] Yeah. So to answer your question, there's only cows down here.
Cap:
[6:05] Cool.
Dylan:
[6:07] You know, as the way Miss Lisa described it, they got their cows and their bulls. Miss Lisa is a very masculine cow from, you know, even just looking around. But, you know, some are, some aren't. Yeah.
Crit:
[6:23] You go, Miss Lisa.
Cap:
[6:24] Love you, Miss Lisa. I hope she can feel us vibing at her.
Crit:
[6:28] Yeah, Miss Lisa rocks.
Dylan:
[6:29] She seemed to like you, too.
Cap:
[6:31] Yeah, even though we lied to her like three separate times.
Crit:
[6:35] That's right.
Dylan:
[6:36] Well, she's just going to get to the bottom of these things. And it's all about trust and cooperation.
Crit:
[6:41] I'm an outlaw now. I don't know how I fit in with society anymore.
Dylan:
[6:46] More well you do notice actually thea since you were interested in uh you know femininity and masculinity you do see feminine cows and you see like you were so interested last time tits on tits um oh yes very well endowed this uh minotaur is here the cows are ridiculously well endowed fuck yeah didn't pull a.
Cap:
[7:14] One on boobies today.
Dylan:
[7:15] Not today and uh are you uh checking anybody out or any because last time you guys were pretty horny about it um now you're in a whole group of them you haven't you haven't said a word no i know cool industry well we've been thinking about.
Crit:
[7:30] The we've been thinking about the cum the whole.
Dylan:
[7:32] Time oh yeah so now somehow i am got you distracted yes sorry.
Cap:
[7:39] Um i'll say if there's any like there's any like cows with like a cute little undercut he is gonna kind of like make eyes a little bit as she walks by my vice.
Dylan:
[7:54] Uh no cute cows with undercuts at the very present moment but that doesn't mean you can you just give yourself.
Crit:
[8:02] Advantage on cows with undercuts real quick and i just can i just give you advantage on cows with Thundercuts.
Cap:
[8:09] Can I have advantage because I have an undercut?
Dylan:
[8:11] The hot ones aren't always right there.
Crit:
[8:15] That's true. Sometimes you have to look a little harder.
Cap:
[8:18] I will keep a vigilant eye out for hot fooch and butch cow ladies.
Dylan:
[8:23] Yeah. I mean, as you're looking around, I mean, a lot of people here are just working. So they're not necessarily dressed up or, you know, they got their hair tied back or they're wearing non-flattering stuff covered in grease. Yeah. Some of them, you know, it looks great.
Cap:
[8:38] Fucking giving me trade over here.
Dylan:
[8:42] But you keep, Jerry moves you through this area. Jerry's like, nothing to see. Imagine you guys are just looking around, not, you didn't want to ask Jerry. Taking in the sights. Yeah, that's fine. And you get moved through this area and then into a wide tunnel. It's torch lit and you move through to the right and into a narrower tunnel that branches off into a bunch of others. Jerry says, we're going to bring you to the refugee quarters for now. There are others, but you are safe. I get comfortable and when you hear the bell, you'll know it's dinner time. And she holds out her gloved hand and heads you off down one of the hallways. You head down this tunnel a bit and it seems like it is sized. I mean, the locals can get through these tunnels easily enough, but it seems like these tunnels are more sized for smaller folk than uh the minotaur jerry called it the refugee quarters yeah you go in and it looks like a uh a common room or like a lodge type situation where there's a one area where everybody can hang out and it looks you see little doors for rooms there's no uh i'm sorry doorways with curtains yeah and oh.
Crit:
[9:58] Yeah i'm hurt and.
Dylan:
[9:59] You're hurt oh yeah yeah oh.
Cap:
[10:01] Yeah a little bit oh yeah a little bit quite a bit i'm hurt.
Crit:
[10:05] Quite a bit.
Dylan:
[10:06] Jeez i forgot all about that i would have had miss lisa hook you up oh there no.
Crit:
[10:11] I mean i figured she said she mentioned being able to rest and stuff.
Dylan:
[10:15] Yeah yeah.
Crit:
[10:15] We're we'll be i'm not bleeding out i'm just saying like.
Dylan:
[10:18] I'm due.
Crit:
[10:19] For a sleep.
Dylan:
[10:20] Totally okay um yeah as you enter there is a little center table um that is a glowing like coal fire pit and there's a table that comes out from there quite a few feet um a seating area that's circular around it and it looks like on the tables are potions and they're red they look like healing potions oh hell yeah i didn't chug one yeah.
Cap:
[10:51] I'm thirsty just just grab it and chug it no i um.
Crit:
[10:58] I don't chug one.
Dylan:
[11:01] Well, there's a total of six. It looks like there's two vials on each table or in between each seating bench surrounding the area. Around that seems to be more private seating, tables to sit, maybe eat or read, something like that. There are some rugs on the floor that look to be made of some kind of fur that you're not familiar with. Very large. It might be stitched together It might be one creature.
Crit:
[11:30] Kind of.
Dylan:
[11:31] A grayish short hair Nice No.
Crit:
[11:34] I'm not touching it we have shoes on so I don't know if it's on.
Dylan:
[11:36] Are you do you want to sit down See a potion or just Taking in the room for a second.
Crit:
[11:43] Um so Jerry left us here Yeah.
Dylan:
[11:45] She said go ahead and get.
Crit:
[11:46] Comfortable When.
Dylan:
[11:47] You hear the bell it's dinner time.
Crit:
[11:48] Oh okay yeah great um Yeah I want to take off my shoes, And warm up by the fire a little bit i feel like we've had quite a tumble from like the the fall down here and everything so like i mean we were walking for a long time before that as well so like this is our first chance to actually rest um yeah yeah i'm gonna sit down in a while um there.
Dylan:
[12:11] Is an area like a little equipment rack type thing where.
Crit:
[12:14] You're pouring all the rocks and dirt out of my boots yeah.
Cap:
[12:17] Cool yeah we can set like all the bags down and stuff i'll let my girls out of the prinkle can uh.
Dylan:
[12:24] Yeah they all look really sweaty and annoyed when they're.
Cap:
[12:27] Looking around like what i know girls were roughing it are.
Dylan:
[12:32] You pressed to digitationing like crazy thea's you're taking your shoes off and your socks off and.
Cap:
[12:39] Yeah i'm gonna try to get everything clean.
Crit:
[12:43] Yeah.
Cap:
[12:44] And however long that takes and then just like, just gonna like, just lay the fuck down. Not necessarily go to sleep, but just lay the fuck down. Yeah.
Dylan:
[12:53] Well, as you're Crested Digitationing, you're right next to Asterisk and it does that thing where it ripples right into Asterisk. And Asterisk, you feel it. It goes through your feet, up your legs, up your spine, that familiar Thea feeling. And it seems to hit the top of your head and then go back down and then hit Thea in the feet and just kind of... Whoa. Asterisk, you feel the slime quiver a lot. It's wrapped around your waist, but it's going up your spine and it kind of just like rests on the back of your neck. And when the magic flows through you, it seems like it flows through slime as well. Well, whoever's in pleasure.
Cap:
[13:45] I'm just cleaning everyone.
Crit:
[13:46] Okay. Well, the slime really seems to like that.
