Astris gets invited to roll with Thea and Drucilla, the coolest girls in town, on the evening of the Flight of Seasons. Thea sees how Astris lives and takes it upon herself to give her a bit of a makeover.
Cap:
[0:00] Hello, and welcome to Slash and Fuck, a stupid sexy D&D podcast. As the title suggests, we are a mature podcast and will be dealing with increasingly adult themes and content as our story unfolds. So, if you're still here, I want to thank you for starting this journey with us, and we hope you enjoy your stay. So, without further ado, let's slip into something a little more comfortable.
Dylan:
[0:36] All right let's say that today's sunday and we've already had service service is let out you have had kind of your uh compulsory greetings and hellos and hey's in the beginning and uh churches and village center right there. And you'll be, you know, the people are filtering out southward from the church.
Dylan:
[1:03] It's pretty nice. Um, it is late spring. Uh, it was a cold winter, pretty bitter and long. Uh, the weather is starting to turn, uh, brighter and warmer. it's nice you know you weren't really expecting uh the sun to be shining but it is you know when you went into service it was gray and overcast and cold like it has been and surprising to see the sunlight but it was also something you didn't even notice just because of how pleasant it was above people start gasping and pointing into the sky and it is uh exclamations of uh surprise Surprise, delight, and joy as you look up and you see what you know as the flight of seasons. And it is a metallic, gleaming, copper, gold, winged dragon. It flies at a very, very high altitude, over a thousand feet. It's flying in clear day, which means the seasons are changing. and it's coming up north through what is believed to be enjoying the weather.
Dylan:
[2:19] Nobody knows where it lairs, but it is seen at least twice a year when it comes in, when it leaves and it flies directly over Haven. So the whole crowd is looking up, clapping. People are on each other's shoulders and it's beautiful. Everybody's looking up and kind of shuffling around. But Thea and Asterisk kind of bump into each other as somebody's, you know, looking up and, you know, the crowd's murmuring around.
Crit:
[2:46] Yeah i think i was definitely very distracted by the dragon i sent probably sent up like a silent prayer with the dragon of like hoping for you know just good things for the town oh.
Dylan:
[3:01] The dragon is is known as glass wing.
Crit:
[3:03] Glass wing sick ass wing yeah and then like bumping into see it's like oh my god i'm so sorry yeah.
Cap:
[3:10] I probably wasn't looking at you i probably Probably just like walking backwards and like nudging you and like, oh, sorry. Oh, it's you.
Crit:
[3:19] It's you.
Dylan:
[3:22] Yeah. Joyous day. I mean, this is like, you know, seeing a surprise firework or something, you know, like this is pretty cool.
Crit:
[3:29] Yeah. And I'm seeing a celebrity. So, yeah.
Dylan:
[3:32] And yeah, you run right into the body and infamous village bard. There are none like her, but other pretenders. But yeah, it is rare to see her out at this time of day, except for on service days.
Cap:
[3:47] Yeah, we're not a morning creature.
Crit:
[3:49] Lovely to see you, Lady of Song.
Cap:
[3:53] Yeah, it's good to see you too. It's a great day to see this dragon finally fly along. It's been forever, Glasswing. I thought spring was never going to come. It's going to get warmer now.
Crit:
[4:05] Isn't there like a little ditty about the uh how he heralds the spring and the good tidings and yeah gonna have to dust that.
Cap:
[4:14] One off for this week for sure spring fling favorite spring fling.
Crit:
[4:19] Can't wait to hear it.
Cap:
[4:20] Oh i'll play it just for you sweetheart.
Crit:
[4:22] Oh i blush my ears blush, Well, on to my patrol.
Cap:
[4:33] I hope everyone behaves themselves.
Crit:
[4:37] Happy spring.
Cap:
[4:41] Later.
Dylan:
[4:43] All right, so you guys break up from there. The crowd's starting to mosey along. Glasswing's gone further off north past the forest. yeah and you uh asterisk you go scurrying off you know red-eared also ready to just uh, get back to work you know and get back to your assignment um being available as an officer of the peace mostly it's just drunk people needing to be walked home you know or carried home, uh there's some fights that get broken up uh you know whether or not you're authority or Or, you know, pretty lady. You know, you can just step between two people fighting. It usually stops it. So, you know, things like that. You know, you're not slaying giants and being the sentinel for encroaching, rising evil that you might, that you've been warned about. This is kind of like, man, adults are just kind of like children too. This is weird.
Crit:
[5:46] Worse behaved in my experience.
Dylan:
[5:49] Yeah. Yeah. Less oversight.
Crit:
[5:51] Yeah.
Dylan:
[5:51] Just as you're having the thought, you hear this big, just like smack. and like a yelp, but it is a man. And you hear a feminine voice yell out, bitch, you know. And there's stomping, you know, there's just kind of muffled, angry tones and thumping and rolling like somebody is falling down and getting back up and whatnot. And you can hear it through the wall of one of the estates that you're walking by. This is, you know, kind of uptown. Usually you don't get much of this kind of thing. And it sounds like it might be some domestic, you know, usually people aren't drinking this close after service either, but you might want to check it out.
Crit:
[6:43] Yeah, yeah. Can I tell, like, what direction it's coming from, what building?
Dylan:
[6:47] Yeah, so, like, you're walking up to a cross street, and on the corner is one of the estates, and you can hear through the wall that you're directly next to that's this building yeah um like you would be on the wall where the bedroom is oh geez and to the right around the front would be the front door yeah.
Crit:
[7:06] Yeah i think i would just go to the front door and like knock on the front door quite loudly.
Dylan:
[7:11] Okay um so as you walk around the front of the door uh make a uh have you make make a skill check here first.
Crit:
[7:21] First roll of the campaign.
Dylan:
[7:23] That's right roll the dice, um roll an insight investigation or perception whichever is higher okay.
Crit:
[7:37] I'll do perception.
Dylan:
[7:37] All right.
Crit:
[7:44] 17 plus 3 is.
Dylan:
[7:47] 20 a dirty 20 a dirty filthy nasty stank 20 that's good so you're like all right so you come like walking around the corner and uh as you're walking around the corner you You notice the address on the building, you know, the overhang, the stairs, all of that, the door. You're like, wait a minute. I know. I know this building. I know this is the magistrate's house. This is where the magistrate lives.
Crit:
[8:17] Oh, oh, dagged.
Dylan:
[8:23] Yeah, it's magistrate Barton Chamberlain. Okay.
Crit:
[8:27] Instead of, I think because it's the magistrate, instead of pounding on the door, I think I would knock like. in a casual manner.
Dylan:
[8:35] Right. Shave and a haircut.
Crit:
[8:37] Well, no, not, not a secret, not a secret. I mean, pitter patter, but okay.
Dylan:
[8:44] Just, you know, you know, like knock. Okay. Yeah. Um, you knock and it like, right when you knock, you hear a lot more like, and like, and then like Creek, Creek, Creek, and you know, and, um, You know, that almost sounds like somebody's shoe falling on them.
Crit:
[9:06] I'm going to walk away before somebody opens the door. I'm going to walk away and then hide to see who opens it. Maybe not hide. Step back and blend into...
Dylan:
[9:17] Just be cool?
Crit:
[9:18] Yeah.
Dylan:
[9:19] Let me see your...
Crit:
[9:21] Maybe like performance.
Cap:
[9:22] Roll for be cool.
Crit:
[9:24] Because I have a disadvantage to stealth on account of having chain mail on. Oh, yeah. All right. All right.
Dylan:
[9:34] Well i guess no one saw him nine all right so you're like knock knock knock, All right. And you like look around over your shoulder a few times and like somebody looks over you like, what are you? And then you're like, and you like start to walk away and stumble a little bit down the steps. And there's a bit of a dust cloud as you like catch your balance and everybody kind of looks at you and you're like, I'm fine. And then you just walk around the corner and then lean against the wall out of breath.
Crit:
[10:13] Totally cool.
Dylan:
[10:14] Yeah, it wasn't a big deal. It's just, you know, everybody kind of noticed.
Crit:
[10:17] I mean, I didn't actually need anything, so I just changed my mind.
Dylan:
[10:22] Yeah, it wasn't an abject failure. It just wasn't really cool. You're hearing, like, the rolling around kind of stopped, and now it's more just the man, you assume the magistrate, uh like kind of just crying out in muffled pain, in like low deep like uh you know.
Crit:
[10:53] Wow yeah um asterisk is more confused yeah is there like a, on the wall that i'm leaning against like i'm gonna look up and see if there's like a window or like a ledge there.
Dylan:
[11:09] Is a window um so it's about seven feet up the bottom of it.
Crit:
[11:18] Yeah yeah i think i'm gonna just like, do it like as smoothly as i can like just take one step forward turn around pull myself up, down you know just peak okay not that i have any experience with this whatsoever right.
Dylan:
[11:41] Uh yeah um that one is gonna be two checks i'm gonna need you to rule an athletics check and a perception check.
Crit:
[11:51] Beautiful all right so athletics i've got plus six and perception i I have plus three. So, I'll use two dice. Athletics will be the bloody one. Perception, the pink. Uh... 23. Athletics. Ooh, 22. Perception.
Dylan:
[12:17] All right. Yeah, you do that one pretty easily. You're like, okay, you're leaning underneath, you're leaning against the wall underneath the window and you look over, you look around, make sure nobody's coming by and you just turn around and quickly, easily, fluidly jump up to exactly where you need to, just so that your head can like get to the level it needs to and hover there. there what you know just for a second while you hold yourself up see what's going on and then uh come back down smoothly yeah i do pull-ups all the time so right that's like a.
Crit:
[12:49] Practice motion for me that.
Dylan:
[12:50] Was probably maybe like a two and a half second glance um and what you saw was, uh rather rather new and interesting there you saw the magistrate and you saw his wife the magistrate was on his knees and he was naked except for he was wearing a collar that had chain attached to it that his wife was holding standing in front of him why and um she was naked all except for she was wearing uh these heels and some kind of you thought was like like a leather chastity belt or cage or something like that attached to it was this long phallus at the front facing the magistrate's face. And that's the only glimpse you got. Um, and as you saw, it was like basically the movement of, she was on her way out and coming back in with his mouth open as you like went back down under the windowsill.
Crit:
[13:59] Asterisk has no idea what to make of this.
Dylan:
[14:02] The thing is, is that this is five, ten minutes after service. You saw them.
Crit:
[14:08] They were at service?
Dylan:
[14:09] Yes.
Crit:
[14:11] What?
Dylan:
[14:11] This was like quick.
Crit:
[14:14] Wow.
Dylan:
[14:16] Yeah.
Crit:
[14:19] It doesn't look like he needs help.
Dylan:
[14:23] Well, you're going to absorb that. and while you're doing that um thea you were heading home is that what you said you were doing sorry i.
Cap:
[14:35] I asked.
Dylan:
[14:37] You but i forgot.
Cap:
[14:37] Yeah i like to think that on sundays after church she kind of heads home and like she doesn't like want to sleep until like early afternoon because she hates naps so like she just kind of goes and chills she knows that she's brain dead so she just like she's like i'm gonna sequester we're gonna do chores i'm gonna take a bath you know like she's gonna she's gonna relax self-care uh and then sleep more toward like six or seven or whatever right.
Dylan:
[15:07] Yeah um on your way home you notice um you know it's sunday typically the uh Huntsmen and, you know, the people who go out and hunt, they'll go out for weeks at a time. But they generally come back on Sundays when they're done with their hunt. Yeah, on your way out of Town Square and back towards home, you'll see some of the hunters coming in from the north. One of them who is hardly ever around, he never goes to service, his name is Gilthaniel.
Cap:
[15:45] So he never goes to church, and he's one of the huntsmen.
Dylan:
[15:47] And he's one of the huntsmen that goes out. He's successful, and one of the things that is striking about him, or not him, rather, is his hunting companion, which is a wolfdog. He's a very, very large wolfdog. Gilthaniel, also known as Gilt.
Dylan:
[16:06] Is a six-foot-tall bow ranger of slim and athletic build. build thea he looks like he a very athletic elven build he uh he looks like he's about 35 he has long angular features and almond-shaped brown eyes thin silky five o'clock shadow and wispy black hair he keeps his uh his hair held back and wrapped up in a bandana he wears on his head and he wears hide armor and a quiver over his shoulder with his bow case he's pretty well regarded as a handsome uh but skinny middle-aged guy uh he travels with his uh wolf companion actually it's not a wolf dog it's a it's a wolf and it has a black and white fur pattern like a husky with an all-white head and black spots in his eyes that make him look like a skull people don't really talk to him you know he's not you know he's one of the big game hunters they're they hardly socialize with anybody and the ones who do are in the taverns getting blackout drunk he also travels from uh haven to other villages he is a village to village kind of traveler which is why you don't see him often yeah you're on your way uh back to your place and And you're actually about to cross paths with Gilthaniel and his dog.
