Astris catches up with an old friend and discovers a new hobby. Thea goes on a date.
Cap:
[0:00] Hello, and welcome to Slash and Fuck, a stupid sexy D&D podcast. As the title suggests, we are a mature podcast and will be dealing with adult themes and content as our story unfolds. Since you're here, I want to thank you for starting this journey with us, and we hope you enjoy your stay. So without further ado, let's slip into something a little more comfortable.
Dylan:
[0:35] Welcome back to slash and fuck you guys last left off in the care of the minotaurs again you had meetings with your patrons in the night in your dreams you leveled up you convened with With Carmilla and Jerry and Miss Lisa, you found out that Carmilla wasn't not supposed to be leaving her room and that she had volunteered to be locked up because of the accursed injury on her leg. But it seems that you guys were just too interesting to pass up.
Cap:
[1:12] Ha ha!
Dylan:
[1:14] But it was a good thing. She was invaluable in battle. Unfortunately, her accursed injury got worse, And upon inspection, you, Asterisk, saw the face of the smiler looking back at you. Real gross.
Crit:
[1:35] Bastard.
Dylan:
[1:35] And so Carmilla told you that she had to go back to the ribbon and she had to do it the hard way. She sacrificed her leg, having Asterisk chop it off in the middle of a ritual circle.
Cap:
[1:54] Badass.
Dylan:
[1:55] And completed the ritual, which you assume sent her right back to the ribbon. Thea was able to wrap the leg up so that people could move it for transport. Nobody wanted to touch it. Asterisk couldn't even get near it while it was unwrapped. Miss Lisa and Jerry showed a lot of respect towards you, Asteris, for stepping up and being the one to chop that leg off. Very responsible of you. Very knightly. Then, you guys had some breakfast and then went to the milking chambers.
Cap:
[2:31] At long last!
Dylan:
[2:32] At long last, you finally went to the fabled milking chambers that you heard about just the day before. And milk did you.
Crit:
[2:45] The milk.
Dylan:
[2:47] You went in and you discovered it's kind of a dome. You saw how they did it. And Thea, you helped. You joined by adding your magic and your performance and your music. You were able to manipulate and control all of the bulls, being milked into a simultaneous climax, and giving you insight into power that you can tap into to use with your spells. Miss Lisa gave Euthyia a Potion of enlarge Fuck yeah she did Oh yeah She said endurance as well so I guess it's a It's a strong, Concoction you know they probably Pulled it out of somebody who'd been milked for hours On end God.
Cap:
[3:48] Thank you for.
Dylan:
[3:49] Your suffering It might have been bicep Bicep seemed like the biggest Oh my god thank you bicep Yeah, But who knows? It's just a guessing game at this point.
Cap:
[4:00] It's all refined.
Dylan:
[4:03] Yeah. And sent you off to go meet up with Jack's thick vigor. The bull that you healed, that you saved.
Cap:
[4:13] My big guy.
Crit:
[4:16] What a guy.
Cap:
[4:17] What a guy.
Dylan:
[4:18] Asterisk, you weren't really interested in dating anybody or going on a date or trying to or any of that nonsense sense because you were just you've had a long one and uh you know maybe you're gonna go out and see the town or you know just pass the time but you ended up back at the apartments and where miss lisa dropped you off and kankloof was there waiting for you he was first concerned where carmilla was and once he said she was gone he seemed relieved and he said we need to talk.
Crit:
[4:52] Yes we do.
Cap:
[4:53] I'm so excited i'm so curious what does this little motherfucker have.
Dylan:
[4:57] To say for himself so yeah asterisk when uh when you get back into your room and uh he says we need to talk you can see his hackles going down his hair you know going back into his floofy position he was all nervous anxious he's still a little nervous uh.
Crit:
[5:16] And i think i'm still in my armor so i want to disengage that.
Dylan:
[5:21] Okay yeah.
Crit:
[5:22] Just uh put.
Cap:
[5:24] Your fur down too.
Crit:
[5:25] Yeah de-escalate a little bit um and so yeah we should talk um and i i'll sit down in a chair.
Dylan:
[5:35] He seems to calm down and he moves in a circle and then sits a little half sit he asks do you have any food?
Crit:
[5:49] Not on me I don't think so yeah you missed breakfast sorry buddy grass here.
Dylan:
[5:57] That's fine.
Crit:
[5:58] See, that's the thing is like, if we know that you're following us around, we can make an extra meal for you and that you could have your own little cat sized portion, which I'm sure is.
Dylan:
[6:10] You should totally do that every morning.
Crit:
[6:12] Yeah.
Dylan:
[6:13] Yeah. Yeah. That'd be great. It's a great idea. I love that. I should have come up to you earlier. Okay. So I kind of messed up like a little bit, like not, it's not my fault.
Dylan:
[6:30] You know how you know those guard post jobs they have you sit out there for like, days and it's like to stare at a wall like nobody can walk by there's nothing to guard yeah I'm familiar yeah okay so like you're that wall, and no offense I mean you didn't do anything interesting at all you did the same thing by the schedule a you're on time to every you know i i could have told him anything and i did for a while i was like yeah she did that you know i'd give him a report and you know they're like no come back you know what did she really get up to you know i'm like no i'm telling you guys and uh fucking nothing you know and then i was just like yeah you know i'll get back to you next week and you know just you know the reports you know it's like okay it didn't matter um Um, but like, I don't know why I was, you know, don't give us reasons why we're following anybody. They're usually criminals. You know, they're usually enemies of Lilith or somebody that's friends with Lilith that is an enemy of them, you know? And they keep an eye on a lot up here. You know, they have for a long time. It's, you know, they got people in every town. so you're just another you know another um assignment but it was just forever like they're like indefinitely you know.
Crit:
[7:53] I'm not mad at you little dude i it's okay i carmilla whatever i mean she's you know but oh.
Dylan:
[8:04] Yeah she's a real achiever.
Crit:
[8:07] Yeah exactly um big ups to her and And so you should check in with her, I think. But, like, we're cool.
Dylan:
[8:15] No, never.
Crit:
[8:17] No way.
Dylan:
[8:18] I don't think so.
Crit:
[8:20] I mean, isn't she, like, your commanding officer?
Dylan:
[8:22] No. Well, I mean. I guess if, you know, if we're like both in the same room, yeah, but. I won't tell her you said that. Please. I mean, I don't, I mean, please don't tell her you saw me at all. That'd be great. Because, you know, I don't really want to go back down to the ribbon like, well, like, well, it takes forever. You know, you gotta like get down there and it sucks. and he looks around conspiratorial like and he inches a bit closer and he's like they don't eat like food down there what they're all like the food's just really good you know like, like they eat but not really you know it's like it's a means to net you know it's not a part of their like you had you remember those chicken those um jalapeno cheese chicken yeah uh Uh.
Crit:
[9:22] I mean.
Dylan:
[9:23] He says it like a spell almost.
Crit:
[9:27] I don't think I've ever had any.
Dylan:
[9:29] It's just a different thing.
Crit:
[9:31] I.
Dylan:
[9:31] They don't make, they don't think to do, you know, they, there's some wild beings around and they do some stuff that, oh, that's downright evil, you know, or at least, you know, to some people outside. sudden but you know nobody takes like the eggs of a creature and cooks it on the creature of its mother and like does all this delicious stuff with it where they turn it inside out and like fry it in its own grease and stuff who knew anyway yeah we should learn a thing about this.
Crit:
[10:04] Stuff i think i think she's i mean she's more experienced with this stuff but like.
Dylan:
[10:09] See ya yeah all right I don't know who you're talking about.
Crit:
[10:14] What do you mean oh i've seen you with her yeah yeah yeah yes yeah no you must have misheard me i've confused uh thea well we haven't which is a different part i mean you know like.
Dylan:
[10:31] I can't blow my cover.
Crit:
[10:32] Right right of course so if i introduce you to thea later would that help uh I mean.
Dylan:
[10:41] I'm sure it's fine.
Crit:
[10:44] You don't have to hide if you're going to be...
Dylan:
[10:46] Does she have any weed?
Crit:
[10:47] I honestly don't know. Probably not. I fucking wish.
Cap:
[10:50] It probably all got lost in the water when we were in the fucking Feywild.
Crit:
[10:56] Probably.
Cap:
[10:58] I brought it, but I don't think it made it.
Crit:
[11:00] I'm sure Gilthaniel found it on the horse with his little elf-y ways.
Cap:
[11:05] You know what? He deserves it.
Crit:
[11:06] Yes, he does. I hope so, too.
Cap:
[11:09] Deserves that and more.
Crit:
[11:10] I want, there's a little insert montage of Gilthaniel right here. And it's beautiful.
Cap:
[11:16] And he's totally safe.
Crit:
[11:18] And not wearing a shirt.
Cap:
[11:19] And not at all in a prison camp.
Crit:
[11:20] That's right.
Cap:
[11:21] And he's just happy and cooking and smoking weed and playing fetch with Boneshaw. That's all that's happening.
Dylan:
[11:25] And the horse. Yeah, riding the horse.
Crit:
[11:27] Yeah.