Cap:
[13:50] Do you feel that too?
Crit:
[13:52] Yeah, that's, um... I've got the tingles.
Cap:
[13:56] I...
Crit:
[13:57] Something fierce.
Cap:
[13:58] So that's not like a normal thing that I've never had this happen with anyone but you. My magic has never touched anything that wasn't me.
Crit:
[14:10] Hmm. How queer.
Cap:
[14:12] It happened when we were in your room at the guards station, dorm, whatever.
Crit:
[14:17] Oh, the bath.
Cap:
[14:19] Yeah, in the bucket. When I cleaned the bucket, it happened there, too.
Crit:
[14:23] Oh, yeah, yeah.
Cap:
[14:24] At first I thought it was because of Oberon, but I don't think it is because it's just with you. At least so far. I guess I really haven't tested it on anyone, but it's bizarre.
Crit:
[14:38] I can't say I'm displeased.
Cap:
[14:40] Neither am I. It's just so strange. I've never had it happen before. Is this a normal thing? Is this called something?
Dylan:
[14:47] Who knows? Your attendants seem to be affected as well. and uh they're all kind of ridiculous looking right now like if you ever started to you know bring real life into this but you know bambi when they're talking about being twitterpated oh yeah yeah it's like that like walking on air, adorable like you know a little like cuckoo cuckoo kind of um eyes rolling smiling and he he he So funny. Slime actually, after it gets done quivering, it moves, starts making its way out of your clothing and up down your arm again. Comes down and gets off and kind of rolls into a ball.
Crit:
[15:34] Oh, yeah.
Dylan:
[15:35] Adorable but it's uh touching thea's foot like like around her foot kind of like how like an animal or dog will like kind of sit down on your foot or whatever oh that's so cute she's.
Cap:
[15:48] Feeling it too it feels nice adorable i i wanna can i feed her a mage hand pet.
Crit:
[15:55] Her with it to see what.
Cap:
[15:57] I'll pet Gough-Gurt.
Dylan:
[16:03] That language hasn't been spoken here in 3,000 years.
Cap:
[16:10] I'm going to pet Go-Gurt with a mage hand and be like, I love you too, honey.
Dylan:
[16:19] You reach out and then a spectral version of your hand reaches further.
Cap:
[16:25] The spectral hand? I think would be like a glittery, twilight-y purple color.
Crit:
[16:32] Awesome.
Dylan:
[16:33] All right. Yeah, it floats down the fingers going out to caress the slime. And as it goes into it, it goes to caress it. It just kind of goes straight in. And the slime kind of turns into a bowl and then a sphere again around it. And the hand looks kind of trapped. for a second. You know, you're controlling it, but it seemed like just for a second, the hen was like, wait a minute.
Cap:
[17:07] It's like a jawbreaker. Just suck on it.
Dylan:
[17:09] Yeah. Yeah. And it just so you make it a fist. And yeah. And yeah, you see, it's kind of weird. It just gets smaller and smaller. And it looks like the diamond is getting a little bit like brighter.
Cap:
[17:28] Sick.
Dylan:
[17:28] Yeah cool you're both getting uh thea especially like your uh asterisk you've been touching it a lot so you've been getting kind of this empathetic bond or empathic bond both a bit yeah uh but you know that's how it seems to communicate is by touch and whatnot but um even though it's just touching thea you're getting an impression a bit of just uh gratitude and um happiness uh relief and really, really tired. Thea, you're getting this like directly, like saying it because it's touching you right now.
Crit:
[18:04] Sleepy baby.
Dylan:
[18:06] Yeah, so from, not behind you, but to your left where the dories are, you hear a voice and it's a deeper feminine voice that says, I do hope you know what you're doing before bonding so deeply with a slime.
Cap:
[18:23] Excuse me? Hello?
Dylan:
[18:24] And you turn and it's kind of crazy because you weren't looking that way, but your peripheral vision is fully where that doorway is, where that curtain is. You didn't see the curtain sway. You didn't see anything. It just kind of seemed like she's there all of a sudden. Pardon my intrusion, Carmilla. And before you, Carmilla is a statuesque, about 5'10", athletically built human. She looks human, but not quite. Something's different. She has dark hair. Her skin looks like it would be tanned, but it's ashen. And she has almond-shaped, soft brown eyes. The sides of her head are shaved and she has kind of like the Betty Page bang thing going on there. So she's got the bangs. Yeah, she's got that kind of goth girl bang thing that you'd see.
Cap:
[19:25] Nice.
Crit:
[19:26] Hot.
Cap:
[19:27] I did ask for a hot girl with an undercut, and lo and behold.
Crit:
[19:31] What did you say her name was?
Dylan:
[19:32] Carmilla.
Cap:
[19:34] Carmilla.
Dylan:
[19:34] She has a hooded cloak. It's not up right now. But the cloak kind of looks like a nun's habit, just kind of in style. She stands before you, introduces herself, Carmilla, and begins to approach. And her approach is very fluid. She glides towards you.
Cap:
[19:54] Oh, well, hello. Hello, I am Thea, and this...
Crit:
[19:58] I'm Astris.
Dylan:
[20:00] She looks at both of you twice, and then kind of looks down at her feet for a moment. Looks up at the ceiling, and she says, Thea and Astris? Yes. Is that right?
Crit:
[20:14] Is something wrong?
Cap:
[20:15] Have we met before?
Dylan:
[20:16] Oh no, nothing's quite wrong. You're not the Covenant.
Crit:
[20:21] Are you?
Dylan:
[20:21] Oh no no darling no thea.
Cap:
[20:26] Turns and looks at you like i don't just fucking say it she.
Crit:
[20:32] Would know if she you.
Dylan:
[20:34] Ain't taliban are you are.
Crit:
[20:36] You a cop are you a cop you have to tell me or it's a say yeah i ask her if she's a cop.
Dylan:
[20:44] Do i look as she looks over towards you with a gleam in her eye kind of animalistic do i look like somebody who would be a part of the covenant as she smiles she has three sharp teeth on either side of her front two teeth they are longest in the canine oh.
Crit:
[21:07] I guess not.
Dylan:
[21:08] She i apologize.
Crit:
[21:10] We've been away for a long time.
Dylan:
[21:13] Things have changed she goes on says I am a daughter errant and concubine of Lilith and we've been looking for you Asterisk for ten years oh my gods, where is he.
Cap:
[21:33] Who?
Dylan:
[21:34] That useless fucking cat. Where is he?
Cap:
[21:39] Oh.
Crit:
[21:41] The.
Cap:
[21:42] Is he okay?
Crit:
[21:43] Kink-a-floof?
Cap:
[21:44] Kink-a-floof? Nixie?
Dylan:
[21:45] Is that, are those the names that, I'm going to kill him.
Crit:
[21:49] He bit me.
Cap:
[21:50] No, please, I love him. It was rude.
Crit:
[21:52] But I forgive him.
Dylan:
[21:53] That was the only thing he's ever done right on his assignment.
Cap:
[21:58] He's just, he's just a little guy.
Dylan:
[22:03] He was not only supposed to keep tabs on you, but especially after everything that happened, was supposed to catch up with you, fill you in, and bring you to the fray.