Cap:
[17:32] Okay. All right. So as he approaches, I guess, like, once he's more within... I don't know, casual speaking distance, she'll, she'll go like, like, Oh, like catch anything good.
Dylan:
[17:47] Oh, okay. Um, yeah, you guys are walking through, you know, down, down the road and it's, it's kind of perfect. Like the amount of people that were walking on the road that like could have gotten in your way to have that opportunity kind of cleared away just as you guys were getting in that perfect like five foot you know under 10 foot area and he's looking up and looking up and you know see his eyes kind of light up and he starts to smile at you and you're like oh hey, and uh his dog just starts fucking barking like crazy at you just like, and he's like holy shit and he's like you know bone jaw bone jaw and like has to like stand in between you and like stares at his dog and finally like the second he stands in front of the dog just stops and looks up at him and is like yes, and he turns around I'm so sorry, this never happens and he runs off please excuse me and like takes off okay, I kind of.
Cap:
[18:58] Look around like who saw that hat.
Dylan:
[19:00] There's there are some people who like saw it um i.
Cap:
[19:05] Was petting a cat earlier what can i say.
Dylan:
[19:08] Yeah yeah there's like a teenage girl who's like knitting over like on her porch or something and she's kind of like trying not to laugh um so happens to the best of us she saw it she knows what happened she.
Cap:
[19:21] Knows she knows my sin.
Dylan:
[19:22] Yeah but uh yes i mean kind of embarrassing and everything thing but wow that that dog is huge you know i mean it went as big as it could you know it had its hair its hackles up and everything and just like showing all of its teeth it was terrifying, um yeah but it was just over as quickly as it began um she's.
Cap:
[19:46] She's a little scared and a little aroused because he did jump in front of her.
Dylan:
[19:51] Yeah so.
Cap:
[19:53] She's like she's now she's walking back and overanalyzing like every aspect of that interaction that just happened she's like well he did jump in front of me but oh my god his dog wants to kill me.
Dylan:
[20:01] And that.
Cap:
[20:02] Man won't do anything that his dog doesn't seem to like and that means he won't do me.
Dylan:
[20:06] Exactly so that's totally what's spinning through your head as you're walking back uh home absolutely um, Yeah, of course that happened. Anyway, at least you look good. You know, he didn't catch you in your sweatpants or something on your way to Circle K. Yeah, you make it home without any other incident. Again, beautiful day. And what were you going to say? You're going to like bathe and stuff?
Cap:
[20:37] So I don't know. Maybe she'll drag the tub into the back and fill from the well out there and take a bath in the nature. Sure. It's like it's a nice day.
Dylan:
[20:46] I mean...
Cap:
[20:46] I'm gonna get naked in my tub.
Dylan:
[20:48] You can have a well. Yeah. So you're gonna pump some water. Yeah, your heart rate's probably pretty up there. Having a wolf go full attack mode on you, just short of actually attacking you, is probably pretty terrifying. So, yeah, you're probably coming down from something like that. I don't know if it's a part of your ritual or anything, but you do have a bit of herb set aside for relaxing yourself, you know?
Cap:
[21:25] Oh, my God. We are going to have an outside bath, and we are going to smoke a fantasy joint. Like, it's going to be great.
Dylan:
[21:30] Yeah.
Crit:
[21:30] I love this.
Cap:
[21:31] Yeah. Honey, if your patrol goes the right way, you could.
Dylan:
[21:39] Yeah, you might be aware of her outdoor baths. um you know you might have seen it from like oh far enough distance where you're like that's a bathtub that's a naked person that's purple that's the purple skin oh so your orbit might get tighter um around that if if there is any schedule to your baths by the way thea is there.
Cap:
[22:03] Um, I would say she probably is probably what she does when she gets home. It's probably her way to like decompress and chill every day. She's she's she's no, just on Sundays. I mean, like, well, I mean, I think she bathes, she washes more than Sunday. But I think Sunday is the day for like, a luxurious, decadent, self indulgent bath bubble bath.
Dylan:
[22:24] Yeah, exactly. Not bathing bubble bath.
Cap:
[22:26] Exactly. Yes.
Dylan:
[22:28] Yeah. Okay. So you've got a beautiful setup there next to your little well, and it's a tiny well. You can light the fire, the tub sits perfectly over the pit, and the flames don't get too hot on the bottom. Um, yeah, so this willow isn't the largest, biggest willow around, um, because it's not on the riverside, but it's on an aquifer, so it gets water. Um, and it is, since it, it's not as, uh, mature or giant, it's not growing into your bathtub. You know, it's not like overgrown and crazy and hanging everywhere. But it is nice and kind of drapey, but it doesn't really give you that much privacy, but it's really nice and shady. So yeah, you gather everything you need, soaps, lotions, things like that, stuff that Drusilla's sold you. Girl. Yeah, and bath is warm, and do you slip in? yeah.
Cap:
[23:31] Where she's gonna she's gonna pin her hair up and slip into the tub and light a fat jay from the fucking wood making this bitch hot it.
Dylan:
[23:41] Is so very relaxing it's something you needed especially after the wolf scare you know you got in the bathtub and you got that big sigh just like oh that's nice and then you got the big hit, You know, if you're first hit of that nice, nice J.
Cap:
[23:56] Fuck yeah.
Dylan:
[23:57] And you're just feeling it all melt off. And as you're kind of just leaning back and, you know, blinking, you look up kind of with one eye and you see that black cat that's all over town. It's up in the tree.
Cap:
[24:10] Nixie. I call the cat Nixie.
Dylan:
[24:13] You say Nixie?
Cap:
[24:14] Uh-huh. Nixie!
Dylan:
[24:16] And just kind of like is staring at you but it's got its like head looking over like a branch and it's like kind of sniffing the smoke that you're that's coming up oh.
Cap:
[24:28] This isn't this probably should i don't think you'll like this.
Dylan:
[24:33] Moves a little bit and starts climbing down the branch a little bit and this it's a big fat cat and honestly it's like you don't usually see it move too much unless somebody's getting close by um as i described it's big fat black cat its tail got broken when it was a kitten or something it's got a big kink in its tail um some of the youth the children around town call it kink floof but so you're calling it nixie and uh made that spitting sound and it does it again and it's like let me get some let.
Cap:
[25:09] Me get some i i fuck it i i have cheese inside i just got in the tub.
Dylan:
[25:18] You know cheese inside yes.
Cap:
[25:21] Am i talking to the cat.
Dylan:
[25:23] He um he comes down a few more branches, and he like looks around kind of looks over his shoulder and he's like, i'm gonna get some and he like starts climbing down the tree like that slow thing where they're like claws are stretched out and they're like and he's slowly like the weight of his ass is too much and it kind of like pushes him down the tree like and then uh you know like you don't see him for a second and then you just see his ears pop over the side of the tub oh.
Cap:
[25:52] There you are and.
Dylan:
[25:53] Like see his big eyes and he's looking at her he's looking at your weed and he's just like make it something yeah.
Cap:
[26:02] But I don't know if this is good for... Don't.
Dylan:
[26:08] And he just like leans right up like to your mouth. And this is the closest...
Cap:
[26:14] You like that smell?
Dylan:
[26:14] This is the closest you've ever seen the cat get to anybody. Also, the cat's talking.
Crit:
[26:22] Okay.
Cap:
[26:24] Okay. Okay. That's happening.
Dylan:
[26:27] I'm hearing that. So two surprises. Oh.
Cap:
[26:30] You talk.
Dylan:
[26:32] Yeah, sometime.
Cap:
[26:34] Sick.
Dylan:
[26:35] Can you hit that again?
Cap:
[26:36] Yeah, sure, man.
Dylan:
[26:39] And, like, this time he puts his mouth, like, so, like, pretty much into your mouth. You know, like, you're like, huh? Yeah. I've had cats that do that. So you're just shotgunning the, shotgunning it to the cat there.
Cap:
[26:52] Oh, God.
Dylan:
[26:53] Oh, buddy, not so far in. And, like, the cat, like, and, you know, sneezes and coughs and, like, kind of falls off the the side of the you know like had his two paws up on the side and then fell off and then and then like you see him come back up again you good man you say you got some cheese yeah.
Cap:
[27:16] But i got i got i got some cheese and i got some cheese in the house we went i i went shopping i went shopping this week there's.
Dylan:
[27:24] Some cheese yeah.
Cap:
[27:25] I know bud.
Dylan:
[27:26] Yeah uh it's your favorite when you when you get up when you get out i will do you have any chicken um.
Cap:
[27:37] I'm out of the meats right now i will be going to the butcher tomorrow do you have any requests.
Dylan:
[27:42] Yeah um yeah chicken fingers i like them i don't know how to describe it but it's really crispy um and they like put cheese on it and then they put like a sauce on it and then they drop it into this bowl and when they pull it out it's like this, it's like this crispy cheesy um chicken thing it's making me hungry man, it's like the best oh it sounds and i can't make it like people give me cheese and chicken you know and it's like thanks you know but like, what if you know what I mean what if your favorite meal is, whatever it is you eat, and they're just like oh here's the goat fur or whatever like no I want what's underneath whatever it is that makes total sense can I hit that again?
Cap:
[28:43] Yeah here man.
Dylan:
[28:48] And then he just like, goes back down on the ground lies down like.
Cap:
[28:53] Man yeah like we'll tell you i'll find one and i'll buy it and shit and then like you and i can like dissect that thing and figure out how it's made, and then like i don't know if it's not too hard maybe i can figure out how to make it for you.
Dylan:
[29:10] He looks like he's asleep but he actually kind of like one of his ear twitches and then he like opens one eye and he's like dude you should totally learn how to make that dude i'm totally.
Cap:
[29:20] Gonna learn how to make that and.
Dylan:
[29:22] He just kind of like does the thing where like when fat cats roll sideways they kind of roll onto their back because the size of their bellies makes them roll further yeah he does that and it's just adorable oh.
Cap:
[29:35] Sleep well bud but.
Dylan:
[29:38] Now that you're you're this close to kink floof you know strange day you know yeah talking cat kind of caps it off a bit um been weird but yeah uh he's usually never closer than 10 feet and hard to see at night and everything but you're seeing him right now and he doesn't really look like a normal cat, there's uh like he's all black but on his shoulder and back it's like there's something more there, folded into the fur i'm.
Cap:
[30:11] Gonna i'm gonna hit i'm gonna hit that joint and then kind of like lean over lean over the tub a little bit see if i can see if i can see i won't touch i ain't gonna poke the cat's just gotten close to me i don't freak it the fuck out so i just want to, assess with my eyes from a distance.
Dylan:
[30:32] Like the second that you like your eye leans over the side of the tub where it like breaks the plane and you start like getting around um you just Just kind of hear him off like, don't fucking talk to me.
Cap:
[30:48] Oh, no, I'm not. Don't worry, I would never.
Dylan:
[30:51] And kind of rolls on his back a little bit.
Cap:
[30:55] I respect your autonomy.
Dylan:
[30:57] It's fine, it's fine, you're doing business.
Cap:
[31:01] Okay. At that point, she's like, she's like, all right. Like we've, that's, we've, we've had enough, we've had enough learning for one day. It's time to become chemically stupid. She's like, fine. You know what? We're just going to smoke the rest of this. We're going to sit in this bathtub. We're pruney.
Dylan:
[31:18] Yeah and uh that's what you do you take another big hit you blow it over the side you blow it up in the air and um asterisk you're on your patrol you had that little pit stop and found out um some interesting stuff about the magistrate and his wife god if only you had someone to talk to about all this stuff yeah you can say i'm.
Crit:
[31:41] Pretty distracted on this patrol i'm like i'm not talking to the people i normally talk to like, well like i i i think i'm probably a little hung up on like the similarity to my own chastity belt it's probably not permanently attached so my mind is but be.
Dylan:
[32:00] Hard to hide yeah yeah um yeah so you're just on your normal patrol route, and uh you know it just so happens to take you right by thea's place um and you know because any creep could come walking up yeah and uh you just got to make sure the coast is clear well.