Cap:
[11:28] Yep.
Crit:
[11:28] And Syl's there too.
Dylan:
[11:29] Yeah, they're all up north. Up in the country where they have plenty of room to run around.
Crit:
[11:35] Don't say it!
Dylan:
[11:39] So, Kinkloof, when he sees that you don't know if Thea has weed or not, he seems to you very paranoid. Just a very paranoid individual. But he does seem like he's getting a bit more comfortable here talking to you a bit. He just seems like he's in trouble from, you know, not doing his assignment.
Crit:
[11:58] So, I think Carmelo went back down to the ribbon, for what it's worth.
Dylan:
[12:03] Yeah, so that was awesome.
Crit:
[12:05] Oh you saw that.
Dylan:
[12:06] Oh yeah i wasn't sure if she like actually left or not no.
Crit:
[12:10] I think i think she actually left.
Dylan:
[12:12] She can do this thing where if like she can hide in her own shadow it's crazy whoa damn yeah i can't really trust when she just vanishes like that but.
Crit:
[12:21] And asterisk looks at king floof a little suspiciously yeah he.
Dylan:
[12:28] Like looks behind him and narrows his eyes what's back there.
Crit:
[12:38] Yeah you don't trust her when she's not really there to not be there huh.
Dylan:
[12:42] Look so you know i had an assignment and like it changed because suddenly you changed everything about what you do in a day i didn't you know like i was taking the day off you know i'm always watching you know i'm always he's working but that day it just so happened i was taking a day off and i was only like a block away and you know and i find out all this stuff like you quit your quit your position and i'm like what and and he stole a bunch of horses and then took off with with uh thea thea, that's right and then i was like trying to just catch up for most of it i was trying to chase it down and find a good moment where i could do what i was supposed to do uh and get you in contact with lilith that was only after you started exhibiting signs of you know breaking out of your shell which nobody you know you weren't gonna we didn't think so okay it just you know it happened and um you know i didn't mean to bite you if it hurt uh i was just Just administering some poison to get you to pass out. Does that hurt when your feet get bitten? I don't know.
Crit:
[14:07] Does it hurt when two pointy little needles go into your foot from both angles? Does that hurt?
Dylan:
[14:16] I wouldn't know. Yeah, anyway, I'm here. What I'm going to do is we're going to hang out, and I'm going to come with you, and I'm going to help you. And maybe when we get to the ribbon, eventually you'll put in a good word or maybe just tell them I was with you the whole time. And this whole thing is a total misunderstanding.
Crit:
[14:36] I mean, yeah, it kind of sounds like that's true. So.
Dylan:
[14:39] Right. I'm just too good at my job. They couldn't see me.
Crit:
[14:45] As far as I know. Yes.
Dylan:
[14:47] That's right. He nods cat-like. He seems more relaxed now, you know, as he's not waiting for an answer that might be disappointing. But he starts to settle down and stretch out a bit. And that's when you see that he has wings, black wings that unfurl off of the fur on his back. And it looks very well disguised. But yeah, it just stretches him out and then they fold back up, you know, in one little stretch. Yeah, so he yawns. And you can see, like, his mouth gets super wide and, like, see all his teeth. And, uh.
Crit:
[15:28] Oh, God.
Dylan:
[15:30] He's like, um, yeah, so if you, uh, let me know when you're leaving. And he curls up and starts to roll over a bit on his, on his side. But his, like, belly is kind of big. So it's kind of, he rolls back and forth a bit before settling. Stretches his front legs out and kind of bats at the air a little bit. And, like, you see his eyes just.
Crit:
[15:50] Sounds good, dude. I'll let you know if I find some food for you.
Dylan:
[15:52] It's easier to twitch. Thea.
Cap:
[15:54] Yes.
Dylan:
[15:55] Meanwhile.
Crit:
[15:57] Yes.
Cap:
[15:59] Yes.
Crit:
[16:00] I've been waiting.
Dylan:
[16:02] All right. So, Thea, you get released through a door as Miss Lisa had left you there. What you see before you in this room here, which looks like there's a door on the other end. But this room has all kinds of equipment. It's got ropes. scopes it's got bits it's got different you know gloves it looks like almost a big supply room oh my if you go across i mean there's there's so much stuff here some of the stuff you don't even recognize you know it could be you know anything for all you know yeah i mean walking through any like farm equipment you're like oh no you uh go through the the next door and it looks like that room that you're in was like, not like an airlock, but you know. equipment room leading to another circular area that has um very lush thick green grass that's um super nice and uh well maintained long but not uh in your face and annoying with like uh, foxtails and stuff like that it's a very pretty glossy grass and looking around you see you know So big spools of rope and a giant, like a ball. And you see some bales of hay and a barrel.
Dylan:
[17:27] And it kind of looks like a playpen for, you know, cows.
Cap:
[17:37] They do like to boot balls around fields with their heads.
Crit:
[17:40] Yeah, it's fun.
Dylan:
[17:42] Yeah. Yeah, you know, they've got a very thick rope that's been tied into the monkey's fist thing, you know, so it's a big heavy ball.
Cap:
[17:51] Enrichment.
Dylan:
[17:52] Eclipsing all of that is Jax. He's standing, you know, 10 feet away or so. In all of his height, he's standing straight up. You'd only seen him hunched over in battle mode and that kind of stuff, but he is an impressive height. um you know saying at least 12 feet um and muscular lean he looks good he looks like he uh takes care of himself he looks well groomed he looks way nicer there's no smell coming off of them as the first thing you're like oh you know it just smells like grass out here and it's nice nice um looks like he's yeah well bathed and groomed and uh his hair is all nice and combed in all the right directions, you see his broad, long horns shining under the firelight. He bows deeply towards you, and he says, Theo, thank for come.
Dylan:
[18:57] And he holds, he steps toward it and holds his hand out with his head down, and he's not wearing gloves. gloves but you do notice okay you notice that his fingernails seem to have been filed down to, rounded you know like it looks like the shape of a finger that you would you know find acceptable um yeah almost it doesn't have the look of a cloven hoof or anything at the moment just because it's been filed down just to this shape, all very smooth. But yeah, he holds his hand out towards yours.
Cap:
[19:40] Miss Lisa was right. He is a gentleman. She'll sort of giggle and take his hand and be like, Jax, I'm so glad I didn't hurt you too badly.
Dylan:
[19:50] No. He'll save Jax. Thank. He, you know, pinches your hand between his thumb and his forefinger.
Cap:
[20:01] My God.
Dylan:
[20:02] He kneels down and snuffles a bit at your, like, just at you. You know, he's so huge. And you go, whoa, you know, and snuffles up and he says, you have potion.
Cap:
[20:15] Oh, oh, I do, buddy.
Dylan:
[20:17] He looks like he's waiting.
Cap:
[20:19] So I'm not sure if this will destroy my clothes once I take it. So give me just a second. And so she's going to step back and sort of like turn and start undressing.
Dylan:
[20:31] He he shakes his head and goes to look away, but immediately just turns his head right back. you know it does like oh no i can't and just slowly looks like directly at you with those huge beautiful eyes so.
Cap:
[20:45] When she's done undressing she'll sort of turn back around and uncork the potion and sort of looking to go bottoms up sweetheart and she'll drink it.
Dylan:
[20:58] While you're stripping or undressing um both while you're doing that you made it look good you've done this thing this this song and dance literally a hundred times but you know you just do it like it's like it's second nature like you do it like you would do it at home or something for some reason you're just that sexy but you hear his breathing get heavier it's you know and uh his his gaze gets It's more intense.
Dylan:
[21:28] And then you drink the potion and you instantly feel like a shot of energy, almost like adrenaline. And your eyes light up and you feel this thrill about you. Like you could just tear the floor out of the floor if you wanted to. And you look down and see yourself growing. growing you see the shadow changing from your form and the fire lights on the wall are getting close to the eye level you feel powerful and you feel like you could run through a wall right now and you look over to Jax and he gets up from his kneeling position and, and he's about still pretty big he's about two feet maybe more taller than you so it's um you know it's it's manageable now but it would be like you and say shack in real life or something wow hot damn you know yeah yeah um he's a big boy but now at.
Cap:
[22:33] Least the physics is on our side.
Dylan:
[22:35] That's right and the thing is is that you it's not that you think you know you can take him now this potion has you feeling good um not.
Cap:
[22:48] A doubt in my mind.
Dylan:
[22:49] Yeah jacks as his you know his breathing gets heavier and he seems more intense and focused and as he stands he's looking up and down and his snouts just kind of swaying back and forth and he tears the tunic that he's wearing She didn't really notice much. They don't wear much clothing, but yeah, he was wearing this dark tunic. It was a dark green and just rips it completely off in one motion as if it was paper, revealing his impressive cock. like and i'm talking very you see you saw them in the in the milking chambers so it's not the first you know shocking uh witnessing of this thing we're braced you're braced but now it's right there in front of you and uh now your hands are big enough to hold you know before it was kind kind of this impossibility. Now the ball's in your court.
Cap:
[23:57] The ball's, you say, too.