Crit:
[22:16] Yeah, no, I'm not informed about anything, actually. I don't think that happened. I don't think any of that happened. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's probably my fault. I don't want him to get in trouble. I mean, we got on a barge and it really just got out of hand.
Dylan:
[22:37] Carmilla takes a deep breath and she goes from fuming to that calm demeanor that you saw before. She tells you, if you see him, tell him to report in immediately.
Crit:
[22:50] Report in. Okay. Yeah, okay. There's a hierarchy. Love that.
Cap:
[22:55] Theopouts.
Crit:
[22:57] I don't know what he's looking for, Thea.
Cap:
[23:01] No, that's not what I mean!
Dylan:
[23:03] There's something wrong, Thea.
Cap:
[23:12] Okay hear me out.
Dylan:
[23:13] That's not what I was going for we have been looking for Asteris for 10 years you are also a part of that search Asteris, is a chosen of Lilith the first champion in generations we must bring her home, you travel with her you are important too.
Cap:
[23:36] I just want the cat to be okay he's my little buddy Buddy, please, please promise me he'll be okay.
Dylan:
[23:44] I promise he'll be okay.
Cap:
[23:48] I don't like the way you said that.
Dylan:
[23:51] All right, so roll an insight check.
Cap:
[23:54] Shit. Oh, well, that's not the best. That's going to be a 10.
Dylan:
[24:03] All right. Right. She looked deeply into your eyes and with all honesty and authenticity, she said, I promise he'll be okay. And you believed her.
Cap:
[24:16] You know what? Thea's kind of down. So she's like, yeah, okay. I don't know. There's something about you. It seems trustworthy.
Dylan:
[24:26] She nods.
Cap:
[24:27] You just seem so trustworthy. I don't know.
Crit:
[24:34] New friends.
Cap:
[24:37] Theo looks back at her ladies and is like, don't you fucking blow this for me. Do not. Don't be horny.
Crit:
[24:45] Don't be horny.
Dylan:
[24:46] They're giggling. Stop it. Yeah, they've been giggling.
Crit:
[24:50] They've been Twitter baited.
Cap:
[24:51] Little brats.
Dylan:
[24:52] You know, like on their stomachs with their feet kicking up.
Crit:
[24:54] Oh my God.
Dylan:
[24:55] You know, their heads just in their hands and stuff. They're like, you know, back and forth.
Cap:
[25:01] Uh-huh. Sure.
Crit:
[25:03] So, Carmilla, where are you taking us?
Dylan:
[25:06] Well, nowhere at the moment. I was not expecting to run into you two. I'm recovering.
Crit:
[25:13] Are you a refugee as well?
Dylan:
[25:15] That's what they seem to call anyone who's not one of them down here.
Cap:
[25:20] How did you get down here?
Dylan:
[25:22] I came from below. dangerous i know um there's.
Cap:
[25:27] More below this oh.
Dylan:
[25:30] Yes uh he didn't tell you anything he.
Crit:
[25:35] Said he was sorry that's all i said and.
Dylan:
[25:38] And then i found out he can talk that.
Crit:
[25:41] Was pretty shocking.
Dylan:
[25:42] And then he left so that was the first okay she seems to make another mental note like a violent one to.
Cap:
[25:50] Me we smoked weed together.
Dylan:
[25:55] Yeah, another mental note, another violent seeming mental note. I'll just say it's quite fortunate for him that things worked out the way they did. She goes on and said, I came up, I was fine, I was just coming up for air. The Minotaurs here, they asked me for my help. There's some bull they've got locked up. He's not just gone mad, something's changing about him. He's larger, and his skin is splitting. It seems like just way more. I mean, bulls are pretty violent already. But this one is a raging lunatic and seems to be growing. And apparently they found him eating a fellow bull, which that is not normal.
Cap:
[26:57] Normal is um is this the first thing like this that you've heard of because i believe i've i've seen this before oh.
Dylan:
[27:07] Have you the.
Cap:
[27:08] Reason we were gone for 10 years we were in the fey wild and time worked different and we saw a dragon man a dragon monster dragon monster man like.
Crit:
[27:22] A dragon A dragon man, but a monster man.
Dylan:
[27:24] A dragonborn, right. I get it.
Crit:
[27:26] No. A dragon man, monster man.
Cap:
[27:32] We miss Raul, is the moral of this story. But it was going mad and eating a horse from the inside out. And it was mutated and just a pile of meat. And it would break and heal and break and heal. and the scales, it was terrible. The fact that something else like that is happening worries me.
Dylan:
[28:00] It worries me as well. It's not the first time I've seen it either.
Cap:
[28:04] Oh no.
Dylan:
[28:05] It's known to us who have been following it as the taint.
Crit:
[28:16] You motherfucker.
Dylan:
[28:18] Yes, the taint. As far as we know, things, beings are infected randomly. We don't know exactly how they get it, but we think we know what the source is.
Cap:
[28:32] What is it?
Dylan:
[28:33] Did you happen to come upon anything otherworldly that made you feel quite uncomfortable?
Cap:
[28:41] The thing in the sky.
Dylan:
[28:43] What did you see?
Cap:
[28:45] A face. It was on the barge on the way here.
Dylan:
[28:49] It was he. The one who laughs.
Cap:
[28:52] Yes. the.
Dylan:
[28:53] Grinning man or the smiler.
Cap:
[28:55] Oh fuck him i think he's mad at us too he was making such horrible noises all of these animals and the kobolds they were running and jumping to their deaths i played loud enough to stop it and it didn't seem to like that me and astris got it to stop this.
Dylan:
[29:15] Was this was in the north.
Cap:
[29:17] Yeah yeah on our way here right before we passed back through the veil hard.
Crit:
[29:23] To say when that was.
Cap:
[29:24] Yeah it really is for us it's only been days things.
Dylan:
[29:28] Are starting to make sense we have a lot to catch up on but know this since you know nothing the gods are awakening again and they're coming back we don't know why and we don't know how and we think you two are involved.
Cap:
[29:42] But we also.
Dylan:
[29:43] Don't know who this smiler is no one does.
Cap:
[29:48] It's not one of the gods that was before it is a new god we.
Dylan:
[29:53] Fear that it is a new god.
Cap:
[29:55] Oh and.
Dylan:
[29:56] There is only one way a new god comes to be, And that's if enough people come together under the same ideals and passions.
Crit:
[30:08] Under one banner. It's the fucking covenant. If you will.
Dylan:
[30:11] We fear.
Cap:
[30:13] That's the newest thing.
Dylan:
[30:14] We fear as much.
Cap:
[30:16] Fuck!
Dylan:
[30:18] The only thing that we have recorded so far that we can track as any sort of pattern, if you would call it that, that he's some corrupter, a destroyer on subtle levels, a terrifying presence, and it seems to exist to dismantle harmony, more like a creeping mold.
Crit:
[30:37] Are the creatures that have been affected before, are they hybrid-like creatures like Minotaur or Dragon Man, Monster Man?
Cap:
[30:46] Demon ladies, perhaps.
Dylan:
[30:48] We had to put down one of the vampires, And it was quite traumatizing. One of the reasons why a lot of us left, we changed what we were doing and decided to come up from the ribbon. and it's not that it's dangerous down there. It just shook us all. We weren't exactly as safe as we thought we were, away from everything. Like a seed, a poison seed, just planted right in the middle of everything. She meant a great deal to us, too.