Crit:
[32:23] Especially on a day like this like basically a holiday like once the dragon comes out uh people get really rowdy and so it's important to just make sure.
Dylan:
[32:35] Yeah flight of the seasons yeah you know you've already seen it i mean five ten minutes after church it was It was strap-on time for the magistrate. So, yeah, as you're coming up, you know, you're trying to clear your head of all this, you know, you see a big cloud of smoke get blown up out of the bathtub.
Crit:
[32:56] Oh, God, a fire?
Dylan:
[32:59] Your first thought, yeah, fire. But then you see it's, like, coming up clearly out of a mouth. You know, the lips are poking up, and the stream of smoke is coming out under the willow tree. and then you see King Floof, a black cat, kind of like, not fall out of the tree, but you see him do the thing, you know, stumble down. Yeah. And then you don't really see him again.
Crit:
[33:25] I think Asteris is probably like, like, looking, leaning really hard over, like, looking where you, like, start to kind of lean, and then you're, like, leaning all the way. Like, wait, what? Where'd the cat go?
Dylan:
[33:38] Yeah. And, you know, the cat jumped down and moved to the other side of the bathtub. But you've never seen that cat get close to anybody, you know? And, yeah, you know, it's a beautiful day, and you see Thea safely taking a bath, you know?
Crit:
[33:55] I'm just going to like kind of like creep closer just to make sure that Thea's not crying out like, oh, no, the cat's on fire, you know, just... I'm just going to stick around in case anyone needs anything, you know what I mean? Just like...
Dylan:
[34:14] Give me a D20. Yes, sir. Thea, give me a perception check.
Cap:
[34:20] 17.
Dylan:
[34:22] Okay so you're in the bath and you're you know just finishing your joint and um kink floof um you just hear oh shit and then like he's just gone fuck it where'd he go and you're like what the fuck like maybe you heard like the grass ruffle for a second but it was like he's just is fucking gone for as clumsy as he seemed just then beforehand he's just like he was out um and as you're like looking around um you see uh asterisk again um and she's kind of walking up uh you can tell she's looking as if there's like is there is something up over there like that kind of like lean uh look walk um like one hand on the hip or something um so.
Cap:
[35:15] Nude yeah theo's gonna all right i'm gonna pop my leg out of the out of the tub like seductively like uh but she so she's doing that she's gonna be like oh can i help you officer oh.
Crit:
[35:29] And then i like I throw a hand up over my eyes and I'm looking down like, sorry, I just thought I saw a... i thought i saw an animal oh.
Cap:
[35:42] You can look.
Crit:
[35:42] Honey everyone else does oh geez um i'm like i'm definitely like not looking but looking but not looking.
Dylan:
[35:51] Yeah nice.
Cap:
[35:52] If you're looking but not looking you're gonna see my you're not gonna see my drugs.
Dylan:
[35:56] Yeah blind you with my tits yeah so when you when you look um she's obviously, like presenting looking as sexy as possible just to like you know she's she's got her like Her arms push together, her leg in the air, and she's like winking at you and everything. I don't know if you want to describe what she sees when she's like, oh, okay, and then like looks at you.
Cap:
[36:21] So when you decide to lift your hand from your eyes, you are just greeted by just a most delicious sight. A sight that many people of the Chalice would kill to see. uh sure she's sort of lounging out the back but her but like you know her she's sort of like crossing one arm under the girls and like sort of popping her her one up like this so like the girls are well presented and sort of angled your way um and her leg is sticking out and she's kind of just like toying with the water she has since i feel like dropped her joint on the floor on the other side of the thing she's kind of like put it out and dropped it on the other side while you were hornily distracted.
Dylan:
[37:10] Oh yeah, that was your first move. You were like, oh, like, put it out on the side of the tub and like put your leg up at the same time.
Cap:
[37:17] Yep.
Crit:
[37:19] Just the campfire.
Cap:
[37:21] Subterfuge.
Crit:
[37:21] Just the fire for the bath.
Dylan:
[37:22] That's all. Yep, right into the fire.
Cap:
[37:25] This is the weirdest smelling wood, am I right?
Dylan:
[37:29] Alright, Thea, well, you definitely know how to cause a distraction while you throw away your weed um what weed but it is also i saw nothing it's also fun to play with the with the town guard the cute town guard especially asterisk especially asterisk um and you know you know how to turn it on for people um but asterisk looks good too like really good Good. So, Asterisk, it doesn't look like there's any trouble, but you did notice the cat.
Crit:
[38:06] You know. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like that's pretty remarkable. Like, everybody knows that cat doesn't get close.
Dylan:
[38:15] So, do you ask her about the cat?
Crit:
[38:17] Yeah, like, was that the cat? Does that...
Cap:
[38:22] Oh, uh, yeah. Yeah, it was.
Crit:
[38:28] I've never seen him that close to anybody.
Dylan:
[38:30] Roll a perception check, both of you.
Crit:
[38:34] Perceive good. 18.
Cap:
[38:38] 16.
Dylan:
[38:39] Thea, as you're like, you're like, yeah, I saw the cat. You see Kink Floof, like, over, like, you know, maybe 25, 30 feet away. way um behind asterisk you like see see his head like come up over her shoulder and he's like and he he's doing this like he like, like you know slitting throat motions and whatnot and um and you uh, asterisk you notice immediately she like she's looking at you and then she like looks over your shoulder and then like and then looks back at you there's just a sudden like, It's like hidden expression on her face That she just kind of like saw something And then looked right back at you Do you like just look over your shoulder?
Cap:
[39:28] Oh sorry I thought I saw the dragon again.
Crit:
[39:32] Yeah i look up at that king.
Dylan:
[39:35] Floof is gone, um yeah.
Crit:
[39:39] Damn cat asterisk.
Dylan:
[39:41] Yeah she's like yeah yeah i saw the cat yeah.
Cap:
[39:44] Saw the cat.
Dylan:
[39:45] And then she's like it's a cat looks over your shoulder and looks back at you uh yeah yeah i just thought thought that thought i saw the dragon again yeah weird.
Crit:
[39:52] It's been a weird day yeah yeah i'll say i mean well you know just be careful people always act weird on on the uh flight of the season so just so i have been noticing so is there like uh like a celebration that's paired with the flight of the seasons or is it more like kind of it happens and then we're all because you can't prep for it you don't know if you're gonna see it or not right right um it's like groundhog day.
Dylan:
[40:22] There would be a springtime festival um but it's held on the same time every year generally uh well into um after um he's come and that would probably be in a couple of weeks um but people do celebrate.
Crit:
[40:39] Um personally.
Dylan:
[40:41] You know sunday's gonna be a good one yeah it.
Cap:
[40:44] It is it is a gorgeous day to.
Crit:
[40:48] Take a bath yeah the day is really gorgeous outside it's really gorgeous outside yeah that's.
Cap:
[40:54] That's why i'm out here and not inside.
Crit:
[40:56] Yeah outside outdoors is really pretty nice.
Dylan:
[40:59] To look at.
Crit:
[40:59] So um anyway just make sure you stay safe today like uh-huh and she's like lingering way too long because people are just acting really weird.
Cap:
[41:14] You keep saying that what happened to you today little one.
Crit:
[41:18] I nothing happened to me i i just i gotta make sure everyone is okay.
Cap:
[41:28] Do I look okay to you?
Dylan:
[41:33] Uh, just as you were, uh, awkwardly trying to answer, um, you, uh, hear somebody approaching and, uh, you hear, oh, perfect. I caught both of you.
Cap:
[41:48] And it's Drusilla.
Dylan:
[41:52] And she comes walking up and she is the only other tiefling in town. She dresses to impress. And as I said, she is very straightforward, uncaring of other people, other people's opinions. and she's very confident and uh will let you know how she feels and her suggestions known she terrorizes astris um i.
Cap:
[42:22] Want to be just like her.
Dylan:
[42:24] So yeah drusilla comes walking up in all of her glory oh i'm so glad i ran into both of you sugarhorns and she holds out a little bottle and just like you forgot this and it's a little bit of a silphium you oh um thanks it's like.
Cap:
[42:43] I'm ever gonna have cause to use that but thank you.
Dylan:
[42:45] You know uh you might have gotten it for one of the girls uh you might have gotten it for yourself uh you actually don't really remember when you got it but you get it every once in a while um it is kind of weird that she would come all the way out here to give it to you uh she doesn't do that kind of stuff um and she looks very pleased to be here right now and she's smiling and um she's like i'm so glad i could get it to you on time now what is this little vixen doing out out of her little den she.
Cap:
[43:21] Came all the way up to my My house, to make sure that I was safe, isn't that sweet.
Dylan:
[43:31] You came all the way out here to make sure she was safe?
Crit:
[43:34] Aster's mouth is just like opening and closing and like looking at both of these women, one of which is still completely naked.
Dylan:
[43:41] And, Thea dear you do need a larger bathtub we could be joining you right now such a shame and she gets closer to Asterix and she's like I bet you have, and she circles you and she's got a finger that's tracing along your collarbone the nicest bathing suit and she gets in front of you again. And she looks down at your waist. She's like, if only we could get that little thing off of you, I could help, you know. Pity you haven't come and asked. Thea, are you working tonight?
Cap:
[44:28] No, I'm planning on sleeping like the dead. Did you have need of me?
Dylan:
[44:33] No, I was just checking. I hear the chalice is going to be a little busy tonight, thanks to the flight.
Cap:
[44:40] Oh, fuck.
Dylan:
[44:42] You don't have to.
Cap:
[44:43] I get so sleepy, Syl. I've been up since yesterday. day.
Dylan:
[44:49] I know you don't believe in naps, but I could change your mind.
Cap:
[44:55] What do you got? I'm willing to try if you recommend it. I trust your judgment.
Dylan:
[45:02] I have a lovely tea. It'll put you right out for about three hours. It's not really a nap if you, you know, don't really choose to sleep, right?
Cap:
[45:12] You're right. It's not really a nap if I drug myself.
Dylan:
[45:15] That's right.
Crit:
[45:17] Astros coughs it.
Dylan:
[45:20] The drugs um you understand sleep schedules ma'am drusilla is like oh dear do you have a cough she puts her arm around your shoulder do you need to come back and get some medicine do.
Cap:
[45:35] You need a lolly.
Dylan:
[45:36] I've got some no i don't want to put anything in my mouth today thank you oh come on so not even a little bit did you run off.
Crit:
[45:47] Yeah i think she stepped away uh like to just have drusilla not be touching her.
Dylan:
[45:54] So closely.
Crit:
[45:55] Anymore because it's getting really hot under all this chain mail.
Dylan:
[45:59] Yeah uh drusilla very as gracefully as like a dancer parting ways with her partner lets you go as you're like i think i get you know you walk off and she you know like brings her arm down and, smiles kindly and then looks over to Thea and, bows her head a bit. See you soon.
Cap:
[46:20] Bye.
Crit:
[46:21] So it sounds like you'll I'll be seeing you at the chalice later? Oh.
Cap:
[46:30] You're gonna come?
Crit:
[46:31] Well, Gotta keep an eye on things.
Cap:
[46:37] You sure do.
Crit:
[46:39] Yep, that's what they say. That's what everyone says for some reason.
Cap:
[46:44] I wonder why.
Dylan:
[46:46] All right, and so you make your awkward goodbyes, blushing deeply. It's not so bad when you run into one of them, but if you happen to be unfortunate enough to uh run into both of them at the same time they they really get i get at you thea when you get back inside on your uh window sill next to the door that on the side door that goes back into your house from where you bathe um there's a little box um from drusilla it's got some tea in it um and a note that says uh that's asked you to come over and bring that little vixen with you Asterisk, you're going to continue your patrol.
Dylan:
[47:35] People are kind of in that in-between phase Of all going to church, going home, Deciding what they want to do for the day Because it is the flight of seasons So that you do that for the next few hours And while Thea is asleep for the next few hours, And yeah, we'll move ahead to the evening Yay! Asterisk The night time This is when you need to be on your highest guard Anything could happen You need to make sure When you're on the outside Patrol routes Near the forest, That if you hear any singing Or whistling Not to follow in But to make sure nobody else, Follows in Keeping.
Crit:
[48:23] My eyes peeled Looking for funny business.
Dylan:
[48:28] No real funny business yet, but the night is young. You know, you've got a lot of light thanks to the moon. People are starting to light some torches and stuff along the street, and it seems like people are gearing up to have some parties. So, Thea, you're up and about. You've got the night off, but yeah, Syl left you a note saying, you know, when you're decent, come visit her and you got to go find Asterisk in the meantime and hoodwink her into coming. That should be easy.