Dylan:
[23:58] Yeah, that's right. He moves up very close, just kind of presses his body against you and starts nuzzling again, kind of that rough, you know, and seems like he's smelling you and getting your scent or something like that. And he looks and he says, Like rough.
Cap:
[24:19] Oh, yes.
Dylan:
[24:20] Alright, roll initiative Ha!
Crit:
[24:24] Sex initiative! This is why you were cackling.
Cap:
[24:34] Okay. I rolled a 14.
Dylan:
[24:37] A 14. All right. So you look at him and you're like, oh yeah. Before you could blink, you know, you didn't really see it coming, but shockingly you're off your feet and you are being bulldozed backwards through the air on this guy's shoulder. and he smashes you into a bale of hay blowing hay everywhere and it doesn't hurt really this potion seems to to help you more more than just size um it knocks the air out of you and it surprised the crap out of you because you weren't expecting to get spear tackled 30 yards down uh this grassy pitch she.
Cap:
[25:24] Can't help but think this is how astris would do it too absolutely.
Dylan:
[25:27] He uh he pins you to the ground and kind of pushes you against the ground you know like he's uh pushing you several feet along the ground with his uh his force and everything and he's um his lips are all over your neck again they are schlopping and plopping uh making noises and you hear the deep grunting and breathing as he picks you up in this final movement of momentum and holds you close to his chest and looks looks up at you and you feel a smack on your ass which could be nothing other than his cock his gaze seems inviting and challenging and pleased so it's your turn.
Cap:
[26:20] All right. So she's going to grin down at him like, okay, you're going for it.
Dylan:
[26:29] You have a thorn whip, you have a tail, you have spells.
Cap:
[26:33] Oh, that's right. Magic and shit.
Dylan:
[26:35] And you're in a battle.
Crit:
[26:37] Sex fight.
Dylan:
[26:38] Yeah, you're in a sex fight.
Cap:
[26:39] I am going to wrap my tail around his cock as many times as it'll go. and I'm just gonna kind of like look him in the eye like a brat and just start working it with my tail.
Dylan:
[26:51] All right uh you do aggravating uh edging edging edging damage to him now he's um he's frustrated and he likes it he feels that you're tight around it and he you know twitches and pulses and then realizes that you actually have a grip and uh you're not just you're holding it and you you have control of it right now so um he turns around and he does another charge across the pitch again this time he jumps into the air with you attached and he spins and lands kind of him on his back side but you catch some of it but he lands on this big ball that was out there that you saw when you came in and it bounces you and him apart and you go flying so let's do a little like strength check here um who rolled a one to see if you can hold on.
Cap:
[27:57] Okay, that's a 13.
Dylan:
[28:01] All right, not quite, but your tail isn't quite muscle-bound enough to hold on to all of your weight as you go flinging backwards off of him. You go flying back again. You land nicely. I'll say that roll that you rolled was to land. You land gracefully, but powerfully on one knee, one fist on the ground, one hand behind you, and then you look upward at him. and by the time you look up, he's pawing at the dirt, all fours, and he looks like he's about to charge again. He has lust in his eyes like crazy. Your turn.
Cap:
[28:39] Okay. So since we have this distance now, Theo's going to sort of summon her thorn whip and crack it a few times.
Dylan:
[28:50] I'm going to be like.
Cap:
[28:51] All right.
Crit:
[28:52] Hot girl shit.
Cap:
[28:54] Try me.
Dylan:
[28:55] Awesome. All right. So it's his turn and he looks surprised by this weapon that you have now, um, or rope or whatever, instead of, uh, looking like he's going to charge through you, he starts like rumbling towards you. He bumps into you again, his head to your chest, um, hunched over and, uh, pushes you back about five feet, but he, you know, it keeps bucking his head upward and he sees the vine whip and it looks like you've kind of triggered some sort of training thing with him where he's ready to get taken somewhere.
Cap:
[29:35] Oh my god, that's hilarious.
Dylan:
[29:39] And he's all frustrated but he's doing he's being a good boy now. So you've got a rope.
Cap:
[29:45] So I'm going to take the rope and I'm kind of going to sling it around one of his horns. And like, is there still like a bale of hay somewhere? I'm going to prop up against a bale of hay and I'm going to pull his head towards between Thea's legs.
Dylan:
[30:00] Sweet. Good boy. At first you lay back.
Cap:
[30:05] Very good boy.
Dylan:
[30:06] Yeah, you lay back in this destroyed bale of hay, but it's still a pile of hay. Fuck yeah. and you lay back and just spread your legs, and you start pulling the rope towards you. And at first he starts bucking his head a bit and skidding against it, but you have so much leverage with your feet back and everything like that, and you're just so strong, and he starts sliding for you, and he sees what's going on and then gives in and comes to you at your pace. And when he gets to your legs, that schlorping, schlopping that you felt on your lips starts making its way up your thighs. And not like Oberon. Oberon was very unique in that he could have like a hundred tongues if he wanted to, and wrap them all around your legs.
Cap:
[31:00] That's why he's daddy.
Dylan:
[31:01] This is something else. And it's loud and wet. And you feel like that you're a feed bag strapped around him. Like he's going to work. And it's this, you know, he lifts back a bit and puts you back up on your shoulders, you know, with your arms back and you've got your legs wrapped around behind his neck. And it is amazing. Fantastic. I guess that was his turn.
Cap:
[31:31] I guess that was his turn. well that was his movement his.
Dylan:
[31:37] Action his reaction right yeah now um so you're in a grapple technically with um with jacks here uh you got your legs wrapped around him and he's eating you out your options are you can use the rope to climb up grab onto his horns maybe or you could uh you know just let him ragdoll you around like feedback you know or you could let go you know it's it's up to you your turn we're.
Cap:
[32:02] Gonna grab those horns those horns aren't there to not grab all.
Dylan:
[32:05] Right so yeah you um very sexily climb the rope that was attached to his horn you know like a like a silk oh.
Cap:
[32:14] Like aerial silk.
Dylan:
[32:15] Aerial silk yeah uh you climb up very sensually and you grab hold of these horns and they're just the perfect size for your hands to just like get the best grip and And in your excitement, while squeezing these horns, you squeeze your legs around his face. And he takes that as a signal to pull you down onto him. And as you do, you feel that slap on your ass again, once, twice, as his eyes look into yours. And now it's your turn.
Crit:
[32:49] So there.
Dylan:
[32:54] There no he uh he.
Cap:
[32:57] Lowers you down.
Dylan:
[32:57] Onto his massive girth slowly you have control as well obviously you're wrapping.
Cap:
[33:03] Yeah no she's picking up what he's laying down she's gonna start uh the pipe yeah she's going to start uh working her way down it as well down.
Dylan:
[33:13] The fire pole okay.
Cap:
[33:14] Yeah Yeah.
Dylan:
[33:15] Yeah.
Cap:
[33:15] We're sliding.
Dylan:
[33:16] All right.
Cap:
[33:17] Slipping and sliding.
Crit:
[33:18] Oh, yeah.
Dylan:
[33:18] And you make your way down slowly, slipping and sliding. And you've seen it before. You handled it before. The shape, the girth, the irregularity of its shape, it blows your mind in a way where you think maybe I'm going to get split in half anyway. All that confidence that you had going into this, It's starting to shake just a little bit as it seems like the deeper you go, the girthier he gets. And just when you think it's too much, you reach the base and you can feel all of his might within you. And he holds you there for a moment. And his eyes, huge eyes, these big doughy eyes. You've got this beast, this monster that you've been battling with. And every time you see his eyes, you're like, oh, my God, so pretty. So cute. like you can't help you're like oh man oh and then you know then you snap back to reality that you're you know stuffed full pinned.
Cap:
[34:19] On a monster cock.
Dylan:
[34:20] But it's something you can do and you do it and it gets easier and then we'll close the curtains on that one for now, Yeah, Thea, afterwards, you do feel invigorated, and not just because his name is Jax, Thick Vigor, which indeed he is, and he did.
Cap:
[34:41] Repeatedly.
Dylan:
[34:42] But you feel magically more powerful. You feel like the next spell you cast, you could augment it in some way, make it do as much damage as possible, or maybe do two of them or something. It's weird. You're getting the sense with your magic that you're able to manipulate it in ways that you hadn't before. And it's all thanks to Jax. And the Idol of Oberon warms in appreciation once you are done collecting.
Cap:
[35:12] Oh good daddy approves a daddy approved coupling.
Dylan:
[35:16] That's right i guess.
Cap:
[35:17] This is the first one since then oh jack's is so special.
Dylan:
[35:20] Yeah those.
Crit:
[35:22] Big beautiful eyes.
Dylan:
[35:23] Yeah i cuddle him for the appropriate amount of time yeah he falls asleep instantly oh so.
Crit:
[35:31] The appropriate amount of time you don't have to.
Dylan:
[35:33] Yeah you just had to get out from underneath them basically but yeah it was really sweet you know that is sweet he tried to hold you down so you couldn't like get up but you know you were big and strong enough to like you.
Crit:
[35:45] Know oh yeah i gotta see this giant woman yeah.