Cap:
[31:25] I'm sorry.
Dylan:
[31:26] It is fine.
Cap:
[31:28] Thinking about Syl now.
Dylan:
[31:29] She looks at you up and down and says, You look hurt. Drink those potions.
Crit:
[31:33] I chug them.
Dylan:
[31:36] All right i.
Crit:
[31:37] Chug one all.
Dylan:
[31:38] Right 2d8 i.
Cap:
[31:40] Don't need much if there's just a a fucking regular ass one that should be fine, perfect all right back to full.
Dylan:
[31:53] Both of you can roll insight checks as well.
Cap:
[31:57] Oh, yeah, shit.
Crit:
[31:58] Yeah, what's this bitch's deal? 16 insight.
Cap:
[32:03] Nine. Again, she's too hot. I don't know what's going on.
Dylan:
[32:08] Yeah, so when she said that she was injured, it looked like she stopped fully concealing her injury, or at least where it was. Asterisk, you noticed that, or at least remembered that she's injured, and it looks like it's somewhere on her leg, on her left leg. um upper thigh don't.
Crit:
[32:29] You want one of these potions it.
Dylan:
[32:31] Seems to not affect it i.
Cap:
[32:33] I can try healing that.
Dylan:
[32:35] I have tried myself it uh she throws her uh rope to the side revealing her thigh um in full and you see what looks like a tooth like uh lodged into her leg almost like, a rock lodged into glass it's this weird kind of shattered look it's all kinds of bad colors it's black and purple and yellow and it's not swollen but looks not right it looks like maybe a magical wound or something like that and as she is showing you she says I fear it's cursed how.
Cap:
[33:17] Long have you been going like this a.
Dylan:
[33:19] Few days it was the tainted minotaur now i'm not certain that i will end up like that minotaur but it hasn't spread i have not felt any changes and i have spoken with jerry that if there are any changes or anything like that we've spoken at length about what counts to bring me to a secure location.
Crit:
[33:48] That's gotta be unnerving.
Dylan:
[33:49] Quite.
Cap:
[33:51] Are there any experts on this?
Dylan:
[33:53] Not here.
Cap:
[33:54] In the ribbon?
Dylan:
[33:56] I... I'm sure of it. And just getting back is going to be a pain.
Cap:
[34:02] That's where we've been trying to go.
Dylan:
[34:04] Oh, really?
Cap:
[34:05] Yeah, that's the whole reason we're down here. We're trying to head south. Following Astris's magical underpants.
Crit:
[34:13] Oh, is the ribbon not south? Is it down?
Dylan:
[34:15] It's both.
Cap:
[34:17] South and down.
Crit:
[34:19] Cool.
Dylan:
[34:20] Either way will get you there. Down is far more dangerous. She says how serendipitous. and right when she says serendipitous you start to hear a bell start ringing but it doesn't sound like a dinner bell like a ding-a-ling-a-ling it sounds like oh that's an alarm bell a bad bell yeah carmella makes a very alert expression as well and uh all but disappears into her room engage yeah i.
Crit:
[34:47] Want to tap my armor button and turn on the magical girl sequence.
Dylan:
[34:51] All right Would.
Cap:
[34:53] You say we've had a short rest during this? Yeah, I would call this a...
Dylan:
[34:58] Oh, you would? Yeah, all right.
Crit:
[34:59] They matter to me.
Dylan:
[35:02] Is it?
Cap:
[35:02] I mean...
Dylan:
[35:03] Yeah, I agree.
Crit:
[35:05] I took my shoes off. I took my shoes off.
Dylan:
[35:08] Yeah, you guys had enough time to have a conversation that technically was like two rounds of conversation.
Cap:
[35:14] Technically it was just two rounds.
Dylan:
[35:18] So as you guys are getting ready, your armor is activating. Gogurt looks a little tentative, but then kind of rolls up and slides under your armor. The attendants fly into your bag. Do you activate your outfit dream sequence with Asterisk? All right. Yeah, you guys are getting ready for battle.
Cap:
[35:44] Sailor Moon.
Crit:
[35:46] Sailor Moon.
Dylan:
[35:48] Yeah, the room darkens as your hands come together and light immediately flashes behind your hands as they meet.
Dylan:
[35:58] The perspective shifts around both of you as leaves start swirling around Thea's feet and blood starts dripping on top of Astris's head and face. You see this green and purple glow coming from Thea and this red and black glow coming from Asterisk as you see Asterisk's armor click into place one piece at a time, fluidly, solidly. you see the chain underneath the plate that forms is like a lace. It's so light. It's so nice. And the plates that form protect everything vital. The dress that Thea wears, that starts to manifest around Thea in this swirl of leaves and flowers and giggles of the attendants as they hear what's going on and join the fun. Yeah. A vortex fly around you with the wind and leaves as this kind of tornado as what you were wearing gets kind of blown up over your head. And as you pull it back down, but in the sexiest way possible, you pull it and push it back down and you're wearing the other dress.
Crit:
[37:18] That's the best.
Cap:
[37:20] Oh, my God.
Dylan:
[37:23] And the room, the light in the room levels to normal. and um carmilla's carmilla is standing there like nodding her head um so she's wearing dark leather armor um she is carrying on either hip she's carrying a quiver of black arrows fletched with red feathers she has a long bow that's carved in the shape of a woman with her limbs stretched out bending backwards her arms and legs bending back as the arms of the bow When the string is taught, the woman's doll head has a plume of horse hair rooted into it that is braided with a red ribbon. When Carmela holds the bow, the woman is upside down and her torso is the grip. When an arrow is knocked, it's slid through the groove in the woman's thigh gaps that the arrow passes through the legs, causing the fletching to make a sighing sound. The bow's name is Gasp. Not that you asked, not that anybody said, but you know this now.
Crit:
[38:22] Somehow you just know.
Dylan:
[38:23] You just know i.
Cap:
[38:25] Love this wow.
Dylan:
[38:27] You look great shall we yeah and i'm gonna cast.
Cap:
[38:34] Armor of agathys on myself armor of oberon.
Dylan:
[38:37] Nice nice malachite armor um all right so you go rushing out with uh carmilla she's injured but still moving much faster than both of you um she you know she doesn't get so far ahead to leave you in the dust but um she's leading you out through the tunnels the way you came through the industrial area commerce etc you just hear chaos there's a bunch of minotaur cows just running to safety it seems closing up shops dozing flames in the pillars and the hearth fires. It looks like they're just making everything as secure as possible. As you're running, you do see guards, what look like guards, more cows, all heading in the same direction, kind of packed in one area. And you see Miss Lisa giving orders and Jerry there also taking orders and commanding and moving troops out. As you get closer, you can hear it more. I mean, it's just chaos. The rooms are clearing out, and you hear... Now you see Jerry up over by Miss Lisa, and it seems like they're kind of arguing over something.
Dylan:
[40:03] And it's kind of hard to hear because everybody's going crazy here. But it seems like there is something going on down the tunnels, and you're seeing four cow guards get moved at a time in group by Jerry as she's holding Miss Lisa back. as you're getting closer you're hearing miss uh lisa and jerry arguing about whether or not miss lisa should go out there and uh jerry's saying no you know we need you we need you here you know you're too valuable and you know i know you're strong i know you're the strongest you got to stay here you know you got to stay you promised and so uh miss lisa and she smashes the door near her office and just she goes inside and you just hear this uh really loud almost like a roaring noise she seems uh quite incensed jerry now uh sees you she makes eye contact with carmilla and they both nod at each other um and they move closer and she said we could use your help.