Cap:
[49:12] She's probably we're going to. she's gonna bring a loot just in case like she's like she's like i don't exactly know how on duty i am tonight but she's gonna bring something just in case she's gonna, dress in a more spring appropriate way and she's gonna go dig around in her like music files to find uh spring fling she's gonna go find spring fling sweet i couldn't keep you all waiting you want the song I'm gonna give you the song yeah.
Dylan:
[49:45] And special guest appearances are always a hoot you know it makes people show up on random nights more.
Cap:
[49:51] Often so.
Dylan:
[49:52] Yeah that's good Asterisk you're on your patrol, and you are heading more towards west outside of the square northward this time you're not coming at Thea's place from From the west, you're coming from the east, but you're not necessarily going to her. You're going along the main drag, the same one that Thea saw guilt in. And so, it just so happens you see Thea again, and she's in her spring attire, looking very good. How does she look?
Cap:
[50:31] So she's walking down the street. Her hair is put up in a casual but put together bun. It's messy on purpose. It's meant to sort of look a little, a little in disarray. um and she's got on uh she's got on these these tight knee-high sort of boots um there there's a bit of a heel to the end of like a kitten heel there's about there's like a kitten heel on the end of these bad boys um and from her from her knees up it's it's bare thigh until some some some rather scandalous shorts, some tight shorts that she wears under those. But she has a high-low sort of skirt that goes with it. So it's like completely high in the front to like show off the pants and the thighs. But it sort of like has a bustle in the back, so to speak. And it's this sort of golden, shiny sort of fabric that she has juxtaposed with a top that is, if we're being honest, more belts than fabric.
Crit:
[51:58] Nice.
Dylan:
[51:59] Very nice.
Cap:
[52:01] So when she sees you, she goes, oh, and she kind of raises her eyebrow. Yeah.
Crit:
[52:07] I think Asterisk can imagine what people in the street would hoot out, like va-va-voom and pretty lady.
Dylan:
[52:15] A wuga.
Crit:
[52:16] A wuga.
Dylan:
[52:16] Those are just things that nasty people would say or think about her when they saw her.
Crit:
[52:22] Yeah, bad people.
Dylan:
[52:24] Yeah, that's what they would say.
Crit:
[52:25] Yeah.
Dylan:
[52:26] They'd be like, mama, milk, please.
Crit:
[52:28] Mommy.
Dylan:
[52:29] Yeah. Milkies. Milker.
Crit:
[52:32] Yeah.
Cap:
[52:32] Yeah.
Dylan:
[52:33] So you see her and you're still in your guard uniform filling it out just great, yeah and so you guys are coming up and just so happens Thea wanted to run into you anyway so looking better rested and.
Cap:
[52:55] Yeah Thea you would feel great.
Dylan:
[52:57] Because the drug did knock you out but you woke up feeling fantastic so.
Cap:
[53:02] Excellent stills.
Dylan:
[53:04] Got the good stuff oh.
Cap:
[53:05] Man still keeps giving me stuff like that i may change my mind about naps that was delightful i feel like a new damn person wow.
Crit:
[53:15] Wow the tonic was okay then you're you're you're feeling you're feeling well.
Cap:
[53:19] Oh yeah i'm feeling fantastic still never never leads me astray wow.
Crit:
[53:25] I just assumed when you said drugs it was like bad.
Cap:
[53:29] There are helpful drugs i mean would you call willow bark a drug yes would you call willow bark bad it's.
Crit:
[53:37] A drug so yes.
Cap:
[53:38] Oh oh honey okay sure what why oh no no it's it's it's fine that's work for another day i sort of i sort of take you i sort of take your arm uh in mine and i i walk with it sort of tucked up against my chest trying to like take you where i need you to go come on i'm aware.
Crit:
[53:59] Of this touch.
Dylan:
[54:01] Right all right so i'm getting whisked you stiffen up and get whisked away, So you go with her.
Crit:
[54:10] In a way, she's arresting me.
Cap:
[54:13] Are there people on the street?
Dylan:
[54:15] Yeah.
Cap:
[54:15] Like, is the street busy?
Dylan:
[54:16] Yeah, there's people out. I mean, it's not super busy. It's still early, you know, six-ish or something.
Cap:
[54:22] She's going to drum up some shit on her way to the chalice with delightful officer Asteris in hand. She's going to be like, all right, you, follow me. and she's gonna she's gonna start like playing playing her loot kind of being like guys party's happening hey come on babe they're gonna.
Dylan:
[54:43] She's like fucking follow.
Cap:
[54:44] Me um so she's gonna try to try to like.
Dylan:
[54:48] Conga line lead.
Cap:
[54:50] Yeah she's gonna try to like lead some lead some party people to where the party's about to start the fucking party queen is here and it is about to get lit.
Dylan:
[54:57] Sweet um yeah it feels like.
Crit:
[55:00] Like a very like i'm getting swept up in something much more cool than me.
Dylan:
[55:04] Yeah uh yeah people are laughing and uh some people are falling falling in line uh they're laughing that you're in the front of the line with her and obviously being like taken for a ride, and yeah uh thea you know brings the line of people and they're like to the chalice and they all go inside and then uh she keeps going with you like all right and everybody goes inside and then you leave.
Crit:
[55:33] I love that.
Cap:
[55:35] That's hilarious.
Dylan:
[55:35] I'm going to hold the door open for everyone, and once everyone is inside.
Cap:
[55:38] I'm going to shut that and walk away.
Crit:
[55:40] Bugs Bunny move. Yeah, totally.
Dylan:
[55:43] Yeah, they're already there, so.
Cap:
[55:45] Love it, love it.
Dylan:
[55:46] Love it. Yeah, like, as you're slamming the door, you make eye contact with somebody at the bar that you know or whatever, and just wink.
Crit:
[55:52] Hey, nice speaker.
Dylan:
[55:55] You ditch everybody there and move along.
Cap:
[55:59] I feel like as Astris is trying to follow the last person into the door, I grab her collar and I pull her back out of the thing. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, not you. No, no, no, you come with me.
Dylan:
[56:11] Right. Yeah, and so you guys get to Drusilla's place, which is pretty cool looking. It's this big, looks like kind of a split tree trunk that petrified into a giant boulder. And where it's split is where the door is. Solid door with an iron knocker.
Cap:
[56:36] Some big old knockers?
Crit:
[56:38] Mm-hmm.
Cap:
[56:39] Excellent.
Dylan:
[56:39] Big knocker.
Cap:
[56:40] Big knockers. I'm going to use one of those knockers.
Dylan:
[56:46] Well, those knockers are actually, yeah, they're shaped like breasts.
Crit:
[56:51] Oh, okay. Amazing.
Dylan:
[56:53] Yeah.
Cap:
[56:54] Would you like to do the honors.
Crit:
[56:56] Anastris?
Cap:
[56:58] Give it a grab and give it a big ol' against the door.
Dylan:
[57:02] Oh, my.
Cap:
[57:04] It's a very particular way you have to do it.
Dylan:
[57:06] About the size of like a large orange on each one, and they connect, so it looks like a pair of breasts, but you can pull each one up and down. all.
Crit:
[57:14] Right um any anywhere no you're doing great any requests.
Dylan:
[57:21] And tune in to you you pound them um yeah the way yeah like thump thump thump uh so yeah the door uh you hear the uh the lock on slide and the door swings inward and uh you see you driscilla and uh she's smiling looks looks at you up and down uh greets you both just welcome please and the signals for you to come in.
Crit:
[57:51] Yeah, I'm powerless.
Cap:
[57:53] After you, Astras.
Dylan:
[57:55] As you walk by, she's like smiling at you and she like touches your shoulder and then like, you know, down your back.
Crit:
[58:02] Looking at Thea like, what have you done?
Cap:
[58:06] You're okay, you're okay.
Dylan:
[58:07] She greets Thea even more touchy-feely. She's like, oh, hey, and like, you know, grabs her shoulders, brings her in for a kiss and hugs her. so you got off pretty easy but um for just from your own observations drusilla is a very like touchy-feely friend if she sits next to you she'll put her leg over yours and you know talk to you and lean in the whole time so you guys make your way in um drusilla's place is great it is very compact a lot of shelves with a lot of tiny bottles making distillates with tiny stills lots of pots hanging um herbs drying uh cutting boards uh jars of different fluids all kinds of stuff looks kind of like an apothecary's kitchen basically just as far as from what you've seen so you know the hallway leading into this what looks like kind of a dining um hangout area is.
Crit:
[59:04] There anything like i wouldn't recognize like what its use is for or like i think she's probably generally interested in like wow wow like this is.
Dylan:
[59:12] Yeah roll a medicine check 16 16 um there's there's actually several herbs and stuff in here that you don't recognize straight up you know um the one that actually catches your eye though what you see is a bundle of herbs that have been wrapped and dried that are drying they look like they're pretty fresh though the blossoms of the flowers on this plant are pink and fleshy and thick almost kind of like a like a succulent in a way kind of vulgar looking in a way it's got this like uh uh nectar clearly on it and it gets It's darker pink as you get towards the center. The pollen on it is this very vibrant pink. Yeah, and Drusilla looks at you and follows the gaze and smiles warmly at you. She's like, ah, have you ever seen Incubus Garden?
Crit:
[1:00:24] Is that what that is?
Dylan:
[1:00:25] It is.
Crit:
[1:00:27] What is it?
Dylan:
[1:00:28] Well you might be familiar with the medicine that's made from it a lot of people abuse this medicine but it's very good for centering yourself some people call it pink i love that, that's so it has lovely properties.
Crit:
[1:00:52] Wow. What, what centering yourself? I mean, I guess that sounds useful. What, what do you have it for?
Dylan:
[1:01:02] So, uh, you know, pink.
Crit:
[1:01:05] Oh, I do. Okay. I already know what that is.
Dylan:
[1:01:07] Yeah. You're aware of it like you are weed.
Crit:
[1:01:11] Basically.
Dylan:
[1:01:12] People get goofy on it. You know, it makes them really turned on. It makes them really positive. It makes them super touchy feely. And it doesn't seem like a harm, you know, as far as drugs, from what you've heard, it doesn't seem like it hurts people too bad.
Crit:
[1:01:32] Okay.
Dylan:
[1:01:34] Or if at all, people seem tired the next day.
Crit:
[1:01:39] Gotcha. I see. So, some libations for the festivities tonight?
Dylan:
[1:01:43] Perhaps. Are you interested?
Crit:
[1:01:45] Oh, gosh. No, I'm on duty, so I can't indulge.
Dylan:
[1:01:50] Well, won't you be off by sometime tonight?
Crit:
[1:01:55] I think I get off tonight. Tonight I get off...
Dylan:
[1:01:59] Thea, she's getting off.
Cap:
[1:02:00] Are you getting off?
Crit:
[1:02:02] Tonight tonight i'll be yeah i'm getting off tonight oh.
Cap:
[1:02:06] Good you deserve it.
Dylan:
[1:02:08] Good i'm glad you're getting off because then you can have some we're me and thea are gonna have some too yeah yeah oh, it'd be fun me.
Cap:
[1:02:25] One of those nights oh it's been a few months let's ride.
Dylan:
[1:02:29] I don't know it'll be great tell you what why don't you go home or wherever it is that you go.
Crit:
[1:02:43] Fucking we're so so.
Dylan:
[1:02:49] Take off that armor. Peel out of those sweaty underclothes. Go bathe wherever it is that you can. Put on something cute. And meet us at the chalice.
Crit:
[1:03:04] I don't want anything cute.
Cap:
[1:03:07] Then just come naked.
Dylan:
[1:03:08] Did you hear that?
Cap:
[1:03:12] Shopping trip?
Dylan:
[1:03:13] I think you should go with Thea. Thea, maybe you should exercise a little bit of some of that independence we've been seeing. You work so hard. Why don't you come up with a good excuse to get off a little bit early, and then you can go shopping here with Thea so that we can all meet up and have a good time tonight?
Crit:
[1:03:38] Right?
Cap:
[1:03:39] The dragon happened. It's a special day. They have to let you go.
Crit:
[1:03:42] Oh, I mean, if I'm with, it's, it's, uh, I mean, I, I can just make sure we don't get too out of hand too. So it's.