Dylan:
[35:48] He probably cuddles.
Cap:
[35:49] For a little bit it's nice and he's so big and he's probably really soft.
Dylan:
[35:53] Yeah he is very soft yeah he's all done up and everything but yeah you uh you cuddle with him a little bit you look at his those gorgeous eyes of his even closed has these pretty eyelashes just enviable eyelashes top and bottom you're just like aren't you boys are so lucky yeah boys always have the best.
Cap:
[36:12] Eyelashes why is why.
Dylan:
[36:13] Is fate so cruel and uh yeah he is sleeping heavy deep rhythmic beastly breaths very endearing though oh i'm.
Cap:
[36:24] Gonna kiss his little snoot.
Dylan:
[36:25] Yeah you get a.
Cap:
[36:28] Well, I'm too big to put my clothes back on, so I have to walk around naked, I guess, which is fine.
Dylan:
[36:35] You walk back through the equipment shed. There seems to be robes and stuff like that, you know, which you thought were like burlap sacks, you know, for grain carrying or whatever. It's actually just robes, you know, and things like jackets and there's different kinds of farm gear. So you don't have to go completely in the book.
Cap:
[36:54] Okay, but like, will I look ugly though?
Dylan:
[36:57] You can make anything look good though anything looks good on yeah or you know you found you found uh some some nice ropes that you could wrap your wrap around yourself you're like oh i can make some work here yeah nice make a little rope outfit you know doesn't leave much the imagination but you're not naked completely i'll.
Cap:
[37:18] Tie some of like i'll tie some strips of the the burlap like up and around my hair doing kind of like a sloppy like updo beehive bouffant.
Dylan:
[37:27] Yeah and you definitely know how to style your hair even if it's that like freshly fucked you know like wildness you're just like okay there's.
Cap:
[37:37] Still hay in it.
Dylan:
[37:38] Gotta do that that's right definitely look like you've been doing some farm work oh yeah and some heavy equipment it's.
Crit:
[37:46] Giving for everyone.
Cap:
[37:47] To know that.
Crit:
[37:48] Pastoral down home country girl vibes.
Dylan:
[37:53] That's right this.
Cap:
[37:54] Ain't this ain't no walk of shame.
Dylan:
[37:55] This is.
Cap:
[37:56] A strut of pride.
Dylan:
[37:57] Dirt on the knees and elbows got a gut.
Cap:
[38:00] Full of magic.
Dylan:
[38:01] That's right just arcs of electricity between your fingertips so uh yeah you make your way back to the apartment and asterisk we left you leaving kink floof yeah Yeah.
Crit:
[38:15] King Floof was asleep on the bed. That's right. And then I was giving him the room, I guess. What is wrong with me?
Dylan:
[38:26] That's right. He just, you know.
Crit:
[38:28] It's his room now.
Cap:
[38:30] I mean, like, yeah.
Dylan:
[38:31] Kind of a cat.
Cap:
[38:33] That's how it is.
Dylan:
[38:34] And you offered, you had this great idea where you should feed him every morning.
Crit:
[38:38] Yeah, I was going to go get him some food.
Dylan:
[38:40] Yeah, you had to go out and get some food for him. That's right.
Crit:
[38:44] I've got to feed that boy.
Dylan:
[38:46] Yeah. So, yeah, Asterix has a job. And she's like, all right, no rest for the weary. and she gets up crosses the room opens the door and sees thea but thea is wearing ropes and what looks like hay artfully throughout her hair kind of like that little viney stuff that used to see um drusilla have on her some of her uh outfits this is just hay in that kind of like farmer version but the thing that's most striking is that thea is now about nine feet tall asteris.
Cap:
[39:25] Asteris i'm huge wow.
Dylan:
[39:27] She yeah thea says i'm huge as she leans over in front of you oh my gosh filling your vision with her smile and her bosom yeah.
Cap:
[39:38] I was about to say mostly breasts.
Dylan:
[39:39] Mostly Yeah, you see teeth and boobs.
Crit:
[39:42] Oppies, pick me up.
Cap:
[39:43] Oppies. Yeah, my turn, my turn.
Crit:
[39:46] Yeah.
Cap:
[39:47] I'm going to pick you up like a little doll and just like hug you and fit you between the bosom and just go, oh my God.
Crit:
[39:55] I'm so happy right now. This is great.
Cap:
[39:58] You good down there?
Crit:
[40:00] I'm great. How was it?
Cap:
[40:02] Oh, oh my god, you're gonna need to carry me tomorrow, that's all I'm gonna say.
Crit:
[40:07] Happily.
Dylan:
[40:08] You do notice she's got bruises, and, you know, dirt everywhere. It looks like she was out wrangling cattle and not fucking them.
Crit:
[40:17] I mean, I have to imagine it's not dissimilar. I've seen horses go at it.
Dylan:
[40:23] Yeah, so Thea's just holding you in her breast. You guys are catching up.
Crit:
[40:29] Oh yeah, so I saw the cat. it
Dylan:
[40:41] Resonates throughout the common area.
Crit:
[40:43] Little boy yeah he um i guess he's been around this whole time he has apparently he's been i don't know here and there i think he takes a lot of vacation days as one should no no judgment learning that one can actually rest and have a job that's cool yeah.
Cap:
[41:04] Oh i'm glad the little guy's okay.
Crit:
[41:06] Yeah me too uh he is he still on the bed uh.
Dylan:
[41:11] Well you came out swing you around you open the door walked out and we're just like oh my god and they got picked up.
Crit:
[41:18] Yeah.
Dylan:
[41:20] And like swing around you look in the bedroom and like the beds there's There's nothing on the bed right now. You might have scared him off when you said kink floof with your giant voice.
Cap:
[41:30] Kink floof.
Dylan:
[41:32] Oh, yeah.
Crit:
[41:33] I think I have to introduce you to him as if you don't already know him. So pretend. Pretend. I don't get it. He's scared.
Cap:
[41:42] What do you mean? That cat was huffing my weed smoke for like years.
Dylan:
[41:47] All right. All right. Okay. Jig is up.
Crit:
[41:49] Oh, there he is.
Cap:
[41:50] Buddy. Keep it down. I miss you.
Dylan:
[41:53] You could tell the whole world, don't you?
Crit:
[41:56] So kink floof this is thea she's not normally a giant woman but we love her railed.
Cap:
[42:06] By a bull.
Dylan:
[42:07] Yeah yeah that kind of catches him off guard oh uh cool oh yeah yeah i remember you from being undercover right yeah because.
Crit:
[42:19] You've been here this whole time with me we've been this.
Dylan:
[42:22] Well time yeah okay you get all right just like we're cool yeah i said earlier jig is up yeah like yeah yeah i talked to her she talked to me she made me smoke some of her weed i was an innocent little cat who never experimented with anything yeah um but what.
Cap:
[42:45] Can i say i'm a bad influence.
Dylan:
[42:46] It's true do you have any more little.
Cap:
[42:49] Buddy i brought it with me but it has been a perilous journey and i don't think it made it i am sad as well if you find any let me know you can't use fire but i can.
Dylan:
[43:01] Yeah right sure yeah i'll let you know but you too you have to let me you know i will okay so mostly i just like uh if any of the the the daughters you know any of those come around and stuff i'm mostly just trying to cover my ass here like you know they get real disciplined if you don't like do things the way they want it exactly stupid but yeah i'm out i'm doing my job everything's the way it's turning out.
Crit:
[43:39] That's that's technically true what.
Cap:
[43:42] More can you do.
Dylan:
[43:43] As you are talking to kink floof and just kind of nodding along with whatever bullshit he's trying to give you uh you start to shrink in size uh thea and you feel you don't feel like weaker like you've been weakened but you don't feel as strong as you once were and it starts to fade from you pretty quickly astris you notice this is uh your feet start to touch the ground and then you're holding her up and the ropes just fall off of her body i'm naked now now she's naked and you're holding her up so.
Cap:
[44:24] I'm i'm holding i'm holding astra sound i go oh well that was nice while it lasted i felt like you or at least i felt like how i imagine you feel i'm well Well.
Crit:
[44:34] I'm flattered, but I'm so glad you had fun. That was that was really cool.
Cap:
[44:39] It was it was very fun. It was play, but also, yeah.
Dylan:
[44:45] Yeah, Thea, you're actually, those bumps and bruises are starting to be a little bit more sore. Yep.
Cap:
[44:52] Oh, your girl needs to lay down.
Dylan:
[44:54] That's not what's, you know, the most out of shape right now. So you're starting to be like, okay, I shouldn't be standing too long. Yeah, you guys can make your way to the chairs or whatever if you want. But yeah, Thea, you're not going to die on your feet, but you're starting to notice it. It wasn't all for nothing.
Crit:
[45:17] Astros gallantly swoops you into her arms.
Cap:
[45:20] Oh, Astros, you're the best.
Crit:
[45:24] I'm going to set you down on your bed.
Cap:
[45:26] Oh, thank you.
Crit:
[45:27] Sweet baby. Head pat pat.