Dylan:
[41:16] There's the Covenant they're attacking they came through I don't know how they came through this the cave ins we tried to secure them there was a scout he got away we we tried to send the bulls and that just made it worse I guess they sent quite a number in there so we're going to need uh to at least maybe we could um another cave in on top of them but they cannot know this is here they cannot know absolutely.
Cap:
[41:49] Not point us in the direction we'll kill them until we can't kill no more.
Dylan:
[41:53] All right we.
Crit:
[41:55] Go running down the hallway.
Dylan:
[41:56] You go running down always absolutely uh this time you're you're following the guards and carmilla who seems to know how where she's going but when When you were on your way in here, you were blindfolded. And it is very twisty and crazy. Like you probably would have run straight into walls otherwise if you didn't know where you were going. It's just the way the place is set up messes with your mind a bit.
Cap:
[42:24] Yeah. God, we're so fucked if we ever get separated.
Dylan:
[42:27] Yeah. It's more than just a maze. It's, you know, it's a labyrinth. So as you are moving through these hallways, you're hearing clanging, clashing, yelling. You are even hearing...
Dylan:
[42:43] Booming sounds, big boom sounds. And you're not quite sure what that is. You know, maybe magic? The noise gets louder and louder, and it's just about the same level as it was in the village before you left. Only this time it's blood and death and murder and hatred coming this way down the tunnel and you're not so sure the booming is coming from directly in front of you but maybe above somewhere around but out where they're coming from but now that you turn the corner into this larger wide tunnel about 20 feet wide you can see the the lines of people fighting there it's kind of freaky because you see the cow guards are out there. It's about six of them on the front line and bulls, now that you see, 12 feet tall, maybe bigger. It's hard to tell, but they're moving freakishly fast and they are not stopping to hit anything, just moving very fast through lines of people.
Dylan:
[43:58] And you're seeing them just fling up against the ceiling, the wall splattering and you're hearing these moves these horrors and just the there's a lot of screams terrified screams from men human men and every time a cow gets hit it the bulls go even more wild and it seems like it's not helping uh they don't have control of the bulls right now and so it seems like a dangerous place to be no matter what because the bulls are just charging around but the covenant the it seems like a swarm coming in of just bodies just 12 12 here 15 here you're coming behind them and many of them getting slaughtered immediately uh 20 will get by and they seem to be coming in waves due to these uh these bulls not holding the line roll initiative damn.
Cap:
[45:04] I'm not using this die it's been rolling poorly, oh seven I got 15 fuck me tonight god damn it my rolls have been shitty.
Dylan:
[45:23] Um asterisk uh you get to go first um there's not much positioning you can't really can do um you can stand next to the other cows you could try to follow a bull in his path of destruction and uh join that way pray you're not collateral damage you are it's like as you get closer you see the sheer mass of these things they are awesomely huge when they walk they move any kind of movement you feel in the ground its breath seems to shake you uh if they're nearby and they are for the most part dark covered in short hair and they all have horns of different great lengths and styles if you you will um a lot of them adorned with bones like smaller skulls rings golden rings things like that a lot of weird stuff hanging off of them might be like mummified things they smell very much just like a musky sweat of like farm animal in a way uh just way more intense not in a disgusting way like a dirty farm animal but just farm animal he.
Cap:
[46:40] Is thinking about the the pinkish powder that she had earlier and how it was basically a musty barn taint.
Dylan:
[46:46] Yeah yeah asterisk it is your turn.
Crit:
[46:52] Oh, okay.
Dylan:
[46:54] There are Covenant of Purity fighters rushing up. You can go to the left of the line and help out with one of the cows is fighting two. Most of them are fighting two or more. Left is fighting two, right is fighting three. They're trying to make a bottleneck here, but they don't have enough mass themselves. So if you want to help with that.
Crit:
[47:18] That feels like appropriate given that I have a shield. The other thing that I was considering would be to lasso a bull and surf from the back of it somehow with my shield, like a Zelda maneuver. That feels a little complex. So be rad as hell. So I think I'm going to hold the line with the cows with my shield because I can make myself like extra wide. And then maybe have a cow get on either side of me. But you said there's two cows or one cow?
Dylan:
[47:50] Honestly, as you run up to the line, they make room for you immediately. So you're now a part of the line, making things a bit more even. You are now being attacked.
Crit:
[48:01] Great. I'm good at that.
Dylan:
[48:03] By a pale-skinned young man, no older than 17.
Crit:
[48:07] Pathetic.
Dylan:
[48:08] You know, doughy eyes, baby fat, but hatred there. Just anger and hatred and a swinging sword. and then you stood up in front of him and he got confused for a moment but swung anyway, and it clinks off of your shield he just doesn't understand, why you're there or like who you are but just seems confused like the way you look you know shield they were just fighting a minotaur so oh yeah why is a person here a human female.
Crit:
[48:51] I shouldn't roll like that in the future. But it worked out this time, so it counts. 20.
Dylan:
[49:01] 20 to hit. Yeah, that hits. six six damage bludgeoning.
Crit:
[49:09] Damage with my mace i smooch him.
Dylan:
[49:11] Okay did you do you say anything to him uh like when you step in and he you ting and then swing down at him no.
Crit:
[49:18] Oh no i did say something earlier i said i'm your worst nightmare.
Dylan:
[49:21] Okay yeah i'm your worst nightmare and you um smash him right on the shoulder like right on collarbone after deflecting his pathetic attack and you just hear it smashing. You know that feel. There was a lot of give there. Crushing. You got him in the soft spot of his armor, like you know exactly where it is. Yeah, his eyes well up instantly in pain. And you said, I'm your worst nightmare. And his face went from confused and in pain to shock, horror, and realization. Is it? No, no. And he seems stuttering like he's about to scream something. thing all right thea it's your turn.
Cap:
[50:03] Wild okay so there seems to be chaos so i would like to spend this turn doing a performance okay i want to start playing a song in my head it's we're not gonna take it because i just started getting real a real marchy boopy vibe to that and it's real We'll fuck you. So in my head, she's playing that. And she's going to be like, listen up, everyone. We need to focus and push them back. And she's going to start like.
Dylan:
[50:38] You're pounding on your. Yeah.
Cap:
[50:41] With my with my amplified magical. Right.
Dylan:
[50:46] Yeah.
Cap:
[50:46] The harply.
Dylan:
[50:47] All right. So roll your performance with advantage.
Cap:
[50:56] Okay okay we've done worse 17.
Dylan:
[50:59] 17 and you are trying to calm some nerves get people working together yeah um like everyone like.
Cap:
[51:10] A common beat to work too like i don't know i find i work better if things have a good beat i'm providing vibes i'll do i'll do i'll do things that hurt my next turn but i i was like i think this is bigger than a bonus act yeah.