Dylan:
[1:03:50] How many, how many shifts have you covered in the last month?
Crit:
[1:03:56] Uh, I, I lose track. I mean, I just, I, if it's an open shift, I take it.
Dylan:
[1:04:02] Have you, have you ever not, uh, taken, have you ever, um, taken a shift off?
Crit:
[1:04:09] Off.
Dylan:
[1:04:10] Yeah. Have you ever had a shift covered?
Crit:
[1:04:12] Covered oh oh no i i don't know who would all.
Dylan:
[1:04:18] Right thea you might need to help her here but all right this is great this is going to be a fun night and i appreciate you coming all the way over here thank you so much for coming by and thea and she winks at you uh as she's like pushing asterisk you know down the hallway um and she like shakes a sack uh in her hand and And winks at you and then puts it in her pocket and shuffles you out the door.
Crit:
[1:04:46] Did you know that was going to happen?
Cap:
[1:04:49] What? No, I never know what's going to happen when I go to stills, but it's always a good time.
Dylan:
[1:04:55] So, yeah, like, she, like, in and out, super fast, like, couldn't say no. And, you know, like, shooed you out the door, door closed, and now you're walking.
Cap:
[1:05:06] All right listen this is what you're gonna tell them you're gonna tell them that you have a special assignment and have been hired by the twilight troubadour herself to guard her on this very fucking strange evening so you're you're you're following me tonight and they, can fucking shove it all.
Crit:
[1:05:30] Right i i mean yeah that that sounds logical to me i just just all right This is just, it's a weird day.
Cap:
[1:05:38] It is a weird day. It's only getting weirder.
Dylan:
[1:05:43] So the captain of the guard, Jace.
Crit:
[1:05:46] Jace.
Cap:
[1:05:47] Jace.
Dylan:
[1:05:51] He is, well, he's not guard captain, but he is basically the shift supervisors, and he is the son of the guard captain.
Cap:
[1:06:02] I am the shift manager, Jace.
Dylan:
[1:06:06] And he is an extremely lazy man who is, you always question how he earned that position. And you always tell yourself, well, he must have been really good at what he did before this, whatever it was. But you're not sure what that was.
Crit:
[1:06:33] He wouldn't just give somebody a job. They did not do.
Dylan:
[1:06:36] He's gonna have a plan right i mean being the son of the guard captain he must have been trained his whole life for this right.
Crit:
[1:06:42] I mean the letting us take over and the duties we're just having more responsibility.
Dylan:
[1:06:49] He's delegating guard and delegating exactly um so that's who you need to go master tactician yeah yeah okay.
Crit:
[1:07:00] Jace uh do.
Cap:
[1:07:02] You want me with you am i waiting i outside am i going somewhere else? Are you meeting me somewhere? I assume I'll just go with you. I can't really lose sight of you because I'm not actually sure if you're going to follow through with this.
Dylan:
[1:07:13] Yeah, you should just like hold on to her the whole time.
Crit:
[1:07:16] Yeah, I think I might just go like, this was a dream.
Dylan:
[1:07:21] I'm going to hit the barracks.
Crit:
[1:07:23] Okay. Funny prank.
Cap:
[1:07:26] Alright, honey, you go get washed off. I'm going to keep what was your name again? Jace? Company. While you get changed.
Dylan:
[1:07:35] Um uh excuse me what what what's what's this this is um what's what's going on.
Cap:
[1:07:43] Hi um so i find that i am in need of some private security for this evening um it's you know the evening of the dragon flying over apparently i've been told that things get a little strange and i have hired on astris as my personal bodyguard for the evening so i will be requiring her services tonight uh.
Dylan:
[1:08:10] Um you know what is i mean what are you guys going to be doing.
Cap:
[1:08:20] Oh, she's just going to be shadowing me, following me around. First, I'm going to have to find her something suitable to wear. But that's, I'm sure you don't care about that.
Dylan:
[1:08:30] Well, okay. I think this is a job for somebody who's higher up on the seniority here.
Cap:
[1:08:39] But I want her.
Dylan:
[1:08:42] Um well i mean typically this kind of job uh can't be entrusted to somebody such a low rank but i've already paid her you i know.
Cap:
[1:08:57] I'm very presumptuous i apologize all.
Dylan:
[1:09:00] Right hey all right well like how many how much longer do you have in your shift anyway uh.
Crit:
[1:09:11] I typically i get off in uh four to six hours you know there's a shift change.
Dylan:
[1:09:19] It whatever the.
Crit:
[1:09:21] At the chiming of.
Dylan:
[1:09:22] The bell and he just like waves you off but.
Crit:
[1:09:25] Yes yes go go go oh go i go i go yeah.
Dylan:
[1:09:31] That might have been uh pretty surprising to you how easy that was i thought there were rules against not working yeah like right well i mean you uh you don't have to stay there uh you you leave and walk her over to barracks um and uh you do have a pit where you can dump water uh from a bucket over your head and there's another bucket where you can catch that water. Otherwise, you've got to fill it up and bring it in.
Cap:
[1:10:06] Wow.
Dylan:
[1:10:08] Yeah, Thea gets to watch. Yeah, are you going to show her your room?
Cap:
[1:10:14] You're going to show me everything?
Crit:
[1:10:14] Do I have my own room?
Dylan:
[1:10:16] Well, no, but your bunk.
Crit:
[1:10:19] Oh, yeah. I mean, if she's coming with me. This is where I bunk.
Cap:
[1:10:22] Take me on the tour.
Dylan:
[1:10:24] I feel like she's like...
Crit:
[1:10:25] The barracks is public property, so...
Dylan:
[1:10:27] Yeah, I mean, civilians don't usually come in here. unless, you know, the bad guards are bringing them in.
Crit:
[1:10:34] Yeah.
Dylan:
[1:10:35] But yeah, there's not, I guess there's no real rule.
Crit:
[1:10:38] Yeah, like here's my pile of straw.
Cap:
[1:10:42] I'm sorry, you sleep on what?
Crit:
[1:10:43] No, it's for some of the guards pee on it. Oh.
Dylan:
[1:10:48] Peeing corner.
Crit:
[1:10:49] The peeing corner.
Cap:
[1:10:52] Delightful. Huh.
Crit:
[1:10:53] Yeah, this is actually my window. I get to sleep next to it. And so I'm responsible for keeping it clean. And yeah, so you'll see there's no bugs in this window.
Cap:
[1:11:07] I can see the distinct drop-off of quality at where your area ends and the rest of this pigsty begins.
Crit:
[1:11:15] Yeah, it's like a fastidious little corner.
Cap:
[1:11:18] You have the only thing in here that I would sit on.
Dylan:
[1:11:21] So, yeah, you shower your bunk and then you walk 10 feet away to where the shower pit is. And you're like, oh, both the buckets are full at least.
Crit:
[1:11:36] Wow.
Dylan:
[1:11:36] They've been used but they're full yeah.
Cap:
[1:11:39] I'm gonna press to digitate this water before you do anything with it all right i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna observe the buckets and observe the general uncleanliness of this area and i'm gonna i'm gonna quickly do the math of oh no she's in my posse tonight she can't smell like that and so i'm gonna i'm gonna go what hold on let me, fix this and so she's gonna look at her she's gonna she's gonna she's gonna fucking look at asterisk she's gonna take a finger she's gonna dip it into the water and she's gonna go clean, and it's gonna it'll it ripples out clean and if there's another bucket that also needs to be clean she's gonna look at her again and go clean and the the water clears off and i go there okay Now you can wash yourself.
Dylan:
[1:12:33] So you're walking into the shower pit and Thea interposes herself between you and the bucket. And she squats down. She's got her hand against you and she sticks her finger in the water and she's clean. The water turns clear. The first thing you notice is the water turning clear immediately.
Cap:
[1:12:57] Gross.
Dylan:
[1:12:57] But simultaneously, you feel a shiver or like a line of hot electricity you both do. As you say the word clean, it comes from the center of your back and it radiates out this warmth. It's like it spins in your chest and then slowly works its way down into your stomach, your hips, your lower back, down to your legs and kind of stays there and pulses and radiates and then eventually fades. It leaves you exhilarated and weak and a little out of sorts. But more than just the water was clean. The buckets look like they were just made. The floor looks like it was just laid. And yeah, everything else in this pit here looks spotless.
Cap:
[1:13:56] Well, I believe I've outdone myself yet again. I'm going to go sit on that stool for a minute and have a think.
Crit:
[1:14:02] Yeah, I think Astros just goes.
Dylan:
[1:14:05] Yeah, and Thea's no stranger to like some of that feeling. You know, like whenever you dabble with magic, it's fun because it feels good. You know, it feels good all over. But this one, this one went through your whole body.
Crit:
[1:14:25] Yeah, Astris is gonna bathe herself and have a think and wonder what it would be like to have her body pressed to digitated clean.
Cap:
[1:14:36] All one must do is ask.
Crit:
[1:14:38] Oh, yeah. Yeah, no, keeping those thoughts to myself.
Cap:
[1:14:41] Yeah.
Dylan:
[1:14:44] Well, and funny thing, as you, like, you know, you stripped out of your clothes, getting out of your clothes are filthy, but you are clean.
Crit:
[1:14:53] And splash my head with cold water.
Dylan:
[1:14:55] Mm-hmm.
Crit:
[1:14:56] Wow.
Dylan:
[1:14:59] Yeah, and it wakes you up. But it wasn't as needed, and you feel great.
Crit:
[1:15:05] All right, so I'm naked. I'm clean.
Cap:
[1:15:07] I'm watching.
Crit:
[1:15:08] Your nipples are hard. I'm observing. I say to Thea, I feel like putting the clothes back on would undo some of that work. I don't know what to wear. You don't have anything? Well...
Dylan:
[1:15:26] Just you've got like, um, clothes that you could take to market. You have, uh, clothes that you can slaughter things with. You have, uh, a lot of under, like under, uh, armor gear.
Crit:
[1:15:43] Okay.
Dylan:
[1:15:43] Like cotton shirts and stuff like that. Peasant things. Peasant stuff. Yeah. Nothing cute.
Crit:
[1:15:49] Yeah. I guess like, I feel like kind of just ashamed to put on my, my relatively dirty. clothes after having the best bath of my life so yeah put those on just kind of like pale skin gray clothes that look they're like twill yeah very.
Dylan:
[1:16:11] Unflattering poxy starchy all.
Crit:
[1:16:13] Right i'm ready let's go to the chalice it's.
Cap:
[1:16:16] Progress oh we not not yet my darling we have a stop to make before Before we hit the chalice.
Crit:
[1:16:24] What do you mean?
Cap:
[1:16:26] Oh, don't you worry. Don't you worry that pretty head of yours, nun. You just follow Thea and all will be right.
Dylan:
[1:16:35] Yeah, so you're leaving the barracks.
Crit:
[1:16:37] Yeah.
Dylan:
[1:16:38] Heading down to where the tailors and clothiers are. Yeah. Yeah. You know somebody who you and Drusilla would go to if there wasn't a good merchant in town for a few weeks or anything? Um, uh, her name is Esmeralda nightshade. Yeah. And her, her business is called nightshade. Um, she is a tailor, a clothier and alterationist.
Cap:
[1:17:07] We can put it on my tab. Um.
Crit:
[1:17:10] I mean, I'll pay you back.
Cap:
[1:17:15] Sure. Sure thing. You know what? One day, you'll just, you'll owe me a favor one day. It's fine. Don't worry about it.
Crit:
[1:17:21] Wow. You're being so kind to me. I really can't thank you enough.
Cap:
[1:17:27] Yeah. Yeah. It's a, you know what? It's a day that we yes and the things that come to us. We're yes anding this day.
Dylan:
[1:17:36] You guys make it back more towards Town Square. and head over to Nightshade's. You're familiar with the building. You've never been in there. Why would you go in there? And so you walk in. It's a dark wooden building. It is candlelit on the inside, lots and lots of candles. And you see Esmeralda Nightshade inside, and she's near the back. She is a woman of, like, say, a Near Eastern or Iranian complexion, long, very curly, wild black hair. She's a woman in her late 40s. She's very thin and long and kind of gangly in a way. But she wears these long drapey, sleevy dresses that kind of make her look even longer than she is. She's like, darlings, darlings, come in, come in. What can I do for you? And she stops mid-sentence as she sees Astris. And before you, today.
Cap:
[1:18:59] Oh, as we've got a project tonight. we've got to get this one looking cute.