Dylan:
[45:31] Oh, thank you. Thea's attendants come out and they all have their, you know, they got the little ice pack that they put on her head and like little thermometers and you know they look like little nurses all fussing over oh and one of them's a janitor for some reason and they're like out out out that's adorable i.
Cap:
[45:52] Love them so much.
Dylan:
[45:53] Yeah so thea are you gonna rest up for a little while yeah okay we'll have you rest up in the apartment as you're laying back in your bed, and you feel the weight of, you know, sleepiness come over you a bit and physical exhaustion. It's not pain or anything like that, but you worked out, you know.
Cap:
[46:14] Yes.
Dylan:
[46:15] Everything's twinging and settling and relaxing and you're like, oh, okay. You know, mind-body connection to places you didn't know existed. And yeah, as you're starting to drift off, you see a kink floof jump up to the foot of the bed and like make a few circles between your feet and then lower down and you just see kind of his ears go not flat but just relaxed and you see him just over the top of your blanket.
Cap:
[46:40] Oh, Nixie. Oh, he's a good boy.
Dylan:
[46:42] So, Asterix, you settled Thea into bed and you're going to head out. Were you planning on just wandering around or did you want to try to flag down someone you know, like Miss Lisa or Jerry?
Crit:
[46:55] Yeah, Miss Lisa mentioned a tour and I'm a fan of Miss Lisa. But I think now I'm kind of on a mission for the cat food. And honestly, like what King Floof was saying about food being really good kind of got me thinking. I don't think Asterix has really enjoyed food much so far, like with her guard life and duty. So I think she's going to kind of look with his eyes for some food.
Cap:
[47:17] I love that for her. It's going to get delicious in this dungeon.
Crit:
[47:20] Hell yeah.
Dylan:
[47:21] Yeah, I guess when he was mentioning that food's just a means to an end, you know, it's just to get through the day.
Crit:
[47:28] Yeah, Asterix was like, yeah, exactly.
Dylan:
[47:29] You're like, yeah, you just eat a couple raw eggs and go. That's what he did. So, yeah, you're like, okay. Yeah, I mean, those like cheesy chicken things do smell really good. You know, you just didn't really think about ordering a giant tray of them sitting down and eating them all. Because it would take forever. It was in the tavern, you know, at the chalice. It would be awkward.
Crit:
[47:51] And your hands get all greasy and there's nowhere to clean up.
Dylan:
[47:53] Yeah, it's not really efficient. But, you know, it got you thinking. Yeah. That's good. So, yeah, you go out and you're going to head out towards what you've seen already is somewhat of a market. kit and uh yeah looking for cat food are you asking are you asking shop shopkeepers like do you have any cat food no.
Crit:
[48:13] No because like he he was just describing normal food so i'm just looking for like uh food on sticks food like uh that looks greasy and like decadent like live deliciously type of food yeah.
Dylan:
[48:27] Well i was asking just because i wasn't trying to set you up for like what the If you're asking, you're going to be like, do you have anything greasy or like hot? You know, that kind of thing. And you're like, what do you need it for? Because they're offering you like mushrooms, things like that. And you're like, oh, no, like meat. And they're like, oh, we don't. right um you know they they're trying not to be like judgmental but it was a really it's a surprising ask down there um yeah right they uh they're like oh what's i yeah i guess you do eat that stuff if you mention it's for care you're probably keeping his cover um.
Crit:
[49:04] It's for a pet yeah yeah i mean yeah it's for a cat.
Dylan:
[49:09] Yeah they'll be like okay um they'll they're like oh cats They're like, they just eat meat. They seem a lot easier. They're like, oh, okay, it's not for you. So they can just pretend that you don't eat meat for now. They're like, well, the only thing we can get really is a protein paste. And that's some high energy stuff that we give that goes into the feed for the bulls. But who knows? He might like it. It's mostly insects, but it's ground up. He wouldn't know the difference.
Crit:
[49:44] I'll take it because i think astris is thinking she might eat it.
Dylan:
[49:47] Yeah so they um.
Crit:
[49:51] Old habits die hard all that okay.
Dylan:
[49:53] So you they give you they're like all right no problem and they uh they go around and they find this looks like a squarish keg with a big tap handle uh and they and like a a wheel on the side and And she pulls down the tap handle and starts rotating the wheel.
Crit:
[50:17] Oh, God.
Dylan:
[50:17] And a big, like, goopy... Well, I guess it's all one consistency of what looks like a brownish, slimy paste or pate coming out onto what looks like just this table that has a bunch of salt on it. And then it's like this tube. It looks sort of like a sausage in shape. And then she just throws a bunch of salt over it and rolls it in the salt and then hands it over to you. And it was like, this, you know, this should keep just, you know, knock off the salt and serve. Most high energy, you know, males really like this kind of stuff. You know, it's designed for them. At least these ones down here. So we'll see. But no, no, no. This one's on the house. No, you are.
Crit:
[51:10] Oh, come on.
Dylan:
[51:11] You were on the battlefield. We all know. We all talked about it. We all saw.
Crit:
[51:15] You're too kind.
Dylan:
[51:16] No, please. So just take care of your cat. We didn't see you come in with a cat.
Crit:
[51:20] You know, cats find you.
Dylan:
[51:22] That's true. You got adopted, sweetheart. Yeah.
Crit:
[51:26] Yeah that's right.
Dylan:
[51:27] Oh that's nice sweet little kitten yeah and so you know this is uh one of the shopkeepers and out of many that you spoke to and most of them you were just getting you know confused looks until you finally nailed down what you're asking for and what you're getting you did try different foods at each of them when they were like try this try that you know And they were all different types of vegetables or non-thinking things. And you're starting to get an appreciation for the wild flavors because you think you're getting the sense that you're picking up or you were just trying out spices mostly. Some of them were just different types of grasses that you would bite and it would be a very sharp flavor, lemony or oniony or something like that. And by themselves, they're a little too much on their own, but as you kept going from booth to booth, you noticed that the blend of these flavors really makes sense. This tastes really good. Just putting it together since you went out trying to appreciate food.
Crit:
[52:30] Yeah.
Cap:
[52:30] I love this flavor journey you're going on.
Dylan:
[52:34] And it seems like more of an inviting place to try this is the food doesn't look disgusting. The only one that you passed on were those eggs, potato eggs that you didn't really like.
Cap:
[52:45] Oh, God.
Crit:
[52:47] Yeah, we learned we didn't like that. Yeah.
Cap:
[52:50] Both in and out of character. I have nightmares about that. Really?
Crit:
[52:54] Oh.
Dylan:
[52:55] But they do they do look you know when you turn those ones down they look surprised you know like oh these are you know they seem valuable so they might be you know very good for you and filling and you know uh rich and whatever but they're disgusting there's there's.
Crit:
[53:13] Not like a combination of spices from what i've tasted so far that might make it work.
Dylan:
[53:19] Maybe yeah maybe you know You know, you didn't try, you know, it's like you've only had them raw, you think, and you've only seen them eaten that way. And it was really gross.
Crit:
[53:30] I resent it. I resent it for existing.
Dylan:
[53:32] Yeah, you're like, why didn't you cook it? You know, it's probably better if you cook it. Everything's better if you cook it, you know?
Crit:
[53:38] Yeah, why did I just bite into it? Why did they make me just bite into it? It's like a snake egg that had potato in it. Like, why? why i want i want to take one for the road if i can you.
Dylan:
[53:53] Want a potato egg what.
Crit:
[53:54] Makes me so sad yes, Potato egg. Potato egg. No.
Dylan:
[54:03] All right. So you take one.
Crit:
[54:06] I hate it.
Dylan:
[54:07] I'm going to cargo short. You take two, breeding pair.
Crit:
[54:14] I intend to experiment with them.
Dylan:
[54:17] You grab a couple.
Crit:
[54:19] I shake my head the whole time. I don't like it. I don't like handling them.
Dylan:
[54:23] Yeah. I mean, they're like a touching and feels like an old potato. potato you know it has that it's not like your finger's not going through it or anything but it's kind of that uh soft it's an unpleasant soft kind of fuzzy um we.
Crit:
[54:38] Had to revisit it yeah.
Cap:
[54:42] They're so gross.
Dylan:
[54:43] And you can feel like the liquid inside kind of move in yeah and yeah they uh they're like oh of course and no don't worry about it please are you sure only two and they uh just Just hand them over. They're ready to go like that. They're, um, they called them the earth movers gift though.
Crit:
[55:00] I don't like that. I don't like that.
Dylan:
[55:02] Yeah.
Crit:
[55:03] It's an, it's an egg, huh?
Dylan:
[55:04] Oh no, no, not these ones. No.
Cap:
[55:07] What?
Crit:
[55:08] Oh, I don't like that.
Dylan:
[55:10] These ones are the, uh, the gift from the earth mover.
Crit:
[55:14] The earth mover. I'm not familiar with that.
Dylan:
[55:17] She starts drawing out a long line and then uh draws another next to it and then as she keeps drawing you're like oh an earthworm oh oh and she says the great earth movers they leave these for us for everyone here they are byproducts of earth mover oh god God.