Dylan:
[51:26] That's great yeah so you uh start playing this kind of marchy beaded heavy song and uh you're like cooperate your voice and the music echoes it's uh amplified especially in a tunnel uh the acoustics are fantastic in here that's actually the first thing you think they're like what like hell yeah i'm gonna be performing down here from now on this.
Cap:
[51:53] Is my amphitheater.
Dylan:
[51:54] Now but yeah after that little like uh surprise and delight faded um you do see um well everybody covenant purity and uh minotaurs alike notice everyone.
Cap:
[52:08] Look at me.
Dylan:
[52:10] Yeah they're all like what and um well the cows uh they seem invigorated by it and the the bulls start actually attacking sort of like they're stomping through, but now they're stomping more to a rhythm and shattering heads to a rhythm and smashing their horns into in goring things.
Cap:
[52:33] That's my boy.
Dylan:
[52:34] And they're doing it more together. Now they're not, there's coming together, but this is the very start of it. You're seeing them, you know, get into this.
Cap:
[52:44] We're not gonna take it.
Crit:
[52:48] We're not going to take it.
Cap:
[52:51] All right.
Dylan:
[52:52] Now it's my turn. Thea, does a 19 hit you?
Cap:
[52:58] Very.
Dylan:
[52:59] It does?
Crit:
[53:00] Yeah.
Dylan:
[53:01] Does a 17 hit you? Yes. It does? Okay.
Cap:
[53:04] My armor class is only 14. I'm squishy as fuck.
Crit:
[53:07] Ouch.
Dylan:
[53:08] Okay. Dang. You're doing your singing and stuff. You're starting to sing and you get an arrow hits you in the thigh. Like right as you start playing, you're like. The sexiest place. And you're like, and then right after that one, another arrow hits you in the same thigh, right underneath the first arrow for a total of five damage.
Cap:
[53:36] Okay, cool.
Crit:
[53:37] Okay, but it's decorated.
Cap:
[53:38] Well, actually, that's really funny. That's my entire armor of Agathos.
Crit:
[53:42] Oberon saved you.
Dylan:
[53:43] He did.
Cap:
[53:44] Thank you, daddy.
Dylan:
[53:47] Yeah, and now you're playing kind of pissed off a little bit.
Cap:
[53:50] Oh, yeah. I'm like, it's, we're getting way more shreddy now. out like i'm just like the the vocals are much more like yeah.
Dylan:
[53:56] Uh you see the two arrows just and just um like oh glad i had that armor on asterisk does a 22 hit you barely sick and the other ones don't hit you yeah an arrow gets between you know that place where uh king flu have hit you in.
Crit:
[54:18] My achilles heel ouch it really seems like i have an achilles heel.
Dylan:
[54:23] Asterisk you're being assaulted with arrows and a couple of swords here and there uh the person in front of you starts to scream it's it's the pale night it's the pale night it's like and points um back it's the it's the mystery and like um it seems like everybody else around kind of already understands because the mistress cacophony started playing her cacophony and they're like excuse.
Cap:
[54:52] You i sound amazing.
Dylan:
[54:53] Oh no that's a good thing it's a it's oh yeah so they hear music where they shouldn't hear it so that's the first thing they're their first clue the guy in front of astris is a little slow on the uptake because he's been focused on the pale night so survivors.
Crit:
[55:10] We all.
Cap:
[55:11] Know that right.
Crit:
[55:12] No fucking survivors they broke down this wall and then found what they were looking for. We have to kill all of them.
Dylan:
[55:17] Everyone has to die.
Cap:
[55:19] No one can get back to tell anyone about... They know who we are. We have to kill every fucking person.
Crit:
[55:26] Yes.
Cap:
[55:27] Let's get started.
Dylan:
[55:28] Let's go. Your turn, Asterisk.
Crit:
[55:29] All right, I kill all of them.
Dylan:
[55:32] There's the guy screaming the Pale Knight.
Crit:
[55:34] Well, I want to sock him right in the mouth.
Cap:
[55:38] Yeah, fuck him up.
Crit:
[55:39] Fuck his mouth.
Cap:
[55:40] Kiss his cheek with your Morningstar.
Crit:
[55:43] Fuck him. Uh, 14?
Dylan:
[55:45] Uh, no.
Crit:
[55:49] Boo you're telling me he's not a warlock, that's my turn fuck you buddy fuck you buddy.
Dylan:
[56:02] Low levels are so fun yeah uh thea it's your turn um some rushing into the room right now those.
Cap:
[56:12] I'm gonna fuck those up.
Dylan:
[56:13] You do notice that they are rushing through a semi semi collapsed hole and there are precarious rocks and whatnot around and above i'm.
Cap:
[56:24] Gonna eldritch blast the rocks.
Dylan:
[56:25] Sweet like above them yeah so it falls on them so yeah there's about a dozen soldiers rushing in right now to back up the ones that are have been fighting i.
Cap:
[56:35] Wonder what the rocks ac is 15 uh.
Dylan:
[56:40] You hit it.
Cap:
[56:41] Sick um and that's a d10 of force damage oh um is it just is it just flat is it just straight yeah eight damage.
Dylan:
[56:52] Eight damage okay that you see asterisk over you over your head you see a green ball of magic force uh shoot very quickly into the ceiling above this now stream of covenant of purity soldiers rushing in at first it's just a shower of small shards of rocks and uh it gets into the eyes of several of the soldiers running in And they're like, ah, you know, we're not getting that sprayed with sand, basically. And then it starts to collapse on top of them. The bulls in the area, one of them gets hit a little bit by some of the stones falling, but gets out of the way. It doesn't seem to hurt him that much. The rest seem to, once the ceiling got hit, they just moved out of the way, instinctually, it seemed. go ahead and roll 66 damage oh wow okay.
Crit:
[58:02] Nice. Oh my god, amazing.
Cap:
[58:06] Whoa, those rolled really good. Okay, 16 for the three. And then, okay, so 16. 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28. 28 points of damage. Those rolled really well. My d20s, fuck me. These d6, beautiful.
Dylan:
[58:27] So 28 points of damage? Okay. All right. All right, so that one that got hit by the rocks, it actually did a lot more damage than I was initially, didn't expect you to roll that well.
Cap:
[58:40] Sorry, buddy.
Crit:
[58:41] I can go, yeah.
Dylan:
[58:43] One of the pulls. He doesn't seem upset, really. He got hit pretty hard on the side of the head. His horn is cracked and he's bleeding and he's kind of stumbling and just kind of runs back behind the front lines, And shaking his head like can't get water out of his ear or something like that.
Cap:
[59:05] I'll have to go see him in the medical ward and apologize.
Dylan:
[59:09] Well, he's right over there. You could move over there if you want. You still have a move action if you want.
Cap:
[59:14] Okay. Sick.
Dylan:
[59:16] And talking is free.
Cap:
[59:17] Yeah. I'll move over that way so that I can give him a healing pat on my penis.
Dylan:
[59:25] Okay. Okay. Uh, yeah, he seems distressed, but he looks up at you when you patted him and, uh, kind of had like confusion and rage in his eyes, but like kind of softens when he sees your face and your soft touch and still shaking his head. Like you can't get something out of his ear, but looks up at you, um, fondly, you think.
Cap:
[59:49] Hey, big guy.