Dylan:
[1:19:09] I'm so happy you're here i'm so happy you brought her.
Cap:
[1:19:15] You're the only one i could trust.
Dylan:
[1:19:16] Please this way and she uh ushers you before her and then um she whispers to thea i thought that was a boyfriend for a moment if she.
Cap:
[1:19:30] Plays her cards right she could be.
Dylan:
[1:19:31] Hehehehe.
Crit:
[1:19:35] Estrus is like afraid to touch anything on the racks but like that's a good instinct curious about things kind of sizing it up like weirdos in a crowd like.
Dylan:
[1:19:46] Like please please look touch just don't break um she um uh she brings you back into another section of the building and she uh spins around and she says okay strip astro's.
Crit:
[1:20:07] Behind her what.
Dylan:
[1:20:10] What well we need your measurements do we not oh.
Crit:
[1:20:13] I guess okay.
Dylan:
[1:20:15] All right um and so she, uh you know as as she asked you to strip and said you know we need to take your measurements she's going around collecting measuring tape she's wheeling out a mannequin bust um Um, and as you were like unbuttoning your twill shirt and like starting to pull it over, she's, she's like, okay, and like, let me help you. And like your pants are off suddenly, like your shirt's coming off and, um, your clothes are gone. You don't know where they went there. They seem to have disappeared completely. And, uh, she's already just kind of whipping around you taking measurements. Um, you're like spread them, you know, and she kind of slaps in between your two knees she asked you so when you came in today what you you were dressed in uh was that your choice is that how you like to express yourself um.
Crit:
[1:21:11] I chose those from what i have.
Dylan:
[1:21:15] Okay and so thea um should we be asking her opinion on what she would like to wear no then we're going to dress I need to be.
Crit:
[1:21:26] Able to fight, right? I'm protecting you.
Cap:
[1:21:30] She would like to be slightly more mobile than perhaps normal. But otherwise, no.
Crit:
[1:21:39] Yeah, and then she starts listing qualities like anything that could be grabbed from behind or the front. Anything that someone could use to trip me or another person. Anything that could be used as a weapon against me. Or manipulated to a disadvantage on the battlefield. field um and she's it's like a practice yeah.
Dylan:
[1:21:57] She's whipping through the clothes she's looking up you know between uh racks and then going back under and you see you know things flying around just say uh-huh oh okay she uh goes over and starts sewing something together and then holds it up to you adjust the mannequin holds it up to it and she's like okay go sit she has you sit down on a very very comfortable couch and it's filled with feathers on this material that is so soft yes don't you love my couch this.
Crit:
[1:22:27] Isn't straw oh.
Dylan:
[1:22:29] No honey never.
Dylan:
[1:22:34] Yeah, and so you'll notice this place is very, like, tactile central. Esmeralda comes out from behind her stack after some time, pins up the, or takes the pins off of the mannequin and the thing she was working on, and it's a black dress. That's as far as you could tell what it is. She walks up and pulls your hands away from your breasts and does it again. And she keeps like pulling the dress out and pulling your hands back down. She's like, stand normal, sweetheart. And she holds it up against you and she's like, okay, put this on, please. And as you put it on, it is a stretchy fabric. I mean, it is a lot thinner and form-fitting than something you've ever worn, especially outside. side um but it is extremely comfortable and uh the dress comes down in front of your legs and goes to your ankles but has a slit on either side revealing uh your the entire length of each thigh the um chest and neck goes up to your collarbone yeah and she asks you what you think.
Crit:
[1:24:01] Um it's very revealing you.
Dylan:
[1:24:04] Wanted to be uh quite mobile yes yes yes well there you go i mean thea how do you feel it.
Cap:
[1:24:14] Looks great as like i couldn't have done better myself amazing work as always.
Crit:
[1:24:22] But put them on.
Dylan:
[1:24:23] I look.
Crit:
[1:24:24] Really cute Good girl Do.
Dylan:
[1:24:28] A little turn Yeah and you do I know what the guys would say, Yeah I mean you You know And you're looking in the mirror And it was one thing Getting to see yourself naked in the mirror It's like the full body experience I forgot to mention.
Crit:
[1:24:45] Naked star Chastity belt that's true.
Dylan:
[1:24:49] Right yeah sorry i forgot about that me too completely unique except for the chastity belt um which you know um thankfully is very magically thin and not too bulky um it's only bulkiest in the um places where they don't want things oh dear yes she's the one i've heard of I can't believe you have this Why don't you take it off?
Cap:
[1:25:18] I can't What do you mean you can't?
Crit:
[1:25:22] What do you mean? What do you mean?
Cap:
[1:25:24] What do you mean? What do you mean?
Crit:
[1:25:28] I can't take it off. It's magically bound to me.
Dylan:
[1:25:32] It is magic?
Crit:
[1:25:35] It's what they tell me.
Dylan:
[1:25:38] Have you... And of course, you've tried to take it off.
Crit:
[1:25:41] I... Um... Sure.
Dylan:
[1:25:44] Yes, I imagine you have. I would have tried everything under the sun to take that thing off.
Crit:
[1:25:50] Well, you know, it keeps itself clean. Looking at Thea.
Cap:
[1:25:56] Keeps itself clean well you know that's something.
Dylan:
[1:26:02] Well at least that oh honey that is a problem i.
Crit:
[1:26:07] Mean can i scream.
Dylan:
[1:26:07] Are you still no it should not she starts like touching and feeling and she's like no it would not be revealing if i choose a darker color it'll be be no problem thea she looks at you and eyes it and looks at you i know i know please do something and she leaves thea you let her know that this was going to be on your tab she thanks you you know, she uh smiles and you know she hugs you and she she um or she does the kiss kiss with you and walks you guys out to the front enjoy the party, should be fun good to see you out of your shell a bit hopefully we'll see you out of your cage at some point, And have a wonderful time. Thea and she.
Crit:
[1:27:03] Truly and on.
Dylan:
[1:27:05] Always a pleasure. Back to business. Okay, so you're dressed. Dressed to kill.
Crit:
[1:27:13] Yes. Is there a spot I can put one of my daggers?
Dylan:
[1:27:20] Okay, so you've got matching garter belts.
Crit:
[1:27:25] Yeah.
Dylan:
[1:27:25] Or you just have thigh dagger holders yeah and you guys walk back over to Sill's place the people are out more and more now like.
Crit:
[1:27:37] Stand up a little straighter monitoring the crowd.
Dylan:
[1:27:41] Well the crowd is monitoring the both of you yeah your guys' asses are on fire the amount of people checking you out as you're strolling down uh, the drag behind main street get back to uh drusilla's place and she's got the golden knockers on the front there and do the honors.
Cap:
[1:28:05] Make those things oh.
Crit:
[1:28:06] It's your turn.
Cap:
[1:28:07] Oh it's my turn you want to watch a professional yes please all right i'll go up to those to watch go up to the knockers sort of like cup one in each hand and i'll look directly at asterisk and i'll go I'll pick them both up and I'll go, uh, uh, uh, nice.
Dylan:
[1:28:27] And yeah, you hear the door on unlatch and open again. And, uh.
Dylan:
[1:28:39] Drusilla's there, looking fantastic as always, and she welcomes you. It's like, good evening, ladies. And she takes you in. She looks into Asteris's eyes first, kind of pauses, and the smile on her face, this sharp wolf-like smile kind of spreads across her face. So she like takes you in and looks you up and down as slow as she can. Like she's really digesting what she's seeing here. She smiles and says, you know, perfect. She looks at Thea. So you look amazing as always. I love the choice. I love the top. She has you come in and please have a seat here. And it's just at a kitchen table. Table's cleared. There's a bowl in the center that has some fruits and things like that. She left the kitchen and came back. She's got little pink balls, and she's got two of them. And she holds them out to you guys in the palm of her hand. Well, weren't you curious? Go ahead.
Crit:
[1:29:58] Take one just to see what it feels like. I mean.
Dylan:
[1:30:01] Yeah.
Crit:
[1:30:02] Get a really close look.
Dylan:
[1:30:05] It's interesting. You know, some people, you know, they, you know, they like smoke pink or they like eat it or something like that. This is weird. It's like, it's like a little pink shiny ball, but it's spongy, like cotton. It's like you chew it and eat it. Don't worry. It tastes good.
Crit:
[1:30:25] I'll wait for Thea.
Cap:
[1:30:26] Thea opens her mouth for someone to put it in.
Crit:
[1:30:31] All right.
Dylan:
[1:30:32] So she sticks her tongue out.
Crit:
[1:30:34] Okay. All right.
Dylan:
[1:30:36] So you reach over and you put it on Theo's tongue and it starts to melt on her tongue and it turns her tongue pink. And you can see it dissolving and like turning into this liquid as it mixes with the spit on her tongue. and um you can see already that her face starts to flush and her eyelids start to flutter just a little bit the edges of her mouth curl almost uh unconsciously um as you just see it almost in slow motion just disappear onto her tongue astros.
Crit:
[1:31:12] Goes your turn sweetheart.
Dylan:
[1:31:14] Um yeah and so drusilla Hila hands the pink ball to Thea.
Cap:
[1:31:22] I've got it. Open your mouth.
Dylan:
[1:31:24] All right. And so she opens her mouth, sticks her tongue out. Thea waits for her to open her mouth and stick her tongue out more.
Cap:
[1:31:37] Further? Oh, just a little wider. Oh, that's it.
Crit:
[1:31:43] Now smile.
Cap:
[1:31:44] I don't know how it worked. Now cup your tongue. You don't want it to fall off.
Crit:
[1:31:51] Is it happening? I drop it on her tongue. Did you do it yet?
Dylan:
[1:31:54] Right. So as you feel it, you can feel her hand coming near your face, and you feel it touch your tongue. It has a taste like honey and raspberries. That warm feeling that you felt when she cleaned the washing pit, bit um it's similar to that and it spreads slowly as you feel it on your tongue and you can't help but smile a bit and your eyes sort of flutter a little bit and you start to blush as you notice that her finger is still in your mouth and your tongue's kind of wiggling a little bit as it's It's melting.
Crit:
[1:32:38] And yeah.
Dylan:
[1:32:40] And then it's.
Crit:
[1:32:41] I swallow. Oh yeah. I swallow.
Cap:
[1:32:45] Good girl.
Dylan:
[1:32:46] Yeah. You swallow and breathe out and it's this. Kind of a shuddering. Very satisfying. And so Drusilla is eyeing the both of you as it washes over you and you're both very smiley. and giggly and sitting very close to each other and uh he's like all right well i think i've taken up enough of your guys time i think you should go out and party you're not coming, i'll be out later dear i'll be out later fine better.
Cap:
[1:33:31] Not ditch me.
Dylan:
[1:33:33] Of course not dear, You'll see why.
Cap:
[1:33:39] Oh. Well, now you've got me interested. You've always got something fun going on.
Dylan:
[1:33:46] She comes in and wraps her arms around you, but first with her fingers and then her hands and then her arms. And then she pulls you in tight and then runs her nails back across your back. And she kisses your cheek and she holds the other side of your face and sort of nuzzles you and she says have fun tonight and turns you around and grabs your butt and pushes you towards asterisk yes ma'am and then she's behind you and then she reaches around from either side of you and like gives a come come hither motion to asterisk from where she's sitting yeah.
Crit:
[1:34:31] I kind of step forward.
Dylan:
[1:34:32] And then you know uh you pull you and drusilla pull her up with all of your hands and then drusilla pulls asterisk into that hug um so now everybody's hugging and you know there's a lot of touching and feeling going on you're pretty sure it's all Drusilla but who can who can really be sure um fingers.
Crit:
[1:34:58] And tails and but.
Dylan:
[1:35:00] It's like Drusilla has 10 hands but she knows exactly where to touch and how to get you guys going and before you know it you're giggling and laughing and feeling really good and you're outside how did.
Cap:
[1:35:13] We get out how does she do that, Oh, no. And then I notice that I've got a giggly lightweight that doesn't know how to handle her shit. And I've got to get her off the street before nonsense occurs.
Dylan:
[1:35:33] You've got to get her off, that's for sure.
Cap:
[1:35:36] Got to get you off the street.
Dylan:
[1:35:38] This is it.
Cap:
[1:35:41] So we'll go. I'm going to grab arm in arm. We're going to we are going to get each other to the chalice if it kills us.
Dylan:
[1:35:50] Yeah.
Crit:
[1:35:51] Yes. Yeah.