Cap:
[55:46] Oh, it's worse. Oh, it's worse hell.
Crit:
[55:50] I don't like that.
Cap:
[55:53] This is amazing. I hate it. Keep going.
Dylan:
[55:57] Yes, very rich, calorie rich. All of us who have lived underground, from those who came from atop or those who started below, all have used this resource, this precious resource to survive.
Crit:
[56:11] That's really great for you.
Cap:
[56:13] With a smile, with a smile.
Crit:
[56:16] Thank you so much.
Dylan:
[56:19] You're very welcome. Please, return if you want more.
Cap:
[56:23] More potato eggs.
Crit:
[56:24] I will. I put them in my pocket. One on each side. Yeah, I'm strapped and loaded. Fuck yeah, potato eggs.
Dylan:
[56:33] Yeah, you got your potato eggs. Your Earthmovers gift.
Crit:
[56:38] Asterisk is kind of a glutton for punishment.
Dylan:
[56:42] Yeah, you had to just go back and talk to him. All right, fuck it. Let's see.
Crit:
[56:46] You know what? But I can't stand to try one right now, but I'm taking it with me. I'm going to work on it. My little project.
Cap:
[56:55] He's going to cry.
Crit:
[56:56] My nighttime project.
Cap:
[56:58] My nighttime project.
Dylan:
[57:02] Asterisks, you spend the afternoon at market trying things, trying to buy things. You don't have any money on you, but even before you can offer, they're like, no, no. and people have just been trying to give you what they can in appreciation for what you did. But yeah, you're learning a lot about flavors. Some are just not good. Some are great. And you head back to the apartments with your hall and go into the common area. You guys are sharing a room, right?
Crit:
[57:34] I think so, yeah.
Dylan:
[57:35] Yeah, all right. So you... go into the room and you see thea there on her bed with uh kink floof curled up between her legs he uh his ears perk up immediately he's staring at what you're what you're carrying like what's in the bag what'd you get and he gets up and he uh he doesn't just get right down he like walks the the worst way around thea that wakes her up like walks on her hair and her and then stomach and then down um like why a lot why and uh he just walks right up to a mistress and he's purring and he's rubbing against your leg and he's like what do you got did you go you tiny son of.
Crit:
[58:23] A bitch like i got you something um i pull out the salted grub sausage i don't i honestly don't know if you're gonna like it but we could try it together.
Dylan:
[58:36] His uh one of his ears is flat and like flicking he looks uh suspicious he's like smelling a bit and he's like that smells familiar okay.
Crit:
[58:49] Yeah we don't have to try this.
Dylan:
[58:50] What is that it's like some he he smells it and he like his nose goes back and his mouth is open and it's really ugly looking face and he looks around at you and then theo's mouth open oh wow and he's like that's it's like they make this appear too like we don't like this oh okay yeah why do they make why do they make us eat this what is disgusting what's happening he's like they i get up i.
Cap:
[59:20] Put my clothes on or i pull one of my robes on i definitely still have at least fucking one looking.
Crit:
[59:27] In her bag.
Dylan:
[59:28] For it Yeah, just fling it out really angrily.
Cap:
[59:33] I used to have five.
Dylan:
[59:37] He walks, you know, backs up a little bit, and he's like, yeah, go ahead, look. They grind up dead cats or something, and then they turn them into a paste, and they put them into a jar, and they give them to us for food.
Crit:
[59:50] It's not dead cats. It's bugs. But, yeah.
Dylan:
[59:56] He looks up at you, like, concerned, with extreme concern in your face, and he said, it's bugs.
Crit:
[1:00:01] It's high protein. you don't have to try it I will here I got you this and I pull out a potato egg.
Cap:
[1:00:12] Oh asterisk why.
Dylan:
[1:00:13] So you put it on the ground and he looks and bounces flings himself into the air at.
Crit:
[1:00:20] Least 5 feet.
Dylan:
[1:00:21] All of his hair is standing on end and he's hissing at it.
Crit:
[1:00:25] Oh no I.
Dylan:
[1:00:27] Feel the.
Cap:
[1:00:28] Same way Nixie.
Dylan:
[1:00:29] And uh like he hisses twice and then just kind of you hear like a thumping as he like runs around in a circle for a second and then just darts under the bed.
Crit:
[1:00:39] Oh no i'm sorry can't put it back oh asterisk.
Cap:
[1:00:43] Those things are disgusting why did you buy them.
Crit:
[1:00:48] Oh i'm sorry i i'm on a mission i hate them too i went out and i tried a bunch of things today and it was mostly terrible um oh and i mostly don't regret it it was interesting sounds enriching yeah pretty much that it just gave me some ideas that i have no idea how to follow up on so.
Cap:
[1:01:11] A food journey you're on a food journey.
Crit:
[1:01:14] Yeah yeah um oh well excellent i like the way.
Cap:
[1:01:18] This sounds this feels like it will have a trickle-down effect to my life. I support this.
Crit:
[1:01:25] Good. Awesome. Great. I'm glad I have your support. i honestly i feel a little bit more confident now thank you.
Cap:
[1:01:32] I'll help how i can i know a little bit but i'm i'm not the best i'm not the worst i.
Crit:
[1:01:39] Won't make you try anything that i wouldn't try.
Cap:
[1:01:42] Uh yes we will see.
Dylan:
[1:01:47] You you guys are talking and you you heard kink flew quiet down once he went under the bed but from behind you where you're talking you hear him growling again uh he had gotten out from under the bed and he's looking through that uh the leg he's like pawing it over and uh oh.
Crit:
[1:02:09] Buddy no oh yeah don't touch that.
Dylan:
[1:02:11] And you and then he like he like kind of like backs up a little bit like flinches back and then you hear him just like, like can't stop staring at it his head starts cocking to the side and his tail getting sideways yeah he's going really sideways and his tail's in the air um he looks really disturbed and if you haven't seen a cat act like this you might be very alarmed um or that he's been taken by by some kind of curse.
Crit:
[1:02:42] Oh no, did he touch it? Shit.
Cap:
[1:02:44] I don't know. Nixie, Nixie.
Crit:
[1:02:46] You didn't touch it, buddy, did you?
Dylan:
[1:02:48] Buddy.
Crit:
[1:02:51] Oh, fuck.
Dylan:
[1:02:51] He was totally focused on it.
Crit:
[1:02:53] I think he touched it.
Cap:
[1:02:54] I'm gonna take one of the blankets from the bed and just put it over top of the bag.
Dylan:
[1:03:00] He calms down immediately. It looks, when you threw the blanket over, he had pulled a corner off where some of the mirror was showing.
Crit:
[1:03:08] Oh.
Cap:
[1:03:09] Yeah buddy that's the bad leg we don't look at that we have to throw that into some lava we're going to lava to destroy it we need.
Dylan:
[1:03:20] To throw that into a volcano but I didn't know you.
Cap:
[1:03:23] Were actually.
Crit:
[1:03:23] Literally that's the idea that's the.
Cap:
[1:03:25] Plan let's do it yeah we're trying evil yeah I know it's gross that was Carmilla's The vibes are rancid.
Dylan:
[1:03:39] Yeah. That's that guy with the moon.
Crit:
[1:03:42] The moon?
Cap:
[1:03:43] Yeah. Fuck him.
Dylan:
[1:03:44] The covenant, their symbol is a crescent moon on its back with its peaks to the top.
Cap:
[1:03:53] Oh, like a smile.
Crit:
[1:03:56] Oh.
Cap:
[1:03:58] I see. Son of a bitch.
Dylan:
[1:04:02] Yeah, he seems pretty disturbed about it.
Cap:
[1:04:07] No one likes this leg ain't no one like it.
Dylan:
[1:04:09] You know, he's like, why don't you get somebody else? Why don't you get them to get rid of it? Just have to throw it down some hole somewhere.
Cap:
[1:04:16] Because like, what if someone finds it? We have to destroy it or turn it into a club for Asterix. We're not sure when.
Dylan:
[1:04:24] He looks put out that you're like being noble. And he's like, yeah. Yeah.
Cap:
[1:04:31] He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Nobility. This is what gets me to the dragons. Little guy. Shut the fuck up.
Dylan:
[1:04:36] Oh, your boyfriend's over there. I see.
Cap:
[1:04:38] Shut up.
Dylan:
[1:04:40] Your attendants are all like whispering each other's ears and giggling and passing each other notes. They see your face and immediately just disappear. They'll fly into your bag.
Cap:
[1:04:52] That's right, ladies.
Dylan:
[1:04:54] We're going to say Go-Gurt has been peacefully sleeping at the foot of the bed this whole time.
Crit:
[1:05:00] Wait, oh, on the bed?
Dylan:
[1:05:02] No, on the floor at the foot.
Cap:
[1:05:05] Cute.
Crit:
[1:05:05] Oh, I see.
Dylan:
[1:05:06] You know, kind of colored like the stone.
Cap:
[1:05:08] Blending in like a smart girl.
Dylan:
[1:05:09] So she's still there uh just wanted to point that out she wasn't with thea getting railed and she wasn't thank god you know i.