Dylan:
[59:50] Astros around you, you're seeing the cows, not exactly bulk, but they jump back about five feet when this whole thing happens. After the ball of force hits the ceiling, there's a spray of sand and shrapnel, and the rock started to fall almost like liquid for a moment there, as you weren't sure it was going to stop, and it was going to be some crazy cave-in on top of you as well. all oh no.
Cap:
[1:00:20] I did worse but.
Dylan:
[1:00:22] It does stop it does fill most of the tunnel there where they're coming and uh leaving just a bit over the top there but several thousands and thousands of pounds of rocks in in your earth units um that fell just on top of um that uh brigade of covenant purity soldiers they were pulverized instantly fantastic.
Cap:
[1:00:51] That was for sale well done.
Dylan:
[1:00:54] Yeah that was awesome there wasn't even much time for screaming the spray kind of had a ah and then just everything was it was a very loud roaring noise and you're hearing some clanking noises as things are settling um like rocks falling onto steel or armor maybe i.
Cap:
[1:01:14] Solo along with it so that it goes along with what I'm playing. Nice.
Dylan:
[1:01:19] Very industrial. um very metal um yeah it's creepy the cows finish off who they were fighting and there aren't any enemies in the room at the moment oh.
Crit:
[1:01:37] That stops the influx.
Dylan:
[1:01:38] Yeah problem.
Crit:
[1:01:39] Solved we live here now.
Dylan:
[1:01:40] One thing that you may have just kind of lost in the shuffle in the chaos is carmilla oh yeah Yeah.
Cap:
[1:01:47] Where the fuck did she go?
Dylan:
[1:01:48] She seemed to have completely disappeared right when combat started, but she was there. There's some sounds you're hearing from further off, down past the cave-in. A few men yelling, screaming in pain. And so it sounds like there's people calling from the surface or yelling to the surface, trying to get some sort of help. But it seems like you stopped at least what was coming through there right now. Now you don't exactly know how much of a chain of that cave in was if it affected anything else. The bull via that you were standing right next to and your hand on.
Cap:
[1:02:30] Yeah, I'm going to, I'm going to cure wounds him now.
Dylan:
[1:02:32] Okay.
Cap:
[1:02:33] So that's a D eight plus my modifier. Well, eight hit points.
Dylan:
[1:02:41] Eight hit points. That's great. So he was down on, on uh his knee earlier you know slouched over uh bleeding and shaking his head and even on his knee you had to put your hand up to put onto his shoulder um when you healed him he shook his head one last time and um stands over 12 feet tall black fur large um longhorn horn style horns and he looks at you with these gorgeous eyes with chocolate brown that fondness that you saw looks quite a bit deeper now, almost like a animalistic imprint oh no.
Cap:
[1:03:32] He is too hot for her own.
Dylan:
[1:03:38] The bull leans over puts its hands on your shoulders and these are massive they cover both your shoulders completely his fingers could wrap around your neck once and a half maybe something like that and you do notice as his hands are coming down he doesn't have a glove on one of his hands and his is on the end of each of his fingers isn't a fingernail or like a claw or anything, but kind of like a hoof.
Crit:
[1:04:13] Oh.
Dylan:
[1:04:15] So it's like a keratinous thing. Or like a cloven or, you know, whatever the bovine. That's what it looks like.
Crit:
[1:04:27] Wait, on each finger?
Dylan:
[1:04:29] On each, on the tip of each finger.
Crit:
[1:04:45] Thank you, Greg. There's a boner and it retracted itself all the way back into my body to become an endo phallus.
Cap:
[1:04:55] You ruined it. You ruined it.
Crit:
[1:05:01] Cloven fingernails. Jesus Christ.
Dylan:
[1:05:05] He leans over you. His must and scent overpowering. his mouth and snout coming close to your ear the hot the heat from his breath is almost too much in fact it it reminds you of uh rocks you can't help it it's it's almost it's almost that hot as you know it tickles your neck and you can't help it you were icked the fuck out there for just a second but the breath on the neck you know it gets you every time and all you hear in your mouth in the deepest voice is fake and he uh you feel a bunch you think it's him kissing your neck um but it's it feels like half you know your half of your entire neck gets enveloped by these lips and this big smooch that you get it's uh it's this big like like, schlarping sound. And, uh, he goes marching off to join his, uh, bull brothers as they're, uh, getting back to, to each other.
Cap:
[1:06:15] She goes like, she stands up as she's like, welcome. Welcome. wow okay well just gonna press the digitate that real quick.
Dylan:
[1:06:30] Yeah it's quite slimy leaving yeah we're gonna quite a lot of saliva yeah.
Cap:
[1:06:36] We can't have that.
Dylan:
[1:06:37] Uh your attendees are um split a lot of them are making like gagging faces and stuff like that and like looking like pointing at their fingers and then like doing a little filing motions and stuff like that um as you see the opinion starts to change they're just like putting on gloves and the other one's just like you know no we can make this work yeah and you know and the other one's leaning over you know another one looking really big and you know the other one's like doing the math.
Crit:
[1:07:18] Arm comparing arm to arm to their abdomen length.
Dylan:
[1:07:25] But not creative as you know i mean you were with the dragonborn and not all not all things work um exactly um that's just one of those things and it's fine get into creatures like that you know yeah so roll um perception checks okay.
Cap:
[1:07:48] Okay yeah yeah yeah yeah 19.
Dylan:
[1:07:55] 10 19 yeah all right carmilla appears next to you um startling you just a little bit because you don't know where she came from. She shows up and she's like, a little warning next time.
Cap:
[1:08:15] Oh, you were in there.
Dylan:
[1:08:18] Yes, it's fine. I was further back. I took out the stragglers. Nice.
Cap:
[1:08:24] Sorry, I didn't have time. It was all so fast.
Dylan:
[1:08:28] I didn't let you know.
Cap:
[1:08:29] You're very sneaky. Nagy, you literally just appear and disappear. It's uncanny.
Dylan:
[1:08:35] It's what I do. I can tell.
Cap:
[1:08:39] You're annoyingly good at it.
Dylan:
[1:08:42] The daughter-errant Carmilla, concubine of Lilith, winks at you and then moves off. It seems like she's checking on the cows and their health.
Cap:
[1:08:56] Pull those arrows out of my leg.
Dylan:
[1:08:58] Yeah uh so you pull your arrows out of your leg and um to use a healing potion or anything or uh it doesn't it doesn't really matter you're just tending to yourself yeah i'm.
Cap:
[1:09:13] Yeah i'll just look yeah they're i'm just pulling them out for now i guess hope maybe i want daddy's out to you.
Dylan:
[1:09:20] Yeah you didn't take any real damage yeah you just popped you They just pulled them out. Oh, yeah. They didn't actually get in then. It's more like popping a scatter. Yeah.
Cap:
[1:09:30] Okay, whatever. How about they, like, did, but I just, like, pulled them out and I'm fine.
Dylan:
[1:09:33] Oh, yeah. It's like, oh, my God.
Cap:
[1:09:36] You know, I have the metal points of, like, Boromir-ing through a song with, like, arrows in my leg, but I just popped them out later. Yeah.
Dylan:
[1:09:44] Yeah, so you pull out some bullshit magic where you, like, flick the arrows out of your leg. Tink. You're seeing everybody converging. Jerry is getting everybody together. She's got the bulls now. She's got one of them by his nose ring. And it's, you know, like yelling straight in his face, you know, like a coach would. And, you know, he looks all ashamed and everything. And you just hear, you know, you can't let your emotions get the best of you again like that. We talked about this.
Cap:
[1:10:20] Chewed out in front of the guys.
Dylan:
[1:10:21] Yeah. And she's not done. She goes to all of them because they're all guilty too.
Crit:
[1:10:26] Every single one of them.
Dylan:
[1:10:27] They're all getting to talking too. But she said, I'm proud of you. We pushed them back and I don't think any of them survived that saw us. And Carmilla says, I assure you of that.
Crit:
[1:10:40] Slay queen. Slay.
Dylan:
[1:10:43] To them, they found, unfortunately, the entrance to some of the slime network here. no we have sent word as best we can um so hopefully they've sealed it off done what they can, But those tunnels, sometimes they get discovered, and it's not good.
Cap:
[1:11:06] God damn it.
Dylan:
[1:11:08] Miss Lisa comes jogging up, and she's like, are we secure? Jerry, are we secure? And she looks like she's been crying and raging and, you know, punching the walls and stuff. You know, her shirt's torn, you know? So some of her titties hanging out, and it's, God bless her. It looks so hot in her anger. Her hair's a little messed up. She runs up, and they're like, all secure, all secure. And she runs to Jerry, and she kisses her right on the mouth. And she's like, don't you leave me like that again. And they have a little kissing wrestling match where they're like, Like, you know, grabbing each other's lapels and...
Crit:
[1:11:58] No, you don't leave me like that.
Dylan:
[1:11:59] I'm doing my job. Yeah.
Cap:
[1:12:01] I love them.
Dylan:
[1:12:04] And so, yeah, they're reunited. The bulls started putting rocks up. They're starting to fill this cave in further. And so now they're moving rocks and stuff. They're just getting right to it. The cows, they're telling people, the rest of the guards and stuff to get back. um send word i think we're closed off here they're gonna send dispatch the rest of the bulls through the rest of the labyrinth to make sure there's no other leaks etc but it seems like the day is saved for now, you all uh make your way back aside from there's going to be some doing work on the tunnels and the guards that are you know their line of alerts and command and whatnot on your way back by the time you get back into the village you see things start opening up back up fires being lit it's very subdued very quiet uh nobody's really working but they're coming out they're poking their heads out they're asking what happened who did they lose um you know, All the details.
Crit:
[1:13:15] How many casualties were there on the Minotaur side?
Dylan:
[1:13:19] Hard to say because they were pushed back to where you were. A lot of them rushed up to meet where they were coming in and were just overrun.
Crit:
[1:13:31] Oh, so it's bad.
Dylan:
[1:13:32] Yeah.
Cap:
[1:13:33] No, that sucks.
Dylan:
[1:13:35] You are making your way back in and jerry uh after she got done filling miss lisa in on everything she comes catches up to the both of you and she thanks you profusely you know i can't thank you enough for sticking your neck out for our kind it it means a lot and no of course i don't know I don't know what kind of magic that was. It was awesome. And she's in awe of your instrument and what you did to get the bulls to just start working together is what really got her. Like, wow, you cooperation between, you know, just like that, just for playing some music. She seems so inspired.
Cap:
[1:14:22] Sometimes a good beat is all you need.
Dylan:
[1:14:25] Yeah. And it wasn't magic.
Cap:
[1:14:29] Yeah, that's just Thea, baby.
Dylan:
[1:14:31] Yeah. I mean, the instrument might have been. Yeah, it's just how loud it was.
Crit:
[1:14:35] Yes.
Dylan:
[1:14:36] Yeah. That was a performance. That was all Thea.
Cap:
[1:14:40] The Thea magic.
Dylan:
[1:14:42] Getting them all into it. Super into it. Jerry, she turns to Astris and thanks you as well. Your presence alone was inspiring this shining night, this palette in the dark. uh compared to these what they call pure they hold they hold no life it's shameful what.
Crit:
[1:15:05] They do with how they came here and um invaded your home it's wrong.
Dylan:
[1:15:09] Yes they are on a mission i.
Cap:
[1:15:12] Cannot kill these fuckers fast enough they.
Crit:
[1:15:14] Keep fucking multiplying.
Dylan:
[1:15:17] As you guys are coming back in they're asking for if you're wounded they're handing out healing potions to anybody coming back through There's a cow who has a whole basket of healing potions. Like, you know, as if she was, it would be filled with bread. She's running around. She's, you know, she's got a blue bonnet on and a matching dress with a white apron. She seems all flutter trying to get these healing potions to everybody. Are you injured? Do you need a healing potion, sweetheart?
Crit:
[1:15:48] I'll take one.
Dylan:
[1:15:48] Please take one. Take two.
Cap:
[1:15:50] I'm all right. Thank you. Carmilla, are you okay?
Dylan:
[1:15:53] Take one just in case. Hey, Carmilla's not around here.
Cap:
[1:15:57] Where the fuck did she go?
Dylan:
[1:15:59] Yeah, she...
Cap:
[1:16:00] She is so tricksy.
Crit:
[1:16:01] And I'm healed.
Dylan:
[1:16:02] She runs off after you guys took some healing potions.
Crit:
[1:16:06] Chug, chug, chug.
Dylan:
[1:16:07] As you guys come back in, Carmilla says to you as she appears to your left, she, um, Thea, says, I think we should rest.
Cap:
[1:16:15] Yeah, um, beat.
Dylan:
[1:16:17] Yeah, this, I'm not feeling well either.
Cap:
[1:16:20] Are you okay?
Dylan:
[1:16:21] Yes, it's nothing new. You know, just exertion, it's just hard with this injury. It just takes it out of you. There is what looks like people moving on to a different area, and you hear a more kindly dinner bell sounding, but it's a bit slower and maudlin than you would normally. Dong, dong, dong. And people are making their way in. You are both actually very hungry. It has been quite a day.
Crit:
[1:16:53] I'll say.
Dylan:
[1:16:54] Yeah.
Crit:
[1:16:54] Yeah, we woke up and found out it was 10 years later today.
Dylan:
[1:17:00] Yeah.
Cap:
[1:17:01] That's insane. We woke up in the Feywild. This is the first time we're sleeping.
Dylan:
[1:17:05] Yeah. I'm going to say you guys are going to dinner. Going to get some well-earned rest.
Crit:
[1:17:10] First time I've eaten in 10 years.
Dylan:
[1:17:12] Yeah, that's right. I think we'll end it there.
Cap:
[1:17:15] Sick.
Dylan:
[1:17:16] Awesome. You level up.
Crit:
[1:17:18] We level up. You heard it first.
Cap:
[1:17:23] Level up.
Cap:
[1:17:25] Wow. So lots of reveals this episode. I don't know about y'all, but I love Carmilla already. And we'll have to wait and see what happens with Thea and her new admirer. As always, thank you so much for listening to our podcast. Wherever you are in the world, we appreciate the fuck out of you. And as per my normal pleas, it would help us out a ton if you could rate and subscribe and follow our Instagram, stupidsexydndpodcast, and tell your cool, sexy friends about us. Episodes of Slash and Fuck are released every other Monday. Until next time, my dears, stay wet, stay wild, stay weird.