Dylan:
[1:35:52] And as you're walking, the night air feels great, but you can really feel it. Every hair that the wind goes through and moves, it tickles and feels amazing. You know, laughing makes you laugh and it feels good to laugh. And all the lights and the people laughing around you. it's a good feeling i.
Crit:
[1:36:17] Didn't know what to expect but not this.
Dylan:
[1:36:18] So yeah this.
Crit:
[1:36:21] Is really really really nice.
Cap:
[1:36:22] Isn't it you should hang out with me and sell more often okay.
Dylan:
[1:36:29] Well.
Cap:
[1:36:31] That was easy.
Dylan:
[1:36:34] You guys start laughing and then you you end up like kind of holding hands and spinning for a second and joking.
Crit:
[1:36:40] It's been me. I thought I could pick you up. I could totally pick you up.
Dylan:
[1:36:45] Yeah, and she can.
Crit:
[1:36:46] Do you want to piggyback ride?
Cap:
[1:36:48] You... There's no way.
Crit:
[1:36:51] Could you?
Dylan:
[1:36:52] She, yeah, she, here, we'll roll this little check.
Cap:
[1:36:56] That's your strength.
Crit:
[1:36:57] Yes, piggyback roll. Yes.
Dylan:
[1:37:00] No, it'll be like, yeah, I can pick you up. And she literally would reach under your armpits and pick you up. Mommy.
Crit:
[1:37:08] Wait, do I get to do it?
Dylan:
[1:37:09] Am I rolling? It can be like athletics.
Crit:
[1:37:13] Athletics plus six.
Dylan:
[1:37:15] Oh, natural 20.
Cap:
[1:37:17] What? Girl, I am scooped.
Dylan:
[1:37:20] She's like, can I pick you up? And she walks like one step towards you and then reaches out and grabs you by the waist and lifts you up a foot off the ground.
Cap:
[1:37:33] She's like, I didn't think you could do it. Oh, my God. That's the coolest shit. Do it again.
Crit:
[1:37:43] Okay.
Dylan:
[1:37:44] Yeah. yeah and so yeah you like pick her up like a like a baby type thing and like toss her in the air a little bit yeah yeah yeah you're doing like you know figure skater type you know things so awesome um it's like yeah.
Crit:
[1:38:02] I guess like touching somebody else yeah it just seems really joyous.
Dylan:
[1:38:05] Yeah it does feel great and very intimate too because every time you pick her up it's you know you got to touch center of mass yeah trust and.
Crit:
[1:38:14] Like it just feels really good that you trust me thea you.
Cap:
[1:38:17] Can touch my soft underbelly.
Crit:
[1:38:18] Wow.
Dylan:
[1:38:19] Yeah you guys are just like hugging right now with your like tits pressed against each other saying how much you trust each other you're.
Cap:
[1:38:25] So great like why haven't we done this until now wow i love i love spring it's so great like i.
Dylan:
[1:38:35] Hate the cold yeah do you.
Cap:
[1:38:37] Know how much i hate the cold and.
Dylan:
[1:38:39] You guys are like kind of just rocking back and forth and like everything you know the fabric against your your breasts against your belly rubbing against each other it's just this wonderful feeling and um suddenly you hear glass breaking and you hear yelling and you look up to the right up the hill and you see one of the larger buildings the largest just in town from the uh the estate of the old widow eliza burke but as you look up you're hearing like this glass breaking and some commotion and you notice that fire has broken out in the building of eliza burke.
Crit:
[1:39:23] Oh fuck oh my god we we have we have to we have to do something why.
Cap:
[1:39:31] There's no No one inside. And if they are, they set the fire. And I don't want to fuck with that.
Crit:
[1:39:40] How can...
Dylan:
[1:39:41] You hear more glass breaking and yelling.
Crit:
[1:39:45] I have to go. I just... But...
Cap:
[1:39:51] I can't leave you.
Crit:
[1:39:53] I'm your bodyguard.
Cap:
[1:39:54] It's true. You are my bodyguard.
Dylan:
[1:39:57] You guys going to go investigate the commotion?
Cap:
[1:40:00] Let's go look at it.
Crit:
[1:40:03] I'm so worried, but so happy.
Cap:
[1:40:05] Let's go check it out and see if it requires your attention.
Crit:
[1:40:11] It just sounds really fun to go check it out.
Cap:
[1:40:14] You have the strangest definition of fun, but all right.
Dylan:
[1:40:20] It actually oddly does kind of sound like an adventure. This, whatever it is you're feeling right now, you kind of in some ways can see how like, this might be dangerous, but you're like having such a good night.
Crit:
[1:40:37] Just have a really good feeling about this.
Dylan:
[1:40:39] And you know that you could always just run away. You know, you're really fast. Like if it gets weird, just run away. Like it'll be funny. I'll carry you. All right. You are in the love zone right now.
Cap:
[1:40:51] You have to throw me over your shoulder and run me all the way to the chalice.
Crit:
[1:40:57] I turn to Thea and I get really, really serious all of a sudden. I put both hands on her shoulders. Thea, I promise I will not let anything bad happen to you. I promise. I swear it.
Cap:
[1:41:13] I believe you. And I grab her face and I go, and I kiss both her cheeks.
Crit:
[1:41:18] Let's go!
Dylan:
[1:41:20] And, yeah, like, right when she kisses you, it's that electricity again. And you felt it, too. You did it so fast that it didn't, like, catch you, but you were like, let's go! And you're like, whoa! That electricity happened again. It was almost like you were, you know, like some sort of magnetic, you know, erotic force, you know, when you touch.
Crit:
[1:41:43] Is she... We're not piggyback riding up there.
Cap:
[1:41:46] No, no. We're walking as normally as we can manage.
Crit:
[1:41:51] Holding hands and giggling.
Dylan:
[1:41:53] Totally normal. So you're holding hands and skipping all the way up there.
Crit:
[1:41:56] All the way to the fire at the top of the hill.
Dylan:
[1:41:58] Like, don't trip, don't trip. Oh, my God.
Crit:
[1:42:01] Like, why did I wear this? Yeah.
Dylan:
[1:42:04] And then, like, flashing each other and stuff. Like, stupid. Like, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Cap:
[1:42:08] As we skip, my boobies fall out of some of the belts and I got to stuff them back in.
Dylan:
[1:42:12] Totally. like oh my god your tits are falling out but you can't get the words out because you're laughing too hard like yeah yeah tons of that it takes you so long to actually get up there, yeah just act normal haha like you won't so my god it takes you a little while to get up there and by this point you had seen like as far as you've seen like some people had had run out of there uh there's a fire going on it looks like on the second floor um but it doesn't sound like there's anybody else moving or anything you get up there and you can see the door that they came in through they just completely broke it down yeah.
Crit:
[1:42:56] If we're still in the front i want to go like kind of to where that is the broken glass sound came from to make sure that like, well just to see if there's if it broke because somebody jumped out or if it broke because somebody threw something in.
Dylan:
[1:43:13] Right okay um like.
Crit:
[1:43:16] Is there glass on the outside.
Dylan:
[1:43:17] Um yeah there is lots of glass on the outside and blood and a boot and a bag um and then one person who's is unconscious oh my god but he has both his boots on.
Crit:
[1:43:29] Oh whoa yeah i what i gotta go in there are.
Cap:
[1:43:36] You deputizing me.
Crit:
[1:43:37] You're in.
Dylan:
[1:43:38] Charge all.
Cap:
[1:43:40] Right i guess i'll stay out here.
Crit:
[1:43:44] If that if the body if he does or says anything arrest him.
Dylan:
[1:43:49] Well do you want to check the body you can roll a medicine check if you want to like check his pulse or um yeah.
Cap:
[1:43:54] No i want to arrest him please can i do you have um sir stop resisting.
Dylan:
[1:44:00] Stop resisting.
Crit:
[1:44:01] Uh uh medicine yeah does the man have a pulse does he okay i rolled a 12.
Dylan:
[1:44:08] Okay um yeah you you like go to check on him and you you feel around his neck, he seems pretty unresponsive.
Crit:
[1:44:19] I guess breathing is what you check for that.
Dylan:
[1:44:21] Right, you like put your face down next to his mouth to hear breathing and you don't feel anything.
Crit:
[1:44:27] But man, his skin is so soft.
Cap:
[1:44:30] So is he... asterisk yes is he alive yes.
Dylan:
[1:44:36] No no wait no he seems dead oh.
Crit:
[1:44:42] But like god it the everything feels alive.
Dylan:
[1:44:44] Yeah i mean like not this one no this um okay he is dead yeah yeah he's very dead.
Crit:
[1:44:52] This he's gone.
Dylan:
[1:44:53] Kind of like the boot that's right next to him uh.
Cap:
[1:44:55] Well you know you can go check the rest I will check his pockets and belongings to find out who he is or why this might have happened.
Crit:
[1:45:08] Well, okay, with the boot, there's one boot, which tells me that there could be somebody with another boot inside.
Dylan:
[1:45:16] So as you're investigating this a bit, is there an investigation check or something?
Crit:
[1:45:23] Yeah, investigation is a skill.
Dylan:
[1:45:25] Yeah, both of you roll investigation. investigation i.
Crit:
[1:45:28] Got i got an eight no i got seven a.
Dylan:
[1:45:31] Seven okay i.
Cap:
[1:45:32] Got an 18.
Dylan:
[1:45:33] Yeah thea you're like well obviously and you look down there's a body and he died on impact uh right where he landed and then there is a spot nearby where there is a lot there's broken glass and some blood and it looks like you know somebody might have dragged themselves a little bit and then run off And the blood kind of like leads out away from the estate.
Cap:
[1:46:04] Upon seeing that and seeing that the trail of blood goes elsewhere, I will point that out to Astros and be like, do you see that nonsense over there? All the broken glass and the trail of blood that's going that way?
Crit:
[1:46:23] Oh okay yeah maybe maybe the boot then went that way.
Dylan:
[1:46:27] Yeah you know what if we go that way we.
Cap:
[1:46:29] Might find the other boot it's.
Crit:
[1:46:31] A crazy night jesus.
Dylan:
[1:46:32] Um yeah as you were with me as you were investigating the um uh the fire got much worse um and you were a little involved in what you're doing outside like checking the you know see if he was alive and all that and the fire spread very very quickly thankfully you're not hearing anybody like help please please i'm just an innocent criminal um so you don't have to really uh deal with that but uh roll a perception check.
Crit:
[1:47:06] Yeah um that's a natural one.
Dylan:
[1:47:10] All right oh.
Cap:
[1:47:12] Dear um 13 i got.
Dylan:
[1:47:14] The first one.
Crit:
[1:47:15] And the first 20.
Dylan:
[1:47:16] 13 team. Asterisk, you are... Like noticing that the house is on fire and the heat of the flames that keep like expanding and is this wonderful like feeling same for Thea, you know, like the heat in the chill night air is this contrasting like one side of your face is cold while the fire is making it hot. it's yeah it's just this really nice you know feeling that you both kind of get absorbed in plus the light is just really nice and you suddenly hear a scream just to go and a uh a club swings inches in front of your face and lands on the ground and then gets swung back up again roll initiative i am.
Cap:
[1:48:14] Dressed for slutty.
Dylan:
[1:48:14] Activities not fighting so asterisk goes first um what you see is a man who just looks like in villager garb but wearing dark colors uh he looks kind of enraged and and uh he's swinging a big giant club at you he's a big big guy how do you react he swung at you from the darkness and missed just barely um and now he's rearing back to hit you again wow.
Crit:
[1:48:49] Okay so i guess my options are to draw a dagger against clubman he.
Dylan:
[1:48:54] Could bulrush him yeah grapple him you could i want to grapple him.
Crit:
[1:48:58] And and like try to grab his club arm.
Dylan:
[1:49:01] Okay um.
Crit:
[1:49:03] But either way like i'm i want to get between him and Thea.
Dylan:
[1:49:07] Okay.
Cap:
[1:49:08] Desperate.
Dylan:
[1:49:09] Well, he's going for you.
Crit:
[1:49:10] Okay, good. Yeah, that's, yeah, I just want to occupy him. Yeah. Yeah, just like put my hands on his hands.
Dylan:
[1:49:18] Yeah, yeah, we'll do athletics.
Crit:
[1:49:23] I wish it had fallen off the desk because that's going to be an 11.
Dylan:
[1:49:28] You win just barely.
Cap:
[1:49:30] Just barely.