Crit:
[1:05:18] I envisioned her as a sheen around my body most of the time.
Dylan:
[1:05:22] She seems to a little sweaty yeah she seems to only really want i would hate it go somewhere if you've got armor ready to get like um you know like a hermit crab or something oh Oh.
Cap:
[1:05:36] Lol.
Crit:
[1:05:36] Oh, I love that.
Dylan:
[1:05:38] Yeah, you get the idea. It's not like a super close bond exactly. You guys, both of you have been bonding with her, but it's mostly a survival mechanism.
Crit:
[1:05:47] I see. It's safe there.
Dylan:
[1:05:49] Yeah. Smart.
Cap:
[1:05:50] Smart.
Dylan:
[1:05:51] It's an intelligent creature, so it might take a while to earn its trust that way. But you have been feeding it plenty of cum.
Crit:
[1:05:58] Anytime I have some.
Dylan:
[1:06:01] Just a spare vial.
Cap:
[1:06:05] Which you do.
Dylan:
[1:06:06] Have a spare vial oh i.
Cap:
[1:06:08] Do thea's got it i think that's really it's some of my special blend thea's 30 extra smut oh.
Crit:
[1:06:15] Yeah that's right i mean you should save that for a special occasion i.
Cap:
[1:06:18] Know well i've got a few things to save for a special occasion so yeah.
Dylan:
[1:06:22] So kink floof seems uh disturbed by the leg and insistent that we should probably get rid of it if we're gonna do so.
Cap:
[1:06:30] Lava yeah it wants us to turn it into a club asterisk i know i really that's what we're gonna have to resist doing i want.
Crit:
[1:06:39] To pick it up and wield it, right so bad hitting someone with it would be really funny yeah and then they would take like then they would look at it and like take some psychic damage or some shit you know it's just like i don't know where but we can't we have to destroy it but we can't it's cursed the.
Dylan:
[1:06:55] Cursed item is like i'm not doing any of this.
Crit:
[1:06:57] Temptation this.
Dylan:
[1:06:59] Is all them um like how would you even use me as a club i bend at the knee it would just be.
Crit:
[1:07:05] Awkward like.
Cap:
[1:07:07] What i mean never mind yes Be like the weirdest morning.
Crit:
[1:07:10] Star. Please don't.
Cap:
[1:07:11] I'm sorry. Be like the weirdest flail of all time.
Dylan:
[1:07:14] Yeah.
Crit:
[1:07:14] A flail.
Dylan:
[1:07:15] And it only goes to straight. It goes from bent to straight.
Crit:
[1:07:19] I'm sorry.
Cap:
[1:07:20] Have you ever seen a flail that could kick someone in the face?
Crit:
[1:07:25] Undercut.
Cap:
[1:07:26] We have to resist.
Crit:
[1:07:27] We have to resist. Then you could paint its toenails.
Cap:
[1:07:31] Oh, God. Oh, no. Then we can't.
Crit:
[1:07:35] We have to resist.
Cap:
[1:07:36] We mustn't.
Crit:
[1:07:38] But it can wear fishnet tights.
Dylan:
[1:07:41] We could put a lampshade on it when we're not using it.
Crit:
[1:07:45] But we have to resist.
Dylan:
[1:07:50] Yeah, you guys wrap it up safely, bundled, and pick it up to go. King Floof is like, as I say, insistent upon doing this quickly, but he's like, do you need to tie up any loose ends here? You know, I usually just bail. you know nobody cares either they're not offended or anything i just.
Cap:
[1:08:10] So that's.
Dylan:
[1:08:12] The best way i mean.
Cap:
[1:08:13] Um yeah i mean i guess there's not really much else holding us here we should talk to miss lisa and jerry but otherwise i see no reason we shouldn't continue onward i.
Dylan:
[1:08:26] Mean couldn't we just like see him next time you know just.
Cap:
[1:08:30] Explain yourself next.
Dylan:
[1:08:32] Time it's easier.
Cap:
[1:08:32] I'll miss them i I want to say goodbye.
Dylan:
[1:08:36] All right.
Crit:
[1:08:36] Yeah, I mean, it's for us as much as them.
Dylan:
[1:08:39] All right, so King Floof looks a little put out that he doesn't just get to ghost.
Crit:
[1:08:44] You don't have to say goodbye with us.
Dylan:
[1:08:47] He's already, like, off.
Crit:
[1:08:49] Yeah.
Dylan:
[1:08:50] You know.
Cap:
[1:08:51] He's already gone.
Crit:
[1:08:52] Yeah, he knows.
Dylan:
[1:08:53] Like, you guys are starting to move, and he's starting to walk off into, like, the shadowy corner. You're like, okay, this is where he's going to go. Yeah, and you bring Go-Gurt with you. she climbs under your chastity belt and around your waist ready for action. Always exhilarating whenever she slurps her way up there. Yeah, and you grab your things and you head to Miss Lisa's office. Yeah, same old crowd as you pass by. I mean, thinner than it was going through that trade quarter that Astros was in earlier in the day. And then into the industry and to Miss Lisa's office where her door is open. And she's sitting behind her desk writing with a large piece of charcoal. uh and she uh looks up at at both of you as um as you walk in and she she smiles and and uh puts the charcoal down and she's like oh please come on come on in have a seat and uh she uh she takes off the glove she was wearing it looks like it's for uh holding the charcoal and uh you notice Notice when she takes her glove off, her middle finger, forefinger, and thumb are well manicured like Jax's was. Nice. Exactly.
Crit:
[1:10:15] Nice.
Dylan:
[1:10:16] And you think you get the idea of who he came to. Nice.
Cap:
[1:10:20] Oh, that's so sweet.
Dylan:
[1:10:23] And she puts on her normal gloves. But yeah, she's like, please have a seat.
Cap:
[1:10:29] And sits down and goes, oh, and then settles.
Dylan:
[1:10:33] Yeah, and the chair's large again, too. So you're like, oh, I'm a little person now.
Cap:
[1:10:38] Sitting like a baby.
Dylan:
[1:10:39] Yeah, with your feet dangling.
Crit:
[1:10:41] Aw.
Cap:
[1:10:41] Mm-hmm.
Dylan:
[1:10:41] And she said, it looks like you guys are all packed up. Going to be leaving us, huh?
Cap:
[1:10:47] That we are. I'm afraid we must continue, and we need to destroy this leg as fast as possible.
Dylan:
[1:10:55] Yeah, I really appreciate it. and uh miss lisa did notice when you sat down she'd uh like just just a quick glance but she didn't smile or give anything away but she it was a friendly little half wink almost theo winks back and uh, She says, well, again, I can't thank you enough for what you've done to help us and how you've risked your very lives to help ours, people you don't know. You know, you could have been just as bad as those people earlier, but I'm glad you came through that cave in first. You really saved our hides.
Cap:
[1:11:34] So am I. It's the most fortunate fall I think I've ever taken.
Dylan:
[1:11:38] Yeah, we're all just so very thankful. And, yeah, we can, obviously, we can help you. We'll take you out through the labyrinth, and we'll set you up in the tunnels heading southward, but more in the easternly direction. I believe you were headed, you wanted to go towards the prominence, the mountain.
Cap:
[1:12:02] Yeah, toward the mountain.
Dylan:
[1:12:03] Yes.
Cap:
[1:12:03] Throw this in some lava.
Dylan:
[1:12:05] All right. Right. Well, Asterisk, you know, honey, in that box of potions that I gave you to, you got a couple of potions of disguise. So if you need it and you're out in public, you know, feel free. It might help you.
Crit:
[1:12:23] Thank you. Thank you so much.
Dylan:
[1:12:25] Especially if you're going down there, that's utopia. That's their capital. So you're in the heart of the beast there.
Cap:
[1:12:34] We're walking straight into a fucking trap. Maybe they won't expect us in there. They wouldn't dare think we'd come so close to the main city.
Dylan:
[1:12:45] Yeah, I mean, hard to know what they make of you. I mean, just from the stories, your motives alone are unknowable.
Cap:
[1:12:57] Miss Lisa, I had a question. Have you seen any sort of documentation that is used to identify yourself up top? Are you familiar with any sort of checkpoint validation that there might be?
Dylan:
[1:13:13] Well, they don't carry around any identification paperwork or anything like that that I know of. It is dangerous for anybody to be traveling alone up there because the covenant will come and stop you if they see you. What I will suggest, though, is perhaps if you're good at forgery at all, if you have maybe a flag or some of the colors of the covenant that you're flying while you're walking you could maybe say something like you were a missionary separated from everyone else after an attack or something like that but you'll need to be very, intelligent about this get your story straight.
Crit:
[1:14:02] Intelligence is not our strong suit fly someone else's colors that sounds great.
Dylan:
[1:14:06] Yeah you know i've done that before yeah.
Cap:
[1:14:08] What what bad could fucking possibly happen what.
Crit:
[1:14:12] Could go wrong.
Cap:
[1:14:13] Uh
Dylan:
[1:14:13] Miss lisa's uh you know she does not understand the depth of the humor behind telling you to do that because you both just look at each other like uh-huh yeah that goes well every time yeah i mean it kind of worked um yeah.
Crit:
[1:14:30] I mean yeah.
Dylan:
[1:14:31] Meet you know, for the immediate now it works. Um, but yeah, she.
Cap:
[1:14:38] Uh, didn't know shit.
Dylan:
[1:14:40] She says, uh, you know, if you're sticking to the road, it's way more dangerous because you're like to run into covenants. So if you want to get where you're going, it's not going to be, it's going to be more circuitous. Um, once you're up top, cause you're going to have to eventually come out of the tunnel and then start making way over land. Um, just try to keep yourself downwind or upwind or whatever, the good one.
Cap:
[1:15:08] The good one.
Dylan:
[1:15:10] And out of sight. And know which way you're going and everything, but you don't want to find yourself in any dangerous valleys, or potential ambush spots.
Cap:
[1:15:25] She looks at Asteris like, I...
Crit:
[1:15:28] Understood.
Cap:
[1:15:29] Do you know what that...
Crit:
[1:15:31] I know what that means, honey. It's okay.
Cap:
[1:15:32] Okay.
Dylan:
[1:15:33] Yeah, I imagine Asteris and Miss Lisa, you know, you're like, oh, yeah, of course. And then, you know, naming off a bunch of specifics. She's like, yeah, okay, exactly. Yeah, you know.
Cap:
[1:15:43] Like, I might know a little bit.
Crit:
[1:15:43] You gotta watch your four and your six.
Dylan:
[1:15:45] And Asteris, you actually, you know, thinking about it, you think it might be ironic or funny or something like that, but you're raised all your life to stick to the roads because it's dangerous off, off of those roads, you'll run into monsters and, uh, you know, they could be just out of sight, just downwind, you know, or whatever. Um, so you've got all this training. You're like, I know exactly where to hide.
Crit:
[1:16:11] Ah, just do what they always told me not to do.
Cap:
[1:16:16] Um, it's, it's brilliant. Brilliant. They'll never find us.
Dylan:
[1:16:22] Yeah. So it's, yeah, it's an interesting perspective to take. And you're like, oh, okay. Yeah. Well, I guess I do know the blind spots. Yeah. Which is easy enough. Just stay off the fucking road. After setting you straight on that, you know, Miss Lisa is just making sure she's very insistent. She'll repeat herself. She'll have you repeat her sometimes, you know, when she's like, this is very important. Okay. Yes, ma'am. You know, and she's just getting into you, you know, like what you need to prepare for, which you mostly know, but you can't help but feel the love that's coming from her. You know, she seems protective.
Cap:
[1:16:58] She's taking care of her little calves.
Crit:
[1:16:59] She's coaching us on this. Yeah. really appreciate it i've never i think i've i don't know i feel like astris is really taking it in because i can't imagine the leadership uh of her like guard people and everybody else was very kind so this is a treat yeah.
Dylan:
[1:17:18] She stands up and comes around from her desk and she's she's like Like, I'll walk you down over myself. And you guys get taken down out of the office, past the barracks, where Jerry comes out. And he's like, I'm coming.
Cap:
[1:17:39] Jerry!
Dylan:
[1:17:41] And Miss Lisa nods. I think she knew. She was walking right by the barracks anyway. And Jerry takes the lead. Miss Lisa takes, she's behind, and leads you out into the labyrinth. again uh more than a maze just totally messes with your head it may as well be a mirrored hallway on every end because of how you could just run into things but they know their way and you stay close and you eventually make your way up to a ladder that is made out of, it looks like it's made out of stone like just kind of chipped away out of the wall you know very roughly but it uh very thick you know it actually reminds you of uh the horns of jacks when you put your hand on it yeah and so it looks like it leads up to a level above and, uh miss lisa stops you and she's like okay guys again please i'm just asking you girls to be safe, And, you know, watch your back and keep doing what you've been doing. Look out for the little guy, okay?
Cap:
[1:18:46] We will. And I'm going to hug both of them.
Dylan:
[1:18:50] All right, yeah. You hug Jerry and then Miss Lisa. Very long, tight embraces. Miss Lisa hugs so tight, it's almost too much. And so long. And, you know, she's silently, you can tell she's crying a bit, just from the heat from her uh from her face thea.
Cap:
[1:19:10] Rubs her hand down the side i don't know how how wide i can get but i'm just sort of like rubbing rubbing.
Dylan:
[1:19:16] My hand.
Cap:
[1:19:17] Being like i know i know.
Dylan:
[1:19:19] I'm gonna miss.
Cap:
[1:19:20] You so much.
Dylan:
[1:19:21] She stands and then while astris and jerry were hugging they finish and uh miss lisa goes to hug astris and she embraces you as well she says you need you need to be very uh protective of her there, okay? She doesn't have the armor you're wearing, and I know you can take a hit, so you're going to have to take hits for two, all right? After she finishes embracing you, she slaps something in your hand, this iron device. It just looks weird, and it's got this huge, thick spring on it, and kind of like a short three-inch barrel, and it looks like a trap almost, the way it has like a trigger and it's set or something like that. And she whispers into your ear and she's like, sometimes when a bull goes a little too wild and there's no other options, we have to use one of these. It'll protect you just real close only.
Cap:
[1:20:26] This is cryptic. I like it.
Dylan:
[1:20:28] She's like alright girl I can't take anymore get out of here.
Cap:
[1:20:34] Give jacks my best.
Dylan:
[1:20:37] She winks and grins bye.
Crit:
[1:20:41] Miss lisa, whoever.
Dylan:
[1:20:45] Goes first up the ladder you look up as you're going up and you see kink floof walking on the ceiling up into the hole oh my god.
Crit:
[1:20:53] Motherfucker son.
Cap:
[1:20:54] Of a bitch.
Crit:
[1:20:55] Yeah that's me i go first.
Dylan:
[1:20:56] Yeah yeah so you see him just like lazily there he is yeah and you do really like i don't really look up too often do i, of course he was here the whole time damn yeah and so you guys make it up uh you each get a pat on the butt from each of them and your way up god bless them yeah and uh good wishes and everything thing and you make your way up into yet another slime tunnel oh yes back to where.
Cap:
[1:21:34] We started kinda.
Dylan:
[1:21:36] Kinda i'll say that you know you're like okay great at least it's a straight line and you can hear anything coming yeah and so you just get to marching and eventually from the directions that you got is basically march half a day and come up top and then find your way from there okay and so you marched half a day and you found one of the exits you make your way up top and again it's a very well camouflaged uh exit of the tree and a rock uh like a fern over it and looks very natural you find yourself in what looks like foothills you look around and to your southeast, you see a mountain and you know now that obviously this is the prominence, this is the mountain that they were speaking of.
Cap:
[1:22:28] That's where we're going.
Dylan:
[1:22:30] Yeah. And as you come down, you're going over the top and then cresting over the hill to head towards this. You see a road off, you know, in the distance to the right.
Cap:
[1:22:43] I'm making myself look like a big, tall man.
Dylan:
[1:22:46] Oh, yeah. You're disguising.
Crit:
[1:22:48] Sweet. Oh, we're topside.
Dylan:
[1:22:51] Yeah, you're topside.
Crit:
[1:22:52] Oh, yeah. If we're in disguise, then we're in disguise, huh?
Dylan:
[1:22:55] So thing is, though, is that your disguise would probably just not be wearing armor.
Crit:
[1:23:00] Yeah, okay, cool.
Dylan:
[1:23:01] You know, because nobody really, you're not a tiefling or anything like that. They only know you from your crazy armor figure and all that stuff.
Crit:
[1:23:08] Playing low.
Dylan:
[1:23:09] Yeah.
Cap:
[1:23:10] A true fucking magical girl.
Crit:
[1:23:11] Right.
Dylan:
[1:23:12] Yeah, you're just using your secret identity.
Cap:
[1:23:15] Glasses on, Clark.
Crit:
[1:23:17] Thea's always been a magical girl.
Cap:
[1:23:18] I know. I can't escape it.
Crit:
[1:23:21] Yeah. Can't just take that costume off.
Cap:
[1:23:24] Nope. got to put another one on as.
Dylan:
[1:23:27] You cross over the top of this hill and start to go downhill you see at not the base of the mountain itself but uh in the direction of the mountain you see a city with walls a shining white city with walls and spires and one large spire that goes straight down to the center and it looks similar to haven it has that same slope only underneath the slope at the very peak you see that crescent moon on its back the peaks pointing in the air and the sun as it's setting you see reflections from it and you know that this thing is mirrored oh.
Cap:
[1:24:14] No oh shit.
Dylan:
[1:24:16] And that's where i'll end it.
ReCap:
[1:24:20] Well we made it out of the tunnels out of the frying pan and into the fire huh i don't like the way that city is staring at us that concludes our minotaur village arc for now i'm gonna miss them but you know what i'll miss even more your beautiful faces if you miss an episode be sure to rate and subscribe on your podcasting app of choice follow our instagram stupid sexy dnd podcast and tell your very cool friends about us episodes of flash and fuck are released every other monday we'll meet again soon my friends love each other and stay safe out there.