Dylan:
[1:49:34] He's rearing back to swing again, and you step up close, and you just kind of grab him while his arm's up so he doesn't have much strength. So he can't really swing, and it's such a heavy thing that it's really just hanging behind him.
Crit:
[1:49:50] Yeah.
Dylan:
[1:49:50] And he's very surprised. and it was you're kind of surprised too this guy is really strong uh and enraged it seems so like and uh so let's roll another okay uh four ways yeah roll your athletics okay.
Crit:
[1:50:07] Oh my god it's worse uh nine.
Dylan:
[1:50:10] Okay um he um, drops the club and like just kind of pushes you off. Just the amount, just the difference in weight, you know, he's able to just kind of lean and push and he just like slip you off like you were a child actually. Like this was, that was an easy like get the hell off of me. But he did drop his club to do so. So yeah, you got flung back a little bit. And now it's Thea's turn.
Cap:
[1:50:47] All right. I'm gonna, uh, I'm going to take a, uh, few steps back from this. Uh, uh, Mainly so I don't have disadvantage on range spell attack.
Dylan:
[1:51:08] You know as a mercenary, like, okay, I'm backing the fuck up here. I need to get a good angle.
Cap:
[1:51:14] Also, she's like, all I have is a fucking guitar and mean words. So we're going to whip out a vicious mockery.
Dylan:
[1:51:29] Sweet.
Cap:
[1:51:31] Um he's gonna make a wisdom saving throw and he has to beat a 14 okay, he fails sick so he has disadvantage um let me scroll this okay there we go on his next attack roll all.
Dylan:
[1:51:51] Right what did you say to him that made him so um just i.
Cap:
[1:51:57] Said unhand her you limp dick, He looked over at you like.
Dylan:
[1:52:04] Honestly offended.
Cap:
[1:52:07] Oh, he takes one point of fuck you damage.
Dylan:
[1:52:11] Sweet. You hit a nerve like right away. It was like, almost like, how did you know? Like that kind of look.
Crit:
[1:52:20] Who else is she telling?
Dylan:
[1:52:22] Yeah, exactly. That's the vibe that you got. you're like wow geez that wasn't even my my worst one come on baby town um get.
Cap:
[1:52:36] Some thicker skin my dude get some thicker foreskin yeah.
Dylan:
[1:52:39] All right your turn asterisk oh.
Crit:
[1:52:42] Shit okay so he dropped it um, And then he pushed me back I didn't fall right No.
Dylan:
[1:52:51] He didn't like bull rush you or anything He just you're back in your square.
Crit:
[1:52:54] Okay good good good But No I'm protecting Yeah okay Bodyguard You.
Dylan:
[1:53:03] Weren't really taught Restraint.
Crit:
[1:53:07] Okay I draw both blades and I stab him In the stomach Pig stick him Yeah Yeah, well, it's in her body mass, right?
Dylan:
[1:53:18] So you pull out your big one, and you're just like, stick?
Crit:
[1:53:21] And then I, yeah, I've got both my knives out, and I think I want to like, I want to go for his throat. Like, same spin behind him move, but just slice his throat open. Yeah, and the other one would go to his belly.
Dylan:
[1:53:36] Okay.
Crit:
[1:53:36] Yeah, you're like, remove the threat.
Dylan:
[1:53:39] All right. Well, you can do one attack.
Crit:
[1:53:43] I think. yeah well that's the intent of sure that's the scene yeah is like throw second one belly alright well let's roll an attack roll thank you for letting me figure this out with.
Dylan:
[1:53:53] Your dagger fuck.
Crit:
[1:53:56] Yeah 24.
Dylan:
[1:53:59] Yeah that just gets him.
Crit:
[1:54:03] I know but and then I get to roll a d4, 5 Five.
Dylan:
[1:54:13] Five?
Crit:
[1:54:14] Yeah.
Cap:
[1:54:14] Nice.
Crit:
[1:54:15] And then five points. And then I'm going to assume that hits because.
Dylan:
[1:54:23] It's more than 20.
Crit:
[1:54:25] It's like seven plus something. Six. Four plus four is eight.
Dylan:
[1:54:33] He dies. Does he die like I said? A spray of arterial spatter, like you do this like kind of dance move where you like grab his shoulder and hook underneath and like kind of swing up. And as you're swinging, you're sliding the knife across his throat, which sprays blood everywhere. And then he's like, what? And you're sliding the other dagger. you stuck it in and then just pulled it all the way across and pulled and then twisted and pulled out damn bitch threat eliminated damn bitch is.
Crit:
[1:55:14] That allowed killing someone that cool.
Dylan:
[1:55:18] And the best part is is since you got behind them you didn't get touched by any of the blood and i'm.
Cap:
[1:55:25] In i'm in range distance.
Dylan:
[1:55:26] Yeah yeah you it got close that's the scary part it's like you You could hear it landing around you. You're like, whoa.
Cap:
[1:55:34] I gasped and clutched my loop and jumped backwards.
Crit:
[1:55:37] She told me to get clean.
Dylan:
[1:55:39] Yeah.
Cap:
[1:55:40] Baby!
Dylan:
[1:55:43] Yeah, that guy is dead.
Cap:
[1:55:47] Fucking hell.
Crit:
[1:55:49] Are you okay?
Cap:
[1:55:51] What was that?
Crit:
[1:55:52] Are you okay? You're okay, right?
Cap:
[1:55:55] I'm okay. I'm okay.
Crit:
[1:55:57] Oh, my gosh. Did he get you?
Cap:
[1:55:58] Are you okay?
Crit:
[1:55:59] I'm okay.
Cap:
[1:56:00] Oh. I did not expect that.
Crit:
[1:56:06] Is it so dark we can't see? Like, the house is on fire enough to provide light.
Dylan:
[1:56:12] Yeah, it's very romantic. Yeah, you guys are like hugging and asking, are you okay? Are you okay? And you're like, yeah, are you okay? And like rubbing each other's hair out of each other's faces.
Cap:
[1:56:24] The drugs still feel good.
Dylan:
[1:56:25] Oh, yeah. This is great. Yeah, this was like, oh, my God, I can't believe something like that happened. You know, it almost, I almost lost you type of feeling. Like not, I'm scared because I almost got killed by a man.
Crit:
[1:56:39] I told you I wouldn't let anything happen to you.
Cap:
[1:56:42] And I believe you.
Dylan:
[1:56:47] Yeah, now that you saw that.
Cap:
[1:56:50] Like, you work with other people. Where the fuck are they? There's a house on fire. Shouldn't the rest of your lake people be here?
Crit:
[1:56:57] I think they're all drunk right now.
Cap:
[1:57:00] The fuck do we pay them for? I only took you!
Crit:
[1:57:05] Yeah, I... I might be the only one that actually works there.
Cap:
[1:57:12] You know, I am starting to pick up on that. And I don't feel great about it.
Crit:
[1:57:18] Yeah, I would not put money on anyone in this town surviving if we were actually ever attacked. I mean, I will protect you. I've made a promise.
Cap:
[1:57:33] Yes.
Dylan:
[1:57:33] Um so you guys notice in the firelight at your feet is a bag oh yeah some of the stuff it seems that they were trying to take yeah.
Crit:
[1:57:48] What do you think what this is obviously stolen goods i.
Cap:
[1:57:52] Mean we should just like open it to check to be sure so she just opens it up and starts looking through one yeah.
Dylan:
[1:57:58] Um yeah so thea picks it up and starts looking through it immediately um there is jewelry mostly that had fallen to the bottom there is what looks to be uh like some small paintings um that got shoved in there and there's what looks like it's not like a book it's like you know those old books where like the cover is falling off yeah and the binding still works for the pages but it's just the pages.
Dylan:
[1:58:34] It's that but it is the first what looks like it starts on the first chapter, of a book and it looks like it's you know maybe 10-20 pages or something like that very old um you want to see what it what it says yeah yeah um a name of the book is a century at the organ memoirs of the organist of the royal lilithite symphonia or orgasmica, by sophia witchfinger chapter one as you guys are like looking through the stuff um Um, he is like, Oh yeah, hell yeah. Like, Holy shit. What the hell is all, what are these words? Um, and like, what? And like, you're seeing it too. You're like, what the fuck is this? Um, uh, you guys here. Hey, Hey, And Gilthaniel is running up the hill towards you.
Cap:
[1:59:38] Oh.
Dylan:
[1:59:38] And his dog, you know, Bonejaw is running up.
Crit:
[1:59:43] Bonejaw.
Dylan:
[1:59:44] And he's like, are you okay? And like Bonejaw starts growling immediately. He just like puts his hand out and like kind of winds and sits and like looks away from Thea. And looks at you.
Cap:
[1:59:58] I don't like this dog's attitude.
Dylan:
[1:59:59] He just kind of looks at you and then looks at him. And he's like, hey, he's like, what's going on? Are you okay?
Cap:
[2:00:06] Oh, my God. Do you see the man on the ground? He attacked us. He came out of the house. He set it on fire. He just came out of here and started swinging.
Dylan:
[2:00:22] And he looks down at the gory scene.
Crit:
[2:00:24] He attacked my charge.
Dylan:
[2:00:26] And he looks looks at asterisk and the like the uh the dagger the bloody dagger and the she's not covered in blood but that guy is completely turned inside out, nice and he's like i see and he uh he looks over like i'm so glad that you're you're okay and he starts to like walk over to you um thea and he's like you know i worried i worried about the worst and he starts to smile and then he kind of like like his eye catches something and then he kind of like um and kind of walks away um do you want to roll an insight check yes.
Cap:
[2:01:09] Yes i do wait both.
Dylan:
[2:01:13] No yeah well yeah you could yeah roll an insight check.
Cap:
[2:01:17] An insight insights okay so that's just It's just a flat. All right. 15.
Crit:
[2:01:23] 15.
Dylan:
[2:01:26] Yeah, he, like, he was coming up to it. It looked like he was really happy to see you. And then he, like, caught sight of that crown of flowers on your horn. And like his face kind of just like dropped and like he backed away and he's like, well, good. I'm just glad I'm glad you two are fine. What what what's these people are robbing the old Burke estate? Is that what you're saying?
Cap:
[2:02:02] Seemingly they had this this bag and I'm holding the book like it's mine.
Dylan:
[2:02:08] Yeah not.
Cap:
[2:02:09] In the bag um i'm just like i think they had this bag it looks like they were stealing jewels and and gold and.
Dylan:
[2:02:17] Yeah he takes it and like looks at it and he's like okay he's like well clearly you're not well working you're not the town guard right i'm i um she's.
Cap:
[2:02:29] On special assignment.
Dylan:
[2:02:30] Okay well why don't you you guys get get out of here and um i'll go i'll go let the fire brigade know and the town guard to get out here and um you know they'll they'll come find you tomorrow i just.
Crit:
[2:02:49] Assumed we didn't no of course it's incompetence.
Dylan:
[2:02:52] Um and so yeah he you know you guys you guys wander off you still got the book in your hand um and i'm.
Cap:
[2:03:02] Gonna i'm gonna tell him before he goes uh we're good we're going to the chalice you should swing by later, um fucking whoo.
Dylan:
[2:03:17] Um yeah i don't know.
Cap:
[2:03:19] What i did to piss your wolf off but that thing hates me.
Dylan:
[2:03:22] Yeah he's like pulling it back you guys should get out of here.
Crit:
[2:03:30] Come on let's go so.
Dylan:
[2:03:31] Yeah you guys are arm and arm um you know huddled close walking away from this problem which is kind of nice because you're feeling like like see we don't have to deal with this like i.
Cap:
[2:03:47] Didn't want to deal with this.
Dylan:
[2:03:47] You know yeah you're still feeling it now it's just hilarious now it's just like that was so crazy that like i'm.
Crit:
[2:03:56] Like i'm coming down from the adrenaline of getting it like killing someone and getting attacked and all that too. So that's like an additional high.
Dylan:
[2:04:05] Totally. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, it's all giddy because of the pink, you know, you're on that pink, which kind of extends that kind of delirious, like, ah, this is great. All right. And I think we're going to end it there.
Crit:
[2:04:20] Amazing. Sick.
Dylan:
[2:04:21] All right.
Cap:
[2:04:24] Hail and well met my friends. Friends, thank you for listening to the end. We really appreciate it. If you could take a moment to subscribe and rate us on your podcast app of choice, that would mean the world to us. The next episode's already out, so honestly, you can shut me up right now and skip to the next episode. Did they all leave? Cool. I have a secret message for you. Your butt looks great